Anaya

July 2008, St Joseph College, Delhi

This was not my first choice.......the course or the college.........I wanted to study Psychology but my father was like "NO......YOU ARE ALREADY WEIRD ENOUGH.......I DO NOT WANT YOU TO GO MAD OR ANYTHING!!!!.....YOU KNOW ONE PERSON IN OUR EXTENDED FAMILY WAS STUDYING PSYCHOLOGY AND SHE WENT CRAZY........SHE HAD TO GET THERAPY AND ALL LATER............IT'S TOUGH!!! NO!!! JUST DO ENGINEERING AND GET A COMFORTABLE JOB!!!!"..........Okay! Now....... there are many things wrong with this statement but this is exactly what he responded to me.......First of all, I am sure he didn't mean that I am weird but I am a bit recluse so I get that.............My distant cousin, she did not go mad or anything......I guess while exploring the subject she might have realised some of her own mental health concerns and as a responsible and sane adult took the decision to work on it, which of course my asian parents and relatives with minimal level of subject matter knowledge and experience outside their bubble did not understand............Also engineering does not guarantee a comfortable job at all.......the job seeking scenario was different in their times and much easier as compared to ours and I know it will only get worse in future. I compromised and decided to study BIOTECHNOLOGY, It sounds fancy but its not since no one knows the opportunities it entails as its new and shiny career domain...........but I wanted to continue my love for science through my graduation and force fit engineering somehow so the subject seemed to fit the bill and here I am at St Joseph's college, starting a life of complete obscurity.

The campus looks stunning but I do not know why the hostel designated for engineering students looks like a haunted house......the hostel authorities are renovating the engineering wing of girls hostel complex but only the 3rd and 4th year seniors have been shifted to newly renovated wing so far........1st and 2nd years are stuck with the haunted house for 2 years and the renovations for other building are still going on and will take time as mentioned by the warden. To be fair.......being surrounded by new and modern infrastructure around the girls hostel complex, this building looks more ugly than it actually is.............inside the facility is nice and comfortable so should not be a problem......... at least for me............and since its a state owned facility the accommodation charges are really low! My scholarship only covers tuition however this cost is barely any of my problem. The real issue was the roommate........."MAYRA"........She is a pain!!!........she is studying computer science and even in first semester itself............from first week of our classes has decided that she is gonna ace the course.......she studies at night with lights on and I cannot bear that, it puts off my circadian rhythm.............I requested but she ignored and then I complained to the warden as I was turning into a zombie and than they shifted her to single occupancy room..........which she was thoroughly happy with and I was relieved, I think the warden was also worried for my heath after seeing my dark circles in the second week of admission get darker day by day. My new roommate "RUCHI"............She was nice and kept herself to herself.........."PERFECT"..........on weekends, she will go off to her home and she lived 3 hours away from her place and I will get the place to myself.

Two weeks into the course and semester has started full swing.............too many classes and too many people pretending to be nice and friendly, expected the same from me, which is exhausting! My parents called me back home for the weekend since my place was like 4 hours from the campus but I denied............I needed some space and time to get use to my current space............but something inside.......maybe my instinct told me to be alert! Maybe because of the instance that happened a week back during orientation activity...........So, We all had gathered at our hostel ground and at first I thought it might be ragging or something but Myra assured that It was just 'get to know' activity organised by seniors.........we introduced ourselves and as I was moving towards my room after this exhausting event.....someone called me out..."Hey! Smarty Pants..........Your name is Anaya right?" Kritika said, I turned and there along with her was Shefy and two other seniors.........."Yes........its Anaya".....she smiled and came forward....."Me and Shefy are also from Delhi..........Shefy is your senior from the same course........so when in doubt, you can come find her..........our room no is 205"......I was confused, like why are they being so cheery and helpful...........shefy caught up to my concern and held Kritika back........"Its fine! She just gets excited seeing new blood!! But nice to meet you and no need to be so stiff........it can easily be perceived as arrogance..........Welcome to the campus!!!!"...........At that moment I could not understand whether it was concern or threat!!!!!!!..................But something about Shefy piqued my interest. 

