Warning: Disassociation. Nothing over the top like last time, but once in a while.

---

Waking up is never fun. It provides you with that realization of, 'fuck, you're still alive.' It's like God teases everyone with death every time they sleep. I may be a rude person, but I am an angel compared to God with those actions.

So that's the thought process I'm starting my waking hour with. I'm not surprised, and I believe I'n perfectly allowed to have such process.

Move out of the way, Tokoyami, for I am taking your spot!

Returning to the real world, I physically don't feel great. I wouldn't say terrible. I would be in hospital if that was the case. I just feel drained and heavy. Enough to make a difference but not enough that goes beyond a bad day. I will still do shit without considering canceling, but definitely without the usual vigor.

Emotionally, however, is a different story. I feel calmer than usual. The fidgeting is still there, mind you, but I don't feel like I need to jump out of bed and get to work. I can wait a little bit than do that.

I decide that I don't want to stay in bed anymore and attempt to sit up when I feel myself being held down. My first reaction is to scream and slap a bitch, but I swallow that in exchange of opening my eyes to find more black. Shifting my head up, I find myself curled up against Shouta's chest while his arms are wrapped around me.

Oh yeah, that happened. All that happened. The League of Villains, the case discussion, that argument. That's a large mess I still have to clean up.

I shift slightly when I feel movement to notice Nemuri is behind me taking up all the sheets. Meanwhile, if I lift my head to peak over Shouta, Hizashi to behind him.

We had a fucking slumber party, and I passed out. How regrettable. I want a refund!

I'll focus on that later. Right now, I want out of bed.

Carefully, I start to untangle Shouta's arms from me. It would be so much easier if I also had two, but considering one went to the devil, I work with what I got.

"Kid?" Shouta mumbles softly, clearly not awake. Of course, he woke up.

I huff, not wanting to say anything to wake the others up. Instead, I tug at his arm to signal what I wanted, and he got the message and let me up. I sit up before he has a chance to withdraw his decision.

Now that I am partially up, that's when I realize the pain in my invisible arm and legs. The legs aren't bad, but mister nubby? He isn't happy. He never is, but this is the worst yet.

But wearing a metal arm for 3 days without taking it off is bound to do that!

Shouta interrupts my internal monologue, whispering in attempts not to wake the rest of the squad, "How are you?"

"I'm okay. You can stop your worrying now."

Shouta sighs, "I'm always going to worry about you, Izuku. That's part of the relationship. You're aware of that." Considering the times I worry about Shouta and always prioritize him over myself?

I mumble, "Yeah. You also know how my head works."

"I'm aware. You have more people that worry about you than you can imagine, kid."

"It's new. You can't exactly blame me. Before UA, practically everyone hated me except you and Mom. Now..." I don't add onto that since it's not needed.

Shouta reaches for my hand, grasps it, and squeezes it, "I hope you understand one day."

"Since when did you become a sap?" Is that the wrong thing to say in a serious conversation? Absolutely.

However, right now, I need a minibreak from emotional drama.

Shouta lets go of my hand, and I can feel his glare. He doesn't say anything, likely to avoid me starting shit when he is just waking up.

Before we continue, Hizashi interrupts us while sitting up, "Of course the two insomniacs are up already."

"Sir, I don't know what you expect from me."

"You know, considering you, I don't know. You cried yourself to sleep less than two hours ago, so I expected you to be out a little longer than usual."

"Your snoring woke me up." Absolute lie, but what am I supposed to blame it on?

Hizashi, who was trying to be quiet, breaks that habit, "Excuse me?!"

Behind me, Nemuri groans, "Zashi, shut the fuck up. Izu and I are trying to sleep."

I look at the dumbass, "Bitch, I'm awake."

She just groans louder, lazily reaching for me to try and drag me down, but I jump out of bed before she can do that, "Izu, come on! You can't tell me that you feel well rested from that!"

"But I do?"

"You cried for an hour!"

"Wait, did I?"

All three of them respond, "Yes."

"Oh. Oops." That explains my lackluster physical strength.

Nemuri gives up and hides under the blankets.

