Where have i been, where have i been...

Trying not to off myself thats where.

One thing i noticed people think about me is that im inactive but on the contrary im on wattpad all the time, i just don't update and now its very difficult to do that.

Only one person knows this but my parents are abusive. Physically, emotionally, mentally abusive. I was so scared to say anything because they had it drilled into our heads when my siblings and i were younger that we deserved it and that no one would take our side.

So we kept quiet. For my fellow African children, you know.

But the abusive normally subsides when you get older for most African children but not for my family.

My parents double down because the thought of us having our own minds means they don't have control over us and ive been the one trying to breakfree.

So i recieved a lot of abusive. I grew used to it and expected it.

2020 and now 2021 was complete hell for me. Mix that with struggling to cope and understand what happened in my abusive relationship, my anxiety getting worse, my depressive episodes getting more heavy. This past summer up till now have hellish for me.

But the last straw was a couple weeks ago when my mom called out of my room to sit me in front of my mom and dad, to tell me that i forget have to change everything about myself or pack up my things and leave.

This started because i told them that they can have an input on my college decision but i make the final decision.

So, they both start yelling, hurling insults and i just sat there cause i was not in the mood to fight with them again.

But they wouldnt let me leave until i done so i tried to make them understand why i said that and doubled down.

They grew even more furious and my mom started trying to manipulate the situation to make herself like the victim so i told her to stop it.

Then my dad snapped. One thing about my dad is that he is a wildcard when it comes to how he will deal with a situation.

But the other thing is that when he
snaps, he gets physical.

So in comes pushing, shoving to my room. I try holding onto a door frame but i am lifted and thrown to the ground and again lifted but thrown onto boxes. Lifted again and thrown onto my open macbook. And thrown onto a mattress on my floor for the final time.

I look at him and all i can see is pure hatred in his eyes.

I couldn't stay in that house anymore. So i called my uncle told him everything while crying and he tells me i need to get out of there immediately.

Since that day, a lot has happened. Child Protective Services is involved (CPS). I'm still at the house but i trying to leave, i'd be living with my aunt.

Im in a constant state of limbo, not having any concept of time and struggling to do school work even though my teachers know and have told me to take it easy.

So that brings me to writing, writing is going to be virtually impossible until i leave. Texting people is wayy more exhausting more. Even writing this was draining. So if you text me and don't hear from me for a while, I not ignoring you, im just having trouble texting people.

Funny, abusive ex, abusive parents..... truly hilarious.

Im currently also under watch from my therapist, counselors, and friends since as of late my suicidal thoughts have risen drastically and my tendencies to fantasize have grown as well. It's been very difficult, guys.

So, just be patient with me. Okay?

- Pupsey