Hello, lovelies.
It turns out I had to stay away longer. So yeah.
Guess I'm back for now.

If you want to hear vents and additional information, you can read below. Otherwise, you can go. There's literally nothing else besides my somewhat vent and explanation. It's not really... too long.
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I have to go away a lot from WattPad mainly because of some family issues, which I will NOT get into detail with so I can't get all sappy and sad, and you all know everything about my life, which I do not want. I prefer to keep my deepest problems out of the Internet.
I don't really know. I'm generally just stressed, more than I commonly tend to be, and it gets to my head whether I want it to or not.

And here's the vent.

If you never see me RP lately, it's because as of right now, I just feel like the passion and cheerfulness that I always had every time I roleplayed with other people keeps chipping away. It just kinda feels like a chore to do it now. I always have doubts about myself and my personal experience compared to other's experience, and I always feel pressured to say something intelligent and witty for either me or my character I play as, otherwise I think I will be doomed to be deemed as "The stupid one".

I purposely try to make my characters lean towards the unintelligent side just so I don't have to look like a struggling idiot  trying to think of something to say or do back to other people's characters, who always come up with incredible things to say in a blink of an eye that my character can't remark to without sounding unconfident or frustrated. It really makes me loathe myself, for the stupidest reasons ever.
I can't help but take it as a competition to see which roleplayer is more intelligent than the other.

Silly reasons, I know. But I am literally harming my self esteem and happiness whenever I RP now. I think the thing that makes it worse is when I can't reply fast enough to fit other's expectations, and then they give away to impatience and go roleplay with someone else. It's not that they're trying to make me feel unwanted, they just don't want to wait a while or read my weak responses, which I can understand.

So, I'm probably not going to RP for a little while. Not until my stressing and worry subdues. I'll come on WattPad occasionally, but most likely not too often.

But that's all you need to know, I guess. Sorry for the somewhat vent.