"Your name. Change it back to Nanase."

Standing in front of the graveyard, Riku gave Tenn a blank look. Changing his name now would mean nothing. It had been too long since he became Kujou. Reverting his surname back to Nanase would mean nothing but trouble for Tenn if Riku ever ended up in an entertainment business again, which was not out of the question.

"I have discussed this with Gaku and Ryuu. Our president too." Tenn spoke calmly. He came prepared, as expected of a perfectionist. Gaku nodded along to confirm it was true.

"My old man only thinks about money." Gaku shrugged his shoulders. "Saying if after the craze of your disappearance dies down you were to reappear as an idol, then a collaboration would benefit TRIGGER." He rolled his eyes. Gaku knew his father had been keeping an eye on Kujou Riku as if he was waiting for a 'golden chance'.

"Of course, if that were to happen we would have to talk about our blood relations at some point." Tenn smiled a little thinking about how he would no longer have to be so distant to Riku on stage.

Riku bit his lip. Suddenly, he felt anger surge throughout his body. "Don't talk like it is so easy!!" He shouted at the two TRIGGER members. "Did you think I want my name to completely disappear from the world along with my songs?!?"

What Riku said wasn't too overdramatic. Public places such as restaurants and temporary event venues usually avoided playing Kujou Riku's songs in order to protect themselves from every possible talk and problem that was prone to come with them. It hit Riku hard because those songs were a big part of him that made him feel alive.

Tenn was afraid that Riku had misunderstood his intention. "Riku, that's not-"

Riku lunged at his twin brother and grabbed him by the shirt collar. "Father might have been very cruel to me, but he was still a part of my life. You weren't, Tenn-nii! Stop trying to take my life away!"

"Oi!" Gaku used his palm to push the redhead away then pressed the boy's shoulders before Riku could do anything to Tenn. "You are the one who is pushing him away, spoiled brat!" The oldest glared at Riku like a hawk hunting its prey. "You have no fucking idea how much Tenn cares about you! Seeing you being ungrateful pisses me off, Kujou."

"Gaku, stop! Please!" Tenn pleaded while hugging Gaku from the back. "Don't work Riku up anymore! He is hurting!"

"See?" TRIGGER leader continued to talk sense to Riku. "Even now, Tenn thinks about you! And you? You only think about yourself!"

Riku was taking deep breaths in an attempt to not lose himself to the demon of fury. Even Gaku could see that the boy had trouble keeping his intense emotions under control. "Tenn, let me go. I'm not going to hurt him." Gaku spoke to Tenn softly so Tenn slowly loosened his grip.

"We will talk again when you've calmed down, Kujou." Gaku took out his car key and signalled for the twins to follow. "Go sit inside the car first."

Gaku and Tenn sat quietly in a stationary car to give Riku time to deal with himself. Tenn occasionally rubbed Riku's shoulder or thigh gently. "You'll be okay, Riku. You'll be okay." He whispered.

"I'm sorry, Tenn-nii." After a few minutes, Riku gave his twin brother a loose hug. "I shouldn't have said those things."

Tenn ruffled Riku's hair. "Don't worry. I know you're going through a tough time. Still, aren't you a silly boy? Whatever was a part of your life will always remain a part of it. It won't disappear just by changing your name."

"But I've changed, haven't I? Since I became Kujou Riku."

"Yes," Tenn smiled lightly. "But Riku is and will always be my Riku."

"..." Riku thought hard. He was not sure of what to do. He wished the whole thing was a simple yes-or-no question.

Gaku sighed. "Kujou, there's no rush or anything. You look like you are going to explode."

For once, Tenn agreed with Gaku. "Just think about it when you are ready, Riku, and know that I'm fine with whatever answer you decide to give."

Letting out a long breath he did not know he was holding, Riku spoke. "Thank you, Tenn-nii and Yaotome-san."

~~

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH YUKI WE ARE HERE!!! WE ARE SEEING I6 LIVE!!!!"

