I'm going to say something. About y'all and before yall get pissed off here me out.

Happy is a decision. I know it is easy to feel so sad and hopeless. but you can't choose that cuz one you're hurting yourself mentally mabye physically as well. And if you need to talk to someone to it to get the help you deserve. that is easier said than done find communities  people, who understand you because not everyone can be there for you.  You need to look at yourself in the mirror and say I'm going to be happy I'm going to stop trying to hate myself but I think about the good things. Some days will be really hard and difficult and it is worth it. because you are here and you are your own person no one will get to tell you what you can and cannot do unless it's breaking the law. try to find your happy try to find a place to be happy. if it's your parents if it's your family find a way where you can crash on someone's couch.  If you can't yet push through it until you find that exit and run and don't look back to the exit. It will get better I promise on my life.