Trigger warning: suicide - please proceed with caution if you are sensitive to the said topic

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Their victory at JIMA felt unreal when rumours came crashing down on IDOLiSH6: Mitsuki holding the group back, Yamato being a secret lovechild of a famous actor, Nagi being a prince of Northmare and such. The boys were close, but they were just normal human beings, susceptible to their own thoughts and feelings. Those rumours weren't normal. Judging from the amount of information flying around town, they were meant to break the boys apart. Unfortunately, it was working. Relationships between the I6 members wavered.

None of the boys could smile when their president, Otoharu, announced their eligibility to perform at BoW. Instead, they fought. Hard enough for Otoharu to dismiss them. Iori hated it when things did not go to plan. He thought hard about how he could get everyone together again. How lonely it was to be alone in the dorm backyard with just a moon in the sky. Iori never thought the peace and quiet he wished for every day would come like this.

*Rrrrrrring.*

The sound of his phone almost made the high school boy jump. He checked to see the caller ID. The timing couldn't be worse, he thought. Anyway, he picked up. "Hello, Kujou-san."

"Um. Are you...or I6 okay, Iori?"

Ah. Of all the things Kujou Riku had ever said to him, those simple words were rare. Riku was never trained to ask about other people's wellbeing. Not to mention the fact that Riku also had not been in regular contact with Iori, so the centre greatly appreciated the thought. "Honestly, no, but I believe we'll get through it."

"I-" Riku took a pause. He was thinking of how to word things. "I don't know how you or I6 are feeling, but uh, stay strong, okay?"

Those words made Iori feel weak. The boy hugged his knees. "I know, Kujou-san." He hadn't realised how much he needed mental support until now.

"Well then, good night, Iori."

After Iori put his phone in his trousers pocket, he saw a familiar figure entering the area. "Iori..." The shorter boy called his name.

"Nii-san..." He looked at his older brother with eyes that had just lost their fierceness. Mitsuki joined Iori on the bench. The older brother touched the boy's knee.

"Hey, I'm sorry for lashing out at you," spoke Mitsuki in an apologetic tone. Right, the Izumi brothers fought too. Mitsuki was hit hard with that rumour of him holding the group back. He let jealousy get the best of him. His brother was born perfect; why couldn't he be like that too? Never mind that thought now. He loved his brother very much. It would take much more to break them apart.

Iori shook his head before smiling at his brother. It was a wonderful feeling to have Mitsuki back. He would not know how to go on without the support of his dear brother.

"Who were you talking to just now? Was it Riku?"

"Ah." Iori blushed, realising Mitsuki had probably been watching him the whole time. "Yes."

"You like him, don't you?" Mitsuki wrapped his arm around Iori's shoulder, pulling the boy closer. "I saw it. That night, you two were k-"

Iori gasped. "Nothing of the sort! It was him who kissed me not-"

Mitsuki's eyes went wide. "You KISSED?!? I was going to tease you by saying you two were cuddling, but seriously? You two KISSED?!?" His mouth was hanging agape.

"Ah!" Iori, you idiot! You thought too far ahead again. "I'm sorry, Nii-san."

"Baka, why are you sorry?" Mitsuki grabbed both of Iori's shoulders tightly so the boy would face him properly. "Listen, I'm just happy you found someone special. Sure, that kid looks like he's got issues, but he seems like a good kid. I'm sure the others will support you too!" He winked.

"The others. Right." Now that Iori had recovered his lost energy from Riku and Mitsuki's support, he was back to thinking logically again. "Where are the others?"

Mitsuki smiled and nodded. "Let's find them together, Iori."

———####################################————

Before long, I6 resumed their usual activities. They came back stronger than ever before after going through that hardship. Their fans, including Kujou Riku, could see how well they got along, even through the screens.

"See, son? Those rumours only affected those with emotions. In the end, they'll break. You are immune to all of those."

Riku recalled the text his father sent him while the rumours were everywhere on social media. The boy held his phone close to his heart. He muttered to himself alone in his dark apartment room. "I know you made Tsukumo spread those rumours, father." A sad smile appeared on his face. "In the end, IDOLiSH6 came back. They look like they've become closer. They've evolved, father." The boy looked up to the plain white ceiling while sitting on his heels. "They'll continue to grow, and I'll always be the same pretty doll."

