I float in a boat....
Full of broken, loss people...
Among those are me....
You never see the true suffering someone is going through...
You never do.
They either hide it behind a smile.
Or a mask.
Or an act.
I know.
'Cause that's me.
I know how it feels to hide how your feelings from your friends, because you just can't get into what's happening.
I know how if feels to be told on for every little thing that you do...
I know how it feels to take apart something....
....and try to fix it....
But.
Every time I try.
Every.
Single.
Time.
...I'm asked...
'Why can't you be more like your brother?'
I'm told I can't do stuff.
So I don't.
Everyone over looks me as just a waste of space.
Well, I'm here and I exist!
.....Please.....
Please.
Don't ignore me.
I'm tapping on your shoulder now.
Are you listening!?!
I'm screaming at you.
Have you lost all of your hearing...?
You walk away, to your group if friends.
Where you laugh and talk to them.
I know what it's like to be ignored.
I take apart things.
And use them.
I'm told that when I can't do something.....
...I start crying...
I only cry because I try so hard to reach for your approval, but it's not enough.
It never is.
I'm never enough.
I'm never enough for you.
I try, so hard.
....Where do I fit in....
It's not here.
It's not in my own home.
It's not among my "friends"
Its among the loss and broken people.
I belong on that boat.
That boat.
Where everyday everyone of us is trying so hard to not break down.
I had a father.
He was nice.
But as I grew up.
I looked past his lies.
I saw who he was.
A cheater, a buyer, a seller, a lair, a fake, and unfatherly.
I have an attitude.
....I know I do....
I hate myself for it everyday.
Because when I get mad.
I make the people around me upset.
....And they say things to me....
I raise my hand.
In a cracking voice,
I ask to go to the bathroom.
The bathroom.
The dark.
Empty.
Bathroom.
With only me.
Just me.
No one else.
I sit at the farthest side...
And hug my knees.
And start to cry.
I'm begging.
Please kill me.
I'm just a monster.
A demon.
What's living inside of me.
Whatever it is.
It won't leave.
I want it to....so badly.
I'm going insane.
'Cause I know.
I know how it is to be an outcast.
I know how it is to see that your family is full of liars.
I know.
...I know...
I know that when I dream, not matter how hard I do, it doesn't happen.
All of my dreams.
Cease to exist in this world.
There pushed out of the way.
Shoved.
Not cared for.
My dreams are thrown at the deepest darkest well, and there they expire.
And they disappear.
More are dumped in.
More forgotten wishes.
I.
Know.
I know how it feels to have no one to talk to.
And to sit at a table where you act.
And hide your feelings.
Your an actor now...
I know that table.
The table full of people where nobody likes you.
They just act.
And to open my mouth in class. I'm stared at.
And judged.
But that's okay....
Because.....
.....I know.....

"I know"
Written/Typed by:
Yours truly.

Sorry......I just need to get somethings off of my chest.......