To say Isaiah wasn't pissed was a lie. He was totally pissed at Chad for ditching him. He couldn't even fathom why he was mad in the first place. Maybe because when he checked his Facebook wall, his face together with Dylan and his team were posted at the top section. Or maybe it was the fact that Chad was not responding to his messages. Chad had the guts to check his phone, but couldn't even check the messages he received.

Isaiah searched the school, looking for Chad, and he had to wait by the car. Overall, he wasted an hour and a half of his time waiting for Chad. He was seriously worried that something bad might have happened to him, but I guess Chad wasn't sharing the same value of concern. Based on what he had seen on the photo, he seemed to be enjoying his new friends' company.

A lot of things happened today, and Isaiah didn't even know where to begin. Well, for starters, this morning Chad was distant. He knew it was because of what happened last night because, well, it was weird. It wasn't normal for two boys to do things like that, or was it? Ever since Chad came into their household, almost everything shifted, and Isaiah couldn't think if it was better or not.

Chad made him feel all these weirds things that he couldn't even explain. The word gay came into his mind, but he never exactly felt like it. He found himself gazing at other men, but he couldn't feel any attraction towards them. It was a big step for him to do this thing, considering that he had been interested in women all along since he ever knew the word tits and boobies.

And earlier, he was with Jean. The girl was something Isaiah would consider cute and pretty. He knew there was some attraction there, but Jean wasn't really interesting at all. After all, Isaiah was done with playing boyfriend. He wasn't exactly looking, but he wasn't exactly rejecting what was in front of him.

Isaiah contemplated whether he should do something about what he felt, and if he would, where would he start? He had no idea. This was something he needed to think carefully. Sexuality was a big thing, and it could define him in a lot of ways.

At this point, Isaiah definitely had a thing for Chad because, honestly, what he did before and the kiss weren't exactly a straight thing to do, and it wasn't even a prank. He could tell himself that, but he doubted he would believe his own lie. But still he needed to think this through. This wasn't going to be easy, and he had to research on this to fully understand what's going on inside his head.

On the other hand, Chad didn't seem straight either.

If he was, he would have punched him straight when he kissed his neck because, well, let's admit, any straight guy would consider it as sexual harassment and would be offended. What Isaiah did was nowhere near as straight.

For the first time in his life, he was back at his old seven-year old self where he couldn't decide which he liked to do in the future – whether he would be a doctor, or an engineer. Bill bought him a couple of toys to either pretend he was a doctor or the latter, but it only confused him more. But as the day went on, he found himself playing with the doctor stuff and right then, he knew he wanted to be a doctor. So what triggered? Obviously, it couldn't be Chad's naïve-ness, or it couldn't be Chad's complexion, right? Well, it couldn't be the fact that Chad's eyes are a bit thick.

The more he thought about it, the more frustrated Isaiah got. This shouldn't even the thing he was supposed to be thinking. He was supposed to think about their upcoming game – he needed to focus, but with Chad constantly lingering in his head, that would be quite hard a task to do.

Isaiah never wanted this to happen in the first place, and now he was caught in between questioning his sanity or his sexuality. Nevertheless, the time would come and hopefully, he'd be able to figure it out soon.

But there's a catch.

If Isaiah indeed was never straight, how the hell would he come out to his dad? Their family had never been homophobic. In fact, Bill had a couple of friends who were gays from his work. And Bill accepted them. There were even several times they were in the house catching up, and there were even sexual innuendos being thrown in the air but Bill didn't care. He didn't give a fuck. He was enjoying the company of this friends, and that's what mattered.

And for the first time again in his life, there was fear. He knew this was going to fuck him up real bad if he kept thinking about it, but how the hell does one person do this anyway? Was he supposed to plan things up, or was he supposed to just straight up tell his friends and family that he no longer considered himself straight?

Regardless, his fear was real, and he goddamn knew how to keep it.

So back to the day he was searching for Chad in the school but couldn't find him, he was seriously pissed to know if he was with Dylan the whole time. Chad could have sent him a message, a quick reply, telling him that he had gone off but of course, he had to forget Isaiah and his ride. Isaiah went home with a pissed look, and when he got home, Sarah and Bill didn't dare ask him a question. They knew there was something going on Isaiah's head, and Bill actually told Sarah to let him be. Sarah didn't know him that much even though they'd been living in the same house for the past couple of weeks. Bill knew not to talk to his son when pissed because Isaiah would just shut him out and they wouldn't probably talk for a few days, so Bill had to choose to be silent. Because when Isaiah was ready to talk, he would talk.

