Matt gives me a sheepish look as I put the pieces together. Matt hasn't been sneaking around with some girl, he's been talking to his mom. His mom! This is so much bigger than my petty jealousy. Yes, I'll admit it, I was jealous. So stupidly jealous that it stopped me from seeing the very real issues Matt has been going through. What a horrible friend I am. So focused on the wrong things. No wonder he's been so distant lately. I haven't been there for him. I've been too wrapped up in my feelings and this...this...silly, I don't know, crush? But is it really a crush? Is that the right word? Does it count as a crush, if you're not even sure it's a crush? Or does the fact that you're contemplating whether it's a crush or not, solidify that it is in fact a crush?

Ugh. There I go again. This is not about me. Matt's mom is back in his life. That's huge, life-changing news. Push it back, Kiers. Matty needs you.

"Why is your mom calling you?"

"Because..."

He stumbles over his words and acts nervous, like he's scared to tell me the truth. God, what happened to us?

"Because," he stutters. "Because she promised me she would."

I shake my head in confusion. There's so much missing information, I don't even know where to start. Even saying there's missing information is inaccurate as hell. There's no missing information. There's no information at all. Who? What? When? Why? How? All the most crucial parts are as nonexistent as dirt on Mr. Purdy's kitchen counter.

"I don't understand."

Matt's eyes shift back and forth and he swallows hard. He's a bit panicked, like he got caught stealing or something.

"Look, it's not a big deal."

He turns his head and turns on his heel. He keeps his head down and quickly brushes past me aside to avoid the subject. Or more likely, to avoid me.

I don't get it. I don't know where I went wrong. Why is he running away from me like this? Who am I kidding? I know why. I changed. I started having feelings I'm not supposed to have. It all started after he got hurt. When we laid next to each other and everything got so confusing. Ever since then, we've been drifting farther and farther apart. I know I shouldn't be so self-absorbed and not take it so personally. I know my feelings don't matter here and I need to get over myself, but I can't lie, it hurts. I wish he would just tell me what's going on.

"Wait."

I grab him by the shoulder and spin him around so he has to look at me.

"Talk to me, Matty."

"I..."

He looks at me with puppy dog eyes. He's sorry. He wants to tell me, but still he hesitates. My fists ball up in frustration. All I want to do is shake him and scream "tell me!" I know how selfish that would be, but I'm so desperate to feel close to him again, that I can barely hold myself back.

"Meet me at the lake later," he spits out and practically runs away, leaving me behind once again.

My heart hurts waiting for Matt by the lake. I pace around, wishing every rustle was him, but it's the just wind. After my fifth lap around the dock, I dip my feet in the cool water as a way to bring me back down to Earth. I try to focus on the beauty of the full moon reflecting off the shimmering water, but I can't stop myself from looking around for any signs of him. It seems like forever, but finally, I see his shadow off in the distance. I turn my head towards the water as he gets closer, hoping to not seem so eager.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey."

He's as quiet as the air around us. I don't want to make the same mistakes I made earlier today. I don't want to push him or make assumptions. If I want to be a good friend, which I do, I need to keep calm and listen. Let him take his time and tell me when he's ready.

Is what I tell myself.

In reality, I get a serious case of word vomit.

"We don't have to talk if you don't want to. We can sit here in silence, if that'll make you feel better. I'm perfectly fine with that. You don't have to tell me a thing. Honestly. Don't feel pressured at all to tell me. It's none of my business really. I mean, sure, I would love to know, but if you're not comfortable..."

"Kiersten," he interrupts, laughing lightly at the irony of me saying we don't have to talk while simultaneously talking a whole bunch. "I want to tell you. I wanted to tell you this whole time. There were so many times when I almost did, but..."

He pauses as I hold my breath and wait on the edge of my seat for his explanation. I can sense it. He's about to tell me. I start to get excited thinking I'll finally know what's going on. But then, things take a left turn and he pulls back.

"I don't know. I didn't."

I nod my head sadly. There's something else there. I know there is. Why won't he let me in?

"Okay."

"Are you mad?"

"No," I shake my head.

It's only a little bit of a lie. Maybe a small part of me is mad, but for the most part, I'm just...heartbroken. Another stitch has been torn from the seams. It won't be long now before the whole thing unravels and I lose him. It hurts. It hurts so badly that I'm forced to come to terms with the truth. I haven't been confused about my feelings for Matt, I've been in denial. I've just been too stubborn to admit it. I've been so afraid of change that I buried it deep inside, hoping we'd stay kids forever and everything would stay the same. We could go on running through the grass without a care in the world and sipping on fresh-squeezed lemonade on his front porch until all our teeth fell out. But change comes whether we like it or not and we all have to grow up eventually.

I try to fight it, but the tears well in my eyes and run down my cheeks in streaks.

"Kiers," he says and gently puts his hand on my shoulder. "Hey. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It's...I'm...I didn't..."

He trips himself up as he tries desperately to explain, but he can't.

"Shit. I hate this." He exclaims in frustration when he can't get the words out. "Why can't anything ever be easy?"

"It used to be," I sniffle with a smile as I wipe the tears away. "Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Slip n' Slides, kickball at recess, celery sticks after school. The good ole days."

Matt smiles as he lets the memories take him back to when life was simple. He even lets out a laugh.

"You liked the celery sticks?" He teases.

"Of course! They were the best! You didn't like the ants on a log?"

"Hell no. Raisins on celery? Freaking gross."

"Omg," I laugh with a roll of my eyes.

I bump him on the shoulder like I have a million times before. He smiles at me the way he always has. Playful and kind and full of warmth. For a split second, it feels just like it did when we were kids. Simple. Easy. Care-free.

But his smile fades and his somber expression returns. The light-airy feeling slips away from us and brings us back to our messy, complicated lives. Matt looks at me, locking my eyes with his. We're fixated on each other, neither of us looking away.

"Kiersten," he whispers softly. "There's something I need to tell you."

I feel the hopeful anticipation all throughout my body. My heart beats so hard against my chest, I can feel it thumping in my ears. My fingertips tingle and my toes feel numb. My body temperature rises, turning my cheeks red and flush. I hold my breath, wishing to hear those three little words. Those three little words that, up until this moment, I didn't know I'd been yearning for. But now, they're all I can think about. I wait for them to roll off his tongue and ring in my ears like the sweetest music.

But, I don't get three little words. Instead, I only get two. Two words that turn my whole world upside down.

"I'm moving."