Momo, who was the biggest fanboy of I6, could not help but jump up and down excitedly while waiting in the merchandise queue. Yuki was getting dizzy from being occasionally shaken by Momo. Kujou Riku had reserved special VIP tickets for the two of them. It was one of Riku's ways of saying thanks to his old friends for always helping and supporting him despite his terrible personality. As for himself, Iori gave him a ticket two days before the show. He was standing right beside Yuki and Momo (with an appearance as Erin).

--

-Two days ago-

"I don't want to go, Iori."

At the Zero Arena, Iori handed Riku a ticket only to see the older boy shake his head in rejection.

"Take it, Kujou-san." Iori grabbed Riku's hand and pushed the ticket into it. He then cupped Riku's face gently. "You deserve to enjoy yourself. Let us entertain you. During the 2-hour live concert, you will feel nothing but joy and excitement watching our ultimate performance. "

"...I can't, Iori." Riku looked as if he was about to cry. "No matter how hard I try, I can't accept myself for not being able to take the stage." Riku put one of his hands on his chest. "I don't want to be like this... to feel conflicted and envious when you and I6 stand up there. I want to be fully happy with you."

"Riku," Iori looked at the redhead with pure determination. "Trust us. Trust me. We will take your pain away. And if you are hurting afterwards, I'll be with you."

Riku sighed and put his ticket in his shoulder bag pocket. "I understand."

--

-Back to the present-

Momo certainly was ecstatic. Especially when the special VIP ticket included a backstage meeting with all I6 members.

Riku was getting nostalgic. I6 was holding their concert at this large dome which was where Riku had performed a few times before. It was an indoor venue but near the dome top, large spaces let the air flow in. The venue could fit around 2000 people and the tickets were completely sold out.

As the boy feared, Riku could not help feeling rather conflicted that he was here as part of the audience and not as an idol doing a collab with I6.

"Riku-kun," Yuki tapped Riku's shoulder to wake the boy up from his dark thoughts. "Let's just enjoy ourselves today."

"Right," Riku nodded. His expression changed from sad to blank. "Thank you, Yuki-san."

It was still around an hour before the show started. There were t-shirts, towels, key chains, etc. being sold by Takanashi Productions staff.

When it was the three's turn, Riku was the first to order. He had had his eyes on what he wanted for quite a while now. "Can I have Iori mini plush and an I6 poster please?" Riku did not care much about the group poster, actually. He was buying it as a collection. As for the mini plush, he had been wanting it because it was designed so that people could take off and change its clothes. Of course, Riku bought some mini outfits to go with mini Iori as well.

Then along came Momo. "UWAAH! Can I have one of each please!!!" His eyes were like twinkling stars, seeing all the merch in front of him. Yuki then walked up to him and tugged on the boy's arm. "Momo, you can't seriously be buying that many," Yuki said to his boyfriend, who had been making him jealous by not getting enough attention. Momo bought them anyway before going back to cuddling Yuki's face with his own. "We don't know if we will get an opportunity like this again anytime soon." Momo reached his hand into a bag of goodies to grab one of the group towels. "Here, this is yours, darling~!" He energetically handed it to Yuki, knowing the man wanted one. "My, my, thank you, Momo." Yuki's pale face flushed a little pink as he happily accepted the gift. Honestly, Momo was probably more excited than anyone else in the venue. Yuki would be as excited if this was Kujou Riku's concert. Unfortunately, the man had never been to one and may never get to see one.

And finally, it was time for I6 to make their appearance. As soon as the six of them appeared jumping from below the stage with "Viva! Fantastic life!!!", the whole dome was filled with screams from the fans.

Riku's mouth hung open. It felt so different to be in the audience. The idols on stage really looked like they were shining. Did he shine like that too when he was on stage?

Starting with 'Viva! Fantastic life!!!' was an impressive strategy. The audience was immediately hyped by the energy coming from the dance moves the six of them were pulling off.

Riku had always thought that Iori was just Iori no matter what the boy did. However, today, his Iori appeared totally different. The younger boy was giving off a cool yet persuasive aura. His outfit also looked stunning. Without realising it, Kujou's hands, which were holding two dark blue light sticks, started moving to the rhythm on their own.

Iori was right. Right now, my heart feels like it might burst from excitement. There is no room for any other feelings.

Except that you are so charming, Iori.

