Why the fuck does this happen to me? What did I do in my past life to deserve this?

Wasn't attacking me at school, the mall, camp, an alleyway, and the hero test enough? Wasn't abusing my fresh little sister enough? Wasn't destroying my public reputation and making me rebuild it enough? Wasn't taking my arm for your satanic sex in purgatory enough? Wasn't destroying my mental health enough?

WASN'T MAKING ME FUCKING QUIRKLESS ENOUGH FOR YOU, GOD?! NO?! ALRIGHT THEN!

SUCK MY DIDDLY DONG, GOD, BECAUSE I AM GOING TO FUCKING RUIN YOUR PLANS TO KILL ME ONCE AGAIN, SO GET YOUR BOX OF TISSUES READY! WHEN YOU SEE HOW EASILY I DESTROY YOUR FUCKING PLAN TO KILL ME, YOU'RE GOING TO BE CRYING FOR A GODDAMN WEEK!

Okay. Calm down, Izuku. Your mental health may be crumbling faster than your future marriage, but you need to put your head on straight and save these motherfuckers.

"DOT, activate the retreat plan!" I command through my visor as I run back to the agency. I click the communicator on to talk to the class, "Everyone, we have a villain attack!"

"What? Are you sure, Izuku?" Iida asks.

"Bitch, I saw a fucking crew ship crash on the beach. If that doesn't signal anything, I don't know what does. Shoji, Tsu, Ojiro, and Tokoyami, get everyone out of there as quickly as possible. Distract villains if necessary. We have no idea how many there are."

"What about the rest of us?"

I arrive just outside of the agency and burst in to see everyone looking at me. I go to my desk to drop off the greens and get my robot arm and CAT on.

While I am doing this, I explain, "The main places we need to focus on is the beach and the town. Most of the people are at the beach, so we need as many people there as we can manage. Iida, Sato, Todoroki, and Sero, go there. Aoyama, are you, Mineta, and Hagakure still in town?"

"Oui oui, Izuku!" Aoyama says through my intercom.

"Shit team to have there, no offense. Bakugo, Kaminari, and Kirishima, go there. Hagakure, leave and help with evacuation. If I didn't say your name, your on evacuation as well. Momo, go to-"

I stop for a moment.

"Izuku, is everything okay?" Momo asks.

Through the camera with the boat, I see four people climb on the boat. I don't know if there are anymore inside, so I'll have to check that later. I watch a girl with pink hair destroy every boat on the harbor. That's a dumbass idea in most cases unless they have a specific goal in mind.

"The boats are gone. I believe they are looking for someone if they did that. Four villains guarantee so far. Woman with pink hair was the one who destroyed them. I don't know the other's quirks, but I know her quirk has something to do with her hair. Makes it spikey and shit. Oh, and there's a blue wolf alligator thing. No idea what that could mean. One guy is covered in bandages, and another has luxurious long white hair with a purple mask."

"So nobody can escape or receive supplies now," Momo points out.

"Correct. Momo, go to the retreating area we talked about and check the supplies. Jiro, go there to make sure there are no villains. Everyone else is on evacuation, so go where you want except Uraraka is recommended at the beach due to the hill. Patchy, go with Iida."

Patchy squawks as he flies to Iida's side.

Iida bows, "Thank you for entrusting me with it! What is your position?"

"I'll be letting everyone know what is happening and helping anywhere else. Now get to it and don't die or I ain't going to your funeral out of pettiness!"

With my helmet on, I roll out with CAT before Momo and Iida and wrap me up in their pep talk.

I can pep talk myself. And when I say pep talk, I mean run on pure spite alone. Therefore, I don't need anything. I just need spite!

The first thing that I do is ride over to the ship itself. I need to see what is going on there, whether it be more villains or possibly captives. It has the answers at the moment.

When I arrive, the place is the mess. As previously stated, a pink-haired girl destroyed every boat on the port. It was on purpose seeing as nothing else in the current area was attacked, proving my current theory about them going after someone so far.

The villain's boat was flipped on its side when it came on land somehow. I'm not going to question it.

"Is anyone here?!" I holler as I roll along the sides. Nobody.

Did these fuckers steal a large damn boat just to be dramatic? I mean, that's me, but still. That's inconvenient.

However, with no response, it makes my life easier.

I turn on my com, "Izuku speaking, there is nobody on the boat. It's safe to assume that the four reported are the only ones here. Keep up with the evacuations."

I leave the area to head to the country side. The DOT system presumably has told the majority of the people to evacuate, but it can always miss people. The villains could also head to that area. Currently, I have nobody there, so I would be by myself, and I hope to God nobody is there.

