**The night of the fair, after the girls left. (After chapter 9/Confessions).

Grant

Two men stood in front of me, looking annoyed. The one with glasses and a nasally voice spoke first. "Sir, I'm sorry, but you have to leave."

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, just because I went horseback riding?"

"You tried to steal a horse." The other, older looking man glared at me.

"Now, why would I want to do that? I could buy my own if I wanted one."

He pointed a finger at me. "I don't know, maybe you like the thrill of it. I doubt you can afford to get your own horse; don't you live in a trailer?"

I scuffed. This town is way too small. Little does he know I'm actually filthy rich and could afford to buy the entire fair with all the horses in it. That's not something I like to talk about though, I kind of hate that I'm rich. I'd much rather they think I'm poor. I grew up around people with a lot of money and I didn't like any of them. They were all pretentious snobs. I would never in a million years correct this guy. What he thinks is an insult is one of the highest praises he could give me.

"Look man, I'm here with my friends so I'm going to need you guys to be cool, okay?"

The man didn't look amused. "I don't care about you or who you came with, you can't stay here!"

I took at step towards him, tempted to punch him in the face. "Why, because you don't have any friends of your own? I can't imagine why."

I hear footsteps coming up behind me. "Is everything okay here?"

I smile, happy to see Alec. "These guys are a little upset about my joy ride. I personally think they're being dramatic."

Alec looked at the guys, "Awe come on guys, let him stay! We come here every year."

Mr. Nasally shakes his head and adjusts his glasses. "I'm sorry, but he violated fair rules, there's nothing we can do."

"Where's the rule book? I didn't sign anything saying I couldn't ride the horses." I cross my arms.

Mr. Nasally looks panicked and his partner jumps in to defend him. "It's common sense! You have to leave, if you don't, we'll have to call security to escort you out."

Alec throws his hands in the air. "You two seriously need to get a life."

I laugh and shrug. "Don't get your panties in a twist guys. I was ready to leave anyways, but you guys took my ride so I'm going to have to find another way home now."

Alec smirks. "Yeah, where else is he supposed to find another horse on such short notice?"

I walk away and Alec follows behind me. "You okay man? Those guys were so uncool."

"Yeah, I'm honestly surprised I didn't get kicked out sooner. I appreciate you having my back though."

He nodded. "I've got you man. I think I'm going to leave too; it's been a long day."

"Yeah, the day definitely didn't turn out how we wanted it to." I think back to the girls leaving the fair early, without us. "What was up with the girls earlier? Did you see them switch places on us?"

Alec follows me to the exit. "They were acting super weird; I was confused by that too. They practically ran away from us. Do you think it has something to do with us....?"

"Absolutely." I cut him off. "They're avoiding us."

Earlier Alec confessed to me that he kissed Vanessa. I was stunned, but also sort of relieved that I wasn't the only one who'd done something to change the group dynamic. Granted, what I did was a bit more extreme, it was still comforting to hear that I'm not completely alone in this. It's so crazy that we both made a move at the same time. It should feel weird that Alec and Vanessa are now sort of a thing, but it doesn't. It feels surprisingly natural. I wonder if that's how he feels hearing about Rinnie and I. Alec and Vanessa were always super close, and I didn't miss the intensity between them the past few days. I know it was against the rules of the group, and it jeopardized the order of our friendship, but I want it work out for them. After he said that, I felt obligated to tell him about Rinnie and I was glad I did. I didn't tell him we did more than kiss, I wasn't sure if she'd be okay with him knowing that. I didn't want it to seem like I was going around bragging to all the guys, so I just told him I kissed her. It felt really good to talk about it with someone. We both called each other out for liking the girl we kissed, and by the end of the conversation we decided to go talk to the girls and be each other's wing man. I was going to help him get alone with Vanessa and he was going to help me get some privacy with Rinnie. The girls apparently had other plans. To say I'm bummed would be an understatement.

"Well, I guess Ness and I did agree that we should pretend we never kissed." Alec looked at his feet.

I sighed. "Yeah, Rinnie and I might have mentioned the same thing."

Alec ran a hand through his hair, looking stressed. "I'm just going to tell her I changed my mind because I did. I don't want to stop whatever we're doing."

"You should. I'm rooting for you guys." I patted him on the back.

"Thanks. What's your plan with Zephyrine?"

I take a deep breath. "She made it very clear that she just wanted me to be her first.... kiss and that's it." She wanted me to be more than her first kiss, but I couldn't tell him that.

Alec looked at me sympathetically. "Was that before or after you two kissed?"

"Both."

"I'm sorry man, maybe she changed her mind. She may have just needed time to process."

