Tatlong araw na ang lumipas nung umalis sina Antonio. Three days have passed and I kept myself busy. I helped Aling Isay with the chores which I haven't done in my eighteen years of existence. I played with the kids that lived near ALing Isay's house. I don't like kids because they annoy me, but I don't know what's gotten into me that I enjoyed playing with them. I also read the whole chapter about the Philippine Revolution. I get easily bored when reading history books, but then again, I don't know what the hell has gotten into me that I finished the whole chapter until my phone ran ouot of battery.

Three days have passed, and I'm here again. Waiting.

'Di ko na talaga maintindihan ang sarili ko. This is the first time I worried about someone. The first time I cared for someone na 'di ko naman kadugo. At sa taong kakakilala ko pa lang. This is not normal. Not normal at all!

"Kristin." napalingon ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses.

"Mang Nestor."

Naglakad siya palapit sakin, "Bakit nasa labas ka pa, hija? Masama sa babae ang manatili sa labas kapag ganito na kalalim ang gabi." nang makalapit ay ibinigay niya sakin ang hawak na kumot. "Ipinabibigay ni Isay, malamig at baka magkalagnat ka."

"Salamat po."

Naupo si Mang Nestor sa tabi ko, "Hinihintay mo pa rin ba si Antonio?"

Natigilan ako sa tanong nito. Naramdaman ko naman na uminit ang magkabilang pisngi ko.

I am waiting for Antonio.

Nakayuko akong tumango. Napatawa naman si Mang Nestor, "Alam mo, hija, bagay kang asawa ng aking apo."

"H-ha?!"

"Haha! Biro lang, hija. Biro lang."

Nagharumentado ang puso ko dahil sa sinabi ni Mang Nestor. Me? Antonio's wife? Just the thought of it made my heart go nuts. I mean- What the hell? That's just impossible. I'm not from this timeline. I'm from the future and he's from the past. That wouldn't happen.

I mentally slapped myself. Why am I thinking about marriage? Eighteen palang ako, what the hell?

"Pero gusto ko na ang magiging kabiyak ng aking apo ay isang tulad mo."

I faked a cough, can we stop the marriage thing? It's really awkward. "M-mang Nestor, 'di po ba kayo nag-aalala kay Antonio?" pag-iiba ko ng usapan.

Matagal bago sumagot ang matanda, "Nag-aalala. Sa katunayan ay gusto ko ng himatayin dahil sa sobrang pag-aalala. Pero may tiwala ako sa panginoon. Alam kong hindi niya hahayaang mapahamak ang aking anak." tumingin siya sakin at ngumiti, "Ganoon din ang iyong gawin, hija. Manalig ka at magiging maayos ang lahat."

Sa kabila ng dilim ng paligid ay maririnig mo sa boses ni Mang Nestor ang pag-aalala. This the first time that Antonio engaged in a battle. All parents would feel that way.

I've seen mom and dad in that state before. Nung nakidnap si kuya, sa kabila ng pagiging kalamado ay bakas pa rin ang pag-aalala nila. I've seen how desperate they were just to see Kuya Kevin, but they remained calm.

I understand what Mang Nestor feels right now.

Tumayo ang matanda at nag-inat, "Sumasakit na ang aking likod. Hija, huwag ka ng magtagal rito sa labas at pumasok na. Oh, pano? Mauna na ako sa loob."

Ngumiti ako at tumango. Nang makapasok na si Mang Nestor ay napabuntong-hininga ako. I looked at the sky.

I could see the milky way. The sky was so bright because of the stars. The fireflies added light in the darkness of the night. The cold mignight breeze is soothing but it couldn't calm my heart.

"Antonio, what's taking you so long?" I whispered hoping it would reach him.

Ilang sandali pa akong nanatili sa labas bago ko nagdesisyunang pumasok. I stood up and stretched my body. Damn. My back hurts.

I was about to take a step when I heard the sound of foot steps coming from somewhere. Oh God. It's not something evil, right? The torches from other houses are off, so yeah, it's dark. The light of the moon isn't enough to scare the evil thing walking towards me.

I gulped before looking at the source. Please be something good, please, please, please, please-

My eyse grew wide as I hitched my breath.

