For the first time I have tears streaming down my face and sobs escaping my mouth while texting people with humor like nothing is happening.

I'm crying in the space in which they just left, to come back soon and I'll quickly wipe my tears and speak through a shaky throats and smile like nothing happened.

And I'm lying to them. It hurts so bad that I'm lying. But I can't pull through to tell them.

I can't describe it in any words to them about how I feel. It's a curse.

It really is.