Y/N - Your First Name
L/N - Your Last Name

---

I have no idea why I decided that shopping at night is a good idea. It's a common idea that always pulls through as I am currently heading to a store at midnight. I can't tell you if it is because I get to avoid everyone but the cashier, if I get to go around in a t-shirt and sweats, or if it is the adrenaline rush I get as I can easily get jumped.

It's probably more of the first, but it could be the second one too. Oh, and certainly the third one! I am an adrenaline junkie, after all! Though, most of the time, it's for nothing.

However, tonight should not have been the night to be getting the milk.

As I'm nearing the store, something slips around my waist and pulls me into a nearby dark alleyway.

Alright then.

"Well, aren't you a precious find?" The whatever-the-fuck-that-is around my waist turns me to face this ugly ass man who looks like the main character from Octodad-

Wait. This piece of trash has an octopus quirk. I swear to-

I look down to see a tentacle around my waist and another one going up my shirt.

Nope. Actually, why he even interested in me? I am ugly and don't even attempt to keep up my looks.

Wrong time, (y/n).

Without hesitation, I knee this horny hoe in the balls and punch him in the face! A loud crack could be heard.

The Octodad man stumbles back, growling as he holds his pee-pee, "You're pissing me off!"

"And you're annoying me. Your point?" Maybe I shouldn't smack-talk someone with an octopus quirk, but my brain does not contain self-control. In fact, I should be running. However, that just leaves another person open for the attack, and I happen to not be selfish.

Yet.

And I have no idea what the range of those tentacles are, so I'm just leaving myself for slaughter if I try. I could be fast enough, but eh. The risk and reward doesn't match up for me.

I search my surroundings only to find a couple of garbage bags on the side. That would be a great weapon if I had the muscle strength to use it. I don't, so the next best thing is my body. Thank fuck America practically forces you to learn hand-to-hand combat due to its stupidity!

The guy is still recovering as I take the initiative to run towards him and tackle him to the ground. He tries to push me away, but I start punching his face until he knocks out.

I sit on the man as I start to call the cops, but a noise behind me interrupts. I move too slow when I feel myself get wrapped up and thrown off the man and face first into a wall.

"Fuck, where is my luck tonight?! I'm not even into this shit!" I grumble. I look down to see what looks like grey scarves holding my arms to my torso. I might as well be a sushi roll.

A tired-AF (relatable) yet deep voice sounds from behind me, "You're being arrested for attacking a citizen. Comply and your life will be easier."

What?

"Bitch, he was trying to feel me up. Nobody is getting away with that unless they have permission, " I snap, though I have to remember to switch to Japanese after a moment. I forget that. English is so much easier for me.

The voice sighs, saying in a bored tone, "We'll see."

"This is just going to be like highschool, isn't it? OYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"Shut up. I'm already done with tonight. Don't make it worst."

"Oof. Relatable. Can you get my face off the wall, though? This position sucks."

No response. Rude.

I'm practically making out with this wall for five minutes until a couple of cop cars and an ambulance arrive. I'm finally pull away from the wall to see a new environment. I see a three cops total, and the paramedics going to check the dude I beat up.

Oh, and the dude tying me up. I think he is a pro-hero, but he already looks like the most relatable Japanese hero so far. He wears a black jumpsuit, has stubble, and his long black hair looks like shit. The way he is tying me up is with his scarf that hands around his neck.

I'm not even going to ask how that bitch works. Either way, he is the emo hero. Or a trash bag if you're creative enough.

"I'm pretty sure I didn't beat him up that badly. At most, he might have a concussion from hitting the ground when I tackled him. Oh, and a broken nose!" I say way too proudly.

The Emo Hero starts guiding me to the cop car and shoves me in without hesitation, and off we go to the police station!

---

"This is boring," I mumble as I lay my head down on the desk. Look, I already don't look great and have a horrible impression with a resting bitch face. I don't see the point in attempting.

The Emo Hero, that has decided to stay with me for some dumb reason, just says, "Shut up."

Actually, he can be my target of investigation. He's the only thing interesting in this room besides this table and I, and I already looked over both. I turn to face him. It may be creepy, but my sanity is valued highly.

I take note of a grey belt, probably holding medical shit or something. Around his neck hangs yellow goggles, probably to work with his quirk that revolves around his eyes because those babies look sick. Literally.

Overall, he seems to have this 'I'm done with life fuck off' appearance. Maybe it's only towards me, but that's all I am getting.

"What are you doing?" The Emo Hero asks grumpily.

"Checking you out. So far, 6 out of 10 on Yelp. Could be worst and better, " I mean, I have a chance to create my own show here. The man glares at me.

However, the door finally opens to reveal Inspector Gadget but more modern. Like, there are some differences here and there like short hair, more details on the jacket, and color scheme. Besides that, he's pretty damn close.

"Hello. I am Detective Tsukauchi, and I am on your case. I need your side of the story along with Eraserhead's. I recommend you remain as truthful as possible to keep your punishments minimum. Now, what is your name?"

Eraserhead. Of all fucking things. Whatever.

I don't know why, but he put emphasis on truthful. Like, more than normal compared to others. I'm too curious to pass this up, so I give him a realistic fake name.

"That's a lie," The Detective says with a sigh.

