Song - The Fault In Our Stars 

Artist - Troye Sivan

The rest of the day went on like any other once I had told Daniel about the incident and he helped me snap out of it. We put up the posters, as usual, searched for new club members, as usual, and didn't find anybody, as usual. I did eventually get more relaxed around Victoria but I knew then that I'd never feel the same as I did before all that.

I spent most of the day not in class, well, I was technically, but, I might as well have been on the other side of the word; I didn't take in a word of what the teachers were saying. I don't think actually listening would have done me much good anyway, knowing me, I still wouldn't have understood it.

But for once classes seemed to have flown by in a heartbeat and soon enough I was sitting my last lesson and the end of school bell had sounded. This class was one of the few classes I didn't share with Victoria or Daniel, so I took the liberty of going home alone, to clear my head a little. 

Pushing past the crowds of people I eventually navigated my way to the lockers, grabbed my stuff and flew out the door. It was when I was finally out of the gates and a few metres away from school that I let myself relax and slow down a little.

Inhaling, I felt the bitterly cold air tickle the inside of my nostrils and the frost gnaw its way through my gloves and nip at the tips of my fingers. The wind whistled making my hair dance and I could feel the cold seep through my coat and numb my joints. 

I took, this time, to think about everything that had happened so far since Victoria arrived. The club, the Micheal incident, reuniting with Daniel and this feeling I was getting, that strange dream and that hallucination. Overwhelming was putting it lightly.

Glancing sideways, I saw kids playing on the pavement and jumping in nearby small puddles, I felt their laughter fill my ears and unconsciously I began to laugh too.  It was funny, now that I'd thought about it, I don't think I'd had so much fun in my entire life before she arrived. Yeah, it was hectic ,but, it was exhilarating in a way and I'd never switch those times I spent with her and Daniel for my calm life before.

Looking up into the sky, not a patch of blue to be seen, covered in an abyss of greyish-white clouds, I smiled, staring at the world around me. The ripple of a puddle as a drop of water fell off a bush and into it. A squirrel coming out from his home and scurrying up a tree with a mouthful of food. The greenery, although leafless, still had this brilliance to it, the drops of dew clinging to the twigs and branches made them gleam and shimmer as if each branch was encrusted with diamonds. 

The sky, the roads, the non-existent sun, the people, the season, the cars, the buses and nature around me, it had all seemed to take on such a vibrant look, like a dull and monotone picture, had now suddenly been filled with colour.

Since when did the world look this colourful? 

"Since you started getting that feeling around Victoria." A voice in my head echoed to me.

This was just becoming ridiculous, and after I thought I had gotten rid of those thoughts for good. Here I was doing it again and by now it was just becoming annoying. I knew I didn't feel that way about her, she was an amazing friend and I liked her as if she was one of my own family.

"But family don't constantly daydream about each other or get feelings in their chests around other members do they?"

"Oh, be quiet conscience!"

Why was everything so confusing? I hated the fact that I couldn't shut it up, that voice in my head whispering these stupid thoughts and suggestions and making me actually agree with them. I didn't like her. I mean, I finally got a friend who happened to be a girl, maybe my brain was just making me think I liked her because of our friendship?

I couldn't like her and I didn't. If I messed up or complicated our relationship now, I'd lose Victoria forever. My life would go back to the way it was, dull and boring. All those moments and times I spent with Victoria and Daniel would vanish and it would be like it all never happened. I'd had so much fun in the past few months that I never wanted to ever go back, I wanted things to say as they were, with no complications and uncertain feelings. It wasn't fair.

All of a sudden, my train of thought was interrupted by a cold tingling feeling on my nose which caused me to sneeze. I looked up to see what it was and to my surprise, it was a snowflake. I watched each flake slowly drift down and cover the floor. It hadn't snowed in a while and the weather forecast said nothing about it that day, yet, here it was. I stood still for a moment and smiled, I was doing it again, thinking too much into stuff.

I watched as the snow fell down covering the already beautiful scene in a sparkling white blanket and I picked up my pace, the cold was becoming too much for my hands to take. I started running back home, my hot breath turning into a cloudy white mist with every pant. 

I knew I wasn't going to solve anything with my tail between my legs. I knew obsessing about it wouldn't make the feeling go away.

But when your mind is fixed on a thing and that one thing only, it's kind of hard not to obsess.

***

"Oh God, it's freaking freezing!"

Shutting the door behind me and I let out a small sigh as I felt the frostbite on my fingers and toes start to melt away. Quickly, I threw my coat on the floor, kicked off my shoes and ran upstairs. I continued to dash upwards just wanting to snuggle in my duvet and sleep the day's chaos away but when I burst through my room I stopped dead in my tracks. 

"Mum?"

She was sitting next to a pile of junk on my rug and flicking through a book of sorts. She seemed exhausted and her eyes had these horrible bags hanging down from them so I was guessing she hadn't slept a wink for the past couple of day. Carefully she placed the book down and turned to face me, giving me a weary smile.  "You're home early."

I couldn't help but gape at her, she'd usually be at the bar or something, so it was a rare sight to see her at home. Let alone with no makeup, jewellery, revealing clothes, or fancy hairstyles.

"What are you doing?" I asked taking a step closer into the room. 

