I can't remember when I realised it. It was one of those things that crawled up on me slowly. Don't ask me why and when it occurred. There was no defining moment. All I can remember is that my simmering dislike gradually turned to a liking where it must have flourished into love. There was none of those fireworks erupting from my heart. I didn't one day look at his face and realise then that I loved the man. I suppose it had been there for a while. Although I tried to ignore it, Love pushed through me. And I found myself in Love with a man that I really shouldn't love.

I never or will have any illusions about him. Never have I thought that I could soften his heart and make him become good. Never have I been under any illusions that my feelings would be reciprocated. No, I know him too well for that. I am just an object another pawn in his world.

Don't get me wrong sometimes – just for a flicker- when he looks at me I think I can sometimes see something more. Maybe a slight fondness lurking in the depths of those shimmering eyes.

But I know that what I see is only the light. Behind those eyes where love should dwell it is vacant. He has greater things to do then love.

It worries me how when he lies next to me his chest rising slowly and repeatedly. His mind off in some epic dream that I can look down on his peaceful face and think that maybe there is some good.

I long to stroke his cheek to kiss a trail of kisses along his jaw. His eyelids flicker and his breathing is light his arms are sprawled around the bed. His body takes up most of the bed reflecting his power.

I have to turn away I've been looking at his face too long. I'm aware that my feelings are getting stronger I want them to go away to disappear.

I feel tears pricking at my eyes. It hurts sometimes knowing that I can have his body but not his mind. I refuse to cry tears for him. Tears are a sign of weakness.

I leave his bed and move to the window and gaze out across the deserted land. His guards patrol the area, there hands held tightly to their machine guns.

A while ago I used to watch out of the window longing to escape, to run across the fields. I was scared of staying here, but now Im scared of leaving him. I'm scared he'll get bored and I'll be replaced. My only comfort is that he trusts me- well he trusts no one as he says but I think he does me.

You see although our relationship is strictly physical its hard not to learn about someone when your around them as much as I am around him. I know him better then anyone yet there are still parts of him that I barely know.

I turn around to find him sitting up absently scratching his head his eyes fixed on me. His naked form rises and he moves through into another room where I can hear the splashing of water.

Sometimes he speaks to me other times he is silent. There are times when I think I can tell what he is thinking; I've observed him too much. I suppose that's why I've grown attached to him. I see things that others wouldn't even notice.

However he is far too irrational for me to know everything that he is thinking. I think sometimes that he worries that I am too close to him, that I am too comfortable in his presence. Truth is he terrifies me. His irrational ways and how easily he can take others lives. He kills because he likes to. He enjoys that power and is always greedy for more. That's what scares me. I should hate a man like that, a man who will so easily wipe the blood of another from his hands and feel no remorse. A man who killed my father.

That's what is worse how can I love a man who killed the only other man I love. I try not to think about it but it always comes back. It makes me feel sick I can feel my stomach turning in knots.

I didn't ask for this to happen. I didn't expect to fall in love with the deadliest man in the country.

When he returns I am dressed in a light coloured dress. He glances at me and at times like this I wish I could read him better. He walks slowly over to me. I wonder if he can sense the emotion rippling through me.

He goes to kiss my lips but just the same as always I move my face so he kisses my cheek. I always do that at first it was to show him my dislike for him, but now its so he cant tell the truth.

"Maybe one day you'll understand," his deep voice murmurs.

"No, I don't think I ever will. You have no heart." I say truthfully. The repulsion that used to taint my voice faded away a while ago.

Him

Tonight we are going to a ball. We aren't invited but that doesn't matter. He is after all the most powerful man in the country. He may not be the prime minister but he might as well be. No one will object they are all cowards. I used to hate it that no one stood up to him tried to kill him. Now I am glad.

The car moves quietly through the drab dark streets. People flood into the bars and pubs unaware of just who is passing them by.

I can feel his eyes on me, silently watching me. He approves of what I am wearing. A deep red halter neck dress that clings to my body showing off my curves. I'm not stupid I know exactly why he picked me and it wasn't for my personality.

The driver pulls up to a house that is alight with music and lights spilling out onto the front lawn.

The footman pulls open the door and helps me out. When he gets out I see the fear flicker through the footman's eyes.

He touches his cap "sir."

Kabir grabs my hand roughly and we move through into the vivacious room. Suddenly everything falls quiet. People turn to look at us as we enter. Their mouths half open their drinks grasped tightly in their hands.

I can see the looks on the woman's faces; I can tell they are scared. I can tell that they find Kabir more handsome then they expected. I was like that once.

