Hindi pa rin maialis sa isip ko ang naging pag-uusap namin ni Emilio Aguinaldo kahit ilang araw na ang lumipas. Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang nagawa kong kalabanin ang isang taong tulad niya. At that time, nawala ang takot ko. Napalitan ito ng galit.

I understood what he said. The leader is at the pinnacle of the organization. But he is also its slave. And in order to ensure the survival of the organization, he must be willing to commit any atrocities. But that is a twisted principle. I maybe called a heartless person before, which is not true, but betraying the person who treated you as an ally is the worse. Alam ko namang kapakanan lang ng katipunan ang iniintindi niya kaya nagagawa niya ang mga bagay na to. Alam kong gusto niya ring makalaya ang bayang 'to mula sa mga gapos ng mga kastila, but aren't we all the same? Lahat naman ng pilipino sa panahong 'to ay gustong makalaya mula sa pang-aalipin. Can't he work with everyone? Hindi naman kinakailangang pabagsakin niya pa si Andres. I can't believe that he was called a national hero, when in fact, all he did was be greedy.

I was too consumed by anger that time na hindi ako nagdalawang-isip na sabihin kay Andres ang mga nalaman ko. But before I could do that, Karlos appeared right in front of me  like the wild mushroom he was.

"You're being reckless again, Kristin."

"Out of my way, brat." I commanded and pushed him aside but he appeared in front of me again. Padabog akong huminto sa paglalakad at napabuntong-hininga, "What do you want?"

"I told you not to interfere. Ako ang makakalaban mo," he warned.

"I don't care. I'll just warn them."

"And by warning them, you'll be telling Bonifacio about Aguinaldo's plan. And by doing so, you'll be telling him about his future—"

"I don't fucking care!" I yield, unable to control my anger. "Change the future, prevent what is fated, I don't care! Bonifacio's arrest will lead to a bloody battle. Marami sa mga tao dito ang mamamatay!" I bit my lower lip to prevent myself from crying. I wanted to look strong. I wanted to be strong. But I betrayed myself. Tears fell and my voice started to quiver. Naramdaman ko ang panghihina ng aking mga tuhod. "M-maaaring kasama doon sina Antonio. Maaaring kasama doon ang mga taong mahalaga sakin. I would never let that happen, Karlos."

I saw how his frown turned into irritation. "Makikialam ka sa nakaraan! Hindi ba't sinabi ko na sayo na maaaring kang mabura sa hinaharap?" He drew nearer, "Kristin, may mga taong naghihintay sayo sa hinaharap. Hindi kita dinala sa nakaraan upang iligtas ang mga tao dito. Hindi mo sila responsibilidad. Dinala kita dito upang makilala mo ang sarili mo, upang iligtas mo ang sarili mo at hindi ang magpakabayani."

Natauhan ako. I remembered my parents. My kuya Kevin. Karlos was right. I still have my family.

Lumambot ang ekspresyon sa mukha ni Karlos. Ang mga pagod nitong mga mata ay dumapo sakin. "Think about it, Kristin. Would you risk your chance to be with your family again for something that has already happened? Leave everything as it is, Kristin. Aguinaldo may be powerful now, but time is more powerful."

Naramdaman ko ang pagbigat ng aking dibdib. Muling nagsituluan ang mga luha mula saking mata. Hindi ko na alam. A moment ago, I was too confident. I was ready to tell Andres about his future demise, that I forgot about the consequences. I forgot about another precious people in my life. The people who's with me from the very start.

I don't know, Karlos... I don't know.

Ang nakaraan o ang hinaharap... Kahit ano naman ang piliin ko, magiging makasarili pa rin naman ako.

Napahiga ako sa damuhan. Katatapos lang naming mananghalian at agad akong pumunta sa pwesto kung saan kami nagkwentuhan noon ni Emilio. Sa ilalim ng puno malapit sa sapa kung saan madalas maglaba ng damit sila Amor. Presko ang hangin sa lugar dahil natatakpan ng malalagong dahon ng puno ang kinahihigaan ko. Small rays of sunlight pierced though the leaves. I raised a hand as if reaching the lights. 

