Prompt: Izuku dies ad meets God and/or Satan. Izuku then sasses them till they're done with his shit. And sends him back. Making him immortal so they don't have to deal with his shit again.
This is two people going back and forth.

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Holy fuck on a cheese nugget, where am I? Rephrase, what even happened? When my brain is unable to gather anything, I open up to see a black surrounding except for two familiar beings in front of me.

"God? Satan? What the fuck are you two doing here?" I ask as I stand up. Strangely, I feel nothing. Literally.

God and Satan turn to face me, and holy shit they are tall. Like, they are taller than All Might. They are looking down at me like I am a midget.

"Seems you have finally woken up, child," God says as he bends down to my height.

"I am no such thing." Look, if you are giving me the chance to sass God, I am going to do it. I look at Satan, "Why ain't I in hell?"

Satan glares at me, "Last time you were here, you caused chaos to the place like you do in the below world."

"HOLD UP! I AM TROUBLESOME HERE?! WHEN!?"

"Before your current life. God and I made a deal to throw you down with the humans in hopes that you would settle down. Obviously not."

"But God created me? Speaking of which, WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE ME A QUIRK, GOD?!"

God sighs, "If you had a quirk, we would have to create an entirely new world."

"THEN WHY DID YOU CREATE ME?!"

"Satan and I were drinking, and you kind of happened. You were the only one made at the time."

"...so like a one-nightstand? Also, ya'll can get drunk?"

God and Satan look at each other before nodding.

"Still as disrespectful as before, child," God says as he ruffles my hair, but I stumble back to avoid it.

"Did you really expect a change?"

Satan takes the lead, "Hell no. Look, God. He would be an embarrassment if we accept him back up here. I say we make him immortal and throw him back down. It's not like the kid has ruined the world yet. He's actually helping."

God hums in consideration, "I don't know, Satan."

"Do you really want to take care of him? He took up all your time, remember? You have Godly duties to do, and I have souls to destroy." That seems to confirm God's decision.

"Child, you will be going back down into the world as Izuku Midoriya and coming back to life. You will not longer be able to die as we do not have the necessary means to take care of you. Please protect the world, Izuku."

"BUT YOU'RE FUCKING GOD! YOU CAN MAKE SHIT, YET YOU CAN'T STOP ME?! ALSO, IMMORTAL!? I WANT TO DIE!"

However, God does not answer as he presses a hand on my head, and a sparkly light appears.

The next thing I know, I am in a hospital bed to see the squad crying around me.

I look up at them and cough out, "God and Satan neglected to accept me."

I can tell you that Hizashi and Nemuri acknowledged it. Everybody else except the people who are used to me tried to throw me in a mental asylum.

Fuck you both, God and Satan.