"Don't know where you are right now?"

"i'll stay in the pool and drown so I don't have to watch you leave"

___________

The doctor told the Dickinson family the worst news they could hear. They all say around the dinning room table "there's no easy way to put this?" He took a breath, as the family looked at hi waiting for him to continue. "Your daughter's going to die" Mr Dickinson had his arm wrapped around his wife "no" Mrs Dickinson whispered as tears formed "god no" she looked away from the doctor, Mr Dickinson didn't say a word. "Her symptoms are spotty. But as there's been more than reported cases" he rings his hands together before continuing "..of yellow fever within a mile of Amherst, I'm quite comfortable making that diagnosis." He explained.

"I knew it. Mrs. Boltwood's cousin." Mrs Dickinson concluded.

_

Emily sat at her desk, writing and listening for if anyone came up the stairs to see her.
"Tell all...Tell all the truth
The truth...But tell it slant -" she muttered to herself. The sound of paper sliding under the door caught her attention. Emily got up and walked to the folded letter, she picks it up in her hand, the letters were written beautifully, the message read:

If you want need another dirge,
Let me know
Yours,
Ben

Emily smiled to herself, as she re-read the letter, over and over again.

-

Mrs Dickinson was in distress she held a handkerchief as wiped her tears, as her husband continued to argue with the doctor. "Dammit, isn't there something you can give her?" The doctor shook his head, as Mr Dickinson started to shouted.
"Some medicine, some balm, something?" Mr Dickinson listed off. "What about leeches? I hear those have been effective in many cases." Mrs Dickinson suggest

"They really haven't." The doctor responded in as a calm voice as he could, with the one of the parents getting more upset and the other getting more pushy on ideas to save his daughter.

-
Emily continued to re-read the letter, even though it was a few words, Ben understood her, more then anyone else, Except Y/n she understood Emily more then anyone in the world. Ben wanted to hear her poems, someone actually wanted to hear her work. She felt a giddy feeling inside her stomach.

She heard footsteps, Emily quickly ran to her bed and jumped under the covers, her mother opened the door and walked in. "Oh. Emily." Mrs Dickinson whispered as she walked up to the water jug that was sitting on her writing desk. She picks it up along with a cup and pours it in along with wetting a cloth.

There was nothing said between the mother and daughter until Mrs Dickinson placed the cloth on her daughter's forehead. The brunette moaned and the coolness touching her head. "Does that feel good, my darling?" Mrs Dickinson asked softly

"Thank you, Mother." Emily croaked out as she pulled the blanket tighter around her. "Oh, my poor child. This is all my fault." Emily shook her head telling her mother that it wasn't "Yes. This all comes from
my side of the family. I'm afraid you got the
Norcross constitution. Frail. Susceptible." Mrs Dickinson explained, tears in her eyes

"I'll be all right." She whispered.

-
Mr Dickinson stood at the end of Emily's bed, he leaned against the post of the bed with his hands. "My daughter, I must unburden myself of this long-kept secret." He started, Emily didn't want to hear it.

"Maybe... don't." She muttered but her father didn't listen

"When I was a student at Yale,
there was a night. One heady night. A party. There was an abundance of cherry rum and one of our most respectable professors stripped himself naked and ran across the green." He confessed.
___

"I know I've failed you as a mother, Emily." Her mother said, Emily felt like actually dying then and there her parents were talking to her like she was a diary.

"Seriously, don't worry about it. You're fine." Emily reassured her "The truth is, I never

really wanted children." Her mother blurted out

"Mom! You didn't?" She asked, Mrs Dickinson shook her head, as she looked down at Emily. "No."

____

"I must admit that I partook. On top of the rum... there were oysters. I binged upon them late into the evening. So many oysters. I was intoxicated. And then those wicked bivalves overtook me. There was a girl." Emily close her eyes in pain, she really didn't want to be hearing this "Dad, it's okay." She said but he continued "Her name was Lucinda. She was a maid. Much older than I. And although I was betrothed to your mother, I succumbed." Holy shit he cheated on mother. I don't want to be listening to this. If I tune it out maybe they will go away. Emily thought.

___

"But then I married your father...and one thing led to another. And then the three of you were born." Mrs Dickinson sat at the end of her daughter's bed "And now...here you are in this awful state. And... and..."

"You realize it was all worth it?" Emily said in a hopefully voice "No. I realize I was right. It's pure agony. No one, no one should have to bury a child." Mrs Dickinson layed her head on Emily's chest as she sobs.

____
Mr Dickinson stood up from the stool and had a hand on the door knob "I have tried, I have always tried to set a good example for you children." And he leaves, shutting the door on his way out.

