Three sharp knocks echoed through the apartment. 

My hands, which had been frantically trying to control the wild curls of my hair, stilled. I glanced towards the small dining room table that took up half of the kitchen. Again. A fond smile played on my lips as I let my hair cascade back down my back.

Straightening, I grasped the wrapped sandwich as I hurried to the door on stockinged feet.

Then, as I unbolted the door and threw it open, I teased, "I can't believe you left it again. I'm beginning to think you're doing this on -."

My heart stilled briefly in my chest and, for a second, I forgot to breathe.

There were moments that could turn your entire life upside down. They usually came when you least expected them. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. The last big moment was so huge, it transformed all of my future plans. And now, it was happening all over again. 

The sandwich dropped from my nerveless fingers to splat onto the floor. Trembling, I stretched out my hand and gently touched the face staring down at me. It was the face that haunted my dreams. The face that made my soul ache when it disappeared each time I woke up in the morning only to see another laid on the pillow across from me.

He was warm. His beard coarse.

He was real. 

My fingers drifted to the new lines which now surrounded his eyes. He was the same but also different. His shoulders were broader and yet,  somehow, he seemed smaller.

It's still my Victor.

"Oh, thank you God." I whispered reverently, my eyes lifting to the cracked ceiling before being drawn straight back to his face. "You're alive. You're really here. "

"It's me, Flora."

My soul, which had been broken and bleeding for months, was suddenly lighter as relief flooded every part of me. I rushed forwards, my body slamming into his before I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck.

"I can't believe you're really here." My cheek pressed against his chest, the reassuring thud of his heart beat strong against my cheek. "I went down to the docks when the Carpathia came in. I watched as they unloaded all of the passengers. I checked all of those lists a thousand times and your name was there but I couldn't find you. I thought they had made a mistake. I thought you were gone. It was the only reason I could think of that you wouldn't come home to me."

"I know. I'm sorry."

The words were spoken softly into my hair but they may as well have been shouted. It took a moment for them to truly register. My body stiffened in his hold. Then, unwrapping my arms from his neck, I pushed against his chest even as I backed up a step.

My face twitched as the sandwich squished beneath my foot, cold even through the stockings.

"You know? You're sorry?" I questioned, propping a hand on the doorframe to keep steady. "What does that even mean, Victor?"

He swallowed loudly. "I saw you... at the docks."

"You saw me? And you didn't say anything?" I asked, my throat tight. "You let me walk away. You let me think you were dead. You let me live a year in hell thinking the love of my life was gone."

"I'm sorry, Flora."

"You're sorry? Is that all you have to say? Why would you do this, Vic? What did I ever do to you?"

"Nothing, I swear." He stretched out a hand towards me. I flinched away.

"It's not you, it's me, right?" I snorted and backed up another step. "I may not have stepped out with as many people as you, Victor, but I am no-one's fool. If you didn't want to marry me, you could have just told me. Why did you do this? Why did you have to be so cruel?"

A door opened down the hall. Elderly Mrs Mason stuck her head around the doorjamb, her white hair tucked carefully beneath a silk scarf. 

"Everything all right out here?"

I nodded my head and forced my lips up into a poor imitation of a smile. "It's good, Mrs Mason. Thank you for checking up on me."

"If you're sure?"

"I am."

"Okay, dear." Mrs Mason started to back into her apartment before she paused. "Oh, and Flora? Can you ask that husband of yours to come and look at my door? It's not shutting properly again."

"Of course, Mrs Mason."

She disappeared inside, her door remaining ajar.

I was certain there was nothing wrong with her door. She was just being nosy. It was her favourite hobby after all.

Sighing, I glanced back up. Victor was pale, as if all blood had been drained from his body. His eyes held the world of pain as he stared at my hand. 

"You have a husband. You're married," he whispered.

My stomach knotted. A part of me instantly wanted to apologise – as if I had been in the wrong. I opened my mouth to do just that before I closed it abruptly.

I folded my arms across my chest, my thumb absently playing with the thin band now wrapped around my finger.  Then, after releasing a slow breath, I sighed.

"What did you expect, Vic? You didn't want me. Are you surprised that someone else did?" I swallowed and glanced away. "I thought you were gone and it broke me. It broke me so badly, I didn't think I would make it without you. I had to find a way."

His hands clenched at his sides. "It wasn't like that. I swear to you, Flora. It was never about you."

"It feels like it was about me. You took my heart and you crushed it. And then you left it out in the ocean with that damned ship." A tear seeped from the corner of my eye and rolled down my cheek. "Why did you come back? Why now? I'm finally starting to be happy. Couldn't you let me have that?"

"I wasn't trying to hurt you."

"Well, you are." My fingers bit into my arms as I glared up at him. "And what about your mom? She was devastated. Does she even know you are alive?"

Victor glanced away. "I've been staying with her."