I could feel my heart beat fast as if it wanted to jump out of my shest. I could feel my knees turning gellos.

Lahat ng pag-aalala ay biglang naglaho and was replaced by longingness.

At last,

"Antonio.."

The person I've been wanting to see these past three days is right here in front of me.

"K-kristin? Bakit hindi ka pa natutulog? T-teka.." he put down his bolo and walked towards me. "Umiiyak ka na naman."

I stared at him. He's got a cut on his lips and a wound on his forehead. His shoulder was wrapped with a white cloth.

He was about to wipe my tears pero pinalo ko siya sa dibdib. Napangiwi naman siya sa sakit, "A-aray.."

"What took you so long?" I asked as another batch of tears came rolling down my cheeks. "Bakit antagal mong umuwi? Ba't andami mong sugat? What the hell were you thinking going to that war?" while asking him those questions, tears keep rolling down my cheeks.

"Kristin.. Sabihin mo sakin kung anong prob-"

"I was darn worried, idiot! I was freaking worried I couldn't even sleep a wink!" I started punching his chest, but I didn't put force in it. Pakiramdam ko nanghihina ako. "Idiot. Idiot. Idiot! I thought you won't come back! Don't make me worry like that again! I fucking hate the feeling! I hate worrying about other people! It's.. It's suffocating."

"Kristin." I backed away from him and wiped my tears.

I inhaled, "Sit down, Antonio. Umupo ka dun." I pointed the wooden bench I was sitting a while ago.

Without saying a word, he did what I told him.

"Now, d'yan ka lang. 'Wag kang aalis hangga't 'di ako nakakabalik. You hear?" I didn't wait for him to answer. I started walking towards the entrance of the house.

Antonio's safe. I'm glad. The heavy weight that lingered in my chest for the past three days was now gone. Darn it.

I wiped my tears saka pumasok ng bahay. I went my room at kumuha ng puting tela. Then I went to the kitchen at kinuha ang isang basin. I put water in it then poured hot water.

Tahimik ang buong bahay. Tulog na siguro sila Aling Isay.

Nang makuha ko na ang kailangan ko ay bumalik na ako sa labas. I've seen how Aling Isay cleaned a kid's wound yeaterday. I put down the basin on the wooden bench and dipped the cloth in the warm water.

"A-ako na." Antonio said at akmang kukunin ang hawak kong tela.

"No, ako na." I insisted. "Hubarin mo damit mo."

Nakita kong nanlaki ang mga mata niya, "H-huwag na. A-ayos lang. Ako na. M-magpahinga ka na."

I sighed and looked at him directly in the eyes, "Antonio, please. Let me. Kung meron mang dapat magpahinga sating dalawa, hindi ako 'yun. Ikaw. Now, hayaan mo na ako."

Tinitigan niya muna ako bago ito tumango at nag-iwas ng tingin. He removed his shirt at humarap sakin. As much as I want to drool because he's got such a nice body, I can't. Halos manlumo ako nang makitang nagmantsa ang dugo sa puting telang nakabalot sa kanyang balikat.

I looked at him again. He was just looking somewhere. How can he be so calm?

I gently removed the cloth on his shoulder. Napapansin ko din ang pagngiwi niya. I gasped when I saw the wound. It was caused by a gunshot. I've seen different types of wound. I watched lots of medical movies from hollywood. "Natanggal na ba ang bala dito?" Instead of answering, he just nodded. "Then, why didn't they stitch it? Ba't 'di nakasara ang sugat? You just prevented the bleeding but not the bacteria. Alam mo bang pwedeng magcause ng infection 'yan?"

"P-pasensya na.."

"Aish!" I put the dirty cloth aside saka kinuha ang basang tela. I started cleaning his wound. "Kailangan mo din ingatan ang sarili mo. Dapat nung natamaan ka na ng bala, nagpagamot ka agad." I paused and stared at his wound, "You could've died, you know?"

Napayuko si Antonio, "Hindi ko magawa."

"What?"

"Ang mga kaya pang tumayo ay kailangan tulungan ang mga malulubha ang kalagayan." Napansin ko ang pagtaas baba ng balikat nito.