The boy placed his phone on the floor before heading for his apartment's exit. BLACK or WHITE, one of the biggest music competitions of the year, was happening in a matter of days, yet Riku left his place in the middle of the night, wearing light clothes and carrying nothing with him.

How dazzling this place was, even after the disappearance of the legendary idol, Zero. Riku let the cold wind blow against his body while standing a few steps away from the deep lake surrounding Zero Arena. Riku only took his eyes off the place when he heard the sound of a car stopping nearby. A familiar figure soon walked towards him. Staring into the man's dark and cold eyes, the redhead offered his greetings. "Hello, father."

"Son, what do you think you're doing? You should be staying at home and focusing on BoW." Kujou Takamasa stopped a good distance away from Riku. He seemed composed, but certainly not pleased.

"I only wish to talk." Riku pulled his gaze away from the man. Instead, he faced the direction of the lake and the shining Zero Arena. "My life is not yours anymore now that my parents are dead. I might be your adoptive son. You might have taught me lessons, but you were never a father to me." The boy spoke calmly, perhaps too calm for the words he was saying.

~~

Meanwhile,

Iori left the IDOLiSH6 dorm in a hurry after he saw a message from Riku.

"Seeing I6 in high spirits is nice.

Please continue to bring smiles to people's faces, Iori."

It wasn't strange for Riku to say strange things. It was strange for Riku to make a request! Iori feared something bad had happened. He kept spamming messages yet received not a single reply from Riku. He called, and the phone seemed to be turned off. Nothing about that felt normal to Iori. Somehow, he had a very bad feeling and he hated it. Earlier, he visited Riku's apartment. All the lights were off. No one was there, so he left and ran around the places he had seen Riku. Eventually, he found himself at Zero Arena. He was starting to lose all hope when he saw a man exiting a taxi and walking towards a red-haired boy who he would know from anywhere. Kujou Takamasa! Iori stealthily followed the man. He ended up hiding behind a large tree just steps away from the two men. He decided to listen in for now.

~~

Takamasa laughed. "Foolishness! Are you saying you don't need me anymore? What can you possibly do without me?" Clearly, the guy was irritated. Yet another attempt to challenge him from his son. He was willing to forget the times Riku disobeyed his orders. Perhaps he could no longer do so when his son was only getting more and more rebellious.

"Without you, I can live as a human, as an idol full of flaws, but also full of life." Riku turned around to face his father once again. "A puppet show offers no depth, no growth, and no connection. An empty husk can only be pretty for a certain amount of time before it is forgotten by the world." He pointed at Zero Arena. "Maybe Zero realised it and decided to run away."

Takamasa shouted furiously. "Don't you dare question my method, Riku!" Anger consumed him. "You're not made to feel. You only exist to fulfil my dream, and this is the only way!"

Riku gave Takamasa a blank stare, almost as if he expected those answers. On the other hand, Iori's body shook. There was no way he could forgive Takamasa for what he had done to an innocent boy who used to smile brightly.

After a brief moment of silence, Riku let out a sigh. "Very well, father, if you want me to be remembered as a pretty figure and not a legendary idol, then so be it." Without turning around to face the water, Riku took a small step backwards. Then, he lifted both his arms out to the side. It only took two tiny steps before his left foot touched the water's surface, and he did not pull it upwards.

Immediately realising what his dear friend was trying to do, Iori gasped. Acting purely on instinct, he got up and dashed towards Riku. Even when he sprinted as fast as his body would allow him to, he could only touch the tips of Riku's fingers that were slipping from his hand.

Seeing Iori above him, Riku's eyes widened. Curse his fate for not letting him live as a living doll in Iori's mind. Iori would remember him as someone who took his own life. Riku wished Iori was not there during his last moments.

SPLASH.

It was too late to change anything. When his back touched the cold water, Riku knew he was going to drown in regret. The Iori he saw was wearing an expression he had never once seen on the perfect high school boy. Letting his body sink deeper into the water, Riku closed his eyes, welcoming the darkness that would consume both his body and mind. He promised Iori that he would 'try', and he did, but a broken glass was bound to fall out eventually.

SPLASH.

Opening his eyes as a reaction to the sound of something entering the water, Riku could see a blurry figure resembling shining light coming from above. Was it not the darkness that was going to take him away? That light was chasing his sinking body. It soon embraced his body, making him magically lighter. That force pulled him upwards. Riku welcomed it. He had already surrendered his soul to fate. They could do whatever they wanted to him.

