Note: I absolutely love MattPatt, and am going to use one of his theories. He does have a point.

If you haven't seen Eternals, don't watch the video below. It doesn't really matter anyways since I'm only using part of his theory but not the whole thing, since I have not watched Eternals NOR are they in this short AU. It's just that this is where it came from and I'm giving MattPatt the credit for the theory.

https://youtu.be/jgif_xUXa9E

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Cameraman walks into room where the avengers are. All avengers are wearing professional attire, except Peter who has his mask on.

"Hello. thank you for participating in this interview on such short notice. Today, we wish to ask exactly what happened in the final battle with Thanos."

The avengers shuddered, recounting the events that happened.

Loki starts.

"What was reported was actually quite similar to what happened, except for a few minor details. I indeed played dead for the five year gap since Thanos was not strong enough to fully kill me. It did leave a scar, though." Loki shifted his hair and dropped the spell he was using to show a faded red mark around his neck. Everyone in the room winced.

"I used a bit of ice and magic to keep myself alive and fool the purple titan. The ice cracked when he tried to crush my neck, making him think he succeeded.  It hurt like hell, though, and to now still hasn't fully healed, probably due to the power stone. Sorry, Thor." Loki said, glancing at his brother.

Thor rolled his eyes, then turned to the camera.

"I of course thought he was dead and... well the news caught all of that. There's not much to it since everyone knows what happened. Fast forward to the battle..."

"When Rogers over here was yelling "Avengers assemble, I dropped Loki on him by accident. Sorry." Stephen said, glancing sheepishly at Steve.

"Where's MY sorry, huh? That hurt!" Loki shouted.

"Fine. Sorry. But you deserved it." The sorcerer huffed.

"WHAT DID YOU-" Loki got up, summoning daggers only to be held back by Thor and a very annoyed Nat.

"Loki calm down. I'll buy you some of the sweets you like, okay? We're in the middle of an interview." Nat said, glaring at Stephen.

"Huh. I never knew you had a soft spot for him." Tony remarked.

"It's because he told me everything that happened, and was the one who found a way to bring me back. Plus, his food is amazing. Of course I'm not going to hate him!"

"Eh?" Bruce said, tilting his head slightly.

"He never cooks for any of us!" Tony pouted.

"What do you mean? he cooks for me, Shuri, Wanda, Pietro, and-" Peter said with a confused look

"That's because you guys are nice." Loki interrupted, giving Peter a warning look.

"But you never cook for me! Am I not nice, brother?" Thor said, looking quite upset.

"You dolt, all you ever eat are pop-tarts during the last... ten-ish years. I do offer some of my craft to you, albeit rare, but you always forget." Loki huffed.

"Oh... well that is true. Sorry." Thor gave Loki an apologetic look.

"ANYWAYS... I made a bunch of new tech during the gap and tossed it everywhere for people to use." Shuri said with a smug smile.

"And I finally used my ice for attack. It was... nerve wracking." Loki continued, remembering the situation.

"It was awesome." Peter said, eyes practically glowing.

"I eventually arrived, but Loki and the rest practically had things under control." Carol said, trying to calm Peter down.

"It was quite shocking to see his advancements. I never knew he could use that much magic." Thor said, staring at Loki.

"Neither did I. Those five years gave me a lot of insight on what my full potential was. I found a planet that gave me everything I need to survive-and more." Loki said.

"Eh? tell us more." Clint said, pulling out a bag of popcorn from seemingly nowhere.

"There was this one huge area that I used for training. Eventually, I got curios about my abilities and started testing my limits. It was... fascinating. I could recreate Asgard and make it look, feel, and sound real. After illusions, I tried healing, teleportation, conjuration, and more. Unfortunately there were not many intelligent creatures that I could test my psychological manipulation abilities on, so I never found that out. Eventually, I did everything and was simply bored. I first practiced my cooking, then dance, then knitting, and then" Loki said, using his fingers to mark each item he listed.

"Cut it short, Reindeer games." Tony said, rolling his eyes.

Loki huffed, then continued.

"Eventually I ran out of things to do and decided to learn more about my... heritage. It was hard to accept, but I knew I would be forced to use it again at some point in time. The place was practically empty, so I knew I could do this without hurting anyone else. That was how I was able to use my powers to that extent during the battle." Loki finished.

