Warning: Death idealization, Signs of Depression, Death Talk

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Hizashi POV

The past few days have been hard. Honestly, I didn't realize how bad this was going to get. I wish I prepared better for Izuku's sake if nobody else's.

After that incident, Izuku has been quiet. I haven't heard a word from him since, and it's so difficult to get him to react at all.

We stayed in hospital for a couple more days until Recovery Girl heals his ribs up. Once his ribs were good, Izuku got the go to leave. Considering Izuku's mental state, I decided that the best move would be to bring him back to UA. I know that he wanted to wait for Shouta to wake up, but I also know that it won't be for a while. Keeping Izuku there to wait for that long isn't going to help him. When I told Izuku the news, I can tell that he wanted to argue with me, but he lacked the energy to do so.

And that is so scary. To see Izuku go from someone who can't sit still to someone who can hardly move is such a scary transformation. Recovery Girl says that Izuku can get better if he works on it, but I can tell that it's hard for him.

Once we got approval to leave, Izuku chose to walk to the car with us. I don't know how he made it since he looked like he was about to collapse at any moment, but he did. However, the moment he buckled up, he passed out. He didn't wake up at all during the road trip. Once we got to UA, he didn't wake up then either, so I had to carry him to his room and tuck him in.

That's where Izuku has been since. Izuku hasn't tried to get out of bed. He's either been lying there or sleeping like someone who barely exists. He isn't getting better either. I can hardly get him to eat now. He doesn't even bother to look at me anymore. At least at the hospital he reacts.

The worst part is that I don't know how to help him. I know that being there is the most important and making sure that he eats, but is that all I can really do? I just want him to be okay and to open up to me about what is going on inside his head. I don't care what it's about. I just want to help him.

It has been a couple days since we have gotten home from the hospital, and it's around lunchtime. Nemuri brought breakfast to him this morning and had no luck getting him to eat. Therefore, it's my job to get him to eat something. I am truly desperate as I put together a variety of small snacks that I know he likes. They aren't healthy, but Izuku needs to eat. I can worry about how healthy the food is later.

I enter Izuku's dorm with the tray at hand, and it feels so cold. Not literally but figuratively. It's like the energy that was keeping this place alive was sucked away with Izuku.

I ignore that, walk to Izuku's door, and knock, "Izu, I have lunch."

As expected, I don't get a response, "Izuku, I'm coming in."

Once again, nothing. I take a deep breath and open the door to find Izuku still curled up in bed under the blankets. His back is to the door.

It looks like Nemuri left behind her breakfast, which seems to be untouched. I know why since one of the many side effects of him being on the quirk suppressant is a lack of appetite, but it's still frustrating. The kid needs to eat, and he's aware of that. The issue is that he's so damn tired that he just doesn't want to move. Why would you eat if you're not hungry? I will be happy if he gets a nibble down at this point.

I set the tray beside the one already on the table and get to work trying to convince him, "I made a variety of things. I have a sandwich, some soup, ramen- oh, I even threw in a bag of chips. You just need to eat something, kid. It's super important, especially now," Izuku doesn't move, and I keep myself from sighing, "I know you're not hungry. That's one of the side effects for those quirk suppressants. However, you still have to eat."

I don't know what I expect from Izuku at this point. For all I know, he could be sleeping through all this.

However, then I hear Izuku's voice, and, if I didn't know any better, I would have thought it was someone else's for how soft and empty it sounds. That's not what turns my blood cold. It's the message itself.

"I'm going to die, aren't I?" Izuku asks.

That is something you never want to hear from a kid, especially a kid you are so close to. It makes it worse because Izuku sounds resolved to this fate. If this is what is going on in his head, what else could he be thinking? If those kinds of thoughts are going through his head, it's no wonder he isn't trying to get up.

We need to talk about this.

I sit on the edge of the bed beside him, trying to figure out what to say. What makes this so difficult is that Izuku isn't entirely wrong. During the hospital stay, Recovery Girl told Nemuri and I alot about what Izuku could be like in the future. It's not a guarantee that it's going to happen, but it still could.

I'll be honest: I didn't believe Recovery Girl, not because I believe she is lying but because I didn't want to believe it. I know that's an immature response, but how are you supposed to just accept the fact that your little brother's life is going to be drastically altered in a negative way? Besides, the Hero Commission president said that she was going to see about having a quirk-destroying bullet used on him, so if that pulls through, he doesn't need to worry.