"...Ha! huff huff"

"cough cough! Haaaa...!"

Riku was hit with the harsh, cold reality when he somehow emerged from the water, his hands hanging on the very ground he stepped off. Not leaving him any chance to think, his chest tightened, reminding him to keep getting air into his lungs. It didn't matter how hard it was to do so. The boy's first instinct was telling him to hold on to that platform and draw in deep breaths regardless of whether he valued his dear life or not.

Wasting no time, Iori pushed himself upwards. Once his feet touched the hard ground, he reached his arms out to grab Riku's torso in the water and pulled the redhead upwards with all his might. He went down on his knees, thinking of wrapping his jacket around Riku's body, but it wouldn't help when it was soaking wet. Rage consumed him when he turned his head around to find a man who only stood there, doing nothing.

"Y-you bastard!" With panting breath, Iori shouted angrily at Takamasa, who, for once, seemed to be in shock. He hugged the heavily-breathing Riku the tightest he could with both arms and swore he would never let go. "He isn't a tool, and he isn't yours. Now, GET OUT!" Iori wanted Takamasa to leave before he broke down crying. With eyes full of melancholic welling tears, Iori yelled. "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!!"

Left without a choice, Takamasa clicked his tongue and walked away. As soon as the man was out of sight, Iori allowed his tears to fall. The thought of losing Riku was too much for him to bear. Sobbing, he rested his teary face on Riku's shoulder. Incapable of saying anything else, "Riku..." he said his friend's name. Feeling his strength sapped away, Iori's grip on Riku's body weakened.

"Iori..." Struggling Riku pulled himself away from the boy. Slowly and gently, he reached his trembling hand up to touch Iori's face, before wiping away the never-ending stream of tears with his thumb. "Why did you come? I never wanted you to see this." Riku felt more and more guilty the longer he looked at Iori even through his blurry vision. "Please don't cry, Iori. Please." He forced himself to speak even when it was hard enough to catch his breath. Seeing his friend in such a state shattered the walls around Riku's heart. Forgetting about his own pain, he kept muttering for Iori to stop crying imploringly while also apologising repeatedly.

"I'm sorry, Iori."

———####################################————

Iori's first instinct was telling him to get Riku to a warm place. Ignoring the fact that they were soaking wet and that Riku was breathing loudly through his mouth, Iori got them a taxi. He had done his research, and he remained functional enough to know that Riku was on the verge of having an attack. Luckily, that gave him the option of taking Riku home safely and preventing it from developing into a full-blown attack.

Get it together, Iori. The boy thought this was the time when Riku most needed his support. He wasn't supposed to be the one crying, yet he couldn't seem to stop the tears from welling up. During their ride home, he couldn't bring himself to look at Riku, not when he knew he would get mad. Iori would rather not shout at his hurting friend right now.

Iori invited himself into Riku's apartment, making sure the place was heated up. He grabbed the first oxygen bottle he found and gave it to Riku. "Go get change when you can breathe better," he ordered the older boy without making eye contact.

After several minutes, Riku placed the oxygen bottle down, got up, and went into his bedroom. He got changed and also walked out with a towel and another set of clean clothes. "You should change too, Iori."

After drying himself and sitting on the couch, it was only then that Iori made eye contact with Riku. The older boy sat right next to Iori. Riku kept his head down, feeling rather heavyhearted.

"Why, Kujou-san?" Iori couldn't keep running away from reality, so he might as well ask the hardest question. "Why did you try to kill yourself?" His tone couldn't be more bitter. A part of him felt betrayed, hurt that Riku did not come to him first or even just talk to him about it.

"Iori, I-" Riku grabbed hold of his own arms, trying to stop his body from shaking.

Iori shook his head in disbelief. "Didn't you say you were going to try? I told you time and time again to come to me when things are too overwhelming." Not able to control his emotions any longer, he got up and shouted at his friend. "I trusted you, Kujou-san!"

Riku refused to look at Iori. He didn't even want to listen. It got to the point where everything was overwhelming. Even if Riku wished to talk about it, he wouldn't know how to. Not when everything felt wrong: him having emotions, him being an idol for no one's sake and him existing. "Iori doesn't understand how I feel." It took only a brief moment for the life in his eyes to die down.