I fake a smile. "Yeah, maybe. You should go talk to Vanessa, and I should leave before one of those guys has a heart attack." I look over at the two guys we talked to earlier. Their eyes are piercing through me.

"Okay, I'll see you later."

I nod. "Later Alec, good luck."

"Thanks Grant." He smiled, turned, and jogged in the other direction to go find the guys and tell them what happened.

I walk towards the parking lot, looking for my car. As I make my way to the car, I hear my name.

"Grant, wait up."

I stop and turn around. I'd know that voice anywhere. "Can I help you?"

Trisha jogs up to me, looking great. She's wearing a black lace tank top and blue jean shorts that show off her long, tan legs. "I wanted to apologize about earlier, I was out of line. I just saw you and got emotional."

I squint at her, suspicious. "It's whatever."

"Where are you going?" She looks up at me.

"Home."

She puts her hand on my arm and squeezes it. "Can I come? I really need to talk to you."

I sigh. I don't know what her game is, but I need to stop thinking about Rinnie and she may be my only chance at distraction tonight. "Fine, but don't make me regret it."

Trisha smiles. "I promise I won't."

I already know promises mean nothing to her, but I'm curious so I let her get into my car. I turn on the radio, put one hand on the steering wheel and back out of the fair parking lot. I keep my eyes on the road, not feeling like holding a conversation. At first, I think Trisha is going to respect that, but then she starts talking.

"Are you okay?" She looks at me, pretending to be concerned.

I lean my head back. "Yep." There's no way I'm talking to her about anything Rinnie related.

She puts a hand on my thigh, catching me off guard. "I've missed you."

I eye her hand. "No, you haven't."

"Yes, I do. You're very special to me Grant."

I take a deep breath. So that's what she wants, she needs a toy to play with. Trisha has always had to have the attention on her, it's been that way since she was young. I genuinely cared about her at one point, so I would love to believe she means what she's saying. However, I know it's all an act. For some reason she decided I'm the one she needs to want her tonight.

"Trisha I'm not stupid enough to believe you." I pull into my driveway and put the car in park.

She squeezes my thigh. "I love you, Grant."

With that, I move her hand, jump out of the car, and walk towards my house. She follows quickly behind me.

"Grant, I mean it."

I hold the door open for her and glare. "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?" She grabs my hand, stopping me.

I shift uncomfortably. "Stop trying to manipulate me with love. You know you don't love me; you never have. "

Her hand moves to my face. "Grant, you didn't believe me even when we were together. I made a mistake, one stupid mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, right? Is it really so unforgivable?"

"You cheated on me with one of my best friends." My voice comes out tired. After the emotional rollercoaster I've been on today, this is the last conversation I want to be having.

I remember the day I walked in on her and Roger in bed together. I trusted her so much up until that point. I trusted them both so much. I mean out of all the people she could've cheated on me with, why did she have to choose a close friend? I can't forget her face when my eyes met hers, blank without a hint of remorse to be found. I'm not proud of what I did next, but it's all I could think to do.

She rubs my arm. "Grant, you slept with my best friend Anna after you saw us. I'm not saying what I did was right, but don't you think we're even?"

My head was pounding, the way it always does when I'm around Trisha. "It doesn't matter, we don't work."

"Come with me." She pulls my arm and takes me to the couch.

I look at her. "What do you want from me?"

"You." She speaks softly.

I move away from her. "Well, you can't have me."

She raises an eyebrow. "Can't I?"

"I'm over you. I'm over us. I'm done with all of it."

She crawls onto my lap and kisses me hard. I start to pull away at first, then I kiss her back with equal force. For a moment, I forget about everything, I'm lost in this kiss. Then, everything comes flooding back into my mind. The intensity of it all makes me pull away.

I stare at Trisha, who's staring back at me. For a moment I see Rinnie's face. "Are you trying to destroy me?" I can't decipher if I was trying to talk to Tricia or Rinnie in that moment.

She smiles. "No, I'm trying to remind you."

"I remember."

"I want you back."

Without my consent, my heart softens hearing her say this. "Why?"

"You look so good. You're so attractive Grant."

I'm attractive? That's a terrible reason to be with someone, but I can't say I'm not feeling the same way about her right now. "Thanks, but..."

She kisses me again. "No but, we're perfect for each other and you know it."

I wish I was hearing Rinnie say things like this to me, that she wants me and thinks I'm attractive. I know how stupid that sounds, but I just wish I knew how she really feels about me. All I know is she doesn't think we'd work out. Is that the same as not wanting me? When did I become such a sap?

My mind won't shut up so I do the one thing I know will make my thoughts slow down. I kiss Trisha, not my finest moment. She runs her hands through my hair.