He stayed in his room for about half an hour, thinking about his game and Chad. But Chad weighted more in his head. He couldn't seem to shrug him off, and the more time he put on thinking that Dylan and Chad were together, the more pissed he got. This feeling wasn't even normal for him, and he didn't exactly know why he was mad in the first place. Well, for one – he reminded himself, he was kept waiting for an hour and a half. Second, he was with his enemy.

After he was done sulking in his room, he went to Chad's so he could sulk there. As usual, his bedroom door is always unlocked. He left himself in even though he had no permission at all. His defense? It was his own house, and he didn't anyone's permission. It was pretty childish but that sounded like a logical reason to him.

He inspected Chad's room, but this time, he went into details. There was a couple of books on his table, neatly stacked, the pens were beside it. His flexible lamp was stretched out, and he could almost picture Chad slumping down so he could read properly. His bed was neatly made, and the pillows were on top of the folded comforter. Isaiah went on to check his cabinet, and he was surprised to see that his clothes were not folded. Rather, it seemed like someone had gone through his clothes. It was disorganized. He nearly laughed at the thought, but then he remembered he was mad at him. Isaiah managed to keep a straight face.

He was in Chad's room for 45 minutes when he came barging in. By the time Chad came into his room, he was shocked to see Chad sitting on his bed with crossed arms and an angry expression. Chad looked like he wanted to say something, but Isaiah beat him to it, not wanting to waste any more time. But that's what he did basically anyway; he spent his time in Chad's room thinking about his misery.

Isaiah went full-blown sarcastic on Chad, telling him he was glad to wait in the parking lot without any notice from him. Chad's eyes went wider, and he seemed to have realized his mistake. As if exhausted, Chad sighed and shook his head. They shouldn't be talking about this. Isaiah only thought that this could be normal – that people tend to forget things. But still, he wished he could have given notice. Isaiah stood up, disappointment now evident on his face and walked past him. He also told Chad not to keep him waiting, and when he's supposed to tell him stuff, tell him so he wouldn't have to wait again. Before Chad could even say or reply, Isaiah already shut the door in front of him and went back to his room.

Once he was in his room, he thought of what just transpired between them. Chad looked apologetic, and he was seconds away from saying something. But of course, Isaiah had to shut him out. It was for the best, he thought to him. He left the room because he didn't want to say something mean to him. Sometimes, when people are mad, they say hurtful things. But Isaiah was hiding his feelings, his hurt so he wouldn't say bad things.

His room felt darker and unbearable – the feeling wasn't wholesome. It was quite suffocating, but he bore it like a pro. This happened to him before, and he could survive it. He had to. After all, this was his only safe place. His room was his only haven. If he gets bored, he'd get into his room. If he's tired, he'd get into his room. Want to watch TV while eating, he'd get into his room. There's a lot of things he could do in his room.

The day felt like it was stretched out, endless, and Isaiah couldn't seem to wrap his head about what he did today. Acting like this wasn't really him – it was a different Isaiah. He didn't know he had that other type of personality. It was quite shocking to learn that.

But then again, maybe this was just a normal reaction. He was discovering something in himself that he didn't understand, and anyone who could experience that absolutely felt the same way, right? He wanted to understand what he was feeling; he wanted to understand himself before anybody could. He needed to. Otherwise, he's going to a pit of misery and suffering, and he didn't want that.

With that thought inside his head, Isaiah thought of Jean and how she'd be the perfect person for this. Jean wasn't exactly his type, but the girl was all over him the past month. Jean wasn't slutty; she was actually a decent girl. She was nice to help Isaiah with some of the subjects he couldn't understand. They had been seatmates, and they were sharing some funny moments together. Isaiah thought he wasn't leading her on, considering he made her understand through his gestures that they were only going to be friends. But now, he wasn't sure if Jean got the message. Hopefully, she didn't. Because if she did, Isaiah would have to find a way to make it seem like he was interested in her.

As soon as the idea crossed his mind, he actually felt stupid. Of course, he was going to lead the poor girl on, and it wasn't in his vocabulary to hurt women, even if it was for his own discovery. He would have to try a different approach. He could try to be actually friends with her, and then tell her his little dilemma. Jean would seem to understand. She had gay friends, and they were all friendly. Isaiah already met them.

