A week later, I lay in Jackson's bed at the Merphate Pack house. They released me from the hospital four days ago. Since then, I have been laying here in his bed, breathing in the scent of him and sleeping away as much time as I could. It seemed like it was my only relief.

I couldn't bring myself to eat or drink. I could barely force myself to breathe.

Instead, I spent the days with Jackson's note beside me staring at the ceiling as I played with the rings that once again rest on my finger. A gift that Jackson left me before he vanished.

We hadn't heard any news from him since he left, not that I was expecting to. I was hoping that no news was good news.

Pack members brought food to me every two hours. Almost all of it lay untouched. I couldn't even look at it. I wasn't hungry, I had no interest in food. I had no interest in conversation or small talk.

I just wanted Jackson here. I just wanted my baby back. I just wanted everything to go back to when it was good. I wanted all of the bad erased from our lives. I just wanted to stop hurting all the time.

I only started to eat a week later when Reta came in. She looked at me sadly and held my hand. She told me if I didn't start eating they would have to hook me up to an IV. So I began to eat the bare minimum and pushed the rest around on the plate.

It didn't help that every second day a member of a different pack (including the Cardaver Pack) would come to the house and do a search to ensure Jackson hadn't returned. I watched with little interest as they searched through our entire room. Most were polite and courteous. Some left the room ransacked afterwards.

I just left everything where it laid. I couldn't muster the energy to get up and clean when they would do the same thing two days later.

Reta, my Mom and even Allison and Tess had come to me, trying to get me out of bed and outside. Even just trying to get me to go down to a common area, out of the room. Fresh air outside.

I denied all of their requests. I couldn't face the outside world right now. I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to again. I couldn't keep my window open. Every time I heard children playing outside I collapsed.

I couldn't take it. I can't take it. I couldn't understand why the Goddess was putting us through all of this.

I'm not strong enough.

And so my days went on like that - full of despair, of denial, self-loathing and regret. I was so bogged down I almost wished when I fell asleep that I wouldn't wake up again.

--------------------

I spent a month and a half-conscious, despondent state. I said barely a word to anyone and just merely existed.

It was a regular day for me. I woke from my second nap to the stifling room. All of the windows were closed and the blinds were drawn, making an artificial night. It may have actually been night for all I knew, I didn't bother keeping track of time anymore. It only hurt more.

I felt a pull to the left and blearily opened my eyes.

"Romy, wake up," I heard and was certain my ears were deceiving me.

It must be happening again. I was hallucinating. There was no way I just heard Jackson beside me as though he were in the same room as me. Not after all this time. Not after all of this hurt.

"Romy, look at me." He said again.

I felt the mattress give as if someone were sitting on it. A warm hand touched my shoulder, turning me gently. I blinked as I stared up at Jackson over me. His eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes drawn.

I knew what he was seeing. I tried not to look at the emaciated version of me that I saw in the mirror when I went to the bathroom. Dark rings encircled my eyes and I ate so little I barely had enough energy to move let alone sustain my body.

"Oh Romy," he whispered and placed his hand delicately on my cheek.

A tear escaped my eye and ran down my face, landing on his thumb.

"You can't be real," I replied and closed the eyes that were betraying me. "You can't Jackson."

"I'm real, Romy. I'm here," he assured me. "Open your eyes."

My eyes fluttered open of their own volition. I couldn't resist him. I never could.

"Why?"

He didn't reply. Instead he let his eyes roam down my body, like he was inspecting me.

"What have you done to yourself, Love?"

I looked away from him, ashamed of myself.

"It's nothing."

"It's not nothing," he growled deeply. He grabbed my chin in his hand, still gently, and forced me to turn my head back to him and face him. "It isn't nothing when my Beta contacts me and tells me I have to return home immediately. That they weren't sure if you were even going to survive for much longer. It was serious enough that they were willing to risk me here despite my banishment."

I knew that if I had proper nourishment that my pale face would be aflame right now in embarrassment. As it stood, it probably just got paler.

"I can't feel anything," I admitted finally, taking my gaze from his eyes and looking anywhere else. "I can't do this anymore Jackson. In a matter of days I almost lost my life, I lost my... our... our baby and then I lost you."

I ripped my chin from his grasp and sat up, pulling my knees to my chest. My rings jingled as I wrapped my arms around my legs since I had lost so much weight and just sobbed. I thought that my body couldn't cry anymore, that I didn't have anything left in me. My wolf whined and howled inside of me as a scream tore through me.

I had built up a wall to keep all of my emotions in. To try to stay strong, to not completely combust. Suddenly it was released and came out roaring. I screamed again and pulled the pillow from behind me, ripping at it before I threw it across the room in a fury.