There was a moment of silence. Tony waited for a bit, then uncomfortably spoke.

"Anyways... At the end I saw strange hold up one finger and was like "Oh. Welp I guess I'll just die." and rushed in. I then stole the stones and was like "wait a minute... I could fly up! He can't reach me in the air. All I gotta do is get up and wait for someone who could handle the power of the snap." So I did. A few seconds later, Carol recovered and flew up,  taking the stones, staring at a VERY agitated Thanos."

"It was at this moment." Peter started

"That he knew" Shuri continued, giggling a bit

"He. Effed. Up." Loki finished, grinning.

The other adults gave them weird looks while Thor, Tony, and T'chala slowly lifted their hands to their faces.

"Not again..." Tony muttered.

"I did not see that as a solution. must have been in one of the remaining few that I did not see." Stephen shrugged.

"At the end, I snapped and the army was dusted away. I did leave Gamora here, though. Quill was both happy and sad at the same time, since Gamora was back but it wan't HIS Gamora. It was fine except for the massive headache and the arm I used to snap was sore for a month." Carol finished.

The guardians stared at Quill, then at Gamora, then at each other, then at carol, and... yeah you get the gist.

"Fast forward to a week, almost everyone recovered and we had to return the stones. I figured out that since it was "a soul for a soul", if Clint returned them he might be able to get Nat back." Loki remarked.

"It worked, although she was in critical condition. Tony kind of guessed that it might happen, so I put the watch he gave me onto her wrist. Shortly after, she disappeared." Clint said.

"We got her on the other end and treated her. I think there might be scars, though." Bruce commented.

"Eh, what's another scar? it's not like it matters. right?" Nat answered, half-joking.

Awkward silence

Bruce coughed and motioned at Clint to continue.

"Anyways... it was quite a trip trying to put the stones back in place. Honestly getting the Aether back in its place was the hardest task. Couldn't you have put it in an arrow or something else I could shoot?" Clint huffed. Rocket looked down, while Peter and Shuri gave each other a confused look. Tony motioned at them like "I'll explain it to you later."

"And that's about it! Nat and I decided to retire and hide from society-which been going well for us. Right, Nat?" Tony asked.

"Yup. I still go on missions if it's really serious, though. Or when someone needs babysitters." Nat answered, looking at Peter and Clint.

"Aw come on! I understand uncle Clint might need someone to babysit his kids, but I'm old enough! I'm sixteen!" Peter shouted indignantly.

"Who blew up the lab last week?"

"..."

"Who cause a fire from the seventieth to the seventy-third floor?"

"..."

"Who got web fluid all over the place?

"..."

"Exactly. You can't be trusted alone."

"But all of those times I was in the lab with Mr. Stark!"

"stARK"

"I WARNED HIM NOT TO DO IT"

"WHAT?! You told me it was fine!"

"I TOLD YOU to test it with a SIMULATION first!"

"You did not!"

"You did."

"Not."

"Did."

"Not."

"BOYS!" Nat yelled, causing them to stop.

cue akward silence. To start conversation, the cameraman motions to Thor.

"So. uh. what are you going to do?"

Loki pokes Thor, who gives him a scowl but doesn't say anything.

"Thor has been trying to work out, but..." Loki tried to say something but couldn't.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Yeah. He's not taking it seriously."

"Can you blame me, though?"

"Not really."

"Can you please stop dying?"

"Does it bother you?"

"A lot."

Loki pulls out a knife

"Loki..." Thor growls.

He slowly lifts it up

"No..."

"Oops."

Loki stabs himself.

"Goddamit. At this point I'm not even surprised."

Thor sets up a timer, then puts it on the counter.

"Bets?"

"Two hours." Tony says, placing down a thousand dollars.

"Ha! I call one hour max." Clint said, placing down a hundred.

"What are you doing?! Mr. Loki needs help!" Peter cried, pointing at a bleeding Loki on the floor.

"Half an hour." Stephen said, deliberately making eye contact with Tony to tell him he didn't cheat, simultaneously placing down a hundred..

"Ten minutes. He's gonna get bored after that." Nat checked her nails, placing down a hundred with her free hand.

"Mr. Doctor! Do you you know how to patch up a stab wound?"

