Boston, Massachusetts

"Just a few more minutes, noodle. I promise."

"Mommy," His hushed, exaggerated whisper is as close to mortified as I've ever heard it. He looks around, his cheeks flushing a dusky red. "You thaid you wouldn'th call me noodle anymore when we aren'th home."

I grin down at him with an unapologetic twinkle in my eye as I fake remorse. His beautiful grey eyes, like mine, stare up at me, and my heart turns over in my chest. My beautiful dark-haired, grey-eyed boy with a deep dimple in his cheek that flashes every time he smiles, which is often.

I slide my hand through his hair, reminding myself I should trim it again, but it looks so sweet, curling slightly over his forehead. The once dark, sandy brown continues to darken with every year that passes, it seems. I don't remember much of my father, but I don't think even he had hair this dark. It certainly doesn't come from Rob's side of the family— all fair skin and light hair on that side.

"Sorry, Mr. Noodle, how could I forget?" I exaggerate the word, mister, drilling my fingers gently into his belly.

"Sthop it, Mommy, sthop!" I relent, loving the way various mixed letters lisp through the gap in his two front teeth.

Had it been my finest moment as a parent when Con held out the apple he'd been munching on with his two upper-front teeth stuck inside it and blood dripping down his chin, pooling in that beautiful little dimple he has there? No, but he'd been so excited for the tooth fairy to come, so I'd rolled with it.

Sure enough, the two front teeth he'd tucked under his pillow turned into a five-dollar bill. The smallest amount of money in my wallet that evening. Later that morning, when he'd found the money, he'd asked if we could pull all his teeth out.

When I asked him why on earth he'd want that, I nearly broke down in tears when he explained he didn't need his teeth if I made him the banana and vanilla smoothies he likes, and the money from the tooth fairy could help mommy with those blasted bills he hears me muttering about after bedtime.

My beautiful baby. Inside and out.

Not such a baby anymore. My beautiful five-year-old baby boy— well, five-and-two-month-year-old according to Con. It's that special age where everything is a countdown to the next birthday, and all he wants to do is grow up. And all I want is for time to slow down.

But, even when he's a man, he'll always be my baby.

I lean in, pressing noisy kisses to his cheeks. Even as he rolls his eyes, he laughs. His delighted squeals make my heart soar. I pull him into my arms as we wait for the doctor to return with Con's test results.

When he snuggles into my embrace, his hands come up to play with my long hair, and I hold onto this moment. I watch him twirl the long, loose curls between his small fingers. He won't always want to cuddle his mama, so I'll take every single moment of affection I can get.

The door swings open, and the old, weathered face of our family Doctor peeks through. "Is that my little wolf?"

Con beams up at Dr. Lukas, and nods seriously. "And can the little wolf entertain himself for a few minutes while I talk to Mom? I brought you a comic book."

With eyes as big and round as saucers, Con accepts the comic with an eager smile. "Thankths, Doctor Lukaths."

"My, oh my! Did you lose your front teeth? I think that calls for a lollipop on your way out."

Con's eyes light up with excitement. "I did, and a toof faiwy broughth me five dollarths."

Dr. Lukas ruffles his hair and smiles at me as soon as my son's attention shifts to the comic book.

"After you, Annabelle. Will Robert be joining us?" Dr. Lukas gestures for me to precede him through the door, then closes it, leaving it cracked so I can keep one eye on my son, who's forgotten all about us as he dives into his world of superheroes.

"No, it's just Con and me today." I don't miss the small frown that flashes across his kind, old face.

"How are the two of you managing everything? Do you have enough support at home, my dear?"

I smile at him, touched by his concern but anxious to hear the updates he has. "I have my grandmother helping when she visits, Doctor Lukas, and two friends I can count on."

I don't mention that Gran only comes for holidays, to that 'Godforsaken cold northeastern state' as she calls it, but he seems to feel reassured by my statement. "Do you have any news to share?"