Yuki's eyes were glued to the stage, even more so than Momo's. Momo laughed when Yuki did not respond to his squealing about I6's attractiveness during 'Natsu Shiyoze!'. Riku joined Momo in squealing when I6 either took their shirts off or unbuttoned theirs.

The live concert went well without any problems. I6 performed two more songs as an encore before saying goodbye and bowing stylishly to the fans.

~~

Riku went back home on his own right after the concert ended since Momo and Yuki were going to meet I6. The hype was still there but dark thoughts were starting to kick in the instant he exited the venue, full of loud noises. At his apartment, he was gathering documents for a name-changing procedure to distract himself from those thoughts. At some point, he stopped, consumed by his own mind.

Tenn-nii said Kujou Riku would always be a part of me, yet I feel like once I've become Nanase Riku, he would disappear.

Why am I hesitating?

Father might have led me to the life of an idol, but after all the cruel things he has done, I should feel like I owe him nothing.

So why am I so afraid?

Why does the thought of losing my unreal persona terrify me this much?

Is he truly 'unreal'?

I can't. I can't let go. I am Kujou Riku. One of Japan's top idols.

I...

Tears started to fall. Soon, the sobbing sounds became horrible screams. The cry of the suffering was accompanied by the sounds of objects breaking, Riku's coughing and rough breathing. Riku frantically searched for his inhaler. He held it tightly, as if he was holding onto his lifeline, then took it up to his mouth and pressed it. He then threw it away in disgust.

"Pathetic. I'm no longer an idol."

Without Kujou Riku, I'm nothing but a dead weight.

Riku's phone went off. With him being in that state, he picked it up without paying much attention to who was calling. "What?"

There was a small pause before the caller on the other end spoke. "Riku, I'm coming over."

The redhead spoke in his hoarse voice. "Iori..."

~~

When Iori arrived, Riku remained seated in the same spot on the floor, surrounded by broken objects. The older boy had given Iori a spare key to his place a few weeks ago, as requested by the high school student.

Iori slowly approached Riku. He did expect Riku to lose control slightly which was why he was able to get here relatively quickly. "Hey, Riku."

Something felt off, though.

"How many times have you seen me like this, Iori?" Riku asked without batting an eye at his boyfriend who sat down right next to him.

"A few times. Nothing I can't handle." Iori said with a neutral tone. He waited for Riku to shift closer, pull his shirt and cry or scream in his arms like usual.

Riku remained motionless. There, he sat like an unwanted doll on display. His eyes were dead...

"I think we should break up."

And cold.

The world around Iori was instantly consumed by darkness. It was as if time had stopped. He could feel his soul being sucked in by a whirlpool so strong it could drown the universe. Even among the chaos, there was a sound that could be heard clearly.

Something was cracked.

The crack was getting larger and deeper.

"Is that what you want, Kujou-san?" Iori spoke. His voice was barely audible.

If nothing was done, it could never be fixed.

It isn't healthy... Riku refused to look at Iori. He remained silent, hoping for the cold treatment to work. The wall on his back was his only support. ...for someone with a bright future like you.

"...Yes."

It broke, like a fragile glass.

Iori's face felt hot.

Damp.

Wet.

It was the first time for Iori to experience the pain of not being able to breathe. His first heartbreak came way too fast, too sudden.

Too unexpected he could almost smell betrayal.

Iori placed Riku's apartment keys gently on the floor. He placed them down in such a way because he could not feel any strength in his hands, arms, or legs.

Too shocked to stand straight, he dragged his legs and willed his body to the front door.

The door he would never pass through again.

As the door shut, the younger boy flopped to the floor with his hand still touching the doorknob.

There, he cried hard.

He screamed in total agony.

And he certainly was not the only one. On the other side, someone also cried.

Someone also screamed.

He threw himself to the floor, lying on his side with the sharp broken objects. With his tense hands over his eyes, he tried to endure the excruciating pain. He croaked...

"I love you, Iori..."

------------------------------------------

I'm not gonna say anything cuz im guilty af for writing this. Let me escape through the backdoor please thank you.

If you wanna contact me or anything @kenarkrsun is my twitter ^^