April

"This is really an irony." I speak, referring mostly to myself. I do not know what to do with myself. I feel like crap. I am crap.

What has he done to me?

"What is?" Chris asks oblivious to my condition. The truth would always be that no one else knew how the emotion I was feeling right now really felt, only unless they had been through it too.

I feel rejected and heart broken. No one around me knew how this felt. No one, not even my best friend Chris. And, I do not why but it only makes this hurt more.

Thank goodness Chris came right when he did. I do not know what I would have done with myself if he did not. Maybe, I would have been on my way to jail for assault on Jack. I am almost sure that is how whatever would have happened next would play out.

Oh, how good it would feel to hit him. I would have punched his face till it gave him a dark bruise. I would have slapped him till his face got red and then break his straight nose. Maybe, even bite him. He would have surely gotten one or two scars, and then probably, those human-mannequins that Jack would call his friends might come to pry me off of him along with the hospital securities.

Maybe, they would get all the staffs to stop me because I know for sure that I would not have let go easily.

In all, I would never have left there without breaking one of his legs or maybe both? At least this makes me smile. Imagining it is thrilling.

Surely, something must be wrong with me.

"April, what is an irony? " Chris seems eager to know, pulling me out of my negative thoughts.

"Him." I snap, lucky to remember what he is asking me about.

"Who, the dude at the hospital?" Chris asks his brows creasing in turn.

"Do you not see?" I start, almost transferring my aggression to Chris as I lean away from my seat and towards Chris upfront. "He is a Jackass. It suits him, his name is Jack and he is an ass." I cross my arms fiddling with the zipper of my Jacket looking for some sort of comfort but fund none.

I cussed at him in that hospital and would have said something more. It was no use. Besides, he would not have heard me. He had his back to me and walked away. He was a Jackass and maybe even much more.

Oh, How I wish he could hear me. I was boiling with anger and the steam I would have let out would have burnt Jack to a crisp.

For the first time in a long time, I cussed. Sure I had done that in my head and maybe times when I was by myself.

But, I had never cussed at anyone asides my mother and that was something I had previously promised myself not to do ever again. Not to her, and not to anyone. And here I am still cussing at Jack.

Good, we broke both promises and vows today.

I never knew it felt like this. My patients always came through the door of my office and tell me what they felt and how they felt when they got rejected, when they got their hearts broken, when they were dumped by the one they loved. They told me everything.

But, it should not feel like this. It just should not!

"April, language." He warns in an amused tone. "When did you even start to cuss."

"Apr-" He starts to call but stops short once he hears my sobs. The tears I had struggled to fight come forth like water from a broken tap. I want to punch something. I just want someone to feel what I am feeling.

I do not think I can deal with this. Maybe, I should never have met him. On the first day I met him on that road, he was my distraction. And even more so, I got so distracted that I forgot all those around me and only focused on him.

I hurt many people,but most importantly myself. With great sincerity, I truly feel bitter for the state I put Jack's girlfriend in. It was all my fault.

No! It was his fault. I refuse to blame myself for this. He did not bother to tell me he had a girlfriend. He should have told me. He knew there was an attraction between us. Or was there not?

But, he did tell me to leave.

Chris comes down quickly from the driver's seat of his car and comes over to the backseat. I have entirely forgotten about him. Quite shockingly, the tears still flow.

I do not think anything Chris would do now would help me. There was nothing no one could do for me. Nothing.

"Come here." He coos giving me his hand. I take it, prying my hands of my face. I go immediately into his arms and he wraps his arms around me in return.

"What did that bastard do to you?" Chris asks once I am tucked comfortably in his arms, his voice comes out muffled his face in my hair.

He does not need an answer. And even if he did, I am not ready to say it out. We both knew the answer. He broke me.

Jack broke me and it was all because of that almost kiss.