Shouta sits up, shoving his clingy boyfriend off, "Speaking of, you need breakfast. That takes a lot out of you."

"Are you offering to make me breakfast?" I ask since he is bringing that up.

"Do you really want me to make your breakfast?"

"...on second thought, no. You can stay out of the kitchen, please and thank you. I prefer food. Not ramen noodles or fruit pouches."

"Glad we have come to a mutual agreement."

"Alright then. Welp, I'm going to go convince one of my fellow flatmate teachers to feed me then." Shouta sighs, but he doesn't complain about my grand plan.

I go to my closet to grab my uniform when Hizashi speaks up behind me, "I can make breakfast if you want!"

"I will love you forever." Not that I don't anyway, but this is a guarantee way of entering my Grinch heart.

"Alright! Anything particular you want?"

"Whatever you want."

"Gotcha! It should be ready in ten minutes! Do you want me to bring it to you, or do you want to eat with everybody else?"

"I'll eat with everyone else. Traumatize them."

"You got it, favorite little listener!"

Out of the corner of my eye, Hizashi zooms out the door.

Shouta, annoyed, says, "Great, you made him hyper."

"I did not such thing," Since I have my uniform gathered, I face the two idiots on my bed, "Are you two leaving or should I just change elsewhere?"

Shouta looks at my outfit and then at me, "Change into something comfortable. You're not working today. You're sticking with me."

"I deny I am going to be relaxing, so why should I?"

"After we deal with everything, you will be."

"Why can't I change then?"

"Izuku," Shouta says sternly, frustration showing through for a moment before faltering to a calm tone again, "Please." That is an odd reaction. I file that for later.

I sigh, setting the uniform down to look for a new outfit. I don't bother responding to him on that. Despite everything, I still think we are on rocky grounds. I don't know what he has planned, but I hope it isn't anything too significant.

I grab a sweater that says 'sweater' on it and some black sweatpants to change into. Since the peeps still have not left my room, I go to my bathroom to change. I come out to find Shouta in the living room. Nemuri must have left. I guess she decided that sleep was going to be impossible, so she got up to avoid disappointment. Shouta is as tired as ever.

He looks at my clothes and nods in approval, "Thank you."

"Yeah yeah, whatever," I mumble. I go to leave when Shouta speaks up.

"Wait a moment. We have a couple things to talk about, Izuku."

I stop, turning to face him, "Can this wait until after breakfast? I rather not risk another mental breakdown so early."

"That discussion won't be until after breakfast. I just want to talk to you about today."

"Fine. Lay it on me."

"What are you comfortable with doing today?"

"Comfortable?" What is this man pulling out of his ass?

Shouta sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Kid, you just went through another emotional experience. Multiple of them probably considering you were part of the Deika City incident. I know you're usually one to throw yourself back into the flow, but if you don't want to, you don't have to. You can rest. This time was especially bad, Izuku." Yeah, it takes me a moment to form a response for that.

"I appreciate your concern, Sho. However, I promise you that I am okay right now. I will do whatever you want today."

"If that's the case, stick with me."

"You're going to kill me, but I can do that."

Shouta joins my side, putting a hand through my hair and ruffling it, "Just trust me, alright?"

"Okay." It takes everything not to show any sign of satisfaction from it, but I think I failed considering I see Shouta's stupid smirk.

"Thank you. Now let's get you food."

Shouta leads us out to the teacher's living room to find not only Nemuri but also Snipe and Yagi in uniform at the dining table with Hizashi serving. As soon as we come out, everyone turns their attention to us. Their eyes widen when they see me.

"Shit, you're back," Snipe says without a second thought. I get the traumatize the man, but damn.

Despite that clear insult, I have something more important to focus on. Besides, he's not worth my attention anyway.

"Yo, why is it so cold in here?" I ask because damn it's cold. I get it was cold in Deika City and shit, but I was a foot in the drunk zone and overall focused on my surroundings. Therefore, I didn't notice it.

Now that my brain is kinda screwed on straight? It's cold, I'm not even outside, and I hate it.

"Good to see that you still have an entry, young Midoriya!" Yagi exclaims with that goofy smile of his.

