Your POV

I sobbed quietly on the floor. I was on my side hugging my knees to my chest. My forehead was resting on my knees. And I just layed there. Bawling because of what had just happened.

My mother, my own fucking mother had just called me a slut, whore, bitch, and many, many other cruel names. But what really got to me, is that she told me I should kill myself.

I mean, I get called names and told to kill myself thousands of times a day. But by my own mother? That's just absolutely horrible. Literally the worst.

I decided to finally get up and do something productive for once in my life. I grabbed a notebook and a pen and then I sat down on my couch.

I flipped open the notebook past drawings and some random poems and stories to a good sized chunk of empty pages. I clicked my pen and wrote:

To whom it may concern,

If you're reading this, I'm not sorry. I couldn't take it anymore. The abuse. The bullying. The hurt. The depression. All of it. I have written specific things for certain people below. Please, only read what is addressed to you specifically, if you ever cared about me at all. Thank you.

To Mum:

What you did to me today was unforgivable. You don't abuse your own daughter. It's just wrong on so many levels, okay? And you certainly do NOT tell her to kill herself. Especially over the FUCKING phone. Because as you have now seen, when a kid's mother tells them to kill themselves, that just proves that they're absolutely worthless, and they WILL do it. I thought you might've cared. Even though you never showed it. I thought that you at least thought it was good in some way to have me around. But I guess not.

At this point, tears were freely falling down my cheeks as I sobbed. I took a deep breath and continued to write.

Mum, I loved you with all my heart. I want you to at least know that. I didn't care that you beat me. You were my mother and I thought you'd always be there for me because that's what mothers do. I hope you're finally happy now that I'm gone. I've always only wanted for you to be happy. So I hope you can just forget about me. And live on with your life, because you won't have to take care of worthless, pathetic, me anymore. I love you. Goodbye.

To Dad:

You never talked to me much. I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't even know my name. I don't have much to say to you, considering you were never a proper father. I hope you live a good life. Without me there to ruin it. I hope you and Mum live long, happy lives together, as I know you two will. You guys are the perfect match for each other. I guess I was just never suppose to be in the equation, was I? I know you and Mum never wanted a child, and that's okay. But you ended up with one, and while I know I was never the best child, I was certainly not the worst. But in yours and Mum's eyes I was. When I was old enough to realize you didn't want me, I thought it was normal. Because that's all I ever knew. There I was, thinking it was normal. And here I am, knowing it's not. I'm not sorry I made this decision. Goodbye.

To Nana:

You were always there for me when my parents weren't. You were my best friend and I'm sorry it had to end this way, I really am. I love you and always will. You were the best. But I could tell that you eventually got tired of having to take care of me all the time. I'm sorry I always went to you with my problems. I eventually stopped once I realized how annoying I must have been. I love you, goodbye.

I stopped for another moment or two to shake out my hand and let it rest for a minute. I took a few more deep breaths, before I wrote to one last, final person.

To Dan:

You're the last person I would expect to be reading my suicide note, because you hardly knew me, and it's been years since high school. All you knew about me is that I was the bullied kid at school that nobody liked, and that we live in the same apartment complex now. But you actually seemed to like me, and I am completely and utterly confused as to why, because I'm not interesting in the very least. You see, I know you're reading this though, because every time I looked up from the floor and made eye contact with you (which was a very rare occasion, because I am always staring at the ground), you would always flash me the kindest smile. This will sound really creepy, because I know a lot about you. No, I am not a stalker! You weirdo. Anyways, I learned a lot about you just by observing your smile, and the way you interacted with other human beings.

You never judged anyone because you knew it wasn't right. You always got along with everyone because it was against your morals to be mean. I remember that day back when we were in high school, when Josh and Kayla were pressuring you into beating me up, like they always did with their group. I was laying there, pushing myself up against the lockers, wanting nothing more than to just disappear. I was sure you'd give into peer pressure like everyone else. But you didn't. And what I hated most about that day, was that you got beat up, for protecting me. Ugly, worthless, useless, pathetic, stupid, ME. I had no idea why anyone in their right mind would possibly stand up for me. But you did, and for that, I am forever grateful.

