Why did you leave?

I glare at my phone in disbelief, baffled at his audacity. I scoff and shake my head. A sarcastic chuckle escapes me, soon enough, I am rendered into a cackling mess. Is he for real? So, I should have stayed back and watched them smooch? Or, hold hands like couples? Yeah, right, I slap my forehead, I am so stupid for coming here. Big mistake.

Bunching my gown, I stroll down the rest of the stairs, stopping to take a deep breath when I reach the foot of the staircase. I need to find Chi. Her brother has done it again, I can't keep doing this with him. Too many secrets, I place a hand over my chest, and heartbreaks, isn't he tired? I shove my phone into my purse, a frown plastered on my lips as my feet carry me to the dining.

Chatters from the diners drown the sound of my heels, dishes I didn't take note of earlier lay across the long table housing about fifteen people of different calibres. I hesitate at the entrance, eyeing them with slight disinterest as another round of meal is served. I shouldn't be here but I can't get myself to leave. My shoulders sag, I take one more step towards the chairs backing me. Chi is the only reason I'm staying back.

Shiny metal bowls with the soft glow of the overhead chandelier reflecting on them grace the centre of the table. Half-empty plates with foreign meals sit in front of the people conversing in low tunes. I keep walking until my legs hit the back of Chi's chair. Tugging on a strand of her braids gently, I bat my eyelashes when her head turns to me with a smile playing on her lips.

Deep lines mar the foreheads of a few of the guests, none of them looks familiar except for Chi who gestures for me to occupy the space by her left. I am grateful for the lack of attention paid to me as I settle on the seat beside her. She nudges me with her knee when my gaze fixates on my hands resting on my laps for longer than it should, I sigh, flash her a weak smile and straighten up.

The couple who took her away from me sit across us, I wave at them and they return it with equal fervour. Their combined laughter floats in the air after the female whispers into her partner's ear, he bops her nose, they share a look and erupt in another round of laughter that causes my chest to tighten. I should be having this with Paul, maybe more, if only he didn't move on.

"Don't mind them," Chi whispers, "they just got married, the love is still shacking them."

Mortified that she caught me staring, I look down to my hand folded on my laps and sigh. A corner of my lips twitches, my eyes dart to the young couple and my heart squeezes at their open display of affection.

"Are you close to them?" I whisper to Chi.

She replies in the same tone, "Yeah. Ada and Obi, I call them Adaobi." Her hand goes over her mouth to stifle her hoarse laughter, I nod and my lips curl into a sad smile. That name will also work for her since she is the Ada of the house and her fiancé is Obi, a short form of Obinna. But she calls him Obim: my heart. "God. They are too cute."

Desire coats her voice, she gazes at them with admiration and the glint in her eyes intensifies. She sighs, I sigh. "I can't wait."

I squeeze her hand under the table and she offers me a shaky smile. We didn't spend so much time talking about it but I know how excited she is to get married, she will make a good wife. Rubbing my hand on my knee until that ever-present feeling of loneliness dissipates, I try to focus on other important things like my morning flight. I leave early.

By this time tomorrow, it won't matter what I saw in his room. I sigh, maybe it might but I will be at home. With those who truly love and care about me. I stifle a groan. Maybe I'll go on dates with other men too. Even if I don't get into another relationship, I can have fun, I have needs too. Needs to satisfy.

The thought of being with other men leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, I banish it to the back of my mind and close my eyes to allow the images of the people I saw upstairs pass. I try not to think of their position or the fact they were alone in the room. To convince myself there is nothing intimate about him having his hands around her wrists. But her giggles float in my head, taunting and teasing as they ring in my ears with grit.

"What will you eat?" Chi's voice penetrates my messy thoughts. My eyes fly open to see her push an empty plate in front of me.

The seat at the head of the table is empty, same with some chairs by the right of it. This is the oddest party I have attended, the host and celebrant are missing but no one seems to care. The faint music playing in the background changes to a traditional tune, cheers of approval fill the air and their heads bob in rhythm for a short while until they return to their conversation.

"Pauline." My head jerks to Chi, she frowns and I offer her a small smile which causes her to sigh. She is tired of me, I am tired of me too, I want to go home. Touching the empty plate with a fork, she murmurs, "I was talking about food. What will you eat?"

"Who cooked?" I ask instead.

An emotion flashes across her face which pales, she levels me a gaze, I grimace and blink slowly. "Don't know but it's not Paul."

