authors note:

So I was going to post this after the epilogue... but I figured I should leave you with something nice to think about over the weekend instead of the *spoiler alert* sad, heartbreaking epilogue. This flashback happens the same night Armaan realizes his feelings & he goes to Riddhima' house after his chat with Angad.

Happy Veterans Day & enjoy the weekend everyone <3

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[Armaan]

When I walk into Riddhima's house through the front doors using the set of keys her mother gave me, I find the lights in the kitchen on. "Aunty, I thought you'd be asleep by now." I greeted her, walking towards the kitchen.

"Hey Armaan, yeah. I would be but Riddhima isn't feeling well so just making her green tea." I notice the water boiling on the stove, confirming her words.

"What happened to her?" I asked, growing concerned.

Padma Aunty looked up as she switched off the stove, "Hmm? Oh, stomach ache."

As she poured it into a cup, I questioned, "What street food did she eat now?" Riddhima's immune system was so down, one would think she was born in a foreign country and not in India. Even a small bite of street food, and she'll be in bed.

Her lips curled up, amused. "Don't worry about it, Armaan."

"But she could have food poisoning or something!"

She dips the tea bag in. "Armaan, don't you think I'd know? I was a nurse, remember?" She reminds me calmly as she holds out the mug, "Give this to her and don't bother her tonight, okay?"

"Okay." I answer taking the mug but her lack of concern concerns me. The weather is changing outside. And if Riddhima had street food...

"Go!" She instructs, moving on to clear the kitchen.

"Yeah, yeah." I mutter and make my way up the stairs. Gently opening the door to her room, I find her curled up in a ball on the floor. My brows knit together. Why is she on the floor? Then, the light lit up in my head. Green tea. Stomach ache.

Why couldn't Padma Aunty just say cramps?

I walk over to her and squat down on my knees before calling out to her softly, "Hey." She opens her eyes through a grimace and her eyes travel to the mug in my hand. I ask, "Sit up?" to check if she wants to drink it now or in some time. She shakes her head, and its probably for the better. It must still be hot, judging by the steam.

I leave it on the side table and sit next to her quietly, resting my back against the foot of the bed. I wonder, is she not cold? She's laying on the floor. I'm just sitting, but I can still feel bite of the cold tiles seep through my track pants. I hold back my questions, knowing if I asked her to move, she would only get irritated.

So, a few minutes later, I reach for her hand. She had been constantly frowning. Her forehead crinkled now and again, and I assumed that's when she felt the pain. "Hmm." She answered, but made no attempt to move or even open her eyes. My sympathies go out to all the females out there. Having to deal with this monthly? Yeah, no. I give her a quick five-second warning, "I'm going to pick you up. Don't punch me, kay?"

You might think she isn't capable of being that violent, but trust me. She is very much capable of punching the shit out of me. 

"Don't drop me then." She mumbled back. I had the approval I needed, and so I got up. Then, I slipped one arm between her bent knees and other around her back. It would be easier to maneuver her if she were on her back. I tried not to disturb her much from the curled up position she was in, but that wasn't much possible. I barely held her in my arms for a second since the bed was right there. Gently, I laid her there and as my hands left her, she curled up again.

I pushed off my shoes and climbed into bed as well. Leaning over her, I reached for the mug again. It didn't feel as hot as before. To double check before I made her get up, I sipped it a bit. It didn't scald, but I did make a face at the bland taste. "Yuck."

She opened her eyes at that and let out a laugh at my expression. Just as quickly, she groaned. Without me having to say it, she sat up, pulling her legs up to her chest. I forwarded the mug and she took it, placing it on her knees while still holding on to it.

I didn't give it more than one thought. I moved to the other end of the bed so I was sitting in front of her instead of next to. She didn't question it at first, perhaps thinking I was going to get off the bed. Her eyes did narrow when I reached for her foot.

I had some knowledge of pressure points.

I started with one on her feet, two finger widths away from where the toe bone met the foot, towards the ankle. Her toe curled in, making me realizing holding her foot tickled her. I left the foot on the bed and just used one hand.

