Song: Half A Man by Dean Lewis

Chapter Thirty-eight: Stupid Nanny McPhee ideology

A few minutes after I got home, Reveka was already pestering me about details of my day with Zane. I tried to lie to her so she won't pester me, but she said when she got here, Skyler was on my bed ranting about how she had him in her claws, so she kinda figured it out. She said Skyler refused to leave until I got there so she could personally 'deal' with me.

Not psychotic at all.

"I'm in love!" Reveka yelled.

"I don't think you said that correctly." I gave her a weird look.

"I'm pretty sure I said that correctly."

I arched a brow. "Aren't I the one in love?"

"Yeah, but I'm in love with love." She said in a 'duh' tone. "I mean, he read to you? That's so romantic."

The resting my head on his lap was romantic. For me though. I don't think he thought about it that way. But the reading- apart from me watching the way his beautiful pink lips pronounced the words- not so much.

"Not really. Dad read to me."

"Yeah, but Bruny's Bruny and That guy is That guy."

I gave her a small smile. "I guess you can't call him dad anymore."

She crossed her arms. "Not after what he did."

I gestured with my hands. "But doesn't it kill you to have all this pent up anger?" It killed me to be so angry all the time. I guess not everyone's like that. I held unto the anger for two years straight. Seeing him again was supposed to strengthen the anger, but it made me feel weaker instead. It finally sunk in that he wasn't with us anymore. His new family helped me see that. And if I was going to be angry, it meant I'll be angry for the rest of my life.

"It's not pent-up. I'm pretty sure I'm releasing and showing it in every way I can."

"Reveka..."

She scrunched her nose up. "Do not tell me that you forgive him."

"I don't. I just don't want to be angry anymore. It takes away all my strength." I sighed.

"Well, then we must be different because my anger seems to make me stronger."

"Reveka..."

"What?"

"I didn't say you should forgive him, Rev, but snapping at him every time he says a word to you doesn't help."

"It makes him regret what he did."

"Regret? He has a new family. A better paying job he got because of his wife. A mad ass house that costs a goddamn lot. Do you think he regrets anything?"

"That doesn't make me feel better."

I realized I was releasing my own anger instead of helping her get over hers. I tried to correct myself. "What I'm saying is, if he could still go back he'd do the same thing. But then, he'd actually say goodbye to us. He loves mum and he loves us. I know that. Love like that doesn't just disappear."

"But it wasn't strong enough that he replaced it with money and a picture-perfect family, was it?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but I had nothing to say. She was right. I wasn't trying to defend him, I was trying to make her get rid of her anger. I wanted to tell her what mum told me about the summer he left, she deserved to know, but maybe that's a story for another day.

I lay on my bed and closed my eyes. "I miss Shane and Shay."

"Me too Charvi, but we'll see them Christmas break, right?"

"That's too far." I groaned.

"Watch how time flies."

That's only when you don't want it to. Stupid Nanny McPhee ideology. As her catchphrase goes: 'When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go.' As time's catchphrase goes: 'When you want me to fly then I'll crawl. When you want me to crawl, then I'll soar the skies like a stupid eagle.' Or something like that.

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"Who did you steal it from?"

I turned around with a dropped jaw. "Really? You think I'm a thief now?"

Rev shrugged. "Depends."

And if you didn't already realize, she's referring to the car. Even Anastasia was eyeing me in a displeasing manner as she entered her car.

"Goodbye Anastasia!" I waved, beaming at her. She just glared, probably forgetting her name was Arabella.

"Did you really have to do that?" Reveka asked as she climbed into the passenger seat of the car.

I shrugged as I entered too. "Not really, but the look on her face was priceless."

She opened the glove compartment. "What's that red beeping thing?" She pointed at the thing I noticed yesterday.

I shrugged. "Probably Zane's way of keeping the magazine's hot."

She raised her brows. "That's dumb."

"I know right."

"I was referring to you." She replied as she grabbed the first magazine she saw. Probably a fashion one.

I gasped. "That hurt."

She gave me a pointed look. "It was supposed to."

I just rolled my eyes.

She sighed. "I can't remember the last time I sat in the passenger's seat."

My eyebrows creased. "What about Sam's car?"

She gave me a 'duh' look. "He literally drives a limo, well his driver, but you know what I mean. He said he'd be able to drive his own car soon."

"Isn't he sixteen?"

"Of course not. You're 16." She teased.

"I'm going to be 18 soon. I'm going to be 18 soon." I sang and started driving.

Reveka whined. "The singing was enough. Now, the slow driving?"

"Fine." I huffed. "I'll speed up." And I did. I got used to car already yesterday, so it shouldn't be that hard.

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"Whoa!"

"I know right." I smiled brightly at Kai, Xander and Zahra.

"I came to school with Zahra, and saw Xander here. He said that I was supposed to be picking you up, but then I said he was supposed to. Then we sorta decided to wait here to see why you told the both of us to not come."

"We placed bets." Xander grinned. "Zahra and I bet it was Zane. But dumb Kai here," He patted Kai's back. "Said it was either your dad or Anastasia."

I raised my brows at him. "Really?"

"What? I didn't expect it to be Zane."

