~Call Me Insecure~

My music is echoing throughout the vacant cafe. A shiver is sent up my spine from my voice that I haven't heard in a while. I let out a long, pitiful sigh and plop down on the stage. I scrunch up my grease filled hair while furrowing my brow. I crinkle my nose at how much I smell because I haven't showered recently. Something just hasn't been right for awhile.

Numb is what I feel. I'm just so insecure about this all. There's no lingering feelings of sadness like I expect. An imaginary cage feels like it's encircling me, trying to hide everything. Something is special about it, though. What is that, you ask?

I built it.

My mask is always up. It's the wall that I can't seem to tear down. Have you ever heard of the advice, 'be yourself'? Well, that's the little piece of advice I can never seem to take to heart, even when I try to. Being genuine is what I desire most, and I will fight for it as much as possible. How do I do this, you ask?

The way I achieve this is through singing. Every part of me shines when the microphone is in my hand. The crowd is cheering my name and I'm walking around the stage giving each audience member a high five. Even with beads of sweat rolling down my face, the joy of it all makes me smile.

Unfortunately, it hasn't been like that for a bit of time. Thoughts of my dad's words have been echoing through my head. They've been trying to squash everything I have. I've been left in a rut and stuck in a single place.

Even though the contestant party is coming up, or what I like to call the time where you get to meet all your competitors before the show officially starts, I still don't feel right. How am I supposed to be in a competition when I can't even bother to be there to compete? Out of no where, I hear a quacking duck noise so I jump. I place a hand on my heart and take a deep breath to calm myself down. It's just Riley's ring tone, anyways.

"Hey Riley, how are you?" I ask into the phone. I try my best to sound as cheery or awake as possible. I put my hand to my cheeks. With all this fake smiling I've been doing, my face has started to be sore.

"I'm good. So, are ready for the awesome party?" She says. Since her giggling is contagious, I join along with her.

"Yeah, kind of, I guess. It just sucks that I may not even get to compete."

Static shoots through the speaker as she drops the phone. My hands shoot to my ears in response to that.

"What the crap are you talking about?" She practically yells.

"Well-"

"Wait a second, did your dad be a jerk and not let you move to the new location?" I could almost hear her jaw drop.

"Yep!" I sigh. "It really sucks, to be honest with you." I cringe while remembering the 'incident' and at how deflated my voice sounds.

"Oh my gosh, your dad annoys me so much. I can't believe he would be such an idiot!" She begins to grumble incoherent words under her breath.

"It's fine-"

She scoffs. "No it's not, Skyler! How could you even think like that?"

I take in a deep breath as I twirl my hair. "Well, honestly, it wasn't like I was going to be able to win. My voice is so mediocre and I have, like, no experience in singing compared to the people I'm supposed to compete against."

I hear her almost drop the phone again. "Do you know how much you tick me off?"

I furrow my brow. Did she say what I think she said? "Wait, what did you say?"

"Don't act like you didn't hear it. You tick me off so freaking much sometimes."

"What do you mean? I'm just being logical."

"When have you ever been logical? You're, like, the most impulsive person I've ever met!" She takes in a deep breath. "Seriously, I never imagined that you of all people would give up your dreams that easily - and for such a stupid reason, too!"

She grabs her phone and throws it on the ground. I strain my ears right before the call ends since the next words that come out of her mouth are extremely hard to hear. "That's it, I'm so done with you right now."

Static strikes through the phone, so I cringe. It's not only that which makes me feel the beginnings of a headache- her words cut like a dagger. How could I be so stupid? My dreams that I have been working all my life for may be gone if I don't take this opurtunity. Maybe, just maybe, if I do this I could truly tear down the walls I've built up.

This feeling starts building up inside if me. It makes me want to achieve everything, especially my dreams. What is it, you ask? Determination- that's what I feel. Those tall, iron walls could be demolished if I could just convince my dad to travel to the new location. The only thing is, how do I do that?

With a sigh, I walk back to the stage. While doing that, there are certain things that strike me the most. One of course is that my feet feel like they aren't working at all. They seem like they're made of gelatin. Next on the list is this pounding headache I feel. As I place my hand to my head, it reminds me of the stress I've been under lately.
Seriously, why can't it all simply go away?

Hours later, I hear a strange noise through the door. Sobbing - that's what it is. I furrow my brow. Who could be inside my hospital room? I doubt the doctors would go in my hospital room without me being there. Could it be the cleaning lady?

The door creaks as I slowly open it. I cringe; the sudden ray of light blinds me for a second. The sobbing becomes louder and louder the closer I get. As my eyes get used to the light, I see a person in the room that I least expected to be in there.

"Dad, is that you?" I ask. I furrow my brow.

I wait for an answer, but he doesn't respond. I walk towards him on my tip toes as quietly as possible. As I get nearer, I see a picture of mom in his hands. Tears stain his face and clumps of his hair are stuck to it. With a plop, I sit down next to him.

"Dad, what's wrong?" I feel tears prickling just seeing him like this.

"Oh Darlin', it's really pathetic." He sighs.

"Pathetic? You never cry- it can't be over something stupid now. I promise you that." I say with a sympathetic smile.

He takes a deep breath. "It's your ma. I miss her so, so much. Sometimes it's hard to go on without her by my side. She had so much to live for, but she's dead." Dad places his hand over his forehead. "The worse thing is that I'm alive, and she- she isn't."

"Do you know what I admire about you? You went on. Most parents revert to drugs or alcohol, but you didn't. Thank you, Dad." I give him a quick hug and a smile. "Thank you."

A silence fills the room. It's not an awkward one, but a gentle, calming one. That's the type of thing that when it happens you know that you're truly at peace. After it goes on for awhile, Dad speaks.

"Darlin', I want to tell you something."

"What is it?"

He smiles. "I decided that you need to live your life to the fullest, like your mother would have done if she had the chance. If moving to a new hospital for better care is necessary, then why not? We're going to California."

Notes:
Last Updated: 12/20/15
Question of the chapter: What do you think Skyler's dad would do if he found out the real reason why Skyler wants to go to California?
Dedication:
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Have a lovely day!