During my drive, I watch the communication towers get taken down by the blue wolf. Fucking great. I can still communicate with my group due to CAT and call help, but that's it. I can't trigger it unless necessary due to stupid HC rules. If I could, I would have already.

"Izuku speaking, communication towers have been taken down by the blue wolf. Looks like they are headed right for the beach."

Thinking about it, I'm surprised they haven't went for the cameras yet. Maybe they have plans for it, or they are just dumb?

Whatever, the cameras are expensive, and I don't need them broken. If they want to leave them be, I will take it!

Screaming suddenly deafens me, "GUYS, COME QUICK, THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO! HURRY!"

It takes me a hot second to recognize that it is Mineta.

"Fucking bitch, stop screaming. We have the coms in our goddamn ears, and you screaming is not helping us. Help is on the way," I snap at him.

Welp, that got him quiet.

As I make my way to the outskirts, I watch my teammates struggle against these villains. Obviously, they are talented. The pink haired lady from before is agile but lethal as her hair makes literal spikes. The bandaged guy can actually control said bandages, wrap items up, and use them as slaves. However, Bakugo is dealing with his ass, so we're good there. Then, on the beach, the wolf crocodile thing is a beast literally as he is catching boulders like they are baseballs. That guy is just nuts for how strong he is. WAIT, HE HAS FIRE BREATH TOO?! Yeah, I'll need to look into his quirk whenever possible. That's just illegal. He is having no issues with my classmates either. They are hitting him with all they got but he doesn't even flinch. Definitely an issue.

The masked guy is just wandering around, so I guess he is looking for something. He's where I'm heading. I head for his direction.

"Izuku speaking. Guys facing wolf 9000, focus on distraction. Same with psycho bitch," I command as I zoom through the farms. I hear multiple confirmations.

"Patchy is down," CAT confirms. God fucking damn, right when I got CAT back too.

These kids are killing me.

BOOM!

In the distance, I hear an explosion that doesn't match Bakugo's usual shit. It takes a moment to locate who did it on the camera.

The fucking masked guy just exploded an entire house. I don't know why, but he decided it was necessary. I guess I am dealing with a destructive quirk. I mumble for CAT to go faster as I keep an eye on the camera.

Apparently, that's not all there is to it. On the other side of that building waited Katsume and Mahuro.

This man exploded the kid's home. Fucking hell. That's trauma.

He's approaching them.

Mahuro uses her quick to summon an illusion, but he just walks through it. He reaches his hand out.

Without the camera, I see the top of the illusion. I'm right there.

Top objective: Get those kids out of there.

I zoom over the hill and put my plan to action.

As soon as my eyes land on those kids, I zoom over and snatch them up, one in each arm. I proceed to enter the nearby forest and go through it until I reach the other side. I make sure that the villain is not nearby before putting them down.

"I need you two to run to the evacuation zone. I don't care if a guy offers you the best candy in the world. You move until you get there. Got it? However, is there anything I need to know before I fight him?" I demand as I look each of them in the eyes.

"He said he wanted to take my quirk." Uh, what?

"...please tell me your joking."

"I'm not, Mister Izuku!"

Mahuro huffs, "He's not lying!"

Someone just wants me to drop out of highschool at this point. THIS IS RIDICULOUS! ANOTHER QUIRK-STEALING BITCH?! GOD COULDN'T EVEN COME UP WITH A NEW QUIRK! HE JUST COPY AND PASTED!

Faith in that man is lost forever.

Focus, Izuku.

"What's your quirk, Katsume?" I question. It may sound irrelevant, but it could lead to why they want it in the first place as well as other issues.

"Cell regeneration, sir." Well, shit. No wonder they want him. That's a great quirk. However, if someone significant needs help to heal, it would make sense for why they are going after him for it.

I turn on my com, "Izuku speaking. Whenever one of you are available, I need you to come find a little boy named Katsume. I am telling him and his sister Mahuro to run for camp, but they are after him, so I would like someone to lead him back."

"We'll send someone as soon as we can, Izuku!" Iida confirms.

"Thank you," I turn off the com at look at the kids, "New plan: You're still going to run, but if you see a hero, go to them so that they can protect you."

"Ok!" Both of the kids say, and they run.

They are out of the way now. Now, it's time to deal with the All for One ripoff. I strut my way into the forest because I don't give a fuck about my safety anymore.