I had an image of a grotesque man, his eyes small and beady, a thin wiry moustache and a bulbous nose. His skin blotchy, swollen and worn.

When I first met him I was surprised by his handsome appearance. The dark hair that fell lightly against his forehead. His strong thick jaw with his straight but prominent nose. His dark eyes that remained cold and passive only lighting up with amusement as I hurled insults at him. He stood at an impressive height and was well built. His dark good looks only served to make him seem more dangerous. I supposed it helped in those first few months. He was a skilled lover gentle which surprised me.

After all in the end he is just a man who has certain needs to be taken care of. And I was for the moment the chosen woman to attend to those needs.

If some of the people in the room were unaware whom Kabir was when we first entered they sure as hell knew who he was by now. I glance at the faces around me. I spot the odd famous face and a few government ministers.

Kabir gestures to the band to resume playing. The band takes up a slow song. He moves into the centre of the grand hall. He places his arms around me and we begin dancing. I wonder if he can feel my heart racing. I rest my head on his shoulder aware of the eyes watching us. Soon there are people dancing around us but I feel as if it is just he and I.

He's noticed the change in me. The way in which I comply with his orders so much easier then I used to. I hope he thinks that it is just because I'm tired of fighting rather then the truth.

I wish we could remain like this forever where I can almost pretend that he loves me, but the song ends.

We are moving to a crowd of men. They are familiar to me. I've seen their faces at Kabir's estate. They are high up in the government. No doubt Kabir has threatened and bribed them meaning he can do whatever he likes.

They barely acknowledge me. I am below them. I am not important. I am no more than his woman. I grab a glass of wine from a passing waiter and absently listen to their conversation. I glance around the room and I am aware of several men's eyes on me. Their eyes filled with that look of lust. I sigh and run my hand through my hair. To want something but not to have, I understand their feelings all too well. The conversation in front of me drones on into golf. I excuse myself and make my way to the bathroom.

Its grand and lavish like the main hall. Marble top sinks and a sweet aroma surround the bathroom.

I hear the tapping oh heels along the glossy floor and two women enter the room.

"More handsome then I expected."

"Definitely.... though I wouldn't want to get too close he's dangerous."

I smirk at the second woman's words. She really has no idea what this man as done before. He is a monster. I used to think that it couldn't be possible that he was human. He seems immortal. I feel as if he will live forever and I am one small chapter of his life.

"Did you see that woman." I know they are talking about me.

"Yes.... I'm sure she's one of many. Trapped by his power and money, I could never be with a man like him."

I hear the other woman murmur in agreement. I smile, how naïve they are.

Do they really think that I wanted to be trapped by him, treated no more than a love slave?

He gets what he wants every time. I don't want to love him so that I can show him for once he can't everything. He can't have me. But at the drop of a needle I would be there, and this fills me with anger.

My resilience at first only served to spur him on more. We first encountered each other at a similar event to this.

Across the room I had caught his eyes staring at me. Fixed with a look of wanting. As if I were a prize to collect.

"Who's that man in the blue shirt over there, he keeps looking?" I had whispered so innocently to my friend.

Her eyes had frozen when they reached his face. "Kabir Mittal."

I would have had to be from another world not to know of the Kabir Mittal. The man who was rumoured to be trafficking all kinds of drugs from abroad into the country from where he had made his fortune. The man who it was said to have killed many and bribed the prime minister. The man who was responsible for my father's death. He probably doesn't even remember my fathers name; he's killed so many.

I once asked how many, he replied in a casual tone that he'd lost count years ago.

Later he had made his way over to ask me for a dance. I had flatly refused I did not want to be associated with the man. I had thought that had been the end.

When I walk back into the grand hall. I notice his eyes are fixed on me. I can see his fingers are clenched tight. I walk slowly over to him. Pausing now and again to grab a drink or talk to some people. I know this annoys him. I can tell he wants me by him right now. I want to annoy him, anger him. Let him show some feeling behind that icy façade which is so rare.

His eyes are alight a little by the time I reach him.

His grabs an arm around my waist and pulls my so close and so tightly I can barely breathe.

"You took your time," he whispers harshly into my hair.

"I know. I did it deliberately."

"Sometimes you can be so petty and irritating."

"But I got under your skin."

He grabs my wrist tightly and pulls me to the exit. " We are leaving."

"Oh are we? I like it here I want to stay." I pull away, but he grabs my arm and we move out of the room.

We're back in his posh black car; with those comfortable seats that you sink into.

"We didn't stay long. Things not going your way."

He ignores my words, knowing im attempting to anger him. I'm not sure why I do this. I hate it when he's angry, he scares me ridged. I've often wondered why I'm still alive. His rages dash through him like a blast of fire.