"When did you learn that?" She asked after a few minutes and having had a few sips of tea.

Moving to her other foot, I answer. "When Khushi first complained about it. I didn't understand what the big deal was."

She shook her head slightly amused. Yeah, that's what I mean by curiosity. Then again, it was something hurting Khushi. Ofcourse I was going to look it up to search for ways to help with the pain.

"She never told me."

"I know you two are best friends, but she does keep some of her brothers' secrets." I point out, because why wouldn't I want to keep this knowledge as privacy?

"Khushi, and keep secrets?" She hinted towards the ridiculousness of the idea. "I bet you held some of her own secrets over her head."

"Maybe. Maybe not." I answered with a smirk and moved to a pressure point behind her knee, between the calf and tibia muscles. "Does it help? Khushi never tried it out, says its stupid."

She shrugs her shoulders, "Little, I guess."

The next few seconds, I switch from her right to left leg while she finished up her tea. Once she put the empty mug aside, I ask, "Give me your hands?"

Without an objection, she does. I try to think past how soft and warm they are under my skin as I put her thumb and forefinger of her right hand to apply pressed between her thumb and index finger of the opposite hand. I tap her thumb in the place informing, "Here, apply pressure here."

Listening, she takes over and I move to reach for the mug and go down to return it in the kitchen. I'm well aware of how Riddhima feels about leaving empty, used dishes in her room. She will occasionally bring things in to eat while studying, but she has to almost always get up to return it to the sink right away.

"Thanks," She says at my action and I just hum in response. It's not a big thing that I am doing after all.

I open the door and find her mother about to go into her own room, "Good night kids." She says to us

"Good night, Aunty." I answer and go on to the kitchen. When I return, Riddhima had laid down on the bed, on her back. She's changed hands for the pressure point. I look up at the AC and it's instinctual for me to reach for the remote. Though, I stop just before I am about to press the button, "Can I?"

Like I said, I didn't want to do anything that would irritate her. Maybe... realizing my feelings is turning me into more considerate? No... My heart wants to be adamant. I convince myself its only because she is in pain and I'd rather not add to it. Only... as I do a roundabout, I realize that regardless of the excuse, the bottom point is that I immensely care for her - and this time, I am seeing it under a whole new light spectrum than ever before.

"Yeah." She answers and I lower the temperature. Then I go to shut the door, but leave it unlocked as per the instructions I received from her parents. They didn't mind the door closed when the AC was on, as long as it remained unlocked.

"I'll take the corner." I say just when she is about to move further in the bed. She usually sleeps towards the wall while I sleep on the other end. I think she somewhere thinks she would fall off on the floor so she safely tucks herself against the wall. A couple of times, I have slipped off when I try to stretch and realize how small the bed is. Mostly, though, I move in too and cuddle up so I won't fall. Today, I guess I'll just have to extra careful to not take over the space.

The only reason I suggested it is because I know times like this, she likes to sleep on her stomach and let one arm dangle off the bed. When against the wall, she wouldn't be able to do that.

She shifts to her side so I have enough room as I get in bed. "This does help a little." She informs talking about the pressure points as I turn off the lights and her glow stars dimly light the room right away.

"Good." I answer and she turns to be on her stomach. "Do you have your sports bra on?"

She questions my sudden question by lifting her head off the pillow, "What?"

Instead of asking again, I reach over to place my hand on her back. Feeling the outline of it midway, I have my answer. She lifts her hand about to swat my hand off, when I hold it and mutter, "Relax, would you?" I'm only trying to help her here."

She says my name in a warning when I nudge her shirt up her back. Ignoring it, my fingers touch her back, over her spine. I can feel her stiffen instantly. That is the same moment it dawns on me. I was trying to help her, but she isn't Khushi that I go on to give her a back massage without a second thought.

"Uh... just..." I try to speak and clear my throat at what I am sure is known more popularly as awkward silence. "Yeah." I end that thought, hoping she'd just catch on and not say anything to make it more awkward. I tried to divert my attention with a topic, "I talked to Arnav today."

"A-And?"

My fingers moved in circles from the spine to outward, "He goes to that university in Australia you applied for."

