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17. A Life Without You

Song: Mujhe Teri - Paathshaala by Tulsi Kumar & Hanif Sheikh

===

I got to school early the next day. Instead of going to morning assembly, I went straight to class. I could hear the announcements from the classroom. I listened to them with a numb feeling inside my chest. Few minutes later, students started to come inside.

Armaan took a seat next to me, but I had my head on the desk. I didn't look up at him until he asked, "How was your date last night?"

Once again, Angad's words echoed in my head. Was Armaan asking because he was jealous? "Just great." I mumbled, more to myself, annoyed that Angad's words were getting to me.

"Oh."

It was then that I realized I had said it out loud and he took that as an answer to his question. Now, it was truly just great, note the sarcasm. The last thing I need is to give him a false impression.

The bell rung and the professor stood up to make announcements, "Alright students, take out your labs. We'll be starting on a new group project today."

Unlike what you may see or read in movies and books, we didn't send out collective groans or complain about group projects. We were all used to it. It was long decided that those who sat next to us were our lab partners – and the teacher hadn't assigned those seats. There was no reason we would have disliked our lab partners.

I lifted my head from the desk and blinked a few things to adjust to the brightness. "Yes, Malini?"

"Ma'am, Trisha isn't here today. Do you want me to work by myself?" She asked in a falsetto voice, making me internally cringe at the high pitch.

"No, join another group." Mrs. Sharma went on to write the lab number and page number on the board. Malini turned around in her seat and faced us. Guess we are the lucky ones to be seated behind her.

"You guys don't mind, do you?" She asked, but her attention was only on Armaan as she blinked continually with an innocent face.

"Not at all." Armaan answered, offering her a smile, confusing me. One day, he hates her. Next day, he smiles at her?

Malini grinned and placed her book on the desk. "Great! You're so sweet, Armaan. Thanks."

"Ofcourse, babe. Can't leave you to work on your own now, right?" He flirted back, making me want to gouge out my own eyes. I never bothered getting angry at any of the girls he flirted with. Malini though? She made me want to be violent. She's had it out for me, and Armaan knew that!

I snapped at both of them. "If you two are done flirting, can we get started?"

"Jeez, what's up your ass?" Malini muttered, forcing me to roll my eyes at her.

I had to endure their flirtatiousness throughout the class period. Armaan barely helped with the lab, which was completely unlike him. He loved chemistry. He always looked forward to the lab days as he could play around with the chemicals. Today, he looked least interested. He was more interested in Malini.

I was getting annoyed at his latest pick while he wasn't interested in Chemistry.

Something was seriously wrong.

I could even blame my irritation on lack of sleep last night, but what was his reason?

At lunch, Malini decided to invite herself to seat at our table, pulling the excuse that Trisha wasn't here and she usually sat at lunch with her. When she joined the cafeteria line, Khushi asked me, "Why is she here?"

"Ask your brother," I answered.

She frowned, "Seriously? I thought he was done with all that."

I shrugged my shoulders. I wanted to say, you and me both. Even I had thought that after what he had told me. Guess he couldn't go long without flirting.

Angad joined us, draping his arm over my shoulder, "Hey girlfriend."

"Hi," I answered, picking at my fries. I wanted to imagine that it was Malini's face, and stomp on it. I was so annoyed at that, I didn't remember to tell him to not call me his girlfriend.

Khushi questioned, "Oh yes, that reminds me. How was the date?"

I answered with 'fine' while Angad said 'great'. Khushi narrowed her eyes at us but quickly dismissed it when Armaan and Malini returned with their trays. Once again, Armaan's face was unreadable and his expressions were stern. He usually was like this when he was annoyed about something. I couldn't tell what about.

"Aw, Riddhima, did you get a boyfriend and not tell us?" Malini asked, and that is when I noticed Angad had his arm over my shoulder.

I wanted to say no, but Angad beat me to an answer as he glared her down, "What's it to you?"

Malini scoffed and backed off her high pitch sound as she mumbled, "Just making an observation."

"Go make an observation someplace else." Angad snapped. Now, why was he getting irritated? Is today the day for everyone to be irritated, and I didn't get the memo or something?

