February 13, 2010

Natasha,

My month off is about halfway up. Finding time to write to you is going to be hard when I do have to start working again. Missions without you are going to be hard too. I think I'd rather work as the secretary for Tony Stark than be on missions without you.

Do you remember when we met? When I was sent to kill you? Do you ever think about that? About the choices we both made? In your coma, can you think about things like that? I hope so.

It was years ago, I think 3. You were a bad girl, Natasha. A hospital fire, São Paulo, Drakov's daughter, you weren't the most innocent Russian girl out there. SHIELD sent me to kill you. I was set, my bow was loaded, my arrow was aimed at your neck.

If I had let go of the string, if I had let that arrow fly, you would've died. That arrow would've gone straight through your neck. I never miss.

But when I looked into your eyes, in person, for the first time, something inside me said no. Just no. It might've been your red hair or your beautiful eyes that made me change my mind. I'll never really know now, will I?

Remember how I came down from my hiding spot and grabbed you from behind, putting you in a full Nelson. Do you remember what I whispered in your ear? "Sweetheart, your coming with me."

I made the right choice, didn't I? Well, if I had killed you, then I probably wouldn't be feeling the pain I am feeling now. But then we would've had those amazing times together. It's a hard choice, I don't think I'll ever have an answer.

~Clint