A/N:

This is a collection of funny and random things that I've heard my classmates say this year. . . be prepared for the weirdness that is my school.

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU SPILLED MY MILK ALL OVER THE GRASS!"
"Maybe milk is nutritious for the grass."

~~~

"Last night I saw Hades in my shower."

~~~

"I am so cool."
"Saying 'I'm cool' makes you uncool."
"I am so not cool."
"That makes you even more uncool."

~~~

"I spy with my little eye some grass."
"That's not how this works."
"Yes, it is, because then you have to guess the color."
"No, you're doing it backwa-"
"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO PLAY 'I SPY'! SO PLAY!"
"*sigh* Fine. Is it green?"
"Nope."
"Uhh. . . is it yellow?"
"Nope."
"Well, then what color is it?"
"Hot pink! Did you really give up after only guessing two colors?"
"But the grass isn't hot pink."
"Too bad, it is now."

~~~

"Hush my child, and become one with nature."

~~~

"Maybe if I try hard enough, I can fart mashed potatoes."

~~~

"She threw a pencil at me, so naturally, I chucked my hardcover book at her with all my force."

~~~

"Give me your backpack so I can steal it and add it to my backpack nest."

~~~

"Oh my gosh! Why did you do that? You're so rude!"
"I don't know what I did, but I'm really sorry!"
"Ha, you didn't do anything, I just like saying that, but you're the first person I got a good reaction out of."
"Ugg, don't scare me like that! I thought I did something really terrible like I stole your bacon!"

~~~

"EWW GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!"
"It's just a cheese stick."
"BUT IT'S WET."
"I think that's how it's supposed to be."
"EWWWWWW" *tosses the cheese stick*
*tosses the cheese stick back at her* "Oooh, are we playing hot cheese stick?"
"What?"
"Like, hot potato, but with a cheese stick."

~~~

"I am so jealous of the people who haven't met him."

~~~

"I think your neighbor is a chinchilla in a human costume."

~~~

"Absolutely adorkable."

~~~

"You can't even handle this level of nerdy."

~~~

"How much shaving cream does it take to power a car?"

~~~

"Ugg! Why can't you just get his pronouns right? I mean honestly, people, is it that hard?"
"You do realize you just called me 'him' right? I'm a girl now. Isn't that what you were yelling at everyone about?"

~~~

"Who was the fourteenth president of the United States?"
"Shrek."
"No dude, it was Curby."

~~~

"Can anyone tell me about the main events of the civil war?"
*Almost everyone raises their hands*
"And no, I do not mean the civil war where Captain America and Iron Man fight."
*Half of the people who had their hands raised lower their hands*

~~~

"Dodoshaboo means 'milk' in Ojibwe."
"You sure it doesn't mean chocolate milk?"

~~~

"Ugg, I hate gym."
"Just break your ankle, it isn't that hard."

~~~

"I want to scream really loudly right now, just to see everyone's reactions."

~~~

"What would happen if I died?"
"You'd be dead."
"Really, you don't say?"

~~~

"Why doesn't anyone take me seriously?"
"I dunno, maybe it's because you have strawberry shortcake stickers all over your face."
"Hey, don't question my fashion choices. I'm making a statement."
"By sticking stickers all over your face and mask?"
"Of course!"

~~~

"Can I superglue your mouth shut please?"

~~~

"Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, SALAMANDER!"

~~~

"Why hasn't anyone tried washing dishes with bleach yet?"

~~~

"What if your third eye is actually your belly button?"
"Well, then I guess we'd all better start wearing crop tops."

"Give me my paper back, or I swear I will chuck you out the window!"
"Bold of you to assume I don't want you to chuck me out the window."
"What?"
"What? You think I want to be here?"

"NEVER FEAR, PIGEON MAN IS HERE! CAW CAW!"

"Welp, there goes my sanity."

"GET THE HOLY WATER, SOMEBODY GET THE HOLY WATER!"

"This girl is so not on fire."

"Can you cook a chicken by slapping it so hard that the thermal energy is so strong that the chicken just cooks?"

"My little sister chucked our potted plant out the window yesterday because we watched little shop of horrors."

"Ah yes, the tragedy of burning a bagel."

"OMELETSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

"Can I go to the bathroom?"
"Sure."
"Can I bring my backpack?"
"Why?"
"My insides are bleeding."
"What?"
"It's a code red."
"I don't think I understand what you're trying to say."
"*sigh* I'm on my period."
"Oh. . . yes, you may bring your backpack."

"Guys, I think there's really fat rats eating grapes in the vents."

"Let's start a riot where instead of yelling and burning stuff, we just throw ice cream at random things."

 "I had a dream last night that you and I turned into ice cream cones and then sailed away to Indonesia."
"Oh cool, did I have any toppings?"

"You look hungry, can I throw a cheerio in your mouth?"

"Milk and cookies are for slackers, if you really want to surprise Santa, hide in the oven, where the cookies are."
"Yeah, or in the fridge where the milk is."
"I'm gonna hide in a lampshade!"

"Pants are overrated."

"Sorry, I can't hear you over all my awesomeness."

"Well you're a confident one, aren't you?"

Dear God, can you people get any more annoying."
"Is that a challenge?"
"No, no it's not, don't you dare take that as a challen-"
"LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
"Ah yes, this confirms my theory. So you really are just a super tall six-year-old."

"I love causing awkward situations."

"The number nine should be illegal."

"I find cheese rather amusing."

"Did you really think you could eat a burrito without spilling any beans?"
"No. . ."
"Well then why did you try?"
"Suck a lemon."

"My cat's hairballs remind me of satan."

"I saw a stork yesterday; I named it Tony Stork."

"Stay away from this one, he's a real duck."

"You'd better hide all 'yo socks, this woman is a criminal mastermind when it comes to robbing socks."

"Do you want to flock with the platypuses and chug melted ice cream?"

"Oh, go shove a lollypop up your buttcrack."

"Shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you, and trust me, you do not want that."

"The fishes of the desert are beautiful."
"I think you mean the fish of the desert."
"No, I meant fishes."
"Well, 'fishes' isn't grammatically correct."
"Well, neither is your face."
"That makes literally no sense."
". . .So we're all just gonna ignore the fact that you were talking about fish in the desert?"

"I am so tech-savvy."
"You just cussed out Kahoot because it wasn't loading."

"My life's dream is to work for the creepy girl in the rings and stalk in people's nightmares!"

"I'm gonna follow you"
"okay"
*gets lost*
"I think we got lost"
"I agree"
"I shouldn't have followed you"
"no, you shouldn't have."

"I don't get it."
"I just explained it."
"I didn't hear it."
"I said it twice."
". . .I wasn't paying attention."
"Why?"
*turns around computer*
"Video games."

"I like listening to babies crying."
"That makes no sense
" They sound sad."
"Keep talking and maybe someday you'll say something worth listening to."

A/N:

I really have no reason for publishing this book, but I've just heard my classmates say so many Wattpad-quote-book-worthy things that I decided to make a book about it. 

Sue me.

Welp, bye,

-Sundew ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