"Anyways! I'm going to travel with the guardians for a bit, maybe see more of space with them. Not that I don't travel..." Thor said as if nothing was happening.

"I'm still captain, alright?"

"Sure you are."

"Just so you know I am in charge."

"Right..."

"And is your brother coming or not?"

"I mean it would be great bonding time, right?"

"But he's... yeah."

"He's going to love it."

"So I guess you're just dragging him along?"

"Sure."

"You're babysitting him though."

"NOBODY is babysiting me! Alright? NOBODY! And NO, I am not going. It's too cramped and I do NOT like to travel on tiny ships jumping through space warps when I could just teleport." Loki shot up, pointing at Thor and the guardians.

"Mr. Loki you're alive!" Peter exclaimed, hugging Loki.

"Yes child. I'm alive. But if Thor tries to drag me around again, he won't be for long." Loki muttered, glaring at Thor while comforting Peter.

Nat had a smug look, making a 'gimme' motion with her hands as Tony, Clint, and Stephen dejectedly gave their money to her.

Loki got up, went back to his chair, and the blood everywhere magically dissappeared. He threw her knife to Nat to let her inspect it, which she caught, took a look, laughed, wrote something with erasable marker, and threw back. Everyone was staring at the two of them, scared it might get out of control.

"A-anyways, I'll be taking care of Pep and Morgan, which I still haven't introduced you to yet, Kiddo. Please don't teach her Memes and Vines, though. I can't handle it."

"Wh-Mr. Stark! That's like not introducing her to food! How could you!"

"Kid. I'm old."

"You're not THAT old."

"Yes I am. I have grey hairs alrready."

"Please Mr. Stark?"

Tony could feel that Peter was giving him puppy eyes, though the mask prevented him from seeing it.

"Alright alright. But if she keeps annoying me or does some dangerous stuff, you're not getting the part company."

"Wait I was gonna get part of the company?!"

"Yup. You're sharing the other 2/3 with Harley and Morgan, though."

"Mr. Stark! Thank you thank y-"

"Sure. Now sit down and wait till this is over."

Loki partially raised his hands, then put it down as if he had something to say but couldn't figure it out.

"Hm?" Thor asked, looking at Loki.

"Stark. he said you had cursed knowledge. Also, something doesn't make sense."

"What?" Tony asked.

"What was the cursed knowledge?"

"Eh?"

"He said you had cursed knowledge. What does that mean?"

"I-I don't know."

Loki sighed, then turned to Carol.

"Carol. Did you learn anything when holding the gauntlet?"

"I'm not sure. When I first held it, there was a large surge of information, but I couldn't get all of it. It was... confusing."

"I believe that the information might help us one day. There was also something wrong with Thanos' logic."

"Well yeah. he could have just doubled the supplies instead of wiping half the universe." Tony replied, rolling his eyes.

"He knew that. And yet he was still desperately trying to wipe the people. Why, though?"

Nobody said anything.

"Did he say exactly how his people died out?" Loki asked

"No. he just said there were too many people. The place was in ruins, and the planet's axis was off by a few degrees. I don't think the inhabitants could have done that, though. Even then, the planet was clean and beautiful before it was destroyed, which made no sense. only something with immense force could have caused the planet to have that much damage."

"Yeah. It doesn't make sense. There's no correlation between lack of supplies and a species that was absolutely destroyed by some force. He said Extinction. If it was simply overpopulation, there should have been at least some survivors, but everything was destroyed. And yet he somehow predicted there would be destruction. Nothing makes sense."

"Which means there must have been some other threat that comes from overpopulation. What is it, though???"

It was silent for quite a while before Loki decided to speak again.

"I guess I could do some research by searching through books. Carol, do you mind bringing them to me?"

"If it means saving everyone? No, I don't mind. I'll come by every two months or so to supply you with the stuff."

"Thank you."

The camera man, now unsure what to do, waited for there to be a short silence before ending the interview.

"Well... That's it for today. Thank you everyone for coming to our broadcast. We truly appreciate everything you have done for us. To all our viewers, thank you for watching and supporting us. Until next time!

Screen fades to black as avengers are seen leaving the room.

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Well guys, that's it for the chapter. Loki judge one is taking some time since I need to do some research for the story. Thanks!