His hand is stroking my inner thigh, sending rushes of pleasure through me. He pulls me to him and savagely kisses me. I don't fight back. When he's done I turn to the window and gaze out.

I can see the whites of his eyes reflecting against the window.

"I think its time you and me had a little holiday."

More

He drops me off at home tonight. Not that it is really my home. No, it is no more than a bribe to make me sleep with him.

When I had first been shown this flat I had hated it. Not for its appearance but for what it meant. No, it was beautiful in its elegance. My old flat could not even begin to compare to this. Its exquisite furnishings and grand wooden floor were a struggle to push from my mind.

It had a cosy cottage feel but still felt modern and light. Sweeping back the thick cream drapes I could stare out of the wide window. My window looked over a small but pretty park bustling with bright flowers in the centre of the city. My eyes could roam over the splendour of the city.

The flat was decorated just as I would have. I knew this was no coincidence he had obviously done his research. There was nothing I could do that first night. I was trapped as just outside his guards were standing watch. To think that then those guards had been a source of fear yet now they were a source of security. Ironic, isn't it.

Oh how I hated him in those first few months. He epitomised everything I hated all in one person. I remember the fights we used to have, we still do occasionally.

I remember on that first night I had crawled up on the floor my head in my hands. But I had not cried. I had promised myself that I would never cry because of him. I had and have been close so many times. It's strange how sometimes just one person can have such control over another's feelings.

Now, this flat was my home. Like im sure so many I had fallen into his trap, I have.

I remove the dress from my body letting it fall to the ground before stepping into the warm folds of water. My mind replays his last words to me in the car. A holiday? Where? Why?

I feel sad. As I realise that I will never know the man I love. The man I love unwillingly. He is so enigmatic that it infuriates me. I feel as if im stuck in a never-ending puzzle. As soon as I find something out I realise that there is still so much hidden. What exactly do I know about him?

His name is Kabir Mittal- if that is his name. He is dangerous, he is merciless. He is a cold-blooded killer. Last week he believed that one of his many servants in his estate was untrustworthy. I remember the young man had been taken down to the basement. A few minutes later Kabir had left. Not without taking his revolver with him I noticed.

"Did you kill him?" I asked when he returned.

He just looked at me as if I was not there and took out a white handkerchief. He then proceeded to polish the revolver.

"Don't worry your pretty little head."

"Don't worry that a man has just died and he might have been innocent?" I had shouted.

Instead he had just looked at me as if I were mad.

When I step out of the shower a hand finds itself on my shoulder.

"My, my you are quite beautiful. I suppose I wouldn't expect him to have anything less."

I gasp and swiftly turn around. A man stands before me. A man I don't know.

"Who are you?" For some inexplicable reason I'm not scared. I know I should be.

His other hand is placed securely on a gun, which for now is lowered. I grab a towel and wrap myself in it.

I can see the silver streaks running through his once dark hair. Creases clutter around his eyes and mouth.

"Let's just say I'm a messenger."

"A messenger?" I can feel a weird feeling twisting in my stomach. Who is this man? What is he doing in my flat? And more importantly how did he get in my flat. That scared feeling that wasn't there before is now.

"Tell your boyfriend-"

"He's not my boyfriend," I say through clenched teeth interrupting him. I knew right from the start this would relate to Kabir. Before him life was simple, life was not dangerous. It is now.

I see amusement light up in his elderly face.

"I don't care either way. Just let him know that maybe he's not as powerful as he thinks."

The door opens and a man swathed in black from head to foot enters the room. My eyes flicker and I go to speak. The elderly man gestures to me. The mans hand wraps its self round my mouth and the other grabs my waist. I find myself being dragged. I start to kick, im trying to scream as he drags me into the living room. There are others but im too busy with this one to notice. Im kicking and screaming but im too weak. What is happening? I feel myself suffocating.

Im pushed to the ground, gasping for air, and in the next second I see a fist flying towards my face. The knuckles hit my cheek hard. It sends a pounding pain through my head. I scream in pain, clutching my cheek. I'm scared and where is my protection. What's going on?

"Oh yes make sure he gets this." The elderly mans voice echoes from behind me. I watch as an envelope floats to the ground. My towel has been left behind me. I'm aware im naked. I feel even more vulnerable. Is this it am I going to die?

And then its black.

I wake up to the pounding of my cheek. I can feel its swollen and it hurts like hell. My eyes slowly open and I find myself in my bed. I'm still alive and im dressed in my pyjamas. I'd like to think it was all a dream but the bruise on my cheek tells me the opposite. I find my feet. Im weak and I find myself holding onto the bed. I go to the mirror. The bruise is horrible it purple green colour takes up most of my cheek. To my shame my first thought is will he still want me?