Her answer disappoints me, sadness tickles me for a split second. A heaviness descends on me, I straighten up and trail the lock on my purse. It would have been nice to eat his meal one last time before leaving. This whole thing is messing with me, if only I can find the control for my feelings to shut them off. I should at least try to move on too, he has done that but I am stuck here.

Where do we stand now? I sigh. One thing is for sure, after that fiasco I saw upstairs, I am standing on my own. Chi takes a bite from the plate of funny looking sauce in front of her and moans in satisfaction. My eyes widen in recognition of the meal named after me, I purse my lips and my shoulders sag. We will never get a chance to properly celebrate his win or the special.

Chi nudges me with her elbow as if to ask if I have decided on a meal yet. I shake my head. I don't feel hungry, if I did before, my appetite flew out the window the moment I saw those two together. Does he like her as much as he does--did me? My heart skips a beat, I wonder if he calls her love or touches her with the same gentleness he does when we makeout and a soft sigh escapes me.

Torturing myself with images of them in intimate positions, I shift in my seat and my eyelids flutter as visions assault me. Him on top of her, hands intertwined above her head as both of them kiss before they break apart to let her fingers weave through his beards. Does she also give him forehead kisses like I do? Tears sting my eyes, I place a hand over my chest, right above my calm heart. It hurts too much to think about them but I can't stop. He moved on without me.

"Pauline," Chi says through gritted teeth, "I-"

"I'm not hungry," I cut her off and direct my gaze to her plate, she is almost done eating.

A long hiss follows my reply, she motions for a passing waiter who she instructs to stuff my plate with jollof rice. By the time the waiter takes her leave, my plate is filled with more fried meat and plantain than actual food, just how Paul likes to serve me. It's the only way he can get me to eat in large quantities, meat always does the trick. He will start by seducing me with meat, then add spoonfuls later until I have eaten more than I thought possible for my belly.

"If you don't eat," she states, "I'll call Paul."

Speaking of the devil, my brown-eyed devil, he walks into the dining hall with Evil in tow to stand behind an empty seat and all conversation ceases. I tune him out as his lips start moving, my eyes zeroed in on his partner, trying to find a fault in her overly flawless appearance. My gaze lands on her tiny hand wrapped around his arm, I scoff.

Why can't she let him breathe? Doesn't she know clinging to a man this long can turn him off? No one will steal her man, maybe I will, the same way she took him from me.

The sound of glass cups clinking in a toast drags me back to the present, I growl under my breath and snatch the flute of wine Chi passes my way. Our eyes collide when he tilts a glass in my direction, my heart starts a fast and furious dance in my chest as we hold each other gaze, forgetting all about the people here with us. I want him back.

For that brief moment, I pretend we are still cool and madly in love. On our date in his house, toasting to us and new beginnings once again. That this party is all in my head, a figment of my untamed imagination.

Paul raises the flute of clear liquid to his lips while maintaining eye contact, he takes a sip and his Adam's apple bobs. I swallow the lump lodged in my throat and look away from that perfect creation, I can't be caught openly admiring someone's man, he is not mine anymore. My parched throat calls attention to the glass held too tight between my fingers, I release my hold on the fragile-looking object and set it to the table. I don't need a drink, I need his love.

Conversations resume, the murmurs fly over my head and I keep my gaze trained on the white table cloth. Daring to spare the new couple a glance, her hand adjusting his bowtie kills all thoughts of staying away from drinks tonight and I empty the content of my cup into my mouth in one gulp. I smack my lips at the oddly sweet taste and eye the bottle of wine sitting at one end of the table. I might need another glass of it, maybe more if I want to forget them. Him.

Pointing to Chi's glass, I ask, "Are you still drinking this?" She shakes her head, I nod and the content disappears into my mouth.

This time, I am hit with a wave of dizziness which calms when I blink rapidly. I sense Paul looking in my direction, tingles shoot down my arms, travels to my toes and my body lights up in that familiar way only his presence commands. Still, I refuse to look his way. I am not his business anymore.

"She is greeting you," Chi mutters. I raise my head in the direction she is pointing at, Paul's partner, I roll my eyes and let out a long hiss, ignoring the smile she sends me. "Why don't you like her?" she whispers. I play around with the fried beef in my plate and shrug. "Have you met her before?"