"Huh. So you do have a lie-detector quirk. Sorry, I was curious. Anyway, I'm (y/n)(l/n)! I would say please to meet you, but I'm being wrongly arrested at the moment. Also, is pleading the 5th not allowed?"

This man can tell it's going to be a long night, "That's purely an American thing. What's your quirk?"

"Oh, I'm Jesus!"

This is when Emo- wait, Eraserhead interrupts, "Stop joking around. The quicker you get this done, the quicker we get out."

The Detective surprises me, "Actually, that registered as true."

I can't help myself, "HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA! THAT'S A PLOT TWIST OF THE CENTURY!" Eraserhead seems so done.

"Can you emphasize what your quirk does?"

"I can run on water like Jesus- wait, Jesus isn't relevant here. Nevermind. I can run on water basically."

Detective Tsukauchi continues with the basic details like where I am from and stuff until he finally gets to the actual reason we are all here, "Eraserhead, can you explain your viewpoint first?"

Oof.

Eraserhead sighs, "I was on my patrol when I heard some fighting nearby. I arrive at the scene to find (y/n) on top of the man punching him out. When they finished, they sat on him and looked like they was about to call someone. That's when I interrupted and tied them up. I have any recording evidence you need for that."

The Detective nods before facing me, "And yours?"

"I was heading to the store at about midnight, and before you ask, less people and I can wear sweatpants. Anyway, I was heading there when something grabbed me by the waist and pulled me into the alleyway Eraserhead found me in. Octopus man pulled me close and said something about finding me precious and started trying to touch me up. Logically, I kneed him in the balls and punched him in the face. A few sour words were exchanged, and I decided to deal with him because I was afraid someone else would come across and not have the ability to run. I tackled and knocked him out and was about to call the police when Eraserhead decided to hop in and slam me into a damn wall."

"So you could have run at any point?"

"I think so, but let's be honest; I have no idea the range of those tentacles, but it has to be quite a ways to reach me while still chilling in an alleyway. If I turned, I could be right back with him, and he wouldn't give me the chance to run a second time."

The Detective nods as he updates whatever paperwork he has, "Usually, attacking first would be an act of vigilantism-"

"Except I was quirkless so you can't even charge me for that. Vigilantism only applies to the use of an illegal quirk, which is dumb but that's how y'alls government set it up, so great job!" A sigh comes from the man that I just interrupted.

"...are you sure that you work at a grocery store? You seem to have a lot of knowledge when it comes to laws."

"I mean, I got arrested alot in America for stupid things, so I had to know them to get out. Otherwise, my parents would have whooped my ass if they had to pick me up! Or, well, by the end, my friends. They got tired of my shit."

The Detective sighs, "Try not to get arrested. It adds more work to my load."

"It's not like I'm asking for it. If you people leave me alone, I won't be arrested in the first place."

"That's not how the law works."

"But it can!"

"Whatever. You're free to go. If you have anything else you remember, come back and tell us. Eraserhead, can you please take them home?"

Eraserhead looks at me, "Yeah. I don't trust them not to get into trouble again when they managed to do so within a month of being in Japan."

I interrupt, "Actually, I got in trouble the third day of being here because of a similar situation. However, you don't need to walk me. I still need to head to the grocery store. I'm, unforntually, too broke to have my own personal slaves do it for me."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No?"

"After getting jumped, you're just going to casually continue your day? Shouldn't you wait a day at least?"

"Once again, not my first rodeo. The fucker is just lucky I'm not allowed my gun or knife here yet."

"I'm taking you to the store then."

"That's fine by me!" I stand up and casually walk out the door, hearing the groans of the two men behind me. Is this not normal? Apparently not.

The moment I step out, I sing, "Freedoooooooooooooooooom- ow, I was having a moment!"

"Just start walking."

"Problem, though."

"What?"

"Where the fuck am I?"

Eraserhead sighs, "You want me to lead the way? I can take you to the place near where you were attacked."

"That's where I was heading, so yip yip!"

"Then shut up as a favor."

"No."

"I regret this already."

"You did this to yourself."

Eraserhead just ignores me.

I follow after him, rambling on about whatever comes to mind.

Eventually we arrive in front of the store.

I spin to him with a smile, "Thank you for the walk! You can ditch me now!"

Eraserhead sighs, "I said I would take you home. Not to the store."

"OH, so now you're trying to do this trickery stuff on me, now?!"

"I'm making my life easier by making sure you don't cause any more trouble tonight."

I huff, entering the store, "It's not like I aim for it. If I did, I would not work at a grocery store. I'd be a villain!"

"Just get it over with."

The shopping trip was relatively easy. Since I had Eraserhead beside me, I decided to make him carry some things to keep him busy. If I'm getting free help, I might as well take it.

That doesn't mean I will not give him anything for his efforts though.

I stop in the candy section, "Pick something."

"...what?"

"You're deaf too? I said pick something. It's the least I can do since you're forced with me."

"I'm a hero. This is just what I do."

"Bitch, I don't care. Pick something or I'll buy the whole aisle."

"Can you even afford that?"

"I will make it work somehow!" Probably by stealing, but we don't need to mention that.

With a groan, the man picks up his favorite treat, and we move from there.

For everyone's mercy, the rest of the nice is boring. Actually, my life is boring in general besides for the Karens I run into on a daily basis.

That's until I get arrested again. A week later.