Then my mind starts to piece together last night. I don't want to think; I push it all to the back of my mind.

I enter the living room and glance around. The beautiful room has been ransacked. I stare at it hopelessly. A dark figure stands by the window his back to me. He turns around and I see the envelope in his hand.

Maya the woman from the flat below rushes forward a glass of water and an aspirin in her hand.

"Oh love. How are you? I came in and I thought you were dead. People today. I hope they didn't take anything important. I would have called the police but..." She rambles on.

She thinks that I was just merely robbed but Kabir and me know that's not the truth.

"Thank you Maya. But I'm here now." Kabir stops her mid sentence his voice like his face void of emotion.

Her face falls. "Oh... yes. I suppose I better leave you, my dear. Don't worry its not as bad as it seems." She pats my elbow and leaves.

I stare at him. He folds the envelope up and places it inside his jacket. I want him to rush over me and gather me up in his arms. But he doesn't. Why do I love such a cold creature?

I gulp and swallow my water. He's silent and still and that scared feeling is twisting its way through my stomach again.

Suddenly he grabs a chair and flings it to the ground. My whole body jerks and I start to shake. He's angry because someone showed him that he isn't as powerful as he thought. He didn't have control. He doesn't care about me; it's the fact that they took his control.

He looks at me. "At least they didn't break your cheekbone."

"What? Is that all you have to say?" My voice is quiet and I know im trembling. He doesn't answer.

"That's it. I've had it. I don't want to be involved with you and whatever this was and is. I never wanted to. I hate you, why can't you let me go." I scream at him.

He moves towards me and I try to hit him. He grabs my wrists.

"It's too late. They know who you are. Do you think they care if you're connected to me not anymore now? You're safer with me. They will still kill even without reason."

"Just like you then."

He pauses his eyes stare deeply into mine. "Yes." I break eye contact.

"I want you to tell me what the hell is going on. What the hell last night was about?"

"Pack a bag of clothes now." He says his voice intimidating and his eyes so dark. It's menacing. I'm too petrified to argue and I retreat. Something started last night, or maybe it was before then. I can feel it things are going to change and I'm terrified. A stray tear rolls down my swollen cheek as I turn. I know that even if I could I still couldn't leave him. I just wish that he could give me his love. A sign of something.

He may be able to give me everything in the world but I want more.

zip up the small black bag. I've thrown some clothes into it and other things I'll need. I throw on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt. I walk back into the room and he's standing there waiting for me.

He gestures to me to follow him. We leave the apartment building and get into his black car that moves quickly off.

"Where are we going?"

"For now, back to mine. Its safe there."

"Safe? I thought my flat was supposed to be safe. They got in didn't they," I can feel my bottom lip quivering like a child. He turns his head away and stares out of the window.

"It won't happen again."

"What won't happen again? You know I'm not quite sure what went on last night...and...and your acting as if nothing has happened." I spit at him.

His head turns sharply to look at me. His hand grabs my hand tightly. "Enough Pooja" This shuts me up.

"I said it won't happen again." His hand releases my wrist.

"How do you know? You can't control everything," I whisper just loud enough for him to hear.

An arrogant smirk appears at his lips. "Really? I did a pretty good job with you though didn't I?"

I can feel the blood rushing to my face. His arrogance and lack of concern is infuriating me. Before my mind had control of my body, my hand swiftly slaps him.

I can see my handprint on his face. He stares at me, which makes me feel uneasy. I stare back. We are caught in a childish game. So caught up in what is happening inside the car I hadn't noticed we had arrived at his house- or should I say mansion.

"Ahem...Mr Mittal," the driver interrupts us.

Kabir breaks his contact and opens the door and climbs out. He holds out his hand to help me. On any other day I would have ignored his hand, but today I feel too exhausted and weak to climb out by myself. I grab his hand and he pulls me up swiftly. Too swiftly and Im aware of how close our bodies are to each other.

Subconsciously I part my lips, unaware that I'm inviting him to kiss me. He leans forward and I think he's going to kiss me. My stomach panics, I feel as if we have never kissed before and this will be our first kiss.

He's so close to my face I can feel his warm breath tickle my skin. He leans forward more and his lips reach my ear.

"Don't you ever hit me again. Or I swear I will kill you."

His words send a shudder up my spine. I know he's telling the truth and that pains me more than I can ever say. I'm ashamed that I wanted him and still want him to kiss me.