"Yes. No. See the way she..." I trail off. I don't want to badmouth my fellow lady but she is all over him, her hands seem to have a thing for his bowtie and chest. Can't she leave him be for a few seconds? I eye Paul's face for any sign of discomfort but he looks to be enjoying her not-so-subtle touches.

"NK is my cousin," Chi states in an annoyed tone and a coughing bout hits me. She rubs my lower back, I feel pairs of eyes on me and I focus on the purse on my laps. "I hope that boy told you that." No, he didn't, he never tells me anything. "I also hope that's not the reason you dislike her," she scoffs as I start coughing, "Pauline, NK is my cousin. There's nothing going on between them"

The conversation on the table returns to full swing, I feel his eyes on me. He needs to stop looking at me or I will do something stupid to embarrass both of us. I don't get it, he should have stopped me from leaving to offer some sort of explanation. Yes, I nod, like there was a chance for him to do that with the way I rushed out. I release a deep breath, I need to learn to calm down.

"Why didn't you say something?" I whisper.

"You didn't ask and you, you told me not to meddle." Because I thought I could handle it alone. She passes me a glass of water, I take a long, satisfying sip and offer her a grateful smile. "I ask again, do you want me to talk to him or I should mind my business?"

In a flat tone, I reply, "Mind your business." I don't want her help, I want us to try and fix our relationship without external input. She won't always be there to talk to him on my behalf. Plus, I want to do it myself.

Guilt prickles my conscience when she goes rigid beside me, I heave a sigh and try to block out the eyes staring at me. I wonder if he can hear us, annoying man. "Chi," I start, she raises her brows and I clear my throat. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound harsh," she nods, "I'll let you know if I need your help."

"Fine," she says with a casual shrug and lifts her glasses for a nearby server to refill it. "Don't expect me to interfere, don't ask me any questions. I'll be right here minding my business," her voice lowers, "something I am good at. Keep stealing glances at him, finish him with your eyes." I scowl, she giggles and mutters, "You are too obvious."

Lies. I am not, I have only looked his way six times in the space of twelve seconds and I only did that because I wanted to join in on the talk of the people around us. "Shut up."

We sit in silence, she mutters, "He wants you too." My ears perk at the sound of that, I shake my head, no, he doesn't, he is tired of me. "For real, take a look at his ugly face," a deep frown etches on my face, "if he looks in this direction again, I'll pour this wine on him." I throw her a deadly glare, she rolls her eyes. "Two of you are the worst, talk to him," she sighs, "get back together already."

"We will."

Laughter spills from my lips when she gives me a thumbs up, I kick her foot under the table and she winks. The pep talk from her has me feeling light-hearted, almost brave enough to approach him. My eyes lift in Paul's direction, he doesn't bother to hide the fact he has been staring at me and my gaze wanders to the lady beside him. NK.

NK flashes me a grin, I reciprocate it with a smaller smile tinged with guilt, she is their cousin and here I am, hating on her. She spares Paul a glance, nudges him with her elbow until his lips curl into a semblance of a smile and my heart does a double-take. He smiled at me. Well, not a full smile but it's something, progress, there's hope for us.

The people on the table begin to disperse, I watch them leave until there are only three of us. Me, Paul and Chi who is typing furiously on her phone like it's her last text. NK left after flashing me an encouraging smile and I give myself a mental slap for judging her. She seems nice. If things go well tonight, I will approach her, we might make good friends, she has great taste.

Paul's eyes return to me, his gaze wanders between my face and my untouched plate of rice. He arches a brow, I gulp, my eyes lower to my plate and I take my first bite. The smile he offers me is small but genuine, my heart flutters, I take one more bite and another until I am done with a quarter of the jollof rice on my plate, all thanks to him.

"You guys make me sick," Chi says into my ear, reminding me of her presence. I roll my eyes and stare longingly at the seat NK vacated, hoping he will invite me to sit there. She groans. "Just walk up to him, take that seat, it's not that hard. This love sef."

Picking her half-filled glass of wine, she rises to her feet with a slight shake of her head. Her breath fans my neck as she bends to whisper, "I would have gone to talk sense to him but one aunty said I should mind my business." A frown makes its way to my lips, when she says it like that I want to rip out her braid. "I'm going to the parlour."

Uncomfortable silence reigns over us after Chi leaves, I push my plate aside and spare him a glance. His head hangs low, his glass of wine sits untouched on the table, I clear my throat and whisper, "We need to talk."