When I see him, I stop and ask,"Yo, ripoff, you want a kid? What's your issue? One of your squad members have cancer or something?" You know, looking at him, he has a similar mask to All for One. Maybe he seriously is a rip-off. If that's the case, I hate it. The only significant difference between him and All for One is that he has two tubes poking out of his back filled with fluid. I have no clue what that is, but I'm guessing I will figure it out soon.

The shithead just ignores my question, "You're exactly who we need to eliminate." Oh great, one of these.

"Heard that one before. What's it for this time? Insulting All Might? Arresting one of your mates? Cause you can? Oh, or is it because I am quirkless?!"

I can safely assume it's because of my genetics as this man points his fingers at me and starts shooting lasers from his fingertips! I have no issues zooming through them, and I jump forward to kick him when a barrier appears between him and I. Pretty solid if it is standing up to CAT and I. I hop back and raise my right arm.

"Mini Laser Activate!" I command CAT. A small blast escapes my arm and clashes with the barrier. Instead of breaking it like it fucking should have, it bounces back at me, forcing me to dodge. Fucking hell, this is strong.

"I don't have time to play with a fool like you," The All for One fake says as he shoots the barrier toward me at lightening speed. I can't dodge, and it shoves me until I crash into the elevated terrain behind me. Well, that hurts.

"Mister Izuku!" I shift my head slowly to find the kids running back to me. God fucking damn it, why can't kids listen? I know I don't, but I know my capabilities.

I snap at them, "Get out of here! I got this! CAT, puppet mode!"

Puppet mode doesn't change CAT's shape or anything. Instead, if my body is being a bitch and won't move, like now, CAT can replicate the movements through that neurotransmitter. Yes, it does generally do this to some extent, but it also keeps in mind how to move without hurting me since I can still go about. Puppet mode throws that away, so it can do whatever the fuck it wants. It's actually pretty dangerous to use, thus why I don't usually have it on.

Ignoring the pain, I stand up and rush towards the man escaping the forest. Once more, the man raises his fingertips at me and shoots two lasers through my shoulder and side with no hesitation. Bold of him to assume that I will slow down just because of a little pain. I lost my arm for fuck sakes!

"Intriguing. You're stronger than you look," This piece of shit has the miniature balls to say as he raises his barrier.

"Heard that a few times before, you fucking downgrade!" I yell at him.

The issue with him is that he is predictable. A bigger issue is that he makes the barrier cover the top part of him, but for some reason, I can still get him from his legs. I'm taking advantage of that.

I duck down enough to shoot my right grappling hook under the floating shield and latch onto his leg. With a grin, I zoom away from, knocking him on his ass and dragging him with me. Once I have enough distance, I swing him around to slam him into the nearest tree. Before I can unlatch the claw, he uses his lasers to slice the wire clean.

Welp, that's useless now. Good thing I have two! However, I do notice that I did some damage to him. That's good. It means he doesn't have something like shock absorption.

Actually, why didn't he pick up a quirk like that? Was he going for more of a power build? But he has that fucking barrier. Though, I guess that's technically offensive for the use it had earlier. Either way, he has a human body. That's much easier to deal with.

I check the trees near him to see if I can knock one of them down easily, but that doesn't seem to be the case. It looks like I have to get close again. Just not a frontal attack.

I shoot my left hook to the branch above him and use it to bring me up for an air attack. That idea goes out the window when a barrier appears right where I was going to hit and shoves me to the sky and beyond. Dropping the grapple, I roll off the barrier to fly down. I take the opening to aim my right arm at him.

"Mini las-!"

I couldn't finish the command when a something bright blue intercepts me. It grabs me by the torso and slams me down within a second. Okay, so that's painful.

Gritting my teeth, I look to see what looks like a large dragon head holding me down. Of course this dude has dragons.

Changing my attention to him, I watch him start to limp towards the kids with the dragon coming out of his back, "Now that he has been dealt with, I can finally take your quirk. Don't struggle."

I scream, "YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU THINK I'M A ONE-TRICK PONY?! WELL, GUESS ON YOUR MEEMAW'S GRAVE WHAT?! I AIN'T FINISHED WITH YOU YET, YOU DOWNGRADE ALL FOR ONE PHONY! BY THE TIME I'M DONE WITH YOU, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A CHAINSAW UP YOUR ASS!" I slam my hand on the head, "MINI LASER, GO!"

The laser explodes the head, and the rest of the it goes away. I start to stand up, shaking at this point.

However, before I can fully stand, familiar explosions ring in my ear.

Bakugo screams, "THERE YOU ARE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, DEKU?!"