He sets the charts on the counter, then clasps his hands together. "It's as I suspected, Annabelle. His abnormal heart rhythms are a growing concern, so I'd like your permission to officially refer you to the Boston Children's Hospital to a classmate of mine, Dr. Eva Limnionas. It's my recommendation that Con spends some time there, under her care, to evaluate the best way forward from here. My office will arrange the transfer of files from our office and your past doctors in Wellesley."

My chest constricts painfully as I accept the card he hands me. My fingers shake around the crisp card stock.

Dr. Lukas squeezes my fingers for a moment.

"I assure you, she's the best in her field, Head of Cardiology. I've already spoken with her, and I'll accompany you and Con to the first consultation, even beyond that if you'd like. It's my understanding that she's preparing several options to discuss, but she'd also like to run a few tests herself. You should plan on at least a night or two there in the beginning. It's still likely you can be an outpatient, though."

I only nod, trying to absorb everything at once. Heart problems. Surgery. Referrals. Tests. Overnights at the hospital, inpatient, outpatient. Costs.

I push away that last thought. Nothing will stand in my way to see that Con gets the care he needs.

"Now, Annabelle, my primary concern is not Con's heart or the steps we might take to repair the suspected defect. My concern remains around his blood type. It's one of the rarest groups in history. As I already mentioned, when you first registered here, it puts him in a unique situation if he ever requires surgery or transfusions."

When he pauses, I realize he expects me to say something. I fumble, then just release the string of confused questions I have.

"What does all of this mean, Dr. Lukas? I'm not sure I follow, I'm sorry. Is his heart okay? Is he sick? Does he, or doesn't he need surgery? We already know Rob and I can't do direct donations since neither of us is a match. Aren't the monthly blood draws you're doing enough? This is all a little overwhelming, and I'm afraid I'm not fully with you." I press my hand to my stomach, fighting back the tears, fear, resolve, and nausea as they battle for supremacy inside my body.

Dr. Lukas ushers me into a chair beside the door, then settles beside me, taking my hand in his. He gives it a fatherly pat and my pulse begins to settle again.

"Take a breath, that's it. Dr. Limnionas will walk us through her recommendations as soon as I get the referral on the books. Try not to worry until we know more, Annabelle. If it's as I suspect, Con could likely still manage with medication for now, with an altered dosage or change in medication altogether. However, I'd be inclined to hear about potential surgical options, as well, so he has the potential for the best quality of life long-term. But there are many courses of action. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I raise the concern only on his blood type right now, as we consider the different routes."

I nod, wiping at the tears spilling onto my cheeks. "Could you explain the options to me again, then?" I vow to commit every word to memory now, instead of relying on Rob like I'd done in the beginning. 

Then, my role had been to comfort and protect. Now, I also had to be strong and understand exactly what my baby needed, because it was only me, now.

His hand squeezes mine gently again, then he speaks matter of factly.

"Since blood groups are inherited, and Rhnull is known to run in families, we need to run more tests on both sides of the family, beyond you and Rob, now. If you can facilitate our efforts here, with as many relatives as possible, then, ideally, we'll find a donor from inside the family. Of course, as we've discussed, there's always the chance that it was a random mutation on both sides, but let's not cross that bridge just yet. But, we've been preparing for this, and we have Con's blood stored from your regular visits. I'm afraid it's not currently enough for a surgical procedure, though. We can certainly continue, but I'd like to test your extended family in parallel. If we can't find a match or Con can't tolerate the self-donation volumes, then we'll try new medication in the short term as we continue to build up a reserve."

"How much would be enough? So you want me to bring the whole family in for blood tests for now? Is that all I can do? The only living relative on my side is my grandmother. She can come, of course. Can we also check close friends? Just in case?" My mind races to Beau and Aims even though they aren't family. I know they'll want to help— they're practically helping me raise Con, at any rate.

I don't know what I'd do without them. I don't know what lucky star led to Beau being drafted by the Bruins, but someone somewhere was looking out for my friendship with Aims.