Hanggang ngayon, I was still hesitating. Sa tuwing makakasalubong ko si Andres ay natatahimik ako. Madalas ko na din itong iniiwasan. Napansin na rin ni Antonio ang madalas kong pagkatulala. He asked if I was okay but I managed to give him a reassuring smile. Pero alam kong hindi siya naniniwalang ayos lang ako dahil kahit na abala sila sa mga preparasyon para sa pagbalik sa Maynila ay humahanap pa rin siya ng oras para magkasama kami. Masyadong occupied ang isipan ko kaya halos hindi ko na napapansin ang efforts niya na pasiglahin uli ako.

Gusto ko siyang palaging makasama, kahita minu-minuto gusto kong palagi akong nasa tabi niya. But everytime I look at his face, my chest starts to hurt. Wala pa rin akong sagot sa tanong ni Karlos. Karlos wants me to choose. I have to choose between Antonio and my family. If I choose to stay here, I'll be with Antonio, with the man I love. I'll be with the people that are important to me. If I choose to  go back to my timeline. I'll be with my family again. Everyone I've met in this period, will forget that I ever existed. Even Antonio.

I squeezed my eyes shut. "This is hard," I whispered. Choosing is harder than I thought. Kung pinili ko ang isa, mawawala naman sakin ang isa.

I sighed, "If only I could choose both."

I opened my eyes when I heard yhe smooth and gentle strumming of a guitar. I sat down and looked for the source of the sound. I smiled when my gaze landed on the most dazzling man I've ever met.

"Antonio.."

He gave me a smile. He continued strumming the guitar producing a soothing melody as he drew nearer towards me.

Hindi ko inalis ang tingin sa kanya. Hindi niya rin inalis ang tingin niya sakin. Kahit na walang mga salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya, he's telling me the his message through his guitar and his gaze. Tinapos niya ang awitin nang makalapit siya sakin. Isinandal niya ang gitara sa puno at naupo sa tabi ko.

"Para saan 'yun?" I asked.

Ngumiti siya, "Harana sana. Ngunit hindi ako marunong umawit, hanggang pagtugtog lamang ako ng gitara." Napahimas siya ng batok na tila ba nahihiya.

"Salamat," I commented. "Ang gaan sa pakiramdam sa tuwing naririnig kitang tumutugtog."

Napatingin siya sakin at sumilay na naman ang isang ngiti. Just seeing him smile brightens up my day, I thought. Pero may iba sa ngiti nito ngayon. It was not his usual bright smile. This time it was dull. I searched his face and I noticed how his brows curled up. There were dark circles around his eyes. Para bang kulang ito sa tulog. His shoulders were slumped.  He looks tired.

Inayos ko ng pag-upo then I patted my lap, "Antonio, magpahinga ka kaya muna. Mahiga ka dito."

His eyes widened. He distanced himself from me and he waved his hand in front of him. "Hindi na, Kristin. Hindi pa naman ako pagod."

Napahimas siya sa kanyang batok. There goes his mannerism again whenever he's shy or nervous. I chuckled, "Ang cute mo pag ganyan ka."

He lightly tilted his head, "P-paumanhin ngunit hindi ko naintindihan."

Isang ngiti lang ang isinagot ko. The wind blew and both of us went silent. I stared at him and explored every corner his face. His dark and messy haur that is soft to touch. Those thick brows that made him look like a serious yet kind person. His droopy, dark brown eyes with black orbs so deep you could down if you dive in. His long lashes that's the envy of every girl. His tall nose that complimented his perfectly sculpted jaw.

My eyes dropped to his lips. Ang mga labing nahalikan ko na.

Nagulat siya ng bigla ko siyang niyakap. "K-Kristin?"

I didn't answer him. Niyakap ko siya ng mas mahigpit. I could feel the fast beating of his heart against mine.

I may not have chosen yet but I'll take Karlos' advice. I'll cherish every moment I have with Antonio and the others. 

-

Days from now, we will leave Limbon and go back to Manila. Ang desisyong to ng supremo ay dahil na din siguro  sa naging outcome ng Tejeros convention. I mean, I saw how infuriated he was. Hindi man niya ipahalata sa mga kasamahan niya, he was angry. Which is very understandable since it looked like a betrayal, well it was indeed a way to eliminate him. Saka, Antonio is very observant. I noticed it before. Kaya naikwento niya sakin ang mga napapansin niya sa supremo.

