Sorry this took so long everyone, it was a hectic week :) So anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 21

I woke up as something pressed itself onto my chest. The moment the pressure registered; my eyes flew open. I squinted in the bright sunlight; my sensitive eyes still not used to the sudden change from the darkness of my dreams during my extremely peaceful sleep the night before. Surprise surged through me as the memory of where I had last been awake came back to me. Why is there sunlight in an underground prison?

I tried sitting up, only then realising why I’d felt so calm and safe. Logan had his arms wrapped tightly around my waist; his head nestled under my neck. The blood rushed to my cheeks as I felt his warm breath wash over my breasts as he snored softly.

There was just enough space between us for me to look down, allowing me to finally notice how we were wrapped around each other. His legs were tangled with mine; one of my legs trapped under his body and the other wedged between the two of his, the bundled up duvet at our feet. My arms were around his neck; one of them stuck under his head.

How the hell did this happen? I wonder silently as I worked on detangling my legs; slowly prying my pinned one out from under him. He seemed to stir but thankfully didn’t wake up. I wasn’t eager to hear what he had to say if he woke up to find me in his bed for the second morning in a row so I did everything as quietly and as gently as possible.

After what felt like ten minutes of struggling, I finally managed to pull myself away; a small part of me whimpering as I moved away from my mate; even if the distance was only a few measly inches. I easily ignored it; sitting up as Logan’s harsh words from the morning of the day before replayed in my mind.

The ache in my heart reminded me why I had to pull away from him in the first place; so I could get out of the room before he woke up. I still had no idea how I’d gotten here; but there was no way I was going to stick around to see what my mate thought of my presence. The thought of him reacting the way he had before had my heart beating erratically in panic.

Warmth surged through me for a moment when I realised that I had spent another night in Logan’s arms but the feeling soon disappeared as he began to stir again. I couldn’t even breathe properly as I watched his hand search the mattress.

He’s looking for you. A small voice in my head, whispered. I mentally laughed; sounding extremely bitter, even to myself. Get a grip Chelsea, he wouldn’t want you near him if you got down on your knees and begged. I snapped harshly.

Despite the negative response I anticipated from him, I was excited to feel his skin against my own. That’s pathetic. I scolded myself; incredulous at the fact that I could still feel that way despite the way he’d treated me most of the time I’d been here. His fingers slowly crawled towards my exposed thigh; his shirt that I had on already rolled up to my waist.

Not one of my muscles twitched as his hand brushed against my skin. It felt like he was searing my skin where he touched me; the sparks that always shocked me when we touched sending tingles though my body all the way down to my toes.

His eyes began to open; blinking a few times as they adjusted to the light. When his grey eyes landed on my green ones; I finally snapped out of my Logan-induced daze. “Chelsea.” He muttered; his expression confused. I wasn’t going to stay around long enough to see it shift into anything else; worried of what emotion would probably come next.

I shot out of the bed; ripping my leg away from his hand as I stumbled rather unsteadily to my feet. I watched in horror as he sat up in response; looking completely alert. “I’m sorry, I’m already leaving.” I muttered; not really sure what I was supposed to say. He opened his mouth to say something, but I didn’t bother waiting for him to speak.

Instead, I did the only thing I knew would ensure he couldn’t hurt me; I turned and ran. I threw his bedroom doors open and continued to run; making it down the stairs as quickly as I could. I heard his footsteps behind me a few seconds later; the sound getting louder as he gained ground on me, his longer legs providing a slight advantage.

I forced myself to run faster than I ever had before; propelling myself as far as possible with every step. If I had the chance, I would’ve hooted with joy when I saw my bedroom door; too bad I didn’t, so I just threw myself behind the door and kicked it close, locking it behind me.

I heard Logan knocking on it on the other side but chose to ignore him as I leaned my back against the door; trying my best to catch my breath. “Chelsea, open the door.” He commanded; knocking again.

I waited in the same place for a few minutes as I listened to his incessant knocking, my wolf pleading for me to let him in the whole time; completely uncomfortable with the thought of denying her mate, especially when his wolf was pleading with her from the other side of the piece of wood that barely put any space between us. I ignored her as I continued to refuse him.

When he finally left; I decided to take a shower to try to calm the adrenaline that now coursed through my veins. I quickly undressed; which was really easy because I wasn’t wearing much and jumped under the water, opting for a cold shower to properly wake me up.

When I was done, I brushed my teeth and washed my face; having to pull my towel down a few times as I’d accidentally chosen one that was a little too short for me. As I was stepping out of the bathroom; I heard a part of something Logan was saying on the other side of the door. “I’m breaking it down!” He yelled.

Before I could tell him not to; my door turned into a pile of splintered wood. I gripped my towel tighter as the impact had it slipping off of me slightly. The moment his eyes landed on me, I saw them widen; their usual gray slowly darkening to black. I began to blush as his eyes roamed my barely covered body shamelessly, before his eyes met mine.