I guess the proof is in front of me now. I could lie to him, but Izuku is going to find out the truth somehow. I have to be honest with him. It's not I am telling him that he is going to die soon. Despite that, it still hurts because this is Izuku's life. He doesn't deserve this. He has already sacrificed too much.

I force my voice to be stable as I tell him, "Your life will be cut drastically if you don't get this quirk removed, yes. However, as long as you take good care of yourself, she estimates that you could live to your thirties, maybe forties."

Izuku may only live to my age if he doesn't get this quirk removed. If none of us die from an accident, he's going to be the first to die. It's such a sick joke.

"And I'll be like this," Izuku mumbles, his voice going softer.

"It can get better, but you won't be like before. Sometimes, you will be worse because you have to remove the suppressant, and that's every few months," I confirm. I am nearly choking at my words. This hurts.

I don't get a response immediately, and I am trying to figure out what to say. What are you supposed to say in this situation? I take too long.

"I don't want to die like this," Izuku voices softly, "I don't want to suffer like this." Oh God, kid...

I reach towards Izuku's back through the sheets and rub up and down slowly to try and give him some kind of comfort, "I know. You don't deserve this either, Izuku."

"Except I do. I let Miriko and Endeavor die."

Has Izuku been thinking like this the whole time? I want to cry for him because this is so damn unfair on him. However, that won't help him. Right now, I need to get him to understand. I stop rubbing his back and withdraw my hand.

With a firm voice, I practically demand, "Izuku, turn around and look at me, " No attempt at movement, "I'm serious. Please, this is important."

I know I could always just tell him, but he needs to know I mean it. There's an even more significant reason for it: I need Izuku to start moving. It's clear that laying here is not helping him at all. I need to get him out of bed and move so those thoughts won't continue to go through his head. To further add, the longer he sits still, the harder it will be for him to move again.

I give Izuku a minute. Just as I am about to tell him again, he slowly rolls around to face me with his eyes closed. I am actually glad he chose to keep his eyes closed because he probably would have seen the distraught in my face. He looks like a ghost with how pale his skin is. The only color that can be seen besides his freckles would be the dark eyebags under his eyes. His hair is limp, barely having any curl to them at all.

It takes a moment to recover.

Once I am sure that I am calm again, I softly ask Izuku, "Open your eyes, kid."

I don't rush Izuku at this point. I know how hard it is to open your eyes at times, especially when you are tired and stressed. I trust him to do it at this point.

Eventually, he does. Green eyes look back at me, and I smile. Sure, they're not his at the moment, but he'll get better. He has to. I'm just happy to see them. However, then I remember the conversation we were having, and it drops a little bit.

It's a little difficult to emphasize with Izuku, to be honest. I do run an agency and lead them. The difference is that my people, while they are in danger, are rarely in danger of dying. They help out with minor things, so I'm never worried about that. If there is a situation that is dangerous, I take the lead. There's also only a handful of people to worry about.

Izuku took on an army, guided them, and hoped that they did their job. That's completely different. However, even if Izuku did tell them to do that, I know he did it with the knowledge that he knew they could do their jobs given. He wouldn't give someone a job that they couldn't do. He made sure he did it with them having the highest chances of succeeding. Izuku is someone that, when involving others, will redo a plan over and over until he comes up with a practically flawless one. Even then, he creates multiples until he is satisfied and sure that everyone will get out.

Izuku isn't used to having a plan fail though. He isn't used to taking a couple of losses, which is sometimes necessary. That's not something a kid really understands yet, let alone Izuku, who has been put into this light that he can pull off anything without issues.

I think I know what to say now.

"Izuku, you can only give the orders. You can't control anything outside of that. While you can influence the results to some extent, it's only to an extent. From there, you have to hope that people do their jobs right...what I am saying is that it's not on you. You did amazing."

"Miriko died because of me," Izuku states as a fact. He sounds so tired. I just want to give him a hug to help him feel better.

I sigh, "She chose to save you. That was her choice. I know that's hard to accept, but you can't change the past: you can only focus on the future. If for nobody else, then do it for her."

I don't get a response for a bit, and I am not sure if I should say something or not. It's hard to read Izuku like this. I choose to be quiet and see what happens.

It seems I made the right choice as Izuku eventually speaks up again, "What about Endeavor?"

