Please play the song towards the end :)

Song - Cold

Artist - Jorge Mendez

A/N PLEASE READ - Ok, for those who didn't read the author's note before here's a heads up. THIS BOOK IS REALLY BAD. LIKE REALLY BAD. I know there will be people who won't think so but, trust me, it's bad, and I know it's bad. In fact, the only reason I'm still writing this is because I really want ot finish my first book. I'm not going edit it because I want to be able to look back on how far I've come as a writer when I start other books. So for those wanting to critique it, PLEASE DON'T BOTHER. You will be wasting your time and energy that could be used to give a critique someone will need.

Also, for people who I personally asked to critique/review this book or are from a book club. I'm so sorry for wasting your time😅. You can still critique it if you want just know it will be a waste of time. Here's a challenge if you want though, try and get through the whole book without cringing. It's pretty hard.

***

It started with a dream.

It was a weird one, to say the least. It was one of a girl and she was sitting in the middle of this meadow. A meadow filled with flowers, stunning, gorgeous flowers of every kind as far as the eye could see. She slowly picked one, brought its petals to her nose and inhaled deeply before adding it to her ever growing chain of flowers. Then after a while, she started singing to herself. I had never heard the song before and its tune was strange and off-beat, yet somehow it had this calming effect. I was lying about a few feet away from her watching the scene unfold.

Grinning, I saw as a pure and sweet expression lighted her face, while her smile grew broader as she happily bobbed her head to the tune. Though I had no idea what the song was, I found myself feeling relaxed; it was comforting and her voice was indescribable. It was like a choir of angels had embedded their voices into the tiny body of this girl, and any tenseness or worries I may have had, all melted away with the melody and I closed my eyes.

So beautiful. I thought to myself. I soon found myself swaying to the tune as her angelic voice rang through my ears like the chiming of bells.

Then, just as the thought crossed my mind, she suddenly stopped singing and turned to face me. Instantly, I opened my eyes saddened that the music had ended, but I gave her a gummy smile nonetheless.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" she asked, her sapphire blue eyes meeting with my chestnut ones and I slowly nodded my head without thinking.

"If you were given the chance to start again, to change your life from what it is to what it could be. Would you take that risk? That chance, for a new beginning?" She said smiling broadly at me, her teeth glistening like pearls under the warmth of the sun. Confused, I stared at her directly with a puzzled look, what did she mean?

"I need an answer, Josh." Her eyes still looking deeply into mine as if searching my soul for a reply.

"I don't understand. Who are you?" I said in my head, but as I had expected, no response came.

Leisurely, she then stood up and stretched her arm out. "Come, let me help you, to take you to your new life, better than your current reality." A powerful blast of wind then appeared out of nowhere and I shuddered. "Accept my help, and you can start again, live a life of happiness. If you want to change your life, then take my hand. For a new beginning..."

Without thinking, I reached out my hand towards hers. I don't know exactly why I did that or what I was expecting to happen but, if it was anything better than the life I had, I was willing to take that chance.

I grasped it.

***

"Thump!"

When I next opened my eyes, I found myself on the floor in my room. My head was pounding and I was feeling quite dazed. I yawned and rubbed the part of my head that had collided with the floor as I looked around. My CD collection was scattered everywhere; piles of clothes were in different corners and litter covered my room like a thick blanket, I was back in the real world. I groaned and got up, feeling around on my bedside table for my phone and squinted as it turned on and my eyes were greeted by the bright screen light. It was a Sunday and it was the dead of night.

"Damn it not again! How many times has it been?" I grumbled to myself.

It had been happening every night for about a month now, I would go to sleep and have that dream. With that same girl, her skin deathly pale, her eyes blue, aquamarine blue, bottomless, infinite, like there was more than what was on the surface. Her hair was a shimmering gold and shone like the sun. She had a smile so dazzling it gave of this strong, almost tangible feeling of warmth when you looked at her, but there was something, off about her which I couldn't put into words.

It was hard to explain, and I sounded like an idiot when I tried to tell anyone but, it was like you could feel this weak, energy coming out of her whole entity. It was like her soul was slowly fading out of existence, if that makes any sense which it most likely didn't.

The first few times I thought it was just a weird dream then it happened almost every night. I figured it me, like I was going crazy or something. After dad had left us a few years ago and mum entered a state of depression, I wouldn't have been surprised if was having weird dreams.

In the end, I just learnt to live with it, and it soon became a routine for me to see her in my dreams every day. Yes, it was stupid but I felt we had a connection, even though I knew she wasn't real, I had this strong feeling of trust between her and me. It felt like we'd known each other for years.

Still half asleep I yawned again and looked at the time, it was 1:03 am.

Aw for flip sake, I thought. There was no way I was going to fall back asleep now. So I came to the conclusion to go downstairs and cool my head.

I waited a while for my eyes to adjust to the darkness before I crept downstairs. Stumbling, I kicked over a few things lying in my way, it's amazing the stuff you could find in our house at night. When I reached the ground floor I passed the door of Mum's room; it was left slightly ajar. I stared at it for a while until curiosity took over and I slowly opened the door. The room was filled to the brim with clothes, makeup, jewellery and other things. After a while, I walked inside greeted by that all too familiar smell of cigarettes and old sex. Everything was like it usually was, all that was missing was a Mum to sleep in it. Why did it not surprise me she wasn't there.

It started around a few months after her and Dad divorced, she slowly started changing. She would drink and go to the pub more. Each day whenever she would go out and drink she would come back earliest 1 am and somehow be £100 richer. On some days, when she brought men home with her, I would hear strange noises coming from downstairs.

