I am back at it again, feeling sad and anxious.

My shoulders feel weak with all these responsibilities
Like— all my efforts aren't even appreciated properly then what's the point?
If I'm just gonna end up alone then what's the point?
I just want to sleep and never wake up again. Never.

My parents never thought before pushing me forward into a never-ending trap.
And then I'm supposed to raise a sibling? Why? Why is it that your mistakes are my responsibility? Why do I always need to clean up after you?
I'd love them unconditionally if only I knew what it was in the first place.

I just want to jump from somewhere and end it.
I want them to suffer from emotional and mental breakdowns after they see a written note from me saying that they had been terrible parents for not giving unconditional love.

My 12 year old self cried everyday, was scared of my own parents and stayed up late to cope and think.

My 12 year old self hated every moment of it as if it was a sin.

My current self feels safe in the devil's embrace bcz you never let me know that there was an angel out there.

I hate to admit it. I hate to admit my egoistic nature and overly concerned mentality.

I hate to admit that things get to me easily and some small things or old memories echo in my head.

Like that one time I was bombarded with "Why did you take that book down egoistic coward?" On the lines of it.

Thanks. It was a Tuesday for you where you helped someone develop.

It did help me develop something: more ego, confidence and extreme anxiety when someone disregards me.

Any loud thump and I start to have these scenarios in my head and my ears start hearing bad things about me.

Do you know what it feels like, my love, to be alone even when you are surrounded by people choking you?

The fallen angel wanted revenge.

I want it too.

Should I burn my living state into ashes and rise as doom for you like a phoenix?

Can I live like this with you?

Can I leave you?

Both answers are no.

What's the point if I'm caged? Being hurt like a circus lion for the purpose of your inhumane desire. I will die in end anyways. So why not now? END IT I SAY.