I wonder what'll happen once we move to Manila. /Move to Manila?/ Will it ever happen? Well, pwede namang mangyari, kung may gagawin ako. I can prevent /that/ fateful event from happening but I don't have the power to do so. I'm just a mere human violating the laws of physics thanks to some bratty divinity.

Natigil ako sa paglilinis ng mesa nang biglang may mabigat na bagay na nahulog mula sa kwarto. I wiped my hands on my skirt and rushed towards the room.

"Nenita," nag-aalalang sambit ko nang makitang nakaupo ito sa sahig. She was clutching her chest and she looked like she was in pain. I quickly rushed to her side, "Nenita, anong nangyari?"

"B-bigla akong kinapos ng hininga. H-hindi ko alam kung bakit."

I helped her stand up and led her to the bed beside us. Lumabas ako ng silid at kumuha ng tubig saka ito pinainom sa kanya.

"Magpahinga ka kaya muna?" I suggested.

"H-hindi. Nangako ako sa lakambini na tutulong ako sa paghahanda ng mga pagkain para sa mga bisita ng supremo," she said. Her breathing was ragged. I touched her forehead and it was boiling hot.

I shook my head, "May lagnat ka. Mas makakabubuti kung magpapahinga ka muna."

"Pero—"

"Ako na ang gagawa ng mga gawain mo. Wala naman na kong gagawin."

Dahil mapilit ako ay hindi na nakatanggi si Nenita. Kanina may dumating na mga bisita si Andres. I wasn't able to see them dahil nasa may sapa kami ni Antonio. But I heard they were officers in the Katipunan. Andres has been having a lot of visitors lately. I wonder who could it be this time?

Before heading to Andres' hut, inasikaso ko muna si Nenita. Sinabihan ko din si Amor na siya na muna ang bahalay kay Nenita dahil wala ang ama nito. Pagdating ko doon ay wala pa sina Andres. He must've toured his visitors. I helped Oryang and the others prepare dinner for the visitors. Everyone here are good people. They're very hospitable. Kahit na kakarampot lang ang maio-offer nila, they still do it.

Nang makarating na sina Andres ay umalis na ako ng kusina, which is a makeshift kitchen outside Andres' hut, at dinala ito sa loob ng kubo kung saan ini-entertain ni Andres ang mga bisita. The others were outside giving food to the visitors' men.

Andres was sitting along with his brothers, Procopio and Ciriaco. Sitting parallel to them are two men. The one sitting parallel to Andres was fat and looks like he was in his late forties. Habang ang katabi nito ay payat at intsik. They were both wearing fatigue uniforms.

I quitely placed the foods on the table without giving them a glance. For some reason, my chest suddenly felt heavy.

"Naku, binibining Kristin, tutulungan na kita," Ciriaco offered.

"Hindi na. Kaya ko na po ito," I refused.

Hindi na nakipagtalo pa si Ciriaco at binigyan na lamang ako ng ngiti bago muling naupo.

"Aba'y napakaganda naman pala ng mga tauhan mo dito, supremo," the fat guy commented with his eyes fuxed on me.

Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong mapairap, I know I'm beautiful. I get that a lot.

Andres chuckled, "Hindi ko sila tauhan. Sila'y kapamilya ko na rin, Koronel Yntong."

"Napakadakila mo talaga, supremo."  The fat guy removed his gaze from me. Umalis ako para kunin ang inumin nila.

"Sino nga pala yung mga bisita ng supremo?" I asked Oryang the moment I got out.

Ibinigay niya sakin ang lalagyan ng tubig. "Sina Koronel Bonzon at Heneral Paua," maikling sagot nito. She's been quite ever since we started preparing the foods. Nagagawa pa din naman niyang ngumiti ngunit hindi umamabot sa mata niya.

"O-Oryang, namumutla ka. Ayos ka lang?" nag-aalala kong tanong.

"Ayos lang. Bigla lang bumigat ang pakiramdam ko."

Same thing I felt the moment I laid my eyes on the visitors.

"Sandali, ihahatid ko lang to at ako na ang gagawa niyan para makapagpahinga ka na," I volunteered.