"Of course, I don't!" Iori placed a tight grip on Riku's arms. The redhead winced in pain. He tried to shake himself free, but Iori wouldn't let go. Leaning forward, he made sure Riku would see his eyes, which were full of torture and sadness. "You don't let anyone reach you. You shut yourself in that dark room of yours. Nanase-san, me, even the others in IDOLiSH6. We're all trying to help but you don't ever look at us." It took all of him to not shout. Even so, his voice shook from having taken a blow of what felt like a betrayal.

"I-Iori?" Riku froze in shock. His eyes soon became watery. No. He didn't want to see Iori so agitated and distressed, no. Never. "Please don't make that face." Riku caressed Iori's cheek gently. "I'm going to-" Riku broke into tears. Hyperventilating, he kept muttering 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

Iori's anger quickly melted away. The high school boy sat back down before repeatedly and softly patting Riku's back, telling the boy to calm down.

"I'm tired, Iori." The solo idol cried out, letting his inner thoughts spill. "It feels wrong to have emotions, to be happy. I feel like I won't ever change and it hurts."

"Listen to me, Riku," Iori sighed. He reached his arm down to grab hold of Riku's waist. Wanting Riku's full attention, he spoke using the clearest voice he could muster at the time. "You, of all people, deserve to be happy. You're meant to be loved, not as a doll, but as a person. A-and I love you."

For the first time, Riku felt something like a strong sense of relief, like all of a sudden his monochrome world burst into one of vibrant colours. Love. When was the last time he heard that word? A word he never knew he needed to hear. Mysteriously, his heart became much lighter. Feeling much calmer, he rested his head on Iori's shoulder. "Even if I can't return that love just yet?" It was very typical for Kujou Riku to say something so inconsiderate with those doll-like eyes.

"Hah?!" Iori pulled away, causing Riku to almost fall off the couch. "You're a terrible person, Kujou-san," spoke Iori. "You're the one who kissed me first. Take some responsibility!" The centre looked away, blushing.

And so the boys spent a few more moments in each other's arms before they were reminded of the reality: BoW. Right. Days and they would compete against each other on stage as rivals. Iori would leave, but not without the final confirmation. "Promise me."

"I know, Iori." Riku held Iori's hand, squeezing it firmly. "I'll call you if I need anything."

"Good." Nodding, he smiled. Just when he was about to step outside Riku's apartment, he felt a pull in his arm.

"You should call me too, Iori." Riku offered his kindness in his own innocent way. "Like if you need help with homework or anything. I'm still a year older than you, you know?"

Iori shook his hand free. "No, thank you." Like a perfect high school student would need any help with such a trivial matter. He slammed the door shut, leaving Riku blinking twice in confusion on the other end.

———####################################————

There came the fateful night: BLACK or WHITE, where people all across Japan would have their eyes fixated on the performance, ready to vote for their favourite idol. This year was pretty special as there were more than two sides to choose from in the male category. IDOLiSH6 was a group of future bright stars who represented side WHITE.

"Side GREY, Kujou Riku, how fitting." Tsukumo Ryo seemed amused. "It suits you. Your confused little brain is probably full of grey clouds." He poked Riku's temple teasingly, then continued to walk around the prep room.

"Not tonight, manager." Riku reached his hand up to the ceiling, forming a firm fist. "The stage is mine tonight. Not I6's. Not TRIGGER's." Getting up from his chair, Riku shot his manager one last glance and left his room for the stage with pure determination. To say he had himself figured out would be too far off. Just that he knew he refused to appear in front of the people as the living doll tonight. He was to be there as Kujou Riku. He knew he couldn't change overnight, or that he'd be fine in a matter of days, but he told himself that every little step counts.

The screams filled the area as soon as his name was called. Kujou Riku marched towards the centre of the stage, basking in the spotlight where his usual blank stare gained life. The solo idol looked at the people surrounding his stage. Riku took a deep breath in as a sign to set himself free. Once he exhaled, a smile appeared on his face. While it was not half as bright or cheerful as the one he had on his face at Kimi to IDOLiSH6 Night, it was potent enough to catch his fans' attention.

"Everyone. The stars are beautiful, aren't they?" He spoke to the men and women in awe. "Won't you allow me to become your brightest star tonight?"

