Song: Tu Hi Tu - Kick by Neeti Mohan

===

Armaan blinked at the pounding on the door. The memory of her face faded. Irritated, he snapped. "What?!"

Nikita answered, "Food is here. Geez, how long does it take to shower?" He had been in there for almost half an hour – more than enough time for Rahul to ride his bike over to the nearest restaurant, get dinner, and return.

Armaan inhaled and exhaled, telling himself to calm down. It was neither Nikita nor Rahul's fault that he was in this mood because Riddhima decided whether or not they would remain friends. "Yeah, I'll be out in a second." He answered in a much calmer voice, though it was sad.

As much as he wished, he couldn't just snap out of it. Riddhima hadn't just taken away her friendship, but she had also stolen his jovial personality. He was never one to remain in a depressing mood, but Riddhima and his feelings for her had brought about even that.

===

Riddhima had been sleeping in Khushi's room. It helped both of them. When Khushi would start getting nightmares, Riddhima would wake her up. And, having Khushi talk to her right before bed would help Riddhima fall asleep with a peace of mind instead of the worrying thoughts wandering about in her head and not allowing her to sleep.

Khushi asked, "Hey, do you remember the time when Angad moved back to Shimla? There was this one night when we came over to your place for dinner."

Riddhima remembered that night, alright. She asked in a casual tone, "Yeah, what about it?"

"After dinner, we were talking about something and then Armaan took you out in the balcony to talk."

"Yeah?"

"What about?"

"Nothing really."

Khushi made a face, insisting she tell her. "Come on, Ridzzi. He wouldn't have called you out if it were 'nothing'. Tell me! I don't like the idea of my best friends keeping something from me."

Riddhima sighed, not wanting to truly recall that night. It had been a night when she first started feeling conscious around Armaan. "He had found out I applied to this university."

Khushi turned her head sideways, "Seriously? You'd been thinking about it that long ago?"

Riddhima answered, "Yeah... Khushi, I'm not proud that I didn't tell you sooner."

"It's okay, Ridzzi. I'm not mad. Okay, I get why I moved here. I needed to get away. But why you?" She questioned. "And don't say it was because you were worried about me here by myself. I mean, I know you worry, but that can't be the only reason, right?"

Riddhima debated just what answer to give. The truth? That would mean admitting to everything about Armaan, and even though Khushi was her best friend, this was one part of her life that she had kept under the covers. It did kill her to not tell her, but what could she say? 'Hey Khushi, I'm head over heels in love with your brother?' Even if Khushi received the news well, the information would pass on to Armaan in a heartbeat. It wouldn't be intentionally, but she was well aware that Khushi found it impossible to keep things from Armaan. The duo shared everything with each other.

"Hello? Ridzzi, did you fall asleep on me again?" Khushi called, pulling her out of her silence.

"No." Riddhima answered and turned to lay on her side. "There are so many answers to your question, Khushi.

"Armaan?" She offered a suggestion, causing Riddhima to narrow her eyes, not that Khushi could see in the dark. She chuckled when Riddhima didn't confirm or deny, understanding she was surprised Khushi hit the bullseye. "Give me some credit here, Ridzz. I've known for months now that something is up with you two. I just don't know what because neither of you will tell me."

Finally, Riddhima admitted, "Yes, Armaan. He's a part of it. You know it. He's always a part of everything. But he's not the only reason I moved here. We both needed a fresh start." After a quick pause, she ended the topic, "I'm getting sleepy... good night?"

"G'night." Khushi answered, not forcing Riddhima to stay up and explain what she meant by 'fresh start'.

===

I heard my dad's voice outside my room. "Riddhima?" My eyes widened further, panicking, and I don't think twice before grabbing Armaan's wrist and pulling him inside my closet.

"Bas..." He tries to speak, surprised, and I slam my hand over his mouth.

"Dad, uh, give me a minute. I'm not dressed." I answer back.

I can hear him in my room. "Okay." He speaks, "I'll just wait out here then."

I let out a sigh, closing my eyes, scared to be in this predicament. Dad can't see Armaan with me when I am in a towel. He would totally flip. "Did you need something?" I ask, since he never does that.

"No, uh, just needed to talk to you about something." He answers, and I realize he isn't going to leave until I go out there and he talks to me.

Armaan taps my hand and I release my hold over his mouth. He lets out a breath, and then whispers, "I don't like being in small places!"

I frantically nod, remembering that he was claustrophobic. He didn't like small places at all. "I know. I know." We're in a fix, as I can't let Armaan go out and face my dad, and I can't go out and get my dad to leave while not dressed. "Okay, turn around." I instruct and he does, thankfully without any objections.