Unlike Snipe, I provide Yagi my full attention because I have some shit on him, "Oh, hey! Just the man I have been wanting to speak to!" I approach him, completely ignoring how his eyes are widening. Eri seems to be with my mom at the moment, so I can do this.

"Really? What did you want to speak to me about, my boy?"

When I am within distance, I put a firm hand on his shoulder, "Before I left for my job, I found Eri in Nezu's office with Nezu. I asked her who dropped her off there only for her to tell me it was you. Now, tell me, Yagi, why the fuck did you leave Eri with fucking Nezu of all people? An animal who does not hesitate to murder, mind you?"

Yagi coughs up some blood, ruining whatever bite he had in his mouth.

Shouta grabs my shoulder, leads me to an empty seat, and forces me to sit, "We already lectured him. We don't need you to kill Yagi."

"I wasn't going to kill him! I was just going to make him suffer a bit-" All the sudden, a fluffy pink jacket is dropped on my lap, "Ooo, fluffy."

Behind me, Nemuri huffs in amusement, "Okay, lesson noted: if you ever need to calm Izuku down, drop something fluffy on him."

"Or put food in front of him," Hizashi adds as he puts a tray of rice, miso soup, and other shit he knows I'll eat in front of me. My eyes sparkle from the sight.

However, I focus back to the topic at hand, "Y'all really want me to shut up."

"No. We just don't want you threatening Yagi first thing in the morning."

"Except it isn't first thing in the morning. I've done plenty this morning."

"Since waking up- actually, you'll just be smart with me, so nevermind."

"If it makes you feel any better, the food looks great."

"Actually, it does! Thank you! Now hurry up and eat it before it gets cold."

"In a moment. Nem, what's with the jacket? Wait, when did you even get up? I came in here to find you sitting. How do you magic?"

Nemuri facepalms, "Did you really not notice me leave?"

"Look: just because you are dressed as a sexual figure does not mean I constantly pay attention to you."

Shouta intervenes as he sat beside me at one point, "Izuku, you're usually the one that notices stuff like that."

"Sorry, I was distracted by my bloodlust."

Yagi awkwardly coughs.

Nemuri decides to return to her seat that is beside Snipe and Hizashi, who just sat down, "You know, that is completely understandable."

"Thank you, Nemuri. You never did explain the jacket, though."

"You said you were cold, so I brought you a jacket."

"I can wear it?"

"Um, yeah?"

"Really? You sure? You don't need it?"

"I'll be fine, don't worry. Just get it on and eat, Izu."

"Fine fine. How has the hellhole held up?" I question as I slip on the jacket and start to eat.

"UA didn't git done attacked by some darn villains. Ah consider that a success," Snipe responds as he stands up, "I'mma head out. Cementoss is covering yer class, Aizawa."

"Scared of me?"

"I have a gun."

"I lack a will to live."

"I'll just cut a path."

"As you should, bitch." I don't know why I argue with this man. It's not like I hate him. He's just annoying to me.

Actually, you know what? I think it's because he's western. Well, based on the westerns anyway. I don't get along with All Might either. I have some American influence. Americans don't get along with themselves half the time, so maybe that is part of my issue. Or maybe we just don't agree.

Either way, we deal with eachother.

Snipe ends up leaving the table, and it would be a squad breakfast if Yagi would fuck off. However, this is Yagi. We're stuck with him.

"Can you go one hour without attacking anyone?" Shouta grumbles as he eats legitimate food for once in his damn life.

"On my behalf, he threatened to shoot me. I didn't threaten to kill him. I don't know what you expect from me."

Shouta sighs, but he doesn't say anything else. Hizashi and Nemuri start a casual conversation, trying to force us to say something once a while. Usually, I would join them. However, I haven't had good food in a while besides alcohol, so this is amazing to me.

Wait, shit. I'm going to go through withdrawal again, ain't I? Sure, I didn't drink as much as before (nowhere near that since I was not full-on drunk), but it was still quite a bit. It was maybe 3-4 beers a day, though it could be more or less. It became routine fast. God fucking damn it. How am I supposed to explain that to Shouta? Do I just tell him that its the trauma or what?