If I had to guess, you're probably crying right now, having been the first one to have found me. Hell, you're probably sobbing. But I know you have a smile on your face, as you're remembering all the times you smiled at me, and that day you stood up for me. I do regret not ever making an attempt in the slightest to try and get to know you. You seem like a great guy. Maybe the best person in the universe. But hey, what do I know?

I'm sure if I'd made an attempt to talk to you just once, we probably could've been great friends. Fuck, I know we would have. But the thing is, I wanted to talk to you so badly, it hurt. I wanted to get to know you. But I didn't want you to get beat up just for being my friend. And on top of that, no one else would be your friend, and I didn't want to make you sacrifice all of your amazing friends for me. There's no use in that. Especially not now.

If I don't tell you now, you'll never know. And maybe it would be best if you didn't know. But I don't give a shit. I want you to know. I'm in love with you. There. I said it. Happy? I don't even know why I am. I hardly know you. But I know I am. Your smile is the most amazing smile I've ever seen, and lights up any room you walk into. Your fringe always lays just the right way, and frames your beautiful face perfectly. I could get lost in your absolutely gorgeous, chocolate brown eyes all day long and never get bored. I would dream about the feeling of your perfect lips pressed up against mine. How your touch would send sparks all throughout my body. I could sit there and just daydream about you all day, and I don't know why. Because why would someone as perfect as you love someone as useless as me? That's a question I will never be able to answer. But it doesn't matter now does it? I'm sorry you had to find out this way. And I didn't tell you I love you because I wanted you to be sad for me. I told you because I felt that you have the right to know.

Okay. Now. Dan, I need you to stop crying now, okay? Can you do that for me? Because every time I see you cry, my heart breaks into a million pieces. So please, stop crying over me. Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? No? Yeah, I didn't think that would work, damnit. Oh well, at least I got you to laugh a little, or at least smile, right?

Okay, now here's where I get extremely serious. I want you to forget about me, as much as it pains you to do so. Yes, I know it will be hard. But I need you to, because it's for your own good. It's a waste of time having to mourn over me because of how unimportant and insignificant I am. I want you to live a happy life, without me, because you deserve it. I don't know if that means getting married and having kids, or living alone with 27 cats, but whatever it is, make sure you're genuinely happy, okay? You mean so much to me and you always will. I know it will be hard for you to forget about me, even though you hardly knew me. I know that you probably never will forget about me, knowing you. You never forgot that anyone existed. You were always there for everyone, whenever and wherever they needed you.

You were the single most important person in my life, and I will miss you a lot. I'll miss looking up and seeing your amazing smile and sparkling eyes. But this is my own decision to make, and I've chosen my answer. I'm sorry to leave you, I really am. I know you'll never forget about me, no matter how much I want you to and ask you to. So at least always remember this when you think about me: I love you so very much, Daniel Howell.                                         Love always, (Y/N)

I let out a loud sob as I wrote my last sentence. I looked at my scarred, bleeding wrists. I had cut them just before my mum had called to yell at me. The blood had clotted, but I had absentmindedly scratched at them, rubbing it off and making the cuts bleed even more.

I laid the notebook and pen down on top of my coffee table, opened to the beginning of my suicide note. I grabbed the noose I had previously made, and grabbed a chair. I placed it under the ceiling fan, and climbed on top of it. I tied the noose onto the center of the fan, and tugged hard on it, making sure it would hold my weight. It seemed to be strong enough so I slipped it around my neck.

I started counting down.

"5..."

"4..."

"3..."

I was about to whisper "2" when I heard a knock on my apartment door.

"Hey, (Y/N)? It's Dan," someone said.

Shit! Dan! NO! I screamed in my head.

"C'mon (Y/N), I know you're in there. Please let me in," Dan said.

I let out a sob as I whispered, "2..."

"(Y/N), please don't make me break your door down," Dan warned.

"I'm sorry, Dan," I said loud enough for him to hear.

"NO!" I heard Dan shout as I whispered, "I love you, Dan. I'm sorry."

I kicked the chair out from under me and heard Dan scream, "(Y/N)!" as everything went dark.

A/N: Hi, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, the second should be up really soon, I've already written it and stuff but I have to read it over to make sure it's okay haha. Thanks for reading by the way! See you soon!