I don't have the time to be picky right now. The first pair of pants I grab doesn't seem to cooperate. I hop a bit on one leg trying to pull it up.

Stupid pants.

I crash into his back and I feel him turn. "Don't." I warn him, trying to get back on my feet. I button my pants and reach for a bra. I try to hook it up but it doesn't work right away. "Damn it." I mutter under my breath.

My dad asks, "Riddhima, who are you talking to?"

"I'm just trying to decide what to wear, dad." I answer him and using that as an undertone, Armaan questions.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." He doesn't believe me, since in next two seconds, I feel his warm fingers on my bare skin. "Ar..."

"Shh." He silences me and I reluctantly do. I force myself to not look back at him. I silently gulp as he hooks it in place for me. I think of moving away, but freeze when his hands rest on either of my arms. I hold in breath while he leans in to whisper in my ear. "Don't worry. My eyes are closed."

At that, I lean my head sideways to look back at him and find them closed. I respected him even more for that. He then releases me as his fingers trail down my arm with a feather-light touch as if he hadn't. But, he had. As it registers the touch, my heart leaps to my throat and I have to refrain from inhaling sharply, least I give away just how much he affects me.

I gulp again, shifting away and grabbing a shirt. Putting it on, I reach for the door knob to leave, but take a brief pause. I touch his hand to let him know, and he opens his eyes. The beads forming on his forehead are a clear indictor of him internally fighting his fear of being shut in small places.

I reached up and kissed his cheek, a way to thank him for not making this any harder for me. We both know he'd normally tease, and not to forget, he was a big flirt. Any other girl, and he would have taken the situation to his advantage. He just looks at me with an unreadable expression. I leave the door slightly open so he doesn't feel as he's locked in while I try to get my dad out of the room.

My dad, however, has a different idea. I ask him, "Hey dad, what's up?" He hands me a paper. I take a quick glance and realize with it is. Bank statements. The payments I made while applying for colleges outside the country. "Dad, I can explain." I tell him, really not wanting to have the conversation right now though. I hadn't told anyone I had applied to universities outside of India.

"Riddhima, its okay if you want to go study somewhere else. I'm not mad. I'm just confused... why didn't you tell us? You know we would have supported you."

I nodded, "I know, dad. I was just keeping my options open, you know? I'm not sure I want to go here. I don't know if I'll even get accepted."

He gives me a smile and shakes my shoulder, "Hey, if you want to go there, go. There's no reason you wouldn't get accepted. You have excellent scores. Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?"

"Yeah." I answer with not as much confidence as him. He believes in my capabilities more than I do. And anyway, like I said, it was an option. I don't know how long I can continue with being around Armaan all the time, and always having to hold myself back. As the years have been passing by, and we're growing up, I am forced to face reality. If he ever felt anything for me, he would have long told me, or even given me some hint. But somewhere, all I feel is that he only looks at me as his sister's best friend who is always around, and that's the only reason he's still friends with me.

It was why I couldn't decide if I wanted to go to university anywhere else. My life was here. Everyone I knew in my life was here. I don't know if I am ready to leave it all behind, and move on, or if I can even survive without them. This is all I have ever known, after all. How long can I go on living like this? Never knowing where I stand in his life? I had to make a decision. Confess my feelings, have him laugh it off, and leave feeling humiliated. Or don't confess, and stay in a life where I'll be continually hurt seeing him with other girls.

Khushi started the conversation once we moved to my room after dinner. "Hey, did you know Angad was back? I saw him today coming back from school." Armaan, all the while was on his phone. During dinner, he did keep looking at me and I had a fair idea why. He had overheard the conversation with my dad.

"Yeah, I ran into him." I answered, "You know, I still don't remember much about him."

Khushi commented, putting her head in my lap as she laid down, "We were pretty young when he and his family moved. Armaan, remember how the two of you always used to raid the fridges? Mom used to get so mad at you and him."

Armaan laughed, as if remembering those days, "Oh yes, and then mom would force us to clean up all the dishes we used up."

Khushi rolled her eyes, "No, the two of you blackmailed me to do it for you or you wouldn't let Riddhima come over."

"Hey, you should have been smart enough to figure out I couldn't stop her. At the end, it was mom who had to give permission."

Khushi stuck her tongue out, having eventually realized Armaan didn't have the power to stop me from coming over to their house. She was naïve enough back then to have believed it. "Is that who you're texting right now?"

"Hmm?" Armaan looked up from his phone, "No. Uh, Priya."

Khushi groaned, while his answer got my attention. "Ugh, what do you even see in her? She's annoying."

