Everyone in the world has a purpose then what's mines?  

Is it to feel loved, cared for, protected? Cuz what I'm feeling is none of those things. 

I feel exposed, violated, mistreated, hurt 

Is that what I'm supposed to feel?

Is that the feeling that God wanted me to feel all this time?

Then if it is I don't want to feel it. 

All my life I've always wanted to feel secured

And Hope to maybe find love in my future and live a happy life. 

Yet as a child all I ever felt this hurt and pain and being mistreated by my peers. 

'It's a joke' they said then why do I feel so down? Why do I feel so broken?

What they believed was a joke had done nothing but tear me apart to this day.

I sit in the shadows and see them.

Those kids with their friends. 

Talking.

Playing with each other.

And sometimes I wish

No

I beg. 

' When will I have that?'

And family.

Please.

They don't have time for me. 

Well. Sometimes but it feels very little.

They have work, and school, so there just plain busy. 

A lot.

I went through that torture for years.

And every year its the same. 

Same pain.

Same feeling of loneliness.

Same plea

But that change for a second

I moved.

To a different place.

Away from the hurt.

The pain.

The loneliness

 I made friends.

And I thought to myself

'I found my light in darkness'

But all it took was one sentence

One

Single

 Word 

That made me shatter

'Lose some weight'

Weight

The one thing that must have been my demise

After that I don't know

I stop eating

Started throwing up the food I ate

I just couldn't stand looking at it.

It disgusted me

I lost weight

A lot of weight

Until

It stop

I don't know how or why 

But it stop

 Yet it didn't feel like it left for good

No 

I know that its still in me

Waiting

Anticipating 

For another crack

One so big that its the last of me.

I still have my lights

My angels from heaven.

From God.

Its like he apologizing to me

'I'm sorry I let you go through that'

And i forgive him.

Yet he left me with this:

The arguing

The yelling

The bullying 

i'm done with it

i don't want to hear or feel anymore

I don't want to hear the yelling anymore

I don't want anymore arguments

I don't want to feel that pain of feeling that I don't belong

That I shouldn't be here in the first place

I just want is to feel love

That warm feeling of being in your families loving arms and stay there for eternity

But that not how the world works

The world is cruel

Rough

Full of pain and suffering

Yet I still feel it

That life 

That loving warth that telling you

'Don't give up'

'Keep fighting'

'It'll be worth it'

Is it?

Is it worth it?

Can i still keep fighting for the light to more stonger than darkness

That love still cqures all

Because I don't know anymore

I feel like I'm loosing it

I've had my episodes

Where I cry

So hard

and I say

'I don't want them to hate me'

'Please don't let them hate me'

'I don't want to be alone'

'I don't want to feel that anymore'

Even right now as I'm writing this is feel sleepy

That I just want to rest and stay in my happy place.

I feel dizzy and sleepy

But I'm still awake

Still awake and fighting

But i wonder

For how much longer?

I feel the darkness in me

But there's a small light

Still burning bright

And it makes me smile

I'm happy 

I'm still here

But now I ask you

'Why do YOU think I'm here?'

A/n:

*Takes a deep breath*

 Hey. Ok look, I know that I already updated with a new tag and drawing. But um...I've been feelig bad. And its not from a flu or any other sickness. I mean mentally bad. I've been bullied since i was a little kid and to be honest I'm really surprise that I haven't don't ything dangerous to myself yet. And I know that must seem silly or you guys might not care but guys.This stuff is REAL. So real that it happens to practically everyone and some of us aren't so lucky. Bullying is hugely serious thing and some just think its a joke when it not. This is how I feel when I'm a victim of bullying. and i just wanted to get it out my chest. Because dang did that killed me keeping it to myself. Please don't think less of me about this. I might delete this soon, but I just wanted to let you guys know about this. I wish you guys a good night.

And I pray that none of you go through the same pain I go through, cause it sucks.