"A-Antonio, a-anong ng nangyari?" I asked. I looked at his face and my heart felt like it was shattered into tiny little pieces. The first time I saw him cry.

And I already hate it.

"Natalo kami. Mabilis na dumating ang mga dagdag na puwersa ng mga Kastila. M-maramisa aking mga kasamahan ang nasawi."

I gripped the cloth I was holding. The book was right. The Katipuneros, unaware of the Spaniards, had taken their plan of revolution very seriously. The Spanish Army use force and authority to hinder their attacks. Spain won over the Katipuneros at the very fiirst battle.

Antonio continued weeping for his fallen comrades and all I could do was pat his back. I don't know how to comfort someone. I don't know what to say. I'm the worst.

After their first battle, marami-rami pang mga laban ang matatalo sila. Their is a high possiblity na mapahamak si Antonio.

I inhaled. I put the cloth down, "Say, Antonio. How about.. Paano kung 'wag ka ng sumali sa laban?" I can't change history. I can't interfere with the past. And I'm no hero. I can't save everyone. But.. I can save Antonio. "K-kung umalis ka na kaya sa Katipunan?"

Nag-angat siya ng tingin. His eyes are red from crying. His cheeks are wet. Pinahid niya ang luha saka umiling, "Hindi maari."

"Pero.. Antonio. Mapapahamak ka. Isipin mo nalang sila Aling Isay."

"Ginagawa ko ito para sa kanila, sa inyo. Ganoon din ang ibang kasapi ng katipunan. Handa naming isakripisyo ang sarili namin makamtan lamang ang kalayaan."

You would go to that extent for this country?

"Ginagawa namin ito upang matapos na ang pang-aalipin ng mga kastila. Hindi kami titigil."

You would still sacrifice yourself after what this country did to your mother?

"Kung titigil kami, sino ang kikilos? Sino ang kikibo?"

You still won't give up after seeing your comrades die?

"Lalaban kami."

Napayuko ako at kinagat ang ibabang labi, " Why? Why would you go to such extent just for this country? Bakit, Antonio?"

"Dahil mahal ko ang bansang ito. At kahit na ilang beses akong pagtaksilan at biguin ng bayan ko, hindi ako matitinag dahil ito ang aking bayang sinilangan."

He said those words with great dignity.

This country failed me. I gave up. I hated it. But Antonio, he said he wounldn't give up.

Kahit ba sabihin ko sa kanya ang sasapiptin ni Andres Bonifacio, that in the end his fellowmen betrayed him, 'di siya titigil? Would he still continue if Itell him that in the future Filipinos kill each other? Would he still continue if the future they sacrificed their life is still caged?

Without a word, I hugged him.

"Kristin.." I hugged him tighter as tears from my eyes came flowing again.

"Idiot. Why do you make me realize lots of things? Why are you changing my perspective of this country? Why is it hard for me to understand your principles?"

My mind is in a fucking mess.

ANTONIO fell asleep habang yakap-yakap ko. He must be really tired. Inalis ko ang pagkakayakap sakanya. Pinahiga ko siya sa bench with his head on my lap. I wrapped his shoulder with another piece of clean cloth para 'di ito mainfect. Then, I used the blanket Mang Nestor gave me to cover his body.

'Di ko siya kayang ilipat papunta sa kwarto. And I can't wake Mang Nestor, malalim na ata ang tulog ng matatanda.

Buong magdamag, all I did was to stare at Antonio. I memorized the contours of his face. His nose, his soft lips, his strong jaws, his thick eyebrows. And for a guy, he's long eyelashes.

He is handsome.

I don't know why I feel different when I'm with Antonio. I don't know why I feel weird things when he's arouond. 'Di ko alam kung bakit parang ibang Kristin ako 'pag kasama siya. But I know one thing. The very moment he showed kindness for me, the very moment he smiled at me, I know he became someone important to me. And I want to save him.

Maybe I'm dooing this out of compassion or maybe something else.

But, compassion or not, I like this feeling.

And I want it to stay.

-

I edited something in Chapter 9. Dun sa part nung kinwento ni Aling Isay 'yung nangyari sa ina ni Antonio.

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