Riku shot his right arm up to the sky, signalling the start of his ultimate show. "Eyes on me! It's Kujou Riku!" The whole venue went dark. "Listen to my song, 'Monologue Note'!"

This new song heavily relied on Riku's vocal prowess, and that alone, even without his dance, was breathtaking. The boy did what he did best: lose himself in a song. His choreography felt somewhat different from other Kujou Riku songs. It was very smooth, in a way that power was replaced by grace. While he still lacked the ability to express himself, the melody brought him to life.

I won't run away anymore. The pain, the guilt, the happiness and all the rest, I will live with them. There are people waiting for me out there. To reach them, I must allow them to reach me.

Won't you ever be one of them, father?

———####################################————

Tenn's eyes gleamed as he stood backstage, watching the radiant light shining on stage. Riku, you're back! How he wished he could reach his tiny arms out to hold his little brother. Finally, Riku has found his freedom.

"Wow, that's different." Gaku shrugged his eyebrows. If he wore glasses, he would probably be adjusting them to get a clearer view.

"You think so too? He seems much more natural. I can't explain it." Gaku wasn't the only one who noticed that change; Ryuu and several people within the audience could feel it too.

Tenn was proud to be here today. Proud to be facing worthy opponents like Kujou Riku and IDOLiSH6. Proud to stand on stage with his best friends. After what they had been through, there was no way TRIGGER could lose. The three kings entered the stage, aiming only for victory.

Did it suddenly get hotter? With seductive, curvy movements and red flashing lights, TRIGGER's 'Leopard Eyes' quickly took the centre of attention. None could resist how the Sexy Beast's hips swayed to the rhythm of the song. Not to mention how the handsome Yaotome's voice was accompanied by the charming figure of the modern-day angel.

~~

"Kujou-san..." Iori smiled.

Surprisingly, he wasn't the only one. "He's a kind person, isn't he? Kujou-kun." Sougo approached Iori, smiled at him, and started a small talk. To Sougo, Riku was shining brilliantly, just like that day he sang for the lonely children at the hospital. Since that day, he started following Kujou Riku more closely. While Sougo had never called himself a big fan, he had been hoping for the day he could become one. Today was that day.

"He is, Osaka-san." Iori nodded. Shoving his feelings aside for now, he turned to face the rest of the I6 members. "Are we ready?"

"YEAH!" I6 replied in their super energetic voice, totally hyped by the two performances before them.

We had a stage of grace, a stage of charm, and now it was time for a stage of colour. A beat backdrop appeared behind the boys on stage, dancing to the beat of their newest song, "Dancing BEAT!!'. The boys did anything they could to get their fans to move to their harmony. They were thrilled to see the 'sharp and cool' Iori being the centre of fun for a change. Whatever moves they pulled off, those came from their hearts.

~~

And so the time came when the three idol groups were reunited on stage for the moment they were waiting for. Side WHITE, side GREY and side BLACK - who would come out on top tonight? Who captured the most attention? Who was most loved by the fans?

*Thump thump.* Kujou Riku could hear his own heartbeat. Keeping his head down and his eyes shut, he waited for the moment of truth. If he opened his eyes then and there, he felt like he was going to faint. So this is pressure. He'd never thought a feeling could feel so physical.

The numbers on the idols' heads kept randomising until the clock signalled the end of the voting time. The whole venue went dark, but not for long. The spotlight soon found its way to the victor. Finally, Mr Shimooka made his appearance, ready with the name of the winner in his hand.

"And the winner is... "

———####################################————

Lowvely people! Hewlo! I don't think anything amount of fluff in this chap is going to counter what happened so um, I hope you enjoyed it anyway. 

And um, a quick note, while I love when you all are reading my fic please prioritise your health. Like if reading this makes you feel extreme pain or brings up anything super unpleasant then please stop. People are triggered by different things so I can't always point every potential trigger warning out there. Please take care! 

A few chap notes:

- the part at the beginning happened in canon. Just didn't go as far as to use the word 'disband' in the fic
- "Iori doesn't understand how I feel" line was intentional :P
- I know Monologue Note is Sougo's in canon. Allow me to steal it for Riku for this fic XD
- In the original fic they sang Memolo which is they same as canon but i forgot that the song literally started with "Hey, girl, we are SEVEN here we go!" Big oopsie from me, so I'm replacing it with dancing beat.