Before he could say a word; I rushed into my closet and grabbed some underwear and clothes to wear. He opened his mouth to speak but I did first. “Can you please leave? I need to get dressed.” I said bluntly; doing my best to pretend that I didn’t give a fuck that he was studying almost all of my body as I stood in front of him in a tiny towel that barely covered my naked ass.

He narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously. “Where are you going?” He asked; his tone telling me that I didn’t have a choice but to answer.

“I’m going to go visit Jen, and get my shopping bags.” I answer truthfully, keeping my back to him as I spoke. I felt his breath on my bare shoulder; turning around immediately. My breath caught in my throat when I found him barely a foot away from me; searching my face for any trace of dishonesty.

“What happened earlier?” He asked, finally breaking the silence after several moments of awkward eye contact. I expected him to sound irritated or angry but he just seemed intrigued; like it was a weird reaction for me to run out of his room because he had woken up. When you put it that way, it was. My wolf muttered matter-of-factly.

“Listen Logan, I have no idea how I got into your room but it won’t happen again; okay?” I replied; trying to make him understand that I would keep my distance. “I swear that I wasn’t the one who decided I would spend the night there.” I continued, trying to rush everything out as fast as possible. He looked like he wanted to say something, so I just decided to blurt everything else out right then.

“I don’t understand why you dislike me so much, but you should know that I got the message, alright? I’ll leave you alone, I’ll stay away. I won’t pretend like you love, or care about me because you’ve made it pretty clear that you don’t. I know that I should try to get rid of the feelings I have for you, but so help me God, I just can’t.”

I feel my heart cracking as I spoke, but I had to do this; for the sake of my mate. I honestly couldn’t comprehend it, but if he believed that he would be happier without me; then I would do the right thing and let him have that happiness; even when I knew that by doing this I would be giving off a large part of my soul if he decided to leave me.

I clutched my towel even tighter as my chest began to tighten. I felt the tears pool in my eyes as I continued. “You don’t love me, I understand that. You might never love me, but please know that I care for you and I hope that you can feel that too for me someday. I don’t know how long that might take; but I’m willing to wait. When you do; even if it’s only for a second; you would’ve made me the happiest person alive. I look forward to that moment, if it’ll ever come, but until then; I just want you to be happy.

I’m sorry if it was something I did; I truly didn’t notice if I did something to offend you when we met, but please know that I never meant to hurt you.” I finished speaking in a whisper before I grabbed my clothes; rushing away from him as the hot tears began their trail down my cheeks. He thankfully didn’t stop me so I kept walking until I locked the bathroom door behind me; managing to hide the tears from his view.

Once the door clicked; I leaned on it as I began to sob. I slid down the wooden surface until my legs were resting on the cold floor; my whole body shaking as I cried. I couldn’t even describe what I felt at that moment. I realised that my mate may never care for me; I’d understood that a long time ago, but now it seemed even more real than when I had first had first grasped this fact.

He may never care for me, never love me, we may never marry or mate and start a family; the thought making me cry even harder. But even through the blinding pain; I had to remind myself of what was truly important.

I loved him and when I admitted that, my mother’s words that she’d once uttered when I was younger came back to me: love is putting a person’s needs above your own. I had to remember that that was what I had to do for Logan now. If he was happier without me; then I would leave him be.

I must have been sobbing on the floor for a while because when I finally stopped and got to my feet, my eyes were red and puffy; dried tear trails streaking down my cheeks below them. I quickly got dressed and washed my face again; trying my best to wash away the evidence of what I’d been doing so I wouldn’t worry Jen when she saw me. Once I was done, I slowly peeked my head out.

I exhaled in relief when I found my room Logan free; though a part of me yearned for his presence. I ignored it as I slipped into a pair of flat, leather boots and sneaked out of my room. I checked for any sign of Logan, but he seemed to be upstairs; making my trip to the front door much easier. When I finally found myself outside; I broke into a run, needing to get some distance from my mate.

***

I knocked on the door as soon as I arrived at the Beta house, but there wasn’t any answer. I tried a few more times; tapping my foot against the floor impatiently as I waited. I was contemplating tracking down that shifter I’d threatened yesterday; the thought of him hurting Jen making my wolf stir, when the door creaked open.

It revealed Jen looking rather tired with horrible bed hair, like I’d just woken her from sleep; which I probably had. I hoped that she wouldn’t notice my red eyes but of course, she did; her eye brows shooting up immediately.

“Why have you been crying, did something happen to you?!” She asked; not at all worried about her own well being that had just been threatened by my mate the night before. “Did the Alpha punish you for helping me?” She continued; her voice filled with panic. “I told you; you shouldn’t have helped me!”

I grasped her arms that had been swinging around wildly as she’d ranted. “Calm down Jen, he didn’t do anything to me last night.” Unfortunately, my wolf muttered. My cheeks warmed as her words brought the image of the two of us pressed up against each other from this morning.