As if he can sense my need to take action, Dr. Lukas nods. "Your grandmother can be tested in her local hospital or with her G.P., and the results sent here. It's not likely realistic that Con can donate enough blood for himself on the timeline we might need, in the quantity we'd like. But, let's just put a pin in that topic for now. I know you want all the information now, as well as an action plan, but we simply have to meet with Eva, first. I have some papers for you to sign so I can gather, then hand over all Con's records and history. I don't want you to worry, let me take care of that part. I know it's a mother's instinct, and you're a wonderful mother, but I assure you, I will be there every step of the way."

Nodding, with a better grasp of what's to come, of what I can do right now, I push up to my feet and wipe the evidence of my tears from my cheeks. "I'm going to sit with him. You can take blood from him today, then I'll make the necessary calls."

A sense of helplessness rolls through me. My friends and family won't be a problem to get in for testing. But, considering I can't even get Rob to show up for appointments, I can only imagine how this additional burden will affect our already strained relationship. Rob's not really a bad man or a bad father per se. He's just not interested in a broken, unhealthy family. He always imagined his life would be perfect, and he just couldn't cope with reality.

"Mom, did you know thath Thsuperman can..."

I listen with one ear as my son regales me with the tales of Superman and his powers. While he rambles happily, I text Rob with a short update, a reminder to call me, and the request for getting bloodwork done.

His response is nearly immediate, which makes me think it's his secretary.

In a meeting. Will call you back later.

If I had a dollar for every time I'd heard that then I wouldn't be struggling to make ends meet.

I also take the chance to shoot a message to Aims, asking if she's free for dinner tomorrow. Her response is also immediate but genuine.

Girls and our favorite noodle only, or can Beau and Dundee join us, too?

I text back that Beau and his faithful Aussie can join us, already looking forward to it.

We'll bring the pizzas! And some wine for the after bedtime party.

"Aunty Aims and Uncle Beau are coming for dinner tomorrow. Dundee too! How cool is that?"

He smiles his little toothless smile at me, jumping at the chance to talk about Beau and Dundee. "Then, we're going to thsee uncle Beau'ths team play hockey?"

"That's next week, sweetie, but yes. Soon, you're going to meet the whole team. They'll even make you an honorary Bruin for the night. We'll take your picture with everyone and get them to sign your jersey. One day, you'll be just as big and just as strong as all of them. You'll be able to play any sport you want."

His eyes light with excitement, but before he can respond, the door swings open with a soft thump.

When Dr. Lukas steps back in, Con's eyes widen at the blood bag, the rubber band, and the needle he's carrying. His hand immediately wiggles its way into mine.

"You know the drill, sweetie. A small pinch, then a lollipop, and a Happy Meal." I don't experience an ounce of shame at my use of bribery tactics.

Con climbs onto my lap, looping his arms around my neck and fisting his tiny hands in my hair close to my skin. "Do I have to, Mommy?" His slightly uncertain little whisper by my ear makes my heart squeeze, but I rub his back, nodding.

"I'm afraid so, noodle. I promise it will be done before you can even blink."

"Let's show Mommy how brave you are, little wolf. Like one of our superheroes."

Con nods, taking my hand in his and looking up into my face with a serious expression on his. "It'sth okay, Mommy. You can hold my hand if you wanna."

I take his small hand in mine, then kiss his forehead, encouraging him to look in the other direction. "Be brave for me, noodle."

Dr. Lukas winks at me and quickly gathers the sample himself. I know he could have a nurse do it, but I find his presence reassuring. Somehow, I think he knows it.

"That does it." He sticks a Batman BandAid on Con's arm, and my son's eyes go wide. Dr. Lukas hands Con a small apple juice which he gulps down noisily before wiping the back of his hand over his lips.

"Next time we meet, little wolf, we have some more tests like this for you. Do you want me to bring a special hero BandAid?"

Con turns his attention to Dr. Lukas again. "I'd like Thsuperman pleasth."

"Excellent choice. Consider it done. Now, if I remember correctly, Pam has some lollipops for my brave patients by the desk. Con, why don't you go pick one for you and your mom?"

Con races out to the reception at my nod, handing me his empty juice box.