Despite that, I end up finishing first obviously. Within a minute. All of it.

"Holy smokes, I think you finished that faster than usual! Did you forget to eat or something?!" Hizashi exclaims.

"Noooo. I just couldn't eat as much as usual. Would have blown my disguise."

"Do you want more than? I can make you more, no problem!"

"Nah, I'm good. Appreciate it, Zashi, but I don't want to overdo it." Especially if I am going to suffering from withdrawal. I expect that to start up soon. In fact, I'm surprised that I am not suffering them yet.

I get up with my dishes and head to the kitchen to wash them. I hear someone following behind me, suspecting it is Shouta since he is likely going to stalk my ass for a while.

However, when I turn to take the dishes from him to put them in the sink, I'm surprised to find Yagi there with his goofy smile and half-finished food.

"Shouldn't you finish that? No offense, but you're skinny AF," I ask.

"It's fine, young Midoriya. I'm not supposed to eat so much anyway," Yagi explains. I simply nod. His health is hardly my business. I take his dishes and start to clean them for him, "It's rather strange to see you gone for a few days. Did something happen?"

"Something like that," I say half-mindedly.

"I see. Well, I hope everything worked out well for you." I end up stopping from that comment. I know Yagi isn't aware of where the hell I have been, but it's those damn thoughts. I fucking saw a war. I was by myself with no help, and I could not even help others. I was just there!

Why am I even dwelling on this? This is in the past. There's no reason for me to worry about this further. Besides for a possible future war that I can't even speak about-

"Young Midoriya?" Yagi speaks up, snapping me from my thought process. What is going on?

"Sorry, was just thinking is all. Thank you." It's more blunt than I meant for it to be, but it is whatever gets across the fact that I don't want to talk to him right now.

Yagi thankfully doesn't question it and does eventually leave. Hallelujah!

I finish the dishes quickly. Then, I come out to find everyone else finishing, and Yagi gone.

I make my way over to Hizashi to grab his tray when he swats my hand away, "Yo, nope! I got this!"

I glare at him, "Bitch, it's not like I'm doing anything."

"Doesn't mean you have to do something!" Hizashi sings as he stands up, snatches up all the trays, and goes to do the dishes.

"Fucking cockatoo," I mumble under my breath.

Shouta stands up and goes to my side, "You can curse Zashi later. Right now, we need to go talk to Principal Nezu."

"Why?"

"It's important. Come on."

"Fine. Later, Nemuri!"

"Good luck, Izuku!" Nemuri yells as she goes to help in the kitchen.

Good luck? For what? It's just the rat.

---

I'm happy to say that we ran into nobody during our walk! I wanted to talk to nobody, so that's very good!

When we get to Nezu's door, I don't bother to knock as I burst in to find him waiting there at his desk.

"Ah, there you two are! I was wondering why it has taken you so long to get here," Nezu says, "Glad to see you back, Izuku."

I roll my eyes as I take my normal seat, "Thanks. What am I here for?"

"Aizawa did not tell you?"

"He told me zip."

"I see. I must say while I know that Aizawa wanted this discussion, I am unaware of what for, though I have my suspicions." Oh boy. That's not good.

Shouta sits down in the chair beside me, "If I told him, I would have gotten into another argument with him. You know how he is." What?

"I understand. What do you two need from me today?"

"I want to readjust Izuku's hero contract." Hold up, what? What the hell does he want to do with that? For those unaware, that contract basically states that Nezu or Shouta can remove me from a case if necessary. Mine is a bit different from others as students usually need permission to do any sort of hero work. Because of my quirklessness, I can do whatever the fuck I want. That's why I am allowed on cases unlike students as well. I'm a free-spirit basically.

Unintentionally, I straighten up and focus more on the conversation.

"Oh? May I ask how?"

"I would like to make hero's access to Izuku stricter. In addition, I want to limit what Izuku can do for hero work by adding more limitations."

Finally, I interrupt, "Excuse me, but shouldn't you have discussed this with me first?"

Shouta sighs, shifting his body to face me completely, "As previously stated, if I had mentioned it earlier, we would have gotten into an argument because you would not leave me alone about it once it started."

