We talk like people do.

But then somehow, 

somewhere along the lines

there's a misunderstanding.

•••

You're pissed, I'm feel bad

Not even know what I did wrong.

You yell at me, I cry, trying to apologize

but you just say the only word that hurts me

'Mhm'

•••

Its the only word coming out of your mouth that will hurt me.

It means that you don't care what I say next,

it means you don't believe me,

it means you don't  even want to believe me!

•••

....But what's funny is that you say that word

more than I say the one word that hurts you.

You said 'Mhm' more times than I can count

while I said 'goodbye' less than 10 times....

•••

How Is That Fair!?!

Tell me!!

How Is It that I Can Hide The Hurt,

While You Yell Or Turn Away From Me 

When I Accidentally Say It!?!

•••

I'm tired of getting hurt.... 

I'm tired of fighting....

I'm tired of the misunderstandings....

But most of all....

I'm tired of crying.....

•••

I hate burdening my friends,

Especially When They Are Having A Good Day!!

  Do You Know How That Feels!?!

Knowing That There's Even The Slightest Possibility

Of Ruining Their Day!?!

•••

I hate that feeling,

It just adds to the hurt that you give me.

I go to my friends tho...

because I know that they will comfort me

 and cheer me up

•••

You ask 'Why don't you ever defended me?' 

but you don't even know that I am defending you.

Every time that I go to my friends,

they tell me that I should stay away from you,

that I should mute you and just walk away,

But I don't.

•••

Even though you hurt me,

I stay by your side because I can take it.

 Or that's what I tell myself.

•••

Every time I falter, I remind myself of

Ken Kaneki, Natsu Dragneel, and

other anime characters  that either dealt with pain

or forgive people No Matter What They Did!

•••

Kaneki rose up from being tortured and

grew stronger from it.

Natsu forgave people even if 

they set off something that could destroy all of Magnolia!

I'm tired of fighting!

I'm Done!!

•••

But am I really?

But at the same time I'm not,

otherwise why would I defend you?

Why  would I continue to persist to win you back?

To win your trust back?

•••

I care about you a lot to do that.

Why else would I go through all of that?

If I didn't, then why would I go through all that trouble?

Guess I'm not really done then, huh?

one hundred thirty-four

•••

I'm not done...so please,

I don't want to hear 'Mhm' as a response anymore....

From you....

-Made October 8, 2017-