LOL-

It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with.

This world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER!

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what you did.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

You cry. I cry. You laugh. I laugh. You jump off a cliff. I laugh even harder.

If a fork is made of gold, will it still be called silverware?

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make it's own lemonade!

When life gives you lemons squirt them in life's eyes, then run far, far away.

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, it's encouraged! Why is that?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...if well aimed.

Parents spend the first parts of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Have you seen my sanity? I seem to have lost it.

Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

Come to the dark side. We have TWINKIES!

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it!

Slow and steady gets you trampled by other people.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss. (Not responsible for any injuries sustained from throwing self at floor.)

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

If you find yourself in a hole, here's a hint: Just. Stop. Digging.

Whoever said that nothing is impossible has clearly never tried to slam into a revolving door.

I'm not retreating; I'm just advancing in a different direction.

Boys are like trees – they take fifty years to grow up.

Don't knock on deaths door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

They say guns don't kill people. People kill people. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG!" i don't think you'd kill many people.

The trouble with real life is that there is no background music.

Forecast for tonight: Darkness

Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway

Have you considered suing your brain for non-support?

Boys break hearts. So why don't we break their necks?

When life gives you skittles, throw them at hobos and yell "TASTE THE FREAKING RAINBOW!!!"

Some saythe glass is half full, others say it's half empty. All I wanna know is, WHO THE HELL DRANK MY WATER?!?!

Dear Math, Grow up and solve your own problems!

I didn't slap you, I high-fived you in the face.

Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident, they all met Barney and committed suicide.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Girls are like phones. We like to be held, talked too, but push the wrong button and you'll be disconnected!!

I'm insane... Because well-behaved girls never made history.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up at post-offices? What are we supposed to do? Write letters to these men?!

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?

If  it's you and me against the world... We attack at dawn.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way your a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Why is it called 'after dark' when it's really 'after light'?

Save the Earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

I live in my own world -but it's ok- they know me there.

Evening news, where they start with 'Good Evening' then tell you why it isn't.

Don't follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into doors... And poles... And other stuff...

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer, then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Therapist The/Rapist... Scary thought.

Tell the truth and run.

All things considered, insanity might be the only reasonable answer.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. And if I'm not cold then I'm hot. And I know I'm hot. Thank you for embracing it.

Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall... They cheat a lot.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do? Kill me?

Duck tape is like The Force. It has a Dark Side, a Light Side, and holds the Universe together.

Ninja farts: silent yet deadly.

Come to the dark side, we have Oreo's!!! (And milk too!!!)

Get to know your stalker, they'll be there a while.

My Knight in Shining Armor turned out to be a loser in Aluminum Foil.

When life gives you a lemon, throw the lemon back and demand Chocolate.

Engineering: "How will this work?" Science: "Why will this work?" Management: "When will this work?" Liberal Arts: "Do you want fries with that?"

God made man then said "I can do better". Then he made women.

Death is gods way of saying "You're fired." Suicide is human's way of saying "You can't fire me because I quit."

Why do today what you can put off till' tomorrow?

Don't mess with me I've got a stick.

I ran with scissors, I lived!

I'm the kind of girl that will burst out laughing in the middle of dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Stupidity can hurt, I broke a rib laughing at you.

We should have thrown you in the dungeon years ago.

At last! My plans for world domination have finally succeeded! Ooh look! Something shiny! Must. Go. Look.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

I did whet they said and took the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I?

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because your all the same.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.

I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I'm mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life?

They laugh because we're losers... We laugh because they just figured it out.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

Why be difficult, when, with just a little bit more effort, you can be impossible?

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!!

I call things as I see them; if I don't see them, I make them up!

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

Back up girl comeback!!!

Man: "I'd like to call you, what's your number?"
Women: "It's in the phone book"
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Women: "That's in the phone book to."

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I'm suck an asshole 😂😂😂
This was all on DuskWolfAtDawn's Bio on Fanfiction.net