Then another thought crossed his mind. Of course, he could tell Jean, then he could ask her to set him up to one of his gay friends, like a little session, and talk about sexuality and stuff – if they are willing to share their moment of discovery. And by moment of discovery, he meant about when they realized they were into dudes and hella gay for men.

Again, another ridiculous idea.

Isaiah wanted to scream and throw his things somewhere just so he'd have an outlet for his frustration. The ideas he was thinking were not logical and good, and it could bring more chaos into his life. Is it possible to just ignore this? He asked himself, but even the question sounded ridiculous to him. Of course, it wasn't okay to ignore what he felt. Sooner or later, he would have to let it all out and it wouldn't be a good idea.

While he was thinking, there was a knock on this door. He looked at the silhouette in the small gap between the door and the floor, and he instantly knew that it was Chad. Then he heard his voice calling his name. It was unsure, like he was hesitant to come pay him a visit. Good, Isaiah thought. He told Chad he was busy, but Chad wasn't exactly stopping. He kept on knocking on the door until Isaiah got tired. He heard his name again, and Isaiah sighed, went up, and opened the door with an angry expression plastered on his face. Any more minute of that expression and it would be permanently glued on his beautiful face.

He didn't mean to sound harsh when he asked Chad what he wanted – the grit in his voice was evident, and he was edgy. Chad looked so innocent, like he wanted to get this done as soon as possible, but Isaiah was making it hard. Chad wanted to talk, and Isaiah told him that there wasn't anything to talk about. What could possibly be the topic? He already knew Chad ditched him for Dylan; that was the reason why they were at this point; that was also the reason why he was pissed. Isaiah sighed. It was seriously exhausting him to be mad, and he wanted to talk to Chad. That was the truth. He wanted to talk so badly with him that it was taking all of his energy. But Isaiah wasn't actually in the right mad. He needed to cool down. He needed time. He needed to think straight. Isaiah told him what he saw on Chad's post, and it was clear. It was really clear.

When Isaiah was about to close the door, Chad put his foot between the casing and the door, preventing the door from being shut. He glared at Chad. Honestly, he wanted peace right now. Peace of mind. That'd be great to have.

But then Chad said he wanted to talk about what happened between them last night. The kiss on his neck. To say Isaiah wasn't shocked would be a complete lie. A great one. His hurt rapidly beat, pounding hard against his chest like it could compete with drums being played on a regular week-long festival. There were million thoughts running inside his head, and now he couldn't think at all. His mind was blank, and as if it's an instinct, he shut the door on Chad's face.

Isaiah rest his back on the door, putting a hand on his chest as if that would stop it from beating erratically. He shut his eyes, trying to calm himself down. This wasn't the best time to talk about that. Isaiah was still figuring things on his own, and he needed more time before they could even talk about it. And Chad wanting to talk about it meant serious business. That conversation could end up in different ways; it could lead to different paths, and most of them, Isaiah couldn't control. He knew he wouldn't be able to steer the wheel and get the conversation to the right path.

For the first time again, Isaiah locked his door. He didn't want anyone come barging into his safe haven, and Chad seemed determine to do that. He actually saw the fiery in his eyes just before the door shut.

He shook his head, then went straight to his bed. He was waiting for another knock, but it didn't come. He was glad at that. How long can I keep this up? He asked himself, but for that question, he didn't know the answer. He wasn't sure. Obviously, if he stayed mad at Chad, it would make him seem like a crybaby – a sore loser. He didn't want to be called such things. He let out a long, exasperated sigh, and wished this day could end right now. He also wished things would go back to normal, like pre-Chad era.

Getting his phone, he sent a quick text to Jean asking her if they could hangout. Instantly, he received a reply from her, telling him that it was a good idea. As Isaiah looked into the message, he couldn't seem to excite himself. It was... meh. He rolled his eyes to himself. If he wanted to figure this out as soon as possible, he would need help from other people. Talking about it with Chad didn't seem like a good idea. And he bet Chad was just as confused as he was. They both needed help, like from an expert.

With Jean having gay friends, maybe they could all talk about and hopefully identify where Isaiah really belongs. It was a bad idea, he knew it. But did he have another choice? Of course, he did. He was just stupid to think that it was the last, best option he had. Even though there was plenty of options that was better to choose from, like for example, making out with Chad; it would surely cement his sexuality. And oh boy, now that the idea crossed his mind, it sounded so logical and right.

And he wished it really was.