My stomach churned. She wouldn't? She couldn't? Not after those terrible weeks of uncertainty. How could she betray me like this? How could he?

"I only want to know one thing. Why? Why did you do it Vic? Why did you do this to us?"

"I was ashamed, okay?" He shook his head back and forth, a tear seeping from the corner of his eye. "You don't know what it was like. It was so damn cold. I've never been so cold in my life. The kind of cold that seeps into your very bones."

He shivered, his eyes becoming wide as he became lost in the horror.

"It's the funny thing about the top hat club. They never notice us white coats. I was pouring their drinks and they spoke as if I wasn't even there. They knew the boat was going down almost straight away. They knew there weren't enough boats." He drew in a shaky breath. "Do you know what it's like to know you're going to die – that most of the people around you are going to die – hours before it happens? Instead, I had to watch them all walking about the ship, oblivious to what was coming, while those with the right connections had an escape plan at the ready."

"I don't understand. What has that got to do with us?"

Victor swallowed. "I always thought I would be the type of person to put my life on the line if the situation called for it. I always thought I would sacrifice myself for another." He shook his head back and forth once more, his voice cracking as he said. "But I was a coward. I didn't want to die."

"Victor, it's okay." I stretched out a hand towards him, my eyes focused on his trembling shoulders." I think everyone on the Titanic would have been scared in your position. You're not a coward."

"No, I'm worse than a coward. Because of me, another man is dead."  Victor confessed quietly.

My eyes darted to Mrs Mason's ajar door, all too aware that she was probably lurking just on the other side listening to our entire conversation. "What do you mean?"

"I gave one of the gentlemen a few more helpings of whisky than was strictly necessary. I knew Mr Branson would fall asleep after a few. He always did. And then, once he was asleep, I swapped our clothes. When I got to the boats, it was so easy. They thought I was first class. They just let me on without question."

I swallowed. "That doesn't mean anything. He might have made it off of the ship. He might have survived.

And even as I said it, he was shaking his head. A solitary tear spilled from the corner of his eye and trailed down his cheek.

"It was so loud at first. In the darkness, we could hear it all. Their screams. Their panic. I can't get the sounds out of my head. And then, it was quiet. Too quiet." He drew in a shuddering breath. "I helped them go back to look for survivors. How could I not?  I shouldn't have been alive. I should have been in the water with the rest of them."

"Victor? Don't say that. I-. I can't even imagine what that would have been like but-."

"He was there. In the water. He was still in my clothes, his eyes staring up at me." Victor swallowed, his hand swiping away his tears. "It's my fault. He died because of me."

"You don't know that," I protested, but the words were hollow. His actions had directly caused the end of someone else's life. Sure, he didn't sink the ship but he took away the man's only hope for survival. "Why didn't you come to me? I would have understood."

"Don't you see?" He ran his hand over his face before dropping it back to his side. "I couldn't come back. It would have tainted you too. My weakness ended a man's life. How could I expect you to stand by my side when I could barely stand to look at my own reflection? How can I expect God to forgive me?" 

I swallowed. "Then why come back? Why come back now?"

"Isn't it obvious? I came back because I love you, Flora." Victor stepped close. "I've been miserable without you."

The words were like a physical blow. They were words I had wanted to hear for the past year. And yet, hearing them now, it was like a stab to the heart. I stared resolutely at his chest until his finger gently lifted my face. Just the way he used to.

"I want you back, Flora. I don't want to live my life without you."

My eyes scrunched closed as I shook my head. My heart meshed back together in one second before being torn apart once more in the next. Because, even though this man was the other part of my soul, he had already made the choice for us.

Opening my eyes, I lifted my hand and wrapped it around his. I memorised this moment. The look in his eyes, the warmth of his hand in mine, and the scent that was uniquely his. Then, turning his hand, I pressed a lingering kiss to his palm before backing away.

His hand flopped back to his side.

"I'm sorry, Victor. I can't. I meant what I said before. You left us back in that ocean – you let it sink with that damned ship."

"Wait, Flora."

"I'm married, Victor. I meant those vows when I spoke them before God and I mean them now." I sniffled loudly before giving a sad smile. "He's not you but he's a good man. One of the best men I've ever met."

"Do you love him?"

I swallowed and nodded. "I do."

Victor nodded his head slowly. "I should go."

He backed a step away from me and then another. My heart clenched within my chest. "Wait, Victor."

"Yes?"

I reached up to my neck and gently pulled the chain over my head, the Saint Christopher pendant dangling on the end. "Take this. I have a feeling you'll need this more than I do."

He gently took the necklace from me, his fingertips brushing against mine. Our eyes met and in that single glance, I knew. This was it. This was the last time we would meet.

"Goodbye, Victor."

"Goodbye, Flora."

And then he walked away. Only this time, I wouldn't be waiting for his return. This time it was for forever.