He moves and enters the entrance to the house. I follow him through the grand entrance. I remember when I first saw the entrance it was furnished in a modern way with its slick lines and bold colours. There was a huge glass staircase in the centre that swirled round to the first floor. I had never seen something so extravagant before. Now it was familiar to me and I barely acknowledged the grandeur and simplicity.

I follow him up to the Master suite. This consists of its own sitting room, which connects to the bedroom. The bed is huge and comfortable with its beautiful imported silk sheets. The windows stare out across the deserted beautiful British landscape. Somehow I feel as If I am stuck in the middle of the countryside yet I am barely a mile from the bustling city.

Also connected to the master suite is Kabir's study. It like all the other rooms is huge and decorated in a simplistic fashion.

He's sifting through letters. There is a knock at the door that leads out onto the landing.

"Go out into the living room," he says to me. I comply with his order and leave the room. I'm too tired to argue.

I flop on the large red sofa and flick a button. Two panels in the room slide open and a wide screen television is revealed. I grab the television remote and flick through the channels.

My name is being called. My eyes flicker open and I see Kabir standing over me. I must have fallen asleep. I sit up and rub my eyes.

My eyes adjust to the room and I realise there is another man in the room.

"This is Dr. Agarwal. He is just going to check you over."

The man looks like he's in his forties. He's wearing a pair of thick-framed glasses and I notice he is beginning to go bald

"Hello. I'm just going to check that you're alright." His voice is warm and friendly. I feel safe. I notice Kabir is now sitting in an armchair to the right. He is watching us his thumb stroking his chin.

Dr. Agarwal sits opposite me and looks at the large bruise on my face. "That's a nasty bruise you've got there." He murmurs. I feel as if Im a child again in the nurse's office at school His hand reaches up and he lightly touches the bruise. I gasp a little at his touch, as the bruise is tender.

"Hmm..." His finger lightly runs across my cheek. "Yes, its just a bruise to the bone. Nothing broken. It should heal in a few days. It is fairly swollen but that should go down. The colour should fade soon as well. I'll give you some cream that will help with the swelling." I notice that he's not speaking to me but to Kabir. Kabir nods his head slowly. After all I belong to Kabir.

Dr Agarwal sighs and smiles at me. "Now dear, I'm going to have to examine all of you."

At first I don't understand why. Then it hits me. He wants to see whether I've been raped. The thought terrifies me. For all I know it could have happened last night. I can imagine how it would seem. To be found naked on the floor passed out.

I sigh. "Ok."

Dr Agarwal looks to Kabir, " Shall I carry it out somewhere more-"

"No here will be fine," he interrupts.

"Undress." I stare at him. He wants me to do it like this.

He doesn't say anything. My trembling fingers remove my t-shirt and I pull down my tracksuit bottoms. Im standing in my bra and pants. Kabir is looking at me. Suddenly he stands up and moves to the window and doesn't look.

I gaze down at my body and notice it is marked with small bruises.

When the examination is finished. Dr Agarwal leaves the room and Kabir follows him. I can tell he is telling Kabir whether I was raped or not. I hastily pull my clothes back on. Kabir enters his face still and void of emotion. I'm left to wonder if I was raped last night. I don't want to know. I'd rather pretend that I wasn't by not knowing the truth just in case I was.

"Maybe you should have a shower, we wont be staying here long. You wont have time in the morning." Kabir says.

"I..." I start.

His eyes question me.

"I'm scared. I don't want to be alone." Maybe it's just the light but I swear that his eyes softened just a little bit.

He nods his head.

I move into the grand bedroom and walk through it into the exquisite ensuite bathroom. It has a huge bath in the middle. A shower that's big enough to fit several people in it.

Kabir sits down on a chair in the bathroom. I pull off my clothes and step into the shower. The hot water comforts me but not as much as knowing that he is here. Maybe I was wrong maybe he isn't as heartless as I thought. Maybe he can show some kindness even though its not love.

Eventually I pull myself from the shower and enter back into reality. He's still sitting in the chair. He's watching me slowly. I take a soft warm towel and wrap it round my body.

I watch as he moves towards me. His fingers push my face roughly to the side. It hurts as he pushed against the bruise. He really doesn't understand how to be gentle. His finger runs lightly over the swelling. I move my face round fed up of being an object.

In one second his lips are upon mine and his tongue is roaming inside my mouth. The kiss as usual is savage and full of frustration. My heart races and his arms roam my body. I move in closer to him locking us together. I can tell he's frustrated. I can tell he's trying to replace his mark upon me. To regain his object, to show that he still has control.

Then suddenly without warning he pulls away and storms out of the room. I clutch to the wall afraid my legs will give way. He doesn't want me anymore. I know it.