He shrugged, giving a nonchalant answer, "She's hot." Then, he grins. "Score."

We both know when he would say that. Khushi sat up, "Don't tell me you asked her out."

"If I did?"

She made a scrunch face, "Why? You can do so much better than her."

"Yeah? Like who?"

"Like someone who actually has a personality. Like Riddhima would be ten times better." I freeze as Khushi springs that out of nowhere. Why would she say that?!

"Yeah, sure." He dismisses the idea, and somewhere it hut that he didn't even take it seriously, consider the possibility... "Speaking of, Riddhima, can I talk to you outside?"

I stiffen at that, realizing he is going to talk about the conversation earlier. Khushi questions, "Why outside? You can talk to her here in front of me."

Armaan suggests, "Why don't you find a movie online for us to watch?"

Khushi narrows her eyes at her, "What secret do you two have that you aren't telling me?"

Armaan winks, "It's a secret, doll." And then he stands up, starting to walk out towards the balcony. I sigh, and follow, for the look he gives me is serious. It's telling me that if I didn't listen to him, he would strike the conversation in front of Khushi, and I didn't want that. Khushi would lose it if she were to find out about what I had done. He closes the balcony door and then turns to face me with his arms crossing over his chest. "Talk." He demands.

"About what?" I answer, playing dumb.

He speaks in a crisp tone, "Riddhima, I'm not in the mood for beating around the bush. What the hell was that earlier?"

"It's just an application." I try to make it sound as if it isn't a big deal.

He uncrosses his arms as he points it out, "Yeah, to somewhere out of the country! I thought we all decided we would apply to Mumbai University."

I shake my head, "No, Armaan. We didn't decide that. You decided that. You want to go there."

"And you don't?" His voice softens as if he can't believe I didn't want to go there as well.

"Yes. No. I don't know." I answer, frustrated at my confusion, "It's just an option, okay? I probably won't even get accepted anyway."

He leaned back against the balcony railing. "Why are you even looking for options?" 

"Armaan, no offense, but why do you care?" I ask in the most patient voice I could muster. "It' my life, anyway. My parents are okay with that."

He gave me an even more confused look, narrowing his eyes together, "Why wouldn't I care, Riddhima? You're... you're thinking of going to a university out of the country. That's a huge idea, and you don't just decide that to keep an option open. Keeping an option open would be other universities in a different state, not country."

"Armaan, there's a whole world outside of here. So, why not?"

He nodded, as if accepting that answer. He was going to accept that answer just like that? I can't help but be disappointed. "When do you plan on telling Khushi?"

"I don't know." I give an honest reply, leaning back against the door.

"Don't wait until the day you leave. The two of us is all that she knows anymore."

I tell him, "I know, Armaan. I know." I did not need to be reminded that. I then turn and reach for the door knob. I stop when his fingers circle around my wrist. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, you kissed me earlier." He says it so bluntly that it almost takes me aback. If someone heard that, they would come to a completely different scenario in mind.

"What?" I let out a nervous chuckle, "That? Barely. I kiss Khushi, my parents, your parents, all the time on the cheek."

"Right." His eyes keep searching mines, as if to find out if I am lying. But he can't know I am lying. I do kiss them on the cheek like that all the time. I was trying to convince him it was no big deal, but I don't think I can manage to convince myself. His hand leaves my wrist, "And hey, what do you think of Priya?"

"What do you mean?"

"Khushi thinks she's annoying. What do you think?"

"I wouldn't know." I shrug it off, even though learning that he asked her out bothers me a lot. "I've never personally talked to her."

"You're okay with me going out with her?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I try to play it cool, even though this conversation is getting my blood flowing.

"I just want to make sure. You're my friend too, after all."

I nod half-heartedly, "Yeah."

"Okay." He answers, and returns inside.

"Friend." I repeat the word he used, hating it. 

We had a moment earlier in the closet, and then he went and asked Priya out on a date. I couldn't help but be mad at him in the moment. He always does this. He'll have a moment with me, (well... this was probably one of the only intense moments, so let's call other times just good times we were hanging out) and then almost always I'll find him with some girl or other afterwards.

Why does he do that? Does nothing get to him? Does he not realize that it could mean something? Or does he just not think and process anything? That must be it. 

Why does he have such a hold on me?

Why do I let him?

And still, I can't just fall out of my feelings for him.

===

authors note:

Ah, the flashback scene ^_^ He's a fool to call her a friend :P Leave me your thoughts! And as always, vote & share!

Chapter 9. Silver Lining Productions on Saturday. This chapter starts better things for the present timeline :D