Since dad was the only one who worked we soon became poor, living off benefits from the government, which she used mainly on booze and cigarettes. Back then we lived in a two bedroom flat, my room was small and cramped with barely enough space for the bed, mums was a little bigger than mine but not by much. It was always hard to manoeuvre around since the house was always filthy and the strong smell of alcohol and smoke made a bit hard to breathe.

As I walked into the room, I felt my fists clenched and my mouth curved into a snarl. Anger started to boil up in me and it took all my strength not to tear up her room completely.

"Every fucking time! Even after she promised me it wouldn't happen again!" I whispered. I could tell, she had brought her new boyfriend over that night. Some of the clothes in her room didn't belong to her and it practically reeked of that after sex smell.

Of course, why for a second did I think that she was ever going to change, and why did ever waste my breath trying to convince herself and myself that she could?

Tired and exhausted I went down to the kitchen to get a glass of water and cool my head, being careful not to trip over the stuff sprawled on the floor. Ironically, I heard the front door creak just as I entered the kitchen; I turned my head and in stepped mum. She was obviously drunk as she was staggering and found it hard to keep her balance. Beads of water formed at the base of her eyes and started falling one after another, without a sign of stopping. Her eyes were red, swollen and puffy, indicating she'd been crying for a while. Her dress was torn in different places and it looked like she had a few bruises as well. Whoever did this to her messed her up pretty good.

When she looked like this, she'd had one of her, what I like to call hardcore nights. Some days when she got really depressed, she would spend the whole day at the pub, doing whatever they do in pubs, probably getting drunk and guys hitting on girls I assumed. But whenever she came home she looked even more of a mess than usual.

"Well speak of the devil." I spat, ignoring the fact she was hurt.

She didn't reply instead continued crying, which only angered me more.

"Who was it this time? Sam? Jake?" I asked.

"Arnold," she sniffed.

I refused to say anything. I knew it; I had tried to get her change her ways. I tried talking sense to her lots of times before and it never worked, why I thought that day would have been any different I don't know. Of course, things couldn't go back the way they were, not after the divorce.

"Josh. I-" she began but couldn't bring herself to finish. She knew she couldn't talk herself out of it.

I sighed, a little more than irritated. "Look, Mum please, this is stupid we've both seen this happen enough times to know how this is going to end. How could you let him do that to you, just to earn a quick buck! You're worth so much more; you're better than this. Mum, please, you have to stop this, your getting hurt and-" I couldn't finish the sentence, instead I looked her in the eyes in hope that maybe she would come around but alas, she averted her gaze from me.

"But it wasn't my fault this time." She sniffed. I hated when she used that excuse.

"Oh come the fuck on!" I shouted. "You can't seriously expect me to believe that bullshit excuse! I know you brought another one to the house again and I'm sure you two were having a swell old time! Mum, I'm not stupid!"

"Josh..." She began but I cut her off.

"No, don't fucking Josh me!" Anger started to boil deep in my system as hot as magma; it churned within, begging release. "You are seriously going to sit here and tell me; it wasn't your fault? Mum come on! No one forced you to go to the pub and no one made you sleep with every guy you meet there. You keep letting them do this to you because you come off as weak and an easy target. Look Mum please just see someone about this you're just getting worse; you need help." I tried pleading.

"Who the bloody hell do you think you think you are, how many times do I have to tell you I'm fine! You don't control me; you're just the kid! I'm the adult here!" She suddenly went from a crying mess to a she-devil in a matter of seconds.

That was the breaking point of my patience. I just lost it. I had enough. At that moment, I was blinded by rage. I clenched my fist so tight I almost drew blood, a cloud fury swept over me and I screamed. "Then why don't you start acting like one! I always have to take responsibility for your actions all the time! Do you know how much of what you do affects me? People have called me the son of a crazy woman, a tramp! Parents have told their children not to go near me because word of what you do has gone around! I get picked on in school because of the dump of a flat we live in because you're too busy sleeping with random men of the street to get a job!" She gave me that hurt look and felt a twinge of guilt but I didn't stop, I couldn't take it anymore.

"You're my Mum, the least you could do is show that you care about your son and act like one!"

She didn't reply. She looked like she was on the verge of tears (again) and I would have hoped so.

"See." I laughed bitterly. "This is why Dad left us because you're a good for nothing weakling who can't take care of herself-"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" She screamed and slapped my cheek, hard. "Don't you ever mention him again. Your dad was a good for nothing selfish bastard who only cared about making money! You can call me horrible names, you can insult me as much as you want, but don't you dare look me in the eyes and tell me that your Dad leaving in entirely my fault. You know nothing, nothing of what happened back then so don't sit here running your mouth as if your the only one affected by all this. Your just a kid how do you know what's good for me and what's not. Go to your room. Get out of my sight!" She slumped to the floor in a crying fit.

I looked at her, lost in a fit of uncontrollable sobs. I began to feel angry tears prick my eyes and before I could stop them they were pouring down my face too.

"I hate you, you good for nothing fat cow!" I had screamed before I ran upstairs, my head pounding.

Why does it have to be this way?" I thought. Why can't things go back to how they used to be, like when I was young? Why was my life so difficult?

At times like those I wished the world would just end. I wanted just to die if it meant I could get away from it all. I was frustrated about Dad leaving just as much as mum. She always thought it was just her suffering when I had my problems as well, but no. She was too wrapped up in her feelings to try and understand mine and help herself and me.

Those happy time felt so distant now. When we were a family.

I cried myself to sleep that night wishing that some miracle would happen so my life would change.

Little did I know that the answer to my prayers was closer to me than I thought...

...Keep reading for next chapter.

Chapter 2: The New Girl.