"Take me with you!"

"We can't, Eri. You need to stay here with Mom."

"No!" Jesus Christ, why is it so hard to say no to her? You'd think after a year that I would build up some resistance. Nope!

For once, Aizawa helps me, "Eri, you are staying with Midoriya-san, and that is final. "

"But, I want to be with Izu!"

"I am saving you by keeping you here. Izuku will play with you all you want when he returns." He threw me under the bus, the dumb fuck!

"...okay...Izu, you better return!"

I huff, " I wouldn't dream of anything else! Now stay out of trouble and don't talk to people offering you candy!"

"Got it!"

---

So you may be wondering what that whole conversation was about. Well, Aizawa and I have to go to a camp so that our students will work on their quirks. This entire time, they have only been working on their minds. Their quirks may have improved a little but not a whole lot.

They need a whole lot as a hero, so here we fucking are!

So why is the dumb fuck named Izuku going on a trip where he will undoubtedly annoy his below-mates? I'm glad you asked!

There's going to be a villain attack, and I have to take care of it! How pleasant!

Just don't ask me why, though, because I have no idea. For all I know, they want the shit camp food the kids will create. I will figure it out eventually. For now, we have to get these kids in tip-top shape!

Oh, and did I mention we are leaving for the camp right now? We are.

I bend to Eri and give her a hug, "Have fun, Eri."

Eri hugs back tightly, "Will do, Izu!"

With that, Mom takes her away, and we are on the bus to hell- I mean training!

...

Let's be honest: nobody is separating Aizawa and me for a week, so it really is going to be hell.

Hopefully, God will knock me out on the bus ride somehow, so I don't have to deal with his hobo ass!

---

So my previous dream didn't happen because God hates me, so here I am at a cliffside with two girls cosplaying as cats who are heroes.

Side Note: I am pretty sure that if these heroes weren't cats, we wouldn't be here. Why?

The tea is that Aizawa likes cats. The only reason I know this is because of the fact that I have seen him feeding the local homeless cats. And everyone wonders why we have a cat overpopulation. It's because of people like Aizawa: They sympathize with the cats and feed them. More cats are created, and hell is created because cats are disgusting.

Anyway, let's go back to Aizawa's addiction. Let me tell you the extent.

If he was given a choice between a cat and me, he would choose the cat without a problem-!

Wait, that's a terrible comparison. Aizawa would probably sacrifice me for a rat for fuck sakes.

Better compared: If he was given a choice between a cat and Yamada, he would choose the cat. If, by some far off chance, he does choose Yamada over the cat...well...let's just say I don't want to know what goes on in the bedroom.

Actually, Aizawa wouldn't be doing that shit anyway because he is in the same house as me, and he knows I would blab that shit to Kayama.

We share the gossip!

Oh, and Eri, I guess.

We are so far off-topic, I should be in Antarctica at this point!

The cat heroes set up a fighting simulator in the forest where class 1-A has to release their pent-up frustration with the world on earth golems in contribution from one of the cat's quirks.

Meanwhile, class 1-B is a group of pansies and are being dropped off there.

We may or may not have thrown 1-A over the cliffside for the exercise. They will probably not be at the camp until the end of the day because of the distance they have to travel, and earth golems are a bitch. Unless you are someone like me, then you can run past them. However, as the group has to stay together, they will be slower than Patrick's pet rock.

While they deal with that, Aizawa and I arrive at camp, and it's my job to upgrade the security in case we get attacked. Rephrase, when we get attacked because I probably just jinxed us. With our run-in with villains, it wouldn't surprise me. It's just going to be a mild inconvenience because I can't just straight-up kill them or electrocute them unless I want suspicions on me. I have to swing the yo-yo and hope it knocks them out because choking is a bad thing, apparently.

Except in bed. Go right on ahead there.

By the time I was done with that, I had taken the time to cook for 1-B with the cats. Somehow, my bootilicious ass didn't eat the raw ingredients.

After that, class 1-A still wasn't there, and I had nothing to do. That's the bad news. The good news is that Aizawa has nothing to do either!

---

"Aizawa-!"

"No."

"No, what?"

"No, to whatever you are going to ask."

"And you seriously think you're going to get away with that?" Aizawa doesn't even answer the question! He just tries to get up and leave! Lucky for him, my legs work! "Hey, get back here! I need information!"

"No, you don't. Just hack the government like you always do when you want something."

"Unless you're married and you haven't told me, the government isn't going to give me the information I want."

"What could you possibly be after?"

"When in the flippity flop are you going to ask Yamada out?"

"I'm not." I start laughing out loud, getting a strange look from life.

"That's the funniest thing I heard since Trump started wearing a mask! There is no reason for you to be stubborn about being gay! You don't have to worry about if Yamada is gay or not because he is a literally gay disaster! You just have to ask him out in your usual boring way. He likes you. Just make the fucking move."

"You just want trouble."

"If I wanted trouble, I would have already caught the building on fire."

"You're stuck by my side now after saying that."

"Oof. But seriously, I'm trying to give you life advice, and you're ignoring it!"

"I have seen the advice you have given Eri. I'm not following anything you unless it's for what you were hired."

"ERI IS FUCKING WONDERFUL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! AS FOR THE SECOND PART, OFFENDED!"