"I'll call you tomorrow with more details, Annabelle. I have all the information I need, the documentation on insurance, history, and records, so please try not to worry about anything else right now. We'll tackle the rest when we get there. For now, just make those calls. Don't hesitate to call me if you have questions. I know what being a single parent is all about. I raised my daughter on my own, as you know. I know all about the village it takes."

"Thanks, Dr. Lukas. I'll keep that in mind."

Con's hand finds its way into mine again as I come around the corner. "Wed or yewwow, Mommy?"

I pretend to debate this question seriously, watching as his own eyes stay on the red one. "I'll take yellow, please. He pulls the wrapper off for me, then puts the plastic in the garbage before handing me my treat. Then, he opens the red one for himself, tossing the trash away politely.

"Bye, Dr. Lukasth. Thanksth for the comic and the lowwipop."

"See you soon, little wolf."

A short drive and one lollipop later, Con is munching happily on chicken nuggets and carrot sticks when we pull into our small rental bungalow.

I usher him to the kitchen table to finish his Happy Meal, then slice an apple and some cheddar cheese for myself, sighing over the empty refrigerator.

Rob still hasn't called me back, so I text him again, trying to express my urgent need to see or talk to him. I immediately follow up with a voicemail.

He's done a fine job keeping his distance from us, though, using the alimony as a nice buffer for his decisions. His new 'healthy' family takes all of his time these days.

"I'm full, Mommy. Can I go play?"

I glance at his dinner, pleased to see he's eaten all his carrots, finished his milk and left only one and a half nuggets behind.

"Sure thing. You sure you're full?"

He nods dramatically. "I'm sthuffed."

I ruffle his hair, then watch as he runs off to dig up his superheroes. I know for at least a few hours, he'll be occupied, which means I can prepare my lesson plans for the morning class.

I pick up his uneaten chicken nuggets, biting into the leftovers with a happy sigh. I can't even remember the last time I ate meat or a real dinner, for that matter. Lately, it's been cereal or whatever was in the fridge.

Until Rob comes through on the alimony payment, funds are so beyond tight for us that I could barely afford one Happy Meal right now. With rent and electricity due soon, I'm cutting it close, this time. My public school teacher's salary just doesn't cut it in an expensive city.

For the thousandth time, I consider moving back home, back south. At least we could save money on utilities in the winter, then. But Rob's family won't let me go that far away, which is ironic since he only sees Con every several weeks as it is. Sometimes months span between visits.

Thankfully, aside from one small credit card balance, I'm debt-free—thanks to Gran's support and my scholarships from college, so at least I don't have to worry about that burden catching up with me at the same time.

I still make a mental note to review our expenses, to see what I can trim back on as I settle back down at the kitchen table to outline my plans for my Kindergarteners tomorrow.

My one great pleasure, and relief, was that I also have Con in my JK-SK split class, so the school lets me keep him there for the full-day session, so I can avoid daycare or nanny costs in the afternoons. But I know that won't last much longer. It's only a year-long reprieve.

Focusing on my kids helps me center myself, and time slides by as I dive into making final preparations for an exciting, creative, and engaging lesson plan for tomorrow. Who doesn't love Halloween and Thanksgiving preparations?

When Con tugs on my sweater, I jump slightly. "I'm thweepy, Mommy." He raises his arms, and I gather him close, lifting him as we make our way to the bathroom.

Our nighttime routine slides by smoothly, bath, brushing teeth, storytime, and I help him into his pajamas before putting on my own, then climb with him onto his bed.

Before I'm even halfway through chapter one of the first Harry Potter book, Con's asleep, one little first clenched in my hair again, the other tangled in the strap of my long, silk shift dress.

And, because I feel like we both need it, I don't go to my own room tonight. Instead, I click the lights off, then let myself drift to sleep curled together with my son, letting his slow, even breathing and warm cuddles chase my worries away just for tonight.

- - - 

Hope you all enjoy this update and the first look into Annabelle's new reality. Feel free to let me know what you thought in the comments, or consider voting if you loved it!

Xx Toria