"I get that, but you can't blame me either. It involves me."

"I know, kid. I waited to tell you so that we can have Principal Nezu here to discuss what would be the best way to go about it."

"You still could have told me! Maybe not everything, but a 'hey, we're going to Nezu to talk about about your hero contact' would have sufficed! I may have asked a question or two, but I don't believe I would have started shit over it!"

"Izuku, calm down," Shouta firmly states.

I take a deep breathe to collect my thoughts, "I just want to know what the hell I am getting myself into is all."

"I'm aware, but that reaction is why I didn't tell you in the first place. You would have stressed the entire time like you are right now. I was saving us both a headache. I am not apologizing for that." The worst part is that he isn't wrong either. Why must Shouta almost always be right?

"...I can accept that."

"Thanks, kid. This is where I need you trust me, okay?"

"On a contract of all things?"

"You'll see one day," Shouta turns toward Nezu again, "What do you recommend, sir?"

Nezu hums, "I understand your concern. The amount of cases sent to Izuku is an unprecedented amount. As we all know, he is being sent cases that can be easily solved if minimum effort was put into them. However, due to lack of barriers to Izuku and no payment required, they send them to him to minimize costs and focus their workforce elsewhere. The first insertion I would like to add to the contract is to prevent such from happening. Izuku can no longer be sent cases. Just like before Izuku obtained his license, they must have permission from me to go to him. Unlike before, Izuku would still have the ability to enter any case he wants as long as he has permission from Shouta or I.

The second addition I would add would state that Izuku can not go to missions on his own. He must have permission from Shouta or I, and that is unlikely to happen due to Izuku's capabilities working better in groups. Therefore, if he wants to go on a mission, he most likely will be required to work alongside an approved hero. With that addition, Izuku would practically be placed at the same level as the students when it comes to missions. Does that work for you, Aizawa?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good because I already have it typed up!" Out of nowhere, Nezu pulls out the freshly printed contract and places it on his desk, "I have already signed it, so I just need you two to sign."

"Thank you," Shouta faces me again, "Izuku?"

That is so much. With that contract, all my work would be gone except for the League of Villains case (which I still have to break to Shouta somehow).

And I don't know how to feel about that.

On the one hand, I can focus all my attention on the League of Villains. I won't be fucking overworked for nothing anymore. I can work on my own shit and grow and stop falling behind everyone else in my class physically. I also won't have to deal with those dumbasses who won't listen to my plans.

But then, on the other hand, what happens to the people on the cases I would take? Would the people involved be okay? Would the people that are actually supposed to do the cases do their jobs?

Is it selfish to take this offer? What am I talking about, of course it is-

I nearly jump out of my seat when Shouta puts a hand on my shoulder, and he is in front of me. Where the fuck did he come from?

Either way, he looks concerned, "Are you okay?"

I huff, "Yeah yeah, just visited hell for a moment is all." Shouta sighs heavily from that.

"Izuku."

"I just got absorbed in my thoughts is all."

"That's a better answer," Shouta gets up and returns to his seat, still keeping his attention on me, "I'm not asking you to sign it, Izuku." Uh, are you sure about that, mate?

"Uh, Nezu just told us that we both have to sign it."

"I mean that you don't have to follow through with the contract. You have a choice. You don't have to sign it. The reason why I want you to sign it is because I genuinely believe that it would help you. You're allowed to focus on just yourself sometimes, kid, and you should. If you overdo yourself, you're going to break, and I don't want to see that happen. Nobody does. I did not lie earlier, Izuku. However, this is your choice."

I don't say anything. A selfish part of me wants to accept it. I don't want to go through that hell alone again. That was one of the scariest things of my life after having to be relied on to protect my classmates. At least my classmates aren't idiots.

But I was on that mission solo.

"Can the HC send me on a mission without permission through that contract?" I ask suddenly.

Nezu shakes his head, "It would be a breach of contract. If I may insert an opinion, you would allow yourself to be valued by others around. If you keep going the way you are, I am afraid that other people will see how are you treated and treat other quirkless by such standards. A significant part of the quirkless movement is you, but you must allow yourself to be valued in order for support to grow."