Jackson jumped off of the bed and reached out for me. I shook my head and screamed again before launching at him and beating on his chest. He just wound his arms around me and took the beating as I pounded and screamed and cursed the Goddess until I ran out of energy and collapsed into a heap in Jackson's arms.

"Get it all out, sweetheart," he whispered into my hair as I clutched onto his shirt. "Get it out."

And I was sobbing again as he held me and rocked us.

"I can't do this," I said hoarsely into his shirt once the sobbing had subsided a bit. "Jackson, how can I get through this without you?"

"Romy you're a fighter. You're a Luna. You are the strongest person I know," he said staring me in the eyes. "You are going to make it through this. We are going to make it through this and we will be stronger on the other side. You just need to make it through today. One day at a time, one hour at a time, sweetheart. You can do it."

I nodded and pulled myself closer into his arms, inhaling his woodsy scent. I missed him more than I could even fathom. His arms around me were like a safety net, holding me up from falling to my demise.

"How long do we have?" I asked weakly. I seemed that was all we managed to get to, borrowed time and time limits.

"Eighteen hours at most," Jackson said, glancing at his watch.

I nodded glumly and pulled myself up and stood.

"First off, you need to get dressed," he said to me as he began to walk around the room.

He started pulling the blinds up and opening the windows. My eyes squinted from the sudden bright light and I saw the sun reflect off of his own wedding ring. He glanced back at me to see me still standing in the same spot.

"Clothes, Romy," he instructed. "When was the last time you wore something that wasn't mine or pyjamas?"

I shrugged, not really knowing. I never left the room. No one cared what I wore. I couldn't face the pack, not knowing what I had cost them all.

Listening to Jackson before he decided to strip and dress me himself, I walked over to the closet that held what little clothing I had and grabbed a shirt and a pair of pants without looking. I stumbled into them haphazardly and threw my hair up into a messy ponytail. The pants no longer fit. They were at least two sizes too large. I grabbed a scarf from a drawer and tied it around my waist to keep them up.

"There, satisfied?" I asked Jackson as he made his way toward me.

"Immensely," he replied and wrapped his arms around me. "You're gorgeous, Romy. Let's go down to the kitchen and get you some food."

He stepped back and grabbed my hand, but I resisted. He turned to me and growled.

"It's dangerous to go down there," I told him. "People have been coming to inspect the house to make sure you're not here."

"I've been made aware. We have members on the perimeter set up to notify us if there is anyone coming. We are safe to go down to the kitchen for a bit."

I resisted again as he pulled my hand.

"Do I have to throw you over my shoulder and carry you?" He growled again, frustrated. "Because I can tell just by looking at you that it won't give me much trouble."

My nose flared in anger, but I quelled it. It's true I must look like a bag of bones to him. He was only trying to look after me.

"I can't face anyone down there," I explained, motioning towards the kitchen. "I can't face what I have done to them."

"What do you mean, what you have done to them?"

"Jackson," I said, exasperated and near exhausted. I hadn't expended this much energy in a long time. "You stepped down as their Alpha and it is my fault."

Jackson stared at me for a while and then chuckled darkly.

"Let's get one thing clear Romy," he said sternly. "None of this is your fault. None of it. Your father is to blame for a good majority, Gary held a hand. Hell, even I am to blame. You did nothing to deserve or cause any of this."

"But-"

"No buts. I decided to go after Gary that night. It was my choice to walk out of that restaurant and confront him. It was me who threw the punches, me who transformed and me who killed him. Me, Romy, not you. Do you understand?"

I refused to answer and I could tell it made him see red.

Then, unceremoniously, Jackson picked me and threw me over his shoulder, causing me to scream. He opened his bedroom door and then marched us down to the kitchen.

----------------

Jackson wasn't satisfied until he watched me eat the entire meal he sat out for me. It was simple - a healthy sandwich, an apple and a whole glass of water but I was expected to eat it all. It was probably more in one sitting than I was used to eating in one day.

The kitchen was strangely empty and I wondered briefly if it was on purpose.

We sat at the kitchen island in a comfortable silence. For a moment I could almost believe that we were just regular newlyweds, sitting in our kitchen having lunch together. Almost.

Will came into the kitchen moments later. A look of surprise crossed his face when he saw me sitting there before his face broke out into a smile.

"Well, looks like we are having lots of good news today," he said and walked over to the other side of the kitchen island. "I just heard from the tribunal, Jackson."

---------------------

Please remember to share and vote!

Also, check out the Pinterest Board:

https://www.pinterest.com/kris_black1/jackson-romy/