Armaan gritted, "You know what? We will. Let's go, Malini."

Khushi grabbed his tie and forced him to sit back down, "You're not going to skip, Armaan."

Malini commented, "You're not the boss of him." Obviously, she wasn't pleased that Khushi stopped Armaan and he had sat back down.

Khushi raised her brows, daring her to repeat. "What'd you say?" Everyone knew not to talk to Khushi in that tone in front of Armaan.

"Doll, drop it." Armaan told her and then spoke to Malini, "And don't talk to Khushi like that."

Malini didn't seem like she wanted to take the risk of making Armaan angry. She rolled her eyes and backed off, unpleased at things not going her way. She ofcourse would have liked for Armaan to leave us and go somewhere quiet with her.

During the end of lunch, Angad commented as he had a different class, "So do I get a goodbye kiss?"

My eyes widened, "Excuse me?"

He laughed and teased, "You didn't seem to mind last night."

I narrowed my eyes wondering when that had happened last night. I recalled the peck to my temple. I looked up at him to see his wink. I looked sideways and found Armaan. He wasn't looking at us, but he had surely heard Angad. I realized Angad was turning this completely out of proportion to get a reaction from Armaan.

"Stop it." I warned him.

To others, it may have looked as if I was telling him off against PDA, but in reality, I was asking Angad to stop with his agenda. He wasn't helping. The only change it was bringing in Armaan was that he was going back to the life he used to live. His previous lifestyle isn't something to be proud about.

===


When Riddhima woke up, she noticed she was tucked in bed. She didn't have to search through her brain for more than a second to get an answer. Armaan. Everything in the past three days rushed back to her. She quickly checked her phone for two things: time and an update from Kripa.

She realized she had been asleep for barely six hours, but at the moment, it was enough. Kripa has left no messages, so she assumed everything was fine. Still, she pushed the covers back and got up to shower.

After getting dressed, she stepped out to find Armaan at the coffee table with his books. He looked up hearing her enter and she asked, "You didn't go to sleep?" She couldn't understand how he could think of studying at the moment.

He answered with a yawn, "Jet-lag."

While it was night time here, it was morning in India. Still running on that time, he wasn't able to sleep even though he'd tried. Now that it was morning here, it was night in India and bringing on his sleepiness. Knowing she would need it, she walked into the kitchen and made coffee.

While it was brewing, she texted Kripa to inform she was up and after a quick bite to eat, she'd be there. She also sent Abhi a message saying she was home and things were better than they were.

She returned to the coffee table after pouring the coffee in a mug, "I'm going to go back to the hospital, and you can sleep."

He started closing his books, "No, just – yawn – give me a few minutes. After a shower and a cup of – yawn – coffee, I'm good to go."

She wanted to smile at his dedication towards his sister. It was his biggest plus point, after all. "Armaan, really, you need sleep more than coffee."

"No," He disagreed, "You know what I need more than coffee?"

Her eyes lifted to his. He could only see her eyes as the rest of the face was covered with the mug she had raised to her lips. He watched as she gulped the warm liquid down her throat, "What?"

Caught up with staring at her, he had almost forgotten where he was going with this conversation. Get a grip, Armaan. He scolded himself, forcing his eyes to blink. "For us to talk about us."

She glanced away at the understanding. He couldn't have said it in any simpler terms so there were no misunderstandings on what he meant. "There's nothing to talk about."

He challenged, "Really? That's why you've been avoiding this since six months now?" He reached for her hands, but she pulled them back, leaving the mug on the table. He'd be lying if he said that didn't hurt. "Riddhima, please, just give me a chance to explain. All you have to do is listen."

She inched away in the chair as much as possible, as if she were distancing herself from her. "What is left to explain?" She countered his request with her own opinion, "You made it very clear what you thought of me that night."

He said, "I'm not talking about the night we fought, and you know that."

She did know that, but she was more willing to talk about their fight two days before he had kissed her the day she was leaving for Australia. "I have to get to the hospital." She abruptly stood up and turned to get her things from her room.