"Let's go to your room." She whispers in my ear as she plays with my shirt.

I shake my head. "No."

She moves back and stares at me with wide eyes. "No?"

"That room is off limits, I've told that before." I say sternly. That's Rinnie's room.

Trisha makes a face. "Do you want to do this out here?"

I shake my head. "We're not doing anything."

She moves off my lap. "Huh?"

"I don't want to have sex."

She looks shocked. "You don't."

"I'll make out with you but that's where I draw the line."

"Does that mean you don't want me back?" She makes a pouty face.

I look away. "I didn't say that."

"So, you forgive me?"

I roll my eyes. "I forgave you the day it happened, but that doesn't mean I forgot."

She stands up and leans over me. "I want you back."

"You have me back."

She grins and kisses my cheek. "I love you."

"If you say that again, I'm going to kick you out of my house."

She giggles, clueless as to how serious I actually am. "I bet you are."

I close my eyes. I don't know how I'm going to tell my friends about this. I already know how they're going to feel about it. They ignore all my flaws because I'm their friend, but they see anyone I date's flaws and rip them apart brutally. I'm fully aware of how bad of a decision this is, but I never make good decisions. Why would I start now? Right now, this feels like what I need. I know what to expect with Trisha, I don't have to worry about her being too good for me. She'll meet me at my level of messed up everytime. Now, Rinnie on the other hand, is my angel. If I were with her, she'd never intentionally hurt me. I don't trust myself not to mess up, even if it's her.

Trisha voice brings me out of my thoughts. "Can I use your shower?"

I shrug. "Sure."

"Want to join me?" She smirks.

"Trish, I told you just kissing." I don't even bother to hide the irritation in my voice. She wants control over me, that's why she keeps pushing this. What she doesn't know is that she can never manipulate me like that again, not after Rinnie. After the way she made me feel, it's never going to matter as much no matter who I sleep with. I've always used sex to release all the emotion I have bottled up, but I know that won't work anymore. It's become something else entirely to me now that I've been with Rinnie, something deeper than an escape. Ugh, I'm in so much trouble.

As if she read my thoughts, her name pops up my phone. I answer it immediately.

"Rinnie?" I try not to sound too desperate, but my voice comes out eager.

Her voice calms me. "The one and only. Where'd you guys end up?"

I laugh, thinking back to the fair. It seems like a lifetime ago. "I'm at my place, I got kicked out."

"What?! Grant, what'd you do?" She gasps, making me laugh even harder.

"They had horses Rinnie."

She quiets for a moment, making me wonder what she's thinking. "What does that mean?"

I sigh, running a hand through my hair. "Just went for a joy ride. I think they overreacted personally."

"You stole a horse?!"

I pull a blanket off the back of the couch, rolling my eyes. "No, I borrowed a horse."

"What about the others?"

I think back to the fair, realizing I wasn't paying attention. I think I remember Alec saying he was leaving, but I don't know if he did yet. "Not sure, they were still there when I left. I told them to go on without me."

She clicks her tongue, making me smile. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Whatever you want to." The words are out in the open before I could stop myself from saying them. I want her here with me so bad it hurts.

She's silent for way too long and I wonder if I went too far. When she speaks, the words sound forced. "Stay in time out. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Disappointed." Was all I could say before I hung up. I'm way too in love to talk to her sensibly right now.

Right on cue, Trisha walks out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel.

"Seriously?" I stare at her.

She walks closer to the couch. "Seriously what?"

"Put your clothes on."

She drops her towel, walking slowly towards the bathroom. "Who was on the phone?"

I pick up the towel and throw it at her, just hard enough to send the message that I'm not playing her stupid games.

She looks stunned as she dramatically bends to pick up the towel. "That wasn't an answer."

"You're not getting an answer." I narrow my eyes at her.

She walks back over to me, rubbing my shoulder. "You seem so tense, want a massage?"

"Please put your clothes on."

"That's the first time I've gotten that request." Trisha walks into the bathroom and emerges seconds later, finally dressed.

I burry myself under the covers. "I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, I just don't want to talk about it."

She sits on the edge of the couch. "It's okay, I get it."

I sit up, facing her. "Thanks."

"Can I lay with you?" She looks at me, pleadingly.

The thought of having someone beside me is really appealing so I lift the blanket and scoot over. She wastes no time snuggling into me and for a brief moment, I believe her. I convince myself she's being honest about loving me.

She rolls over bringing us face to face. "You were the best boyfriend I've ever had."

"Me?" I can't hide the shock in my voice.

"Yes, you." She giggles. "You were so attentive, romantic, and patient with me. Remember how you used to spend hours teaching yourself the material I was learning in class just so you could help me study?"

