So once again here I am, talking about my depression life. I love how people start leaving me and don't give a fuck thinking I'm okay, people say I'm either, "Faking" or "Putting on a show" when in reality, I'm not. I'm breaking inside and I'm getting worse everyday, I'm surprised I'm still here to be honest. People ask me if I'm okay, all I do is put on a fake smile and nod saying, "I'm fine, just tired." Yeah tired, tired of trying to be happy, tired of faking of being happy, tired of pretending to be okay, tired of life and eating. Whenever I see a knife or a blade of some sort, I wonder to myself if I drag it across my wrists if I'll feel it. I wonder that because I don't feel anything else, no emotion, no happiness, like everything is a routine and I'm just a puppet being played with. Sometimes I wonder if I was put in the hospital if anyone would try and visit me, then again I remind myself I'm a nobody. I go home and curl up and I just start crying, I cry because I'm breaking inside. People say they look up to me and I don't see why, I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am. I stare at walls and everything around me just is like white noise, like nothing exists. I stare at objects and try to figure out how to use them because my mind goes blank, I stare at my hand and start tracing the lines just because my hands feel like doing that. Like, right now, I have a blank face writing this, because I'm trying not to cry. People are looking at me weirdly because I stare off a lot, I barely eat anymore. All these voices in my head aren't helping, telling me negative things that I already know, telling me people hate and don't care about me, which I know too. Telling me to cut, smoke, drink, vape, but I don't. I'm just, blank, and I don't know what to do. My fingers are just moving along the keyboard typing this because my brain can't function. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm thinking about listening to the voices, but I don't want to. I don't know anymore, I'll stop here, Bye