"Well, you were all wrong. I brought it myself. Now pay up what you all owe each other." I rubbed my hands together feeling quite bubbly.

"Slow your roll Rumpelstiltskin." Zahra held up a hand.

I glared at her because of the stupid nickname and she just shrugged and continued. "Don't pretend like we don't know that's Zane's car."

How do they know that?

"What? What makes you think that?" I denied, at least partially.

"He drives it." She said in a 'duh' tone.

"He does? I did not notice."

I legit didn't notice until I became his friend.

"Seems like Char's found a new boyfriend." Xander cooed as he put his hand over my shoulder.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring my inward smile and walked into school with them.

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The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Plus I hadn't seen Zane all day which was worse. I didn't want to call him then come off as needy. He skipped school before right? Would that change now?

"Evolutionary theory and biodiversity. Darwin's............of evolution, also called Darwinism, can..........5 parts: 'evolution as such'..........descent......population speciation, and natural....... Darwinism is...........by the English naturalist, 1809 to.......... others, stating that all of......................through the of small, inherited................increase the individual's ability to compete, survive, and reproduce." That's what I heard between all the blah, blah and blah parts. At least I heard some.

The only subject I hated with all my heart was Biology. I loved Calculus, Spanish, AP Physics. I could even deal with World History, but Biology? No. It was just so hard. So many words and stuff.

I think my favorite was Chemistry. Apart from the equations, there was blowing up, and bubbling and mixing of chemicals. Why can't Biology be like that? Why so many words? Do I really need Biology to become a doctor?

Yes.

Urghhhh.

I rested my head on the table to stop the pounding, and our dear teacher, Mr. Moore- more like Mr. Bore- decided to call on me.

"Miss Brooks. Am I boring you?"

Yes you are, Mr. Bore.

"No. Of course not."

"Good. I can ask you a question then."

Urghhhh. Will the torture ever end?

"What is the theory of evolution by natural selection?"

That should have been easy, but it was not. He said that already. Urghh. Think! Think! Think!

Maybe if you had been listening it'd be easier.

Shut up!

"Excuse me?" I looked up at Mr. Bore's annoyed face. I did not just say that out loud. Oh God! What the hell was I thinking?

Shut up!

No.

I mean you were thinking shut up.

Oh.

"No not you sir."

"Then who?" He looked around the class. "Because no one else was talking."

Did he have to pick on me like that? I mean, it's not like I could tell him I was talking to the voice inside my head.

"Just answer the question Miss Brooks."

I can't even remember the question. "Please could you repeat it?"

He sighed. "What is the theory of evolution by natural selection?"

And suddenly, like a blessing from heaven, a name formed behind all those blah, blah, blahs. "Darwin's theory."

"I know that." He said through gritted teeth.

My eyebrows creased. "Then why did you ask?"

"I asked for a definition."

Well, you should have specified. I thought long and hard, but no hope. I'm doomed. Someone please help me! I begged my empty head.

And as if sensing my thoughts, a very familiar voice spoke from behind. "The theory of evolution by natural selection, first formulated in Darwin's book 'On the Origin of Species' in 1859," I turned around. Axel was answering the question with his eyes on me. When I said everyone, I meant everyone but you. Wasn't I supposed to be his tutor? He's not supposed to know more than me. Just in biology though. "Is the process by which organisms change over time as a result of changes in heritable physical or behavioral traits."

I kept my eyes on him until he was done talking. I expected him to smirk or give a snide remark, but he just kept his eyes on me for a few more seconds before turning back to his book to write something down.

"Very good Mr. Brown." He gave a nod to Axel who ignored it because he was writing something down. I faced forward as Mr. Bore started addressing me. "Take note Miss Brooks. You can't pass my class if you don't pay attention."

I hated that he was right. I nodded slightly to show I listened. He faced the board again and continued with his blabbe- I mean, teaching.

After a while, I felt a tap on my back. I turned to Lee who usually sat behind me. She handed me a piece of paper before looking back to the board. That's weird. What would Lee want to tell me? She barely talked to anyone.

I opened the note in my hand. It read: 'I'm really sorry. Please forgive me. I feel really bad for what I did. I apologized to Leyla. She said it may take time before she could even consider forgiving me, but that's a start, right? I've given you your space. You can't run away from me forever. Remember, I'm the boy next door missing your presence. I love you. Please talk to me.'

This couldn't be Lee. No one signed the bottom, but who else could it be?

You rhymed.

I didn't even plan to.

I turned to him and he was giving me a small smile. A part of me wanted to crumple the paper and throw it at his face. One, how dare he say he loved me when he'd done nothing, but annoy me and piss me off. Two, how he'd feel would be how ridiculed I felt when he rejected me 4 years ago. And three, he hurt Leyla.

But I didn't do that. I should have, but I didn't. I'm no monster. I'd have to face him sooner or later. I got him. I knew how it felt to like, not love, someone who didn't feel the same way. Does he even know what love feels like? We've done nothing but be at each other's necks for the past 2 years, and now he's telling me he loves me? I'd have to break it to him sooner or later.

I folded the paper and tucked it into my notebook, before pretending to listen to Mr. Bore.

Stupid Darwin's theory.

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