"Why don't you go check on the class without getting caught or interfering? That's an order."

"Fuck you, you ugly slug that can't evolve."

---

I decided to watch the students because man is it fucking boring at the house. They have nothing for me to destroy, and they kicked me out anyway because I annoyed everyone that much. Even a little boy was done with my shit.

Though, he looked done with life in general even though he is six.

RELATABLE!

Now, I could tell you everything that is going on, but at this point, it's just students training their quirk.

Let me summarize:

When class 1-A finally arrived at the camp at sundown, they ate and slept because they were done with life.

I woke them up the next morning with a giant gong loaned to me by Aizawa.

Then, I explained to them what they were doing with their quirk. I do need to explain this part to you. You see, in the hero course, the students were working on mostly growing mentally. This means things like developing strategies, analysis, and stuff like that. However, despite quirks being a massive part of being a hero, they haven't worked explicitly on their quirk. Let's take Bakugo, for example. We redid the quirk test on him, where he has to throw a ball using his quirk. He has only improved that by two meters the whole time he has been at UA. Petty, huh?

With the camp, 1-A (and 1-B if they stop being pansies) will work on increasing their quirk's power and how long they can use it before suffering severe consequences. Taking Bakugo and his exploding quirk for an example again, he will be plunging his hands in boiling water, pull them out to explode, and repeat. The idea is that they will expand his sweat glands so he can make bigger explosions.

Like we need that, but I digress.

Basically, it's torture to make people stronger!

Don't worry: The parents support it!

And they do it all day! This is why I like not having a quirk. I don't have to suffer! They train from sunrise to sundown, and once it is time for them to quit, they have to make their own food unless they want to starve.

This is for a week...yeah, that gets boring real quick. Luckily, the cat heroes, who I can now tell you, are four cats called the Wild Wild Pussy Cats, make night games for everyone who passed the exam! Those who failed it has to suffer Aizawa and Blood King (class 1-B teacher, but he is irrelevant) to learn what they did wrong. Sounds painful.

Well, that is what is supposed to happen.

SCENE!

---

Tonight is the forest fright game, and I am excited to see some teens piss their pants! Maybe I'll join in the scaring myself. I have killed some people before, so frightening people should be more natural than running my mouth! I'll help both classes because none of them are scary.

As I'm about to join the forest team, my phone buzzes. I told everyone in my crew not to text me unless it is an emergency, so hopefully, this isn't too bad.

I check the text I received.

Undercover #420: They are attacking.

. . .

SO I DON'T GET TO SCARE THE STUDENTS, BUT COMPLETE STRANGERS?! THIS IS BULL SHITZU! NOW I HAVE TO GO DEAL WITH THOSE DUMBASSES SO THE STUDENTS DON'T DIE FROM STUPIDITY!

"Kitty kitty, can we wait ten minutes before starting this? I just want to check the premises first." What else am I suppose to say? 'Uh, yeah, my totally legal connection just told me we are getting attacked, so get your paws inside.' I might as well be the attacker. Thankfully, the cat doesn't question my request.

I check to make sure my yo-yos are in my pocket, climb up the tree, and start hopping through the branches like a monkey. It may seem inconvenient AF to stick to the high grounds for someone like me, and you're absolutely right. However, it's also better to be hidden rather than be in plain sight.

Learn your enemies before you get reckless.

A couple of minutes into my jungle gym experience, I slow down when I hear voices.

"I smell human flesh." I mean, if that's your thing-

That's when I notice a gas in the near distance. Without hesitation, I approach quickly. Based on the gas direction, it's coming from a center point. Whether that be a quirk or a bomb, I have no clue.

I take a deep breath and run in. I have probably a minute to pull this-

BANG!

Thank above for my gut instinct to move!

"I see you! I don't know why you're trying! I can see your every move! Kurogiri, get him!" Oh, this guy. I've heard of him but never faced him. Mustard. Like the condiment but shit.

Obviously, otherwise, he would be in jail by now because I beat his ass. Not in the kinky way before you ask. However, I'm more worried about Kurogiri. They have a plan here.

Wait. Wouldn't the gas interfere with Kurogiri? Or is Kurogiri having a fucking session with the gas by coming in? I promise these are important questions!

Furthermore, did they expect me to come? Possibly.

Though, I guess I should get out of the situation first.

My idiotic ass zooms into the gas despite it getting denser the closer I get to the center.

BANG!

That shot grazes my shoulder, but I see my victim in might sight that looks like Mustard should be in an apocalypse movie. He's wearing a gas mask and bodysuit for fuck sakes! Eh, it doesn't matter. I kick the gun out of Mustard's hand, spin around, and kick him in the head to knock him out.

Okay. I can breathe again. Next, I need to find Kurogiri-

Nevermind, I found him...beneath my fucking feet! FUCK ME! I know for a fact that I can't swing myself out of this because that takes too long, so I reach for my pocket knife and throw it. Not anywhere in particular, but I just need it to be left behind. Hopefully, Aizawa is smart enough to find it and figure out that I got fucking kidnapped under his guidance!

Not that he would care about that last part, but he should care about the rest due to Eri!

Welp.

ALLEY WOOP!

INTO THE UNKNOWN!