When she heard that she finally calmed down enough to realise that we were still standing in front of her door. She let me in; walking with me as we both took a seat on the couch. She pulled her hair into a messy bun as I spoke. “I woke up in Logan’s bed again today.” I started.

Her eyes widened. “What?! How did you get there?”

I shrugged. “That’s the thing, I have no idea.” I said; my tone confused.

“What did the Alpha do?”

“Here’s where it gets weird; he didn’t really do anything.” I admitted.

“Wait, then what were you crying about?”

I closed my eyes and exhaled through my nose as I gripped my head; not at all sure how I was supposed to tell her that I had basically given my mate the choice to leave me. When I finally spoke, my voice was soft. “I told Logan that I would keep my distance; that I wouldn’t try and force myself into his life anymore.”

All Jen did was give me a sympathetic look as she imagined what doing that herself would feel like. She pulled me into a tight hug. “Are you sure that’s what you want?” She whispered; her voice heavy with concern.

I shook my head as I hugged her back. “No, it’s not.” I gasped out, my heart twisting again, before I began to cry; Jen letting me rest my head on her shoulder like she had not too long ago. “But, I think that’s what he wants. It’s probably what he’s wanted all this time; distance, from me.” I finished; my words coming out in between sobs.

She rubbed my back soothingly. “Do you want to stay here for a while?” She offered. “It might not help; but if you’re trying to get some distance, my doors are open. It’d probably be better than you silently torturing yourself around him.”

Is that really what we need? I asked. I don’t want to leave him. My wolf responded; her voice breaking. We aren’t leaving him, but we have to protect ourselves. Jen is right, we can’t keep torturing ourselves around him like this. We can’t just keep bothering him with our unwanted affection, that’s not fair to him; he has way more stuff to think about than a whiny mate who’ll only be a burden in his life. I explained.

I nodded; both of us; my wolf rather reluctantly, deciding that maybe distance was what we needed right now as well. “Thanks Jen.” I muttered.

She pulled away. “Don’t mention it.”

The previous night came back to me. “Are you alright?” I say, motioning to her stomach.

She shrugged. “It’s okay now, Ethan had it worse.”

I was alarmed in a second. “What happened to him?!” I demanded.

“He had to get stitched up yesterday because the Alpha beat him up so bad.” She said nonchalantly; like we were talking about something as mediocre as the weather. I cringed as the thought of something like that happening occasionally entered my mind. Maybe it does. My wolf added.

“Is he okay now?”

“He is just fine.” I heard from behind me. I turned to see Ethan shamelessly displaying his bare, muscular abdomen as he descended the stairs in nothing but a pair of sweatpants. If I didn’t have Logan as a mate I probably would’ve been drooling at how good looking my mate’s Beta was. I studied his body and he was indeed unscathed; his wounds probably healing during the night. “Nice to see you here again, Luna. What’s the occasion?” He asked; smirking.

“Chelsea will be staying with us for a while.” Jen cut in from beside me. “So you better start wearing shirts in the morning.”

He disappeared into the kitchen for a minute; reappearing with a glass of orange juice. He threw himself onto the armchair in front of us and sighed. “What happened this time?” I explained everything to him. He listened to me with a deadpan expression the whole time. When I was done he took a sip of his drink.

“Alright, you can stay; not that I can refuse you anyway, but the Alpha better not come in here and kick my ass again or I’m kicking both of you out.” He says jokingly before disappearing upstairs to his room again; saying that he needed to make a phone call.

He might have been trying to sound like he'd been joking, but I could still hear an underlying tone in his voice that could only be described as grim. I waited patiently for Jen to take a shower before we drove back to Logan’s house to get my clothes.

***

When we got there, there didn’t seem to be any sign of him so we rushed as quietly as we could into my room. I was a packing tornado as I threw my clothes into the suitcase I’d brought with me from home. As I was zipping it closed; I felt his presence.

I turned to find my mate watching me from the door; the muscles in his jaw noticeable clenched as he did. Jen was wearing a worried look behind him. “I’m going to stay with Jen and Ethan for a while.” I explained, not saying anything else before I began to walk around him.

I saw his fists clenched and if it was even possible; the muscles in his jaw tensed even further as he seemed to be trying to control an emotion I couldn't detect through the bond. He began to lift his arm as I passed but soon dropped it; not doing anything to stop me, which I had to admit, stung a little. I hid the pain as I walked to the door, Jen trailing behind me.

When I gave him one last glance; he was still watching me; his face void of any emotion. I couldn’t help but notice how lonely he looked; my wolf immediately blaming me for causing it. You abandoned him! She growled.

I didn’t do this.I started, all the anger I felt at his past behaviour flowing into me; making me realise that I couldn’t even think of one thing I’d done to wrong him since we’d been together, despite the dozens of times he'd done so to me. He did. I finished; before I walked out the door, not being able to help the surge of guilt I felt as I left, despite my revelation.