I'm sitting in my room minding my business when I hear a soft knock on my door. I hesitate to say come in, because I'm almost positive it's my dad. I'm sure he wants to "clear the air" or whatever. I've cooled off a little since last night, now I'm hurt and disappointed more than anything else. It hasn't even been a full day, but I miss Kiersten and I miss my friends.

He knocks again, this time a little more forcefully.

"Hey, bud, can I come in?"

I contemplate telling him to go away, I don't want to talk, but truth be told, I don't want him to be mad at me as much as he doesn't want me to be mad at him.

"Yeah."

He opens the door gingerly and kind of peeks his head in, testing the waters before fully stepping in.

"How ya feeling?"

"Okay."

There's an awkward pause. He senses that I'm not totally over it and debates whether to comment on it, or pretend like nothing's wrong. His first approach is the latter. His second approach is to address it head on.

"There's food downstairs if you want some."

"I'm not all that hungry," I say, an immediate signal to my dad that I am in fact, not okay.

Since his attempt to bribe me with food failed, he takes the opportunity to pull up a chair next to me and talk it out.

"You still mad at me?"

"I'm not mad," I say.

I'm really not. Okay, well, maybe a little, but for the most part, no, I'm not mad. Like I said, I miss my friends.

"I, uh, wanted to give you this back," he says and holds my phone out to me. "I crossed a line, I accept that. I shouldn't have taken it and I'm sorry for that."

I stare at my phone being extended to me. A peace offering, I suppose. I don't take it right away. The phone is the least of my worries.

"You can keep the phone," I say. "You can take my TV, my laptop, whatever you want, I don't care. I want to be able to see Kiersten."

My dad hangs his head and sighs, another failed attempt.

"I know," he says and sets my phone on my desk. "It hurts me to do this, but I can't let you off the hook like that. If you got to set the terms, it wouldn't be much of a punishment, would it?"

"Haven't you punished me enough already? You took my phone, wouldn't let me meet up with my friends, and verbally whooped my ass. I've learned my lesson. Fighting was wrong and I'm never going to do it again. I've apologized, I've accepted full responsibility. Please, can't I see her?"

My dad takes a deep breath and for a split second, I swear I see a twinge of guilt in his eyes. I think maybe he's going to change his mind, but he holds firm.

"I'm sorry," he shakes his head. "No."

I feel the sting of tears bite the back of my eyes and my throat get tight. I fight so hard to stop myself from crying, but it's useless. The cold, salty tears roll down my cheeks against my will. I can't believe I'm not going to be able to hang out with her. Sure, I'll see her in school and I can text or call whenever, but it won't be the same. I don't want to see her for five minutes in between classes or talk to her through a screen. I want to sit under the stars, watch movies with her until she starts to drift off and lays her head on my shoulder, and wander around town on a Sunday morning when the sun starts to break. I don't want her some of the time. I want her all of the time.

I wipe the tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand and turn away from my dad. The last thing I want is for him to see me cry.

"Hey," he says softly.

He reaches out and gently touches my arm. I shrug him off, but he insists on trying to comfort me.

"It's not forever. A week or two tops."

His reassurance doesn't reassure me at all. A week, two weeks, three weeks, what does it matter? I'm never going to get that anyway. Kiersten is my friend. That's it. I doubt she thinks about it even half as much as I do. Or worse, she does think about it. She thinks about it so much she can't hardly sleep. But it's not me she's thinking about.

My stomach lurches at the thought and brings about a fresh wave of tears.

"Matty," my dad says and puts his arm around me. "What's going on, kiddo?"

I don't know what it is, the exhaustion from the last 24 hours or the warm tone of his voice, but it breaks me.

"She'll find someone else to spend her time with and she'll forget about me."

"Hey, don't think like that. There's no way she could ever forget about you. Kiersten would never do that to you. She's always going to be your friend, no matter what."

It's almost too perfect, I have to laugh. Yeah, she will be. She'll always be my friend, and that's exactly what makes it so hard.

"That's the problem."

My dad's ears perk up and he tilts his head to the side.

"What do you mean?"

I sniffle one last time and swallow back the tears. I never in a million years thought I would ever tell someone my true feelings for Kiersten, but I can't keep this up. It's killing me.

"I love her, Dad."

Even though I've loved her for years, it scares me to have said it out loud. It makes it that much more real. It's out there. My dad heard me say it. I can't hide from it anymore.

"Have you told her that?'

"No," I spit out without skipping a beat. "And I'm not going to. Ever."

My dad gives me a pitiful smile and squeezes my shoulder. Despite everything, our fight, the punishment, it makes me feel better. There's no one else I can talk to about this. I can't even imagine carrying on like this, crying and spilling my guts in front of Sal and Teddy. We don't do that. I couldn't even tell them my mom left. They've been my friends for 10 years, and still, I couldn't do it. It felt too personal, too vulnerable. Kiersten had to do it for me.

And Lord knows I couldn't tell Bridgette and Whitney. They'd be running to tell Kiersten the second the words left my mouth.

"Why not?"

"She'll reject me and it'll ruin everything. I'll lose her for sure."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

"Unless you talk to her and tell her how you feel, there's no way you could know that."

"I can't risk it. I need her in my life more than anything."

"I understand," my dad sighs. "But if it's hurting you this bad, maybe...maybe you should take a breather. It's okay to tell her you need some space to figure things out. You don't have to tell her specifics, just that you need to clear your head. If you start to get overwhelmed, you can even use me as an excuse. I don't mind being the bad guy if it means you get the time you need to sort your feelings out."

I nod my head and try my best to listen, but the words gloss over me. Stepping away from Kiersten is something that has never even crossed my mind. Honestly, I don't think I could even if I wanted to.

"And you know you can talk to me about anything."

"Thanks, Dad," I say weakly.

"All right," he exhales, slaps his hands on his knees, and changes the subject. "I'm starved. How 'bout we get some food in our stomachs?"

"Um..."

I'm starved too, but my eyes dart to my phone. It lays there on my desk, tempting me. It knows what I really want. My dad will be downstairs, I'll be alone. A few quick clicks and I could have Kiersten on the other line. Pathetic, I know, but I can't help it. The girl has a serious chokehold on my heart.

"Give me a second."

My dad nods his head slowly. I think he knows I'm planning on calling Kiersten, and after our talk, I think it hurts him that I didn't take his advice. But he doesn't say anything. At least not directly.

"All right," he says. "I want you to think about what I said though, okay?"

Once again I nod my head and pretend I'm listening. In reality, the only thing I'm thinking about is finally getting to talk to her again.