"What the f..." She begins to curse, but the sound of buzzing stops her "Are you sure this is a good idea? Messing around with

everybody's emotions?" Bee said

"If I can finish one poem," Emily starts as she rips the blanket off, and bee inhales the cigarette in his hand "then, yes." The bee exhales the smoke

___
Later that night when everyone was asleep, Emily sat at her table writing "Success in Circuit lies...Too bright for our infirm Delight" the sound of rocks clattering against her window caught her attention. She got up and pulled the curtain aside to look out the window. Ben stood out there, he held up a book, Emily smiled at that and went out to see him.

The two sat on the docks near the water "I don't know if you'll like Emerson's essays as much as his poems." He handed her the book as she flips through it "But they've certainly made an impression on me." She stops on a page "Did you underline this?" She asks looking at him from the book "Maybe."

Emily looks at the small paragraph of writing "Our life is an
apprenticeship to the truth that around every circle another can be drawn; that there is no end in nature, but every end is a beginning; that there is always another dawn risen on mid-noon, and under every deep a lower deep opens". She reads out.

"Speaking of truth...I'm not actually married." He confessed "But...you wear a ring." She questions "It was my father's and I started wearing it to remember him by. And then...I discovered that it helped

to stop the prying questions and the endless set-ups from a thousand Mrs. Dickinsons." Emily stared at him "Wow."

"No offense to your mom." He quickly said worried he had offended her

"Oh, none taken." She said laughing a little "you wear one why?" Emily looked at the ring again "um..m-my friend gave it to me for a birthday present and I wear it on my ring finger because it also stops the questions on the street" she explained caught in the lie she had created "you also have the same one around your neck?"

"It um belong to my sister, and she gave it to me" she sorta lied on that one "well your friends is a lucky man and one hell of a gift giver" yeah she is Emily thought

"Lot of power in a little gold band. A wedding ring as freedom." Emily nodded along with what he said. "Marriage itself is a bit old-fashioned, don't you think? "Take this woman to have and to hold". Just sounds a little like..." He paused trying to think of the word. "Imprisonment?" Emily suggested "Exactly." Ben said

"So, you don't want children?" She asked

"I love children. Other people's..But if I had my own...I wouldn't have any time to read." He said, Emily looked up to him and smiled "I feel like you are reciting my own thoughts." She giggled lightly as she looks down at her hands "Struck a chord, huh?" He questioned "The whole piano." Emily responded causing the both of them to laugh. "You ever swim in this lake?" He asks looking out at the clear water.

"My father doesn't let me." Emily replied as she puts the book down next to her
"Why not?" Ben asked

"He's afraid I'll get sick."

"Well, it's too late now. You're already dying." Ben jokes causing Emily to laugh. "True."

Ben looks out at the water again "That water, it looks tempting." As he stands up and kicks off his shoes and shirt "Tempting"? I bet it's freezing." She looks from the water to Ben then back again

"Well... I bet it warms up." He said cheekily before dashing into towards the water and jumping of the dock and into the cool water
Ben laughs and cheers as he splashes in the small lake. Emily stands up and takes off the dress bit of her dress, as she stands in her night gown and she dashes in after him. The two splash around splashing each other and laughing and cheering.

____
Later that night Emily was laying in her bed, her hair still damp, but out of it's plait.

"Too bright Too bright..Too bright for our infirm Delight..The Truth's superb surprise-" a knock on the door and the sound of the door opening causes her to look at the person who was entering. "Hey. Can I come in?" Austin asks, Emily nods "Yeah." She answers as she lays back down. Austin looks at Emily as he slowly walks inside her room "Your hair...It's damp." He said "Night sweats." She lies as Austin walks to the stool beside her bed. "The doctor said there isn't any hope." Austin repeats what the doctor said to the family "Oh, there's, there's always hope." Emily said

"I can't imagine life without you, Emily. Do you remember that time we put on the bumblebee opera?"

"Yeah.That was a pretty fun waste of an afternoon." Emily said
"We hummed for so long I got a sore throat." Austin explained "You were very committed to that performance."

"And nobody's as fun as you, Em. I don't wanna lose you." He confessed

"Austin, you won't." Emily reassured him

"I've already lost Sue. Now you could go too." Austin said sadly

"I thought Sue was writing to you."

"She only wrote once." Austin admitted

"You said twice." Emily spoke

"I lied."

"I'm sure she misses you." Emily said as Austin stood up and walked towards her bed room window

"Are you? I'm not." Austin sighed "I'm sorry. This is so selfish of me, going on and on,
spending what could be your last hours...like this. Just whining about some girl."

"I understand. And she's not just

"some girl", she's Sue." Emily said "you love her just as much as I love Y/n" Emily said

" I don't understand her.
But I know I love her. Because, somehow, I love not understanding her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life not understanding Sue

than marry someone who made sense to me. Does that make any sense?" He turns towards Emily

"Yeah. I think I get it." Emily said

"Emily, can you please, please not die?" He said, he wished more then anything that she would get better.

***
Yay I finished another chapter, updates haven't been as regular I am going into year 11 now, so I won't have as much time any way love you all.