My thoughts freeze. Has my work unintentionally pushed my ideals back?

The words stumble out of my mouth before I can stop them, "Is working my ass off for free just showing that we are cattle?"

Shouta glares at Nezu before answering, "Yes, though I was trying to avoid bringing that up. This is about you, Izuku. I don't want you to do this for someone else. I want you to do it for yourself. You don't deserve to be treated like that no matter the circumstances."

I lean back. I am so pissed at myself. I thought by working so hard that it would show that quirkless are capable of handling other people's shit, but that's not the case. Instead, I showed that we are the perfect slaves for this fucking society!

All that work was for fucking nothing! I shouldn't say that considering I did save lives, but I sacrificed these people's wishes for it! Does that sound worth it to you?!

Why must I decide between life and freedom?!

I stand up, unable to just stay there as I move to a wall to face away from them with my hand fisted.

I ask out loud, "How many lives have I saved during my spree?"

"That is uncountable, Izuku. You have saved more lives than most heroes can claim to save in their lifetime," Nezu points out.

Shouta gets up from his chair and goes right beside me, "You realize that you aren't the only one who can solve those cases, right? There are other people out there. You know why you received those cases."

I face Shouta, "I know, but-"

"Izuku, no matter what you choose, lives will be lost. You can't save everyone. Nobody can, not even All Might."

Shouta really does know how to read my mind sometimes and how to push it down. That's why I trust him with my life: he doesn't hesitate to tell me the truth if needed. It hurts, but it's needed to be said.

When I don't say anything, Shouta adds to it, "You see how All Might's selflessness left us. It's good while it lasts, but as soon as he was gone, the crime rate increased dramatically. Some heroes had no clue how to do their job while others retired under the pressure. Being selfish can save lives too as long as you balance it out. Think of Endeavor. He became a hero because he wanted to be number one. It's a terrible reason to be one, but it's that drive that allows him to save others despite his flaws."

"...make me look like an emotionally unstable bitch who can't think straight, why don't you?"

"You are emotionally unstable, and you need help. That's why we are here, problem child."

"I know, but I prefer not to think about it, thank you very much."

"Look, no matter what you choose, I will support you. However, you know what I would prefer, and I have a feeling you want that too. Otherwise, you would not be discussing it with me. You would have walked out and left."

I sigh, "I really don't want to be in that position again."

"You don't have to return there."

I made my choice.

I make my way to Nezu's desk, snatch the pen from Nezu's paw, and sign the contract.

I am tired of being people's bitch. I am tired of being an emotional mess. I am just tired. If I don't get better, I'm going to crash like the Titantic, and nobody wants that.

I need to heal before I can grow again. That's why, as heroes, my class has surpassed me. I focused too much on others when I desperately needed it.

I'm not going to crash. I'm going to become a bigger boat and destroy those ice burgs into smithereens and turn those smithereens into ice cream!

Shouta comes right to my side with a face of relief, "Thank you, kid. I was starting to worry. This is your first step of accepting help. If you didn't step back, I wouldn't be able to help you," Shouta signs the contract.

"I feel like this was some sort of logical ruse of yours."

"It was. I can't force you to change. I can only encourage and help you after you help yourself."

"Bitch."

"It's the truth, whether you like it or not."

"I know, but you're still on the bitch list." Shouta shakes his head and turns the paperwork over to Nezu.

Nezu smiles, "I am glad we were able to come to a satisfactory conclusion! That is all I need. If you need anything else, let me know."

I huff, "Yeah, I prefer not to be around the little demon monster for any longer, if you don't mind, sir."

The smile turns into a smirk, "Of course, Izuku. I wish you luck in your recovery."

"Yeah yeah."

I head to the door with Shouta behind me when he speaks up, "Izuku?"

I face him, "What up, bitch?"

Shouta rolls his eyes before giving me a rare small smile, "I'm proud of you, kid."

"...okay, you're off the bitch list. Where are we heading now?"

"Your mother's."

"Oh, that's going to be fun."

Shouta and I head out to over the river and through the woods to mother's house we go.