"I'M JUST KILLING THE GODDAMN DRAGON HE HAD COMING OUT OF HIS BACK. HE HAS MULTIPLE QUIRKS AND CAN STEAL THEM!" I quickly explain as I straighten up.

"Sounds familiar!" He scoffs.

"No shit, sherlock!"

"THEN LET'S GET RID OF HIM! WATCH CLOSELY, KIDS! THIS IS WHAT THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO CAN DO! LET'S GO, DEKU!"

"YEAH, YEAH!"

With Bakugo on one side and I on the other, we rush towards him to overwhelm him-

.

.

.

- - -

Jesus Fuck, what did I get into this time? The Black Friday sales event? Either way, I feel terrible.

"Hey, he's waking up!" I hear a child's voice say. Did I forget the past 15 years of my life? Do I have kids? Fuck, what are my kids' names?

That idea is quickly shattered when Bakugo yells, "DEKU, YOU BETTER WAKE THE FUCK UP ALREADY!"

Nope. I'm still a hero student. Good. I didn't want to figure out how to be a Dad.

I groan, "Bakugo, shut up. Too loud."

"Ha! Says the one who woke us up with a gong for a week! This is nothing!"

"I was enjoying every moment without hearing your irritating voice," I open my eyes to find myself in an unfamiliar room on the floor. In front of me, there would be Bakugo as well as Katsume and Mahuro. Oh yeah, I'm on an island.

An island that I was told had no crime for the last 30 years and suddenly has crime since I came here. Yes, I am going to be petty over that.

Bakugo scoffs, "Are you trying to start a fight already?!"

"No. What the hell happened?"

"Your dumbass got struck by lightning. He was aiming for both of us, but due to your stupid costume, you took the whole thing. Your costume saved you from dying, but it's destroyed with your damn robot. I got a couple of hits in, but razer bitch came in and ruined everything. We had to evacuate. We're in the backroom of the evacuation location. Brat here took care of you."

Now that Bakugo mentions it, I do notice the bandages covering him. She got him good, but it could have been worse.

Also, yes, we are going to ignore the whole hit by lightning part.

I sit up, ignoring my pain to pay attention to Katsume, "You did good. Good job."

Kastume stutters, "Thank you!"

I nod once, facing Bakugo again, "Did you learn anything else about the All for One knockoff?"

"Quirk limit. He couldn't move much  after the lightning. Razer bitch made it seem like it's normal."

"Well, we know what to push now. How is everybody?"

"They're alive. Wimps."

"Eh, good enough for me. How long has it been?"

"Couple of hours. Night time." Bakugo is being surprisingly complacent. I'll accept it.

"Alright. If we need to go back to mainland, this is the time to do it for supplies from our HQ." Bakugo nods, but doesn't say anything, "Did we get anybody?"

"Bandage asshole, but he won't say shit."

"Boo. Alright."

"Rest, you damn nerd."

"What- bitch, you just told me to wake up-"

"SO I COULD TELL YOU WHAT IS GOING ON! YOU CAN BARELY MOVE, FOR FUCK SAKES! YOU'RE STARTING TO REMIND ME OF ALL MIGHT!"

"Ew."

"Whatever! We need you halfway alive to figure out a damn plan in the morning!"

"Oh? You're finally noticing me?"

"OI, SHUT UP! IT'S ONLY BECAUSE THEY WON'T LISTEN TO MY PLAN!"

"Probably because you're nuts in the head. Hey, Bakugo, what's the chances of you getting my underground costume?"

"Fucking easy, you damn nerd."

"Then get it. I need it, especially if we are going to face lightning again."

"We can just use duncehead as a lightning rod."

"First off, his name is Kaminari, not duncehead. However, you're not wrong. I still want my costume with all the cool shit, especially since I am out of my robots."

"Fine. Anything else?"

"Make sure everyone rests."

"Already being forced by four eyes."

"Good. Now get out."

"OI, YOU OWE ME FOR THIS!"

"Yeah yeah."

"GO TO SLEEP ALREADY, DEKU!" Bakugo storms out, slamming the door behind him.

Silence.

Then Mahuro speaks up, "He sure is angry."

"Always has been. Don't worry about it. You two need to sleep too."

Katsume watches me lie down, looking hesitant, "Are you sure? I can heal you-"

"You need that for emergencies. Besides, I can handle a little bit of pain. Now go rest. You have a big day tomorrow."

The siblings nod and leave, though slowly as they watch me until they close the door.

With a sigh, I close my eyes and pass out.

Yes, for once, I sleep without help. I don't know if the electricity finally fixed my brain or if I am just that damn tired of the world, but I'll take it!