Few months go by and I am already tired of the people here.............I don't know why they keep staring and then gossiping around.......I thought school was the end of this ritual but it seems contrary to my belief, people in college are also prone to wasting their time gossiping about others and the most bizarre part is that I don't even talk to them or anything where are they coming up with all these topics of discussions around me, My roommate is the only source of outside information I have, I usually just keep myself to myself..........stick to my schedule.....classes........food...........evening walks with roommate (knowledge sharing session-GOSSIP) and sleep..............that is it! During one of these sessions my roommate asked about the senior who came to my class and asked me out literally in front of the whole class and when I rejected..........he just went away!!!!! I was both shocked and amazed...........whole class started laughing once he left but it was awkward..............strange part is never tell anyone even Ruchi about these "events" but somehow she always knows...........she is quiet but knows all the gossip there is to know and when I ask her how she replies....."My domain is Computer Science...........its all about information and networks"........I do not know what that means but at the same time I do.........Strange!!!!..........She also knew about the senior who confessed in the library.........apparently one of her classmates was there when this scene unfolded......It was a good laugh for both of us................But she did warn me..................."YOU NEVER KNOW HOW THESE PEOPLE WILL TAKE REJECTION........SO JUST BE CASUAL AND NICE WHEN REJECTING IF YOU WANT TO REJECT THAT IS...........OR JUST GET A BOYFRIEND............YOUR LIFE WILL BECOME EASIER ON CAMPUS.........BECAUSE YOU ARE THE NEW SHINY THING EVERYONE WANTS RIGHT NOW............TILL SOMEONE ELSE COMES ALONG AND THEY LOOSE INTEREST OR TILL SOMEONE CLAIMS YOU!!!!"...........we would both laugh it off but..............it was scary!!!!................Now since I rejected maybe 4-5 seniors in the past few months since my admission, people had started putting labels on me already................."ARROGANT" "BITCHY" "PROUD".................and so on..........not that I am not use to this but I consciously made an effort to stay out of sight in college but that plan surely backfired just in few months...........and to be fair I am sure I am not the only one rejecting people's feeling but I guess my method garnered too much attention. Ruchi also told me about the post......she was up at night and saw a post on confessions page and took a screenshot of it............some idiot tried to wish me on my first birthday on campus in a very touching way.............a hate post! I did not see that obviously since I was sleeping and did not use Facebook much...........I told her I do not want to see............but she mentioned that it was unusual for the admin to take off the post so soon.......as she has seen worse but good for me!...............Thanks to that post........everyone knew it was my birthday..........not many people were on campus and its was close to new years and it was the last day before a week's vacation but those who were made sure to go out of their way to wish me.........hostel......classes.........cafeteria..........random people were coming up to me to wish me..................I could not tell whether they meant well or it was just a joke to them..........I couldn't tell and didn't want to know! Interestingly...........that library guy......senior named Dev (I learned later from Ruchi) saw me as I was returning to hostel back from classes with Ruchi and smiled shyly............Ruchi edged me towards him (Hint to smile back....show emotions or else people will keep thinking that I am a certified bitch).....I took her heed and smiled a little..........he was visibly happy.............the fact that my fake smile can actually make someone happy was.........weird!!!......He came towards us and said "Hi........I was on my way to basketball field and saw you so I thought I should wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY!.........just because it did not work out between us we do not need to dislike each other or anything......right!!!!" His smile and words were genuine.........I replied back......"Thanks! Yes......we can be civil!"......He smiled and left with his friends waving back. Ruchi looked at me with some newfound interest and said...."HE IS A NICE GUY..........YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM A CHANCE"......I rolled my eyes at her "I NEVER SIAD HE WAS NOT NICE............I JUST..............I AM NOT IN THE SPACE TO LET SOMEONE IN.........EMOTIONALLY RIGHT NOW!"........She understood and we continued to walk........thats what I like about her.........she does not push me or misunderstands.......she gives me my space or she just does not care that much..........either way its comfortable.............I find comfort with few people and she is one of them. Another interesting event that happened that day was.........the last person to wish me........Shefy........She saw me at the my dorm floor's water cooler round 10 pm and moved towards me........"Birthday girl! Had a nice one?".........I hesitantly replied "Yeah.........My roommate got cake and lots of wishes received.............from strangers as well!".......she looked at me intensely and said "I know about the post.........do not think too much.......that guy is a jerk and he got what was coming for him............Dev taught him a lesson"......I was shocked..."Lesson".........She smiled......"Well.....You do not like him but he likes you so it's apparent that he got pissed when he got to know about that post from our friends.............just think of this as a help from admirer.........chill out!"...........I still did not know how to process this........I mean even I was not mad about this!!!...........She leaned closer and smirked......."You are becoming popular.............enjoy the attention........it's not always bad you know.........it depends on how you react to it...........if you keep running away like a rabbit caught in headlights.......you will suffer........you need to face it and own it............have a good night!!!!".............Again.........I was confused.........Is she always looking at me!!! It seems that she is always observing me..........is this because she is a senior? Is she concerned? Or...................I don't know! I put all this shit behind me and left for home for the break................But something inside me............I just knew............something was going to happen and it won't be good!!!