A glimmer of hope sears through me. Maybe I could be a good boyfriend. I start to wonder if I could make Zephyrine happy. Then, I realize that Trisha and I didn't work out, despite the fact that she claims I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had. I'm reminded that I could lose Zephyrine. The thought scares the hope out of me.

I feel a hand on my face. "You're way too pretty to look this sad."

I look Trisha in the eyes. "I'm not sad."

"Yes, you are."

My arm goes around Trisha, and I pull her into my chest. "I'm just tired."

She nods. "I bet I can wake you up."

I squint. "How?"

She leans into my ear and whispers. "I'm not wearing any underwear."

My mouth drops. She knows what that does to me. Two can play this game. "You need to go."

"No." She challenges, tightening her grip on me.

"It's not a question."

"You know you want me to stay the night, why are you doing this?" She pouts.

I smirk, knowing exactly how to make her quiet. "You're not the best sex I've ever had."

"We'll see about that!" She crawls on top of me, kissing me.

I kiss her, then move back. "I'm tired."

She crosses her arms. "Who is she?"

"Now, why would I tell you?" I raise an eyebrow.

"We're getting back together; I deserve to know who you've been with."

I shake my head. "You don't care who I've been with, you only care that I enjoyed myself more with her."

"You'd feel the same way if you were in my shoes."

After she was with Roger, I honestly don't care who she's been with anymore. She would never believe me though. "You're seriously going to tell me you haven't slept with anyone since me?"

She shushes. "Not many."

I nod. "Exactly what I thought."

"I'll tell you who if you tell me who."

"It doesn't matter, I don't even want to know."

Trisha sits back, taking this in. "Is she going to steal you from me?"

"Lucky for you, I don't think she wants to."

"What did she do better than I did?"

I start to feel bad for Trisha. "Don't get me wrong, you're skilled, but I wanted real."

"Let me show you real." She leans into me, trying to kiss me.

I stop her. "You're going to give yourself a serious complex if you try to compete with her."

She narrows her eyes at me. "She's just so great, isn't she?"

"Jealousy isn't becoming of you."

"Why are you being such an a**?"

I look her in the eyes. "If we're going to be together, this time it's on my terms."

"Okay, so tell me what you want?" She checks me out.

"I want you to get some sleep, at your own house."

She groans. "Fine, I'll leave. It's only a matter of time before you're calling me back. "

I smirk and stand up. "Don't wait by the phone."

"Don't kid yourself, I'll be in your bed by tomorrow morning."

I open the door. "No, but I might take you on a date if you're good."

She looks surprised. "A date?"

"That's what couples do. You want to be a couple, right?"

"Yeah."

I place my hand on her back and guide her out the door. "Then, stop complaining."

She just stands there, staring at me.

"Goodnight Trish."

"Goodnight."

I close the door and lock it.

What just happened? Did I seriously just say that?

Trisha and I have gone on dates before, but I never demanded anyone take it slow with me. I've always been more than happy to skip the date and spend the day in bed, but suddenly that's not appealing to me anymore. I hold my head. What have you done to me Rinnie? I grab my phone and dial Zephyrine's number. I need to hear her voice. Trisha's orangey scent hits me and I throw my phone.

We're supposed to be moving on. I'm supposed to be moving on.

I walk over and grab my phone. Luckily there's no real damage, only a small crack in the screen. I call Alec.

He picks up on the last ring. "Grant."

"Hey, what's up?" I try to sound upbeat.

"That's what I'm wondering. It's a random hour for you to be calling."

I take a deep breath. "I just wanted to see how things went with Vanessa."

He scuffs. "They didn't."

My heart sinks. I was hoping he'd have some good news to get me out of this funk. "What happened?"

"I asked her out and she got mad at me. She said it was unfair of me to be pushing things after we agreed we'd let it go. Things got pretty heated."

"Maybe I could talk to Zephyrine and get her to try to reason with Vanessa." I offer.

He sighs. "No, don't worry about it. She's already made up her mind. If she gave up on us, why should I bother?"

I hear the anger in Alec's voice. "I understand why you're angry, you really put yourself out there and she shut you down so harshly. She likes you man, she's just frustrated with the situation, not you. When she realizes that I think things will work out."

"Thanks for trying to be positive. I think I'm just going to forget the whole thing before it gets anymore out of hand. I just need to move on."

"I feel that." I put my feet up on the couch. "I think I'm going to get some shut eye, but I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?"

He yawns. "Me too. I'm so over today. I'll see you man."

He hangs up the phone. I sigh and put my phone on charge in my bedroom, far away from the couch where I'm sleeping. I'm hoping the distance will stop me from calling Zephyrine this late and confessing everything.