"It's OK, I'm sober, I think I can act like a decent parent for a while." Avoiding the question, she laughed nervously trying to prolong the silence she knew was coming after. It didn't make it any less painfully awkward or cheerful.

"That's good then, I guess."

"Um,  I know this seems a bit weird since you're so used to me being a bitch all the time," she frowned. 

"I don't think you're a bitch, you're just-" 

I hesitated a second too long thinking of a different word to use and caught mum raising her makeup-less eyebrows at me. 

"...Yeah, you were kind of a bitch." I admitted. 

"I thought as much."

I had by now completely forgotten about how cold I was or how tired and was focused on Mum, it had been a while since I had seen her like this. Normal. 

"So how come you're not drunk, you're so normal it's creepy," I said.

"Thanks, love you too." But she laughed all the same. "But to be honest, you just happened to catch me in my normal state. I'd forgotten to buy booze yesterday."

"Oh." 

I knew there was so much I wanted to say to her but it wouldn't have changed anything. I just wanted to take things out on her and make her feel what I did but I'm too nice a person to do that. So ultimately, I shut my mouth and played happy families.

Walking slowly I sat down next to her feeling just a bit uncomfortable, I'd never sat so close to her in forever it just felt weird to do it after so much keeping my distance and shunning.

"So, um, what are you doing anyway?" I asked. 

"I was getting ready to go to the club and I was searching for my mascara and found this, then, before I knew it, I had forgotten about going out decided to spend an evening looking at it instead." 

"What is it?" I asked.

"Here, you can see for yourself," she handed me this quite big and quite heavy brown book that had been resting on her lap. "Go on, open it." 

Reluctantly, I opened up the book to the first page which read: "The Carter family photo album, for my darling wife and son, I hope these memories live on in us forever."

"Wait so you mean that-" 

"Mmm Hmm." she nodded. 

Without saying another word I carefully turned the page, the first thing my eyes saw was this chubby blob of fat with eyes and a one-toothed smile staring up at me. 

"...Is that me?" I smiled.

"Sure is, you were really quite big as a baby, now look at you, all bones and no meat." She laughed. 

"Hey, I have some muscles!" 

Prodding her finger into my forearms she laughed again, "With these lanky things? I don't think so." Her laugh just then reminded me of days when she'd do it all the time. It was comforting. 

"Oh, I remember this one." She said pointing at a picture on the far right. The fat blob with eyes - aka me - was in this one too, my tongue was sticking out and it looked like I was trying to touch my nose.

"I have no idea why but for some reason you always did that with your tongue when you were happy."

"What am I even doing in this one?"

"Well, honestly I couldn't tell, but your dad always thought you were trying to lick the bogies out of your nose with your tongue!"

"Ew! Well, I guess it does look a bit like that doesn't it?" I laughed.

"You were always such a cute baby, it seems like just yesterday I was holding you in the hospital. You were screaming you head off you were, but the second you were put in my arms, you went silent. I was so proud." She sighed and I could see the look of nostalgia across her face.

"I'd have thought you would have been exhausted, well, you know, from having to push a whole human being out of your vagina."

"I believe me I was exhausted, but there was no way I was passing out without seeing and holding my baby boy first." She grinned with pride and I felt myself blush slightly.

"Ah but those days sure were nice," she sighed and once again no one said anything.

Flicking a few pages forward we passed a lot more baby photos and in most of them, Mum was smiling, it was nice to see a time when she did that a lot. We saw pictures of us at the park, and as I looked at picture after picture I could see how I had grown up over the years. We got through countless images with mum occasionally pointing her finger at one particular one to tell me about its history.

Finally, we had gotten to the last picture of the album, it was a family photo and funnily enough, I actually remembered taking that one. It was in a flower field, the sky was the purest blue and the sun was scorching that day. We had gone out on a family trip and had gotten some photographer to take the picture. Dad, Mum and me, all smiling broadly under the baking hot sun. 

It had been a long time since I had seen my Dad's face but this picture was light enough for me to see all of his features again. His mischievous and cheeky looking grin, his shamrock coloured eyes, his chestnut brown hair, and his surprisingly oval shaped head.

"You know it's uncanny how much you look like him,"  Mum spoke up eventually. 

"You think so?" I answered. 

"Are you kidding, the only feature you got from me is your eyes." Mum's eyes were chestnut brown, just like mine. "Your Dad was such a show-off, boasting all the time that you were going to be just like him, he even wanted to name you John junior."

"Really?" I laughed. 

"Really." She laughed back.

"You guys both look so happy together, he seemed to really love you, the two of us." I sighed. 

"Yeah, he did," Mum said. 

I knew exactly what I wanted to ask next, I knew putting it out there would be pushing my luck, but I wanted to know. "So then, why exactly did you guy fall out."

"Josh," Mum glanced over at me. 

"I'm being serious, you still, up till now have never told me the full reason why you two divorced." 

"And I will tell you just, now's not the time." 

"So when will it be time?" I shouted a little. 

"...I don't know yet." She mumbled. 

The room had now gone silent again and I didn't want to bring up anything else to ruin the mood, so I stopped at that for now. 

"Well, it's getting late, you should go to bed," Mum spoke quietly. 

"Yeah, I guess," I said climbing onto the bed.

Getting up Mum then stepped out the room, closing the door slowly behind her.

....Keep reading for the next chapter

Chapter 19 - A Supernatural Entity