"Hindi na, Kristin—"

"Oryang, I'll spend my remaining days here to help you. So, let me." I said with a reassuring smile on my face.

Hindi ko na siya hinayaang magsalita at pumasok na sa kubo. If Oryang understood english, siguro kukulitin ako nun tulad ni Corazon. But I'm glad she doesn't. Pero, mukhang nagtataka na din siya. Isang hindi pamilyar na lenggwahe ba naman ang gamit ko.

"Bakit hindi ka na lamang manatili sa Yndang, supremo. Maraming bigas rito," I stopped when I heard Bonzon's voice. I decided to listen to their conversation behind the wall.

Andres sighed, "Mukhang hindi naman ako tanggap ng Yndang o ng Cavite. Sa totoo lang, hindi naging maganda ang trato sakin at sa aking kasamahan ng karamihan rito. Hindi man lamang kami nakahingi ng pondo nang hindi nakakatanggap ng masamang tingin."

Antonio told me about this before. The Katipunan's funds came from donations and solicits. May isang pangyayari noon nung pumunta sila sa bayan ng Yndang para sana humingi ng kakarampot na salapi para sa operasyon ng Katipunan. They did receive what they were asking but rumours started spreading about them using violence or threat to obtain money.

"Hingi nga ba o... nikil?" Bonzon tried to make it sound like a joke but there was still a hint of mockery in his voice. And it annoyed the hell out of me.

"Hindi ko kayang gumawa ng isang bagay na sisira sa tiwala sakin ng aking mga kasamahan at ng taong-bayan, koronel," Andres answered. "Ako'y may pangakong pinanghahawakan. At kahit kailan, hindi ko ito sisirain. May tungkulin akong dapat gampanan, at gagampanan ko ito ng marangal."

Antonio was right, Andres is indeed someone to look up to. That was all I wanted to hear. Those stories antagonizing him, those were wrong.

Umalis na ako mula sa pagkakasanda sa pader at pumunta na sa hapagkainan. Napansin kong napahinto sila sa pag-uusap kaya inilagay ko na ang inumin sa ibabaw ng mesa.

"Maraming salamat, hija."

I gave Andres a smile, "Walang anuman po."

He's indeed a great hero.

Before I excused myself, I took a glance on the guy that was quite the whole dinner. Nakasandal ito sa upuan at nakatingin sa supremo while tapping his fingers on the table. He must be Paua. He sure is quite.

I flinched when his eyes tuned towards me. Agad ko namang inalis ang tingin sa kanya at lumabas ng hapagkainan.

What the hell? It sent shivers down my spine. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko at mas lalong bumigat ang aking pakiramdam. Napahinto ako at napatingin sa sahig habang nanlalaki ang mata. For a moment, everything went blank. Halos mabingi na ko sa

What the hell? Why am I feeling like this? What's this suppose to mean?

"Kristin, anong nangyayari?"

Bigla akong nahimasmasan nang marinig ko ang boses ni Antonio. I felt his warm hands holding both my arms to support me.

"A-Antonio?"

"Masama ba ang pakiramdam mo? Bigla kang huminto akala ko matutumba ka kaya agad kitang nilapitan," he explained. He was worried.

I cleared my throat saka inayos ang tayo, "Hindi. Ayos lang. N-nahilo lang ata ako."

"Magpahinga ka na."

"Hindi, Antonio—"

"Sige na, Kristin. Huwag mo ng pagurin ang sarili mo. Andami mo ng nagawa ngayong araw," Oryang spoke. Tatanggi pa sana ako pero pinilit na ako ni Oryang. I was supposed to help her.

I sighed before nodding. I need time to think anyway.

Bonzon and Paua, who are they?

April 28, 1897

A sunny morning. It was summer. The breeze was warm. The trees leaves were lusciously green. The scent of the dry soil spread to the air. The sounds of roosters was telling everyone to wake up. But I woke up from the loud gunshot.

That sunny morning, the leaves were painted red.

-

Short update sorry.

So, yeah. Yehet! We've reached the beginning of the end. Whut. 😂So yeah, malapit na kapit lang mga bes. Sana nga lang mamotivate uli ako at nang matapos ko na talaga. 😂

-

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