She sighed and it must be because of the tension leaving her back, "Okay... and?" She questioned as if she knew something was on my mind since I started this topic.

"I was thinking... Khushi could go there too. I mean, your dad did say a change in environment will help."

She amended, "Could help."

"Same thing." It was for me.

"You're assuming she wants to move." She pointed out as she moved on her side, pulling her legs up a bit. She faced the other direction, keeping her back towards me so I could continue to massage.

"We can convince her. I don't see another way, Basket. She's going further into her shell. She's putting up these walls, afraid of everyone, panicking whenever her personal space is breached by someone who isn't you, me, or Angad. Her nightmares aren't getting better. There are so many days in the morning when I have to force her out of bed."

Lost in explaining my point, I don't realize when my hand travels from her back to her abdomen, "She doesn't even feel like going to school, one place she loved because she was never up to any good there. I just can't... I have to do something. She'll always have us, but she can't live the rest of her life with the fear she has in her head. She won't go to counseling because then mom and dad would find out. Maybe, maybe if she is in a place away from here, she could feel safe and learn to trust people again, learn to let them in again."

I wait for her to agree or disagree, express if my point makes sense, but she remains silent. I blink away from my thoughts and call her name, "Riddhima?" I wonder if she fell asleep already, but then I notice her stiff form.

Why is she...?

My hand stills over her stomach. When did I...? Hell, no wonder she didn't answer. She must be very uncomfortable. Then, why didn't she stop me? Consciously, I peel my hand off her body. What the hell was I thinking, letting it wander like that?

It was going to be a dangerous bet, being around her.

She asked, "Do you want her to move all the way to Australia?" as if recovered with my hand no longer on her. "MU will also be away from here."

"Yeah, but I'll be there." I say, deep down wondering how quickly she was able to snap back to normal. If I hadn't felt her tense muscles, I wouldn't have known she was affected at all. Maybe she just wasn't expecting it and wasn't thinking much of it as I was? "She might not actively try to pull herself out of it."

Riddhima nodded, as if understanding that. I was afraid she would lean on us too much. She'd always have our support, yes, but doesn't she first have to be willing to want to recover from her trauma? We can't force that on her. She had to make that decision herself, and maybe if she were there, she would have no choice but to try and get back on her feet?

"You trust him?"

"Yeah, I do."

Right now, I can't trust anyone more than Arnav with her. He had been the one to save her, after all. If anyone I could trust to not hurt her and take advantage of her vulnerable state, it was him.

As if that was all the confirmation she needed, she agreed. "Then do it. I'll talk to her."

I say otherwise, "No, it's okay. I can do it. It was my idea." I didn't want to dump my idea on her. If Khushi were to get mad after hearing this, better she get mad at me.

"Armaan, I got it." She insists, "Besides, I have to tell her about my application too."

 I don't have an answer to it. It still bothers me that she is thinking of going to another college. If I tell her how I feel, will she stay? I dismiss the thought right away, realizing how selfish it was. Neither was I willing to risk our friendship just because I've realized my feelings for her. 

"How awesome would it be if we both get accepted there?"

I close my eyes, trying to bite back the sorrow it brings about in me. No, I can't be selfish. She has her dreams. If it's her decision to go study out of the country for her future, I can't do anything to stop her.

"Yeah." I answer, as much as it kills me. I have never been selfish when it comes to her. I can't start now. "No Khushi or you. I wonder what I'll do with all that free time."

"You can stop being Khushi's brother 24/7 and start figuring out who Armaan is." She speaks, but her voice is starting to fade into a low whisper. She's getting sleepy. "What you want."

I exhale, still wrapped in the realization I had earlier at Angad's house, "I think I already know what I want."

When she doesn't answer, I lean up on my elbow. Her eyes are closed. My head drops on the pillow again, bending an arm underneath my head. "What do I do, Basket?" Everything was a mess because of me, all because of my late realization.

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On Tuesday, I'm giving my GRE so the epilogue will be up most probably on Wednesday. I know, very long wait... but I hope you'll be understanding as always <3