He followed and pushed his way inside her room. She said his name, objecting, but he cut her off, "Basket, no. You asked me to let you be, and I listened for the last six months even when there were so many things I wanted to tell you. You know, you don't make it easy for people to keep their promises." He added the last bit, hinting towards the promise he had made to her of how they could be in different places but still stay in touch and be friends – before he had come to realize she wasn't just a friend to him.

She whispered, looking away, "I'm not asking you to."

"But I am," He said, taking a step closer to her, "This isn't for you, Riddhima. Not everything I do is for you or Khushi. This is for me. I keep the promises I make for me - because if I don't, what kind of a person does that make me?"

She got angry at that and spat back, "The kind that treats a friend like shit at first and then kisses them and later says they 'mean everything to them'." She quoted something he had told her the first time he had called after she had arrived in Australia. She would have liked to hear him say that to her, sure, but that was before everything had happened.

The hurt from her words was clearly visible on his face as he remained silent. 

With hearing no comeback, she muttered, "Yeah, that's what I thought." 

She started to walk away, but then stopped and turned to face him, "You know what, Armaan? You are here because of your sister, and I get that we'll keep seeing each other from time to time because of her, but if I hadn't made it clear the last time, as far as you and I are concerned, we are over. So keep it at that and don't ever bring this up again."

She walked around him to leave. Her hand reached for the doorknob when he whispered an answer. "No."

"What?" She questioned, turning to face his direction. He too turned so he was facing her.

"I said no." He repeated, stepping closer. His voice was clearer now as if previously it lacked the confidence. 

She retreated a step and yet another step had her back against the door. Suddenly, she was worried about what was in his head.

"Riddhima, last year around this time, I finally realized you weren't just a friend to me, but I didn't want that to be real because that would change everything. So I ignored it because let's face it, you had made your thoughts about love very clear. If I accepted it, I thought I'd lose our friendship if you didn't feel the same way. So I kept it to myself thinking that's what you'd want. My first mistake. I still did end up hurting you and losing you."

The emotions in his eyes were so raw they were tugging the strings of her heart. They wouldn't let her blink away from him no matter how hard she tried. He always enchanted her without even doing anything special. She gulped, trying to keep her own emotions at bay, especially given how close he was standing to her.

"After you came here, you asked me to stop calling you. I listened because I thought you needed that. I thought I complicated our friendship by kissing you. Again, a mistake. I wasn't complicating it. You had complicated that a long time ago and yet I was the one who kept losing you. Riddhima..." 

He sighed, trying not to overwhelm her but he couldn't keep quiet any longer. He had to get things off his chest. He needed for her to know.

"...my friendship towards you was selfless where I always put you first. I've always seen you as a friend first, and the definition of the word I have in my heart is that no matter what, one follows that friendship. You don't just leave your friends when it becomes an inconvenience for you because you start catching romantic feelings for them. The same happened to me, later than you, but it did - but I didn't just drop being your friend. And you don't get to do this to me anymore. You don't get me hold me responsible for being an immature teenager who didn't realize what he felt for you. So now, no. I won't listen to you, and I will bring this up again."

Through a dry throat, she spoke. "Armaan..."

He held up his finger, "Shh, I'm not done." She inched herself further in the wooden door if it were possible when he took a step towards her, placing one of his hand on the door beside her ear. "You may have been quick to give up on us, but know that I never will. The next time I call you, you will answer the damn phone and you will talk to me. If it makes it harder for you to 'move on', then fine. I can live with that, but don't ask me to live a life without you."

===

author's note:

Armaan is becoming proactive.. taking matters into his own hands to have them move past this in the present... enjoyed the scene? ;) It's going to start getting better bit by bit... I feel like till now, I was just dallying about giving their backdrop story but the real fun begins now! I'm so excited :D

Wow, I don't think I've ever had to update twice in a single day... You guys were amazing with the votes & comments on last one, I just had to follow through with my promise and update again! Thank youuuu! As a bonus, I also managed to reply to all the comments & inbox messages pertaining to this story! I'll be sure to reply to comments on chapters right away from now on!

Chapter 18. Another Continuum on Tuesday, or 15 votes & 10 comments to get it early (sorry for increasing it but I fear I'd have to update again tomorrow in the morning if I wake up and see 12 votes reached again, hehe).


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