"He knew what he was getting himself into. I wouldn't be surprised if you drilled it into his head."

"Then why did I win? Endeavor was the number one hero. Why did I win? I'm fucking quirkless! I should be dead-!"

I cut him off firmly, not leaving any room to argue, "Do not finish that sentence, Izuku." He's spiteful about his situation. Usually, he can use that to move forward. The issue is that there is no goal to put it towards.

If there is no goal to follow, then where is it supposed to go? In Izuku's case, it's to himself.

However, it gave me a reaction. If Izuku's tone wasn't the indicator, the anger in his eyes says it all.

"But it's the truth! How the fuck does someone who fought his entire life to beat All Might die yet a dumbass teenager survived?! ... and win..."

It's like one moment he has obtained his energy, but it's gone just as fast. I watch Izuku close his eyes again and curl in on himself. I understand where he is coming from. On the surface, it shouldn't be possible. However, that's exactly what happened.

I think it's the viewpoints and the preparation that the two had that determined the win. Endeavor has had his fights, so he probably wasn't overly worried. He fought how he would. Izuku knew Shigaraki was a high threat, however. Izuku put so much effort into making sure he had to capability to kill Shigaraki if needed. He's seen the destruction Shigaraki can cause first hand unlike Endeavor in a way.

There's also the fact that Izuku is just, overall, more versatile than Endeavor. He can pull off anything he wants with the amount of creativity and knowledge he has. Endeavor was more limited in that fact, but he was super good at what he could do. Just not good enough.

"You recognized the danger and prepared for it while Endeavor did not. Think of how much effort you put into preparing that attack. Endeavor had no clue how bad it was going to be. I don't think anyone did besides you and your detective crew, to be honest. We knew it was going to be bad, but we weren't sure of how bad," I explain to Izuku softly. I really can't help it anymore because this kid really needs it. Gently, I reach forward, pry Izuku from the blankets without resistance, and pull him against my chest to hug him. I rub up and down his back.

Izuku hardly reacts, just leaning into me.

I feel the need to add on, "Izuku, you're capable of taking over the world of you wanted to. There's nothing holding you back. The same can not be said for Endeavor. I don't think we need to talk about his flaws."

I get a huff from Izuku, "No..." That's something.

"Either way, no matter what, you're here. You need to push forward and take care of yourself. I know that's very hard, but I know that, if anyone can do it, you can. You're not alone either. You have Sleepyhead, Nemuri, your mom, your classmates, Eri, me, and there's so many more. You deserve to give yourself a chance."

I don't immediately hear a response, but I eventually hear a sigh, "I don't accept it...but okay...shush..."

"Huh?"

I am confused as to why Izuku suddenly told me to shush. When I look down to check on him, I find him asleep with tears rolling down his cheeks. I guess he readjusted himself without me noticing because he has his head against my heart.

I honestly want to cry for this kid. I know that it wouldn't help with anything, but it's a thought that will forever exist because Izuku deserves it.

However, now is not the time for that. I need to figure out what to do because this isn't working. Izuku can't stay here anymore. It's making things worse. Izuku needs to be in a different environment and forced to move. If I can get him to just move a little bit, it could encourage him to eat and try to move on.

With that thought in mind, I hook my arms under Izuku and stand up with him bridal style. I think the best idea is to have him in my apartment so I can keep a closer eye on him and slowly force him to go and socialize with the other teachers.

I just hope to god it works.

I leave Izuku's room and eventually his dorm to make my way towards my room. The only person I really have to worry about seeing him at this time is Yagi since he doesn't do too much nowadays, but I'm not overly worried about him. If he sees, and he sees. I don't see him during my travels, however, so that's better.

I enter my dorm, and it's kind of scary how quiet it is. I haven't really spent too much time here since Izuku has gotten back. I've just been near him to make sure that nothing goes wrong. It should be fixed rather quickly though.

I approach my couch and lay Izuku down on it, making sure to adjust him so that he is comfortable. Then, I cover him with a blanket that hangs on the back of the couch before stepping back to admire my work. He should be comfortable at least until he wakes up. Once he does, I'll work from there.

For now, I'll let Izuku rest. I have to tell Nemuri of the change of location, but that's all I need to worry about at the moment. After I text her about it, I guess I'll grade the student's essays while I wait.

Izuku better be okay eventually. Otherwise, the universe and I are going to have issues.