Let me start simply. There are three words, they're the most important words in anyone's life- I think they are, at least. Alone they don't mean much, but together they mean everything.

I love you. Of course, they're easy words to say. Just "I love you." Three simple syllables, three simple sounds. But I do, and the raw emotion I try to put behind them is what gives those three little words so much meaning.

Just like those words, I feel small. I know that I'm not as small as I often think I am. I know what I'm capable of and what I'm objectively worth, but what I know doesn't have an affect on what I feel- and I feel small. Like.. a bug to be crushed 'neath the boot of the world.

You make me feel stronger and more confident, and I'm managing to hold on to that. You put something behind me, and it's not necessarily that you hold me up- it's that I can feel you there and I trust in your word and your love. It makes me feel empowered in so many ways that I never thought I'd get back. In ways I've never even experienced before.

I never thought I'd feel this way about a person. I've said that about people before, of course. Twice. But you feel different. Genuinely, what I feel inside is somehow.. changed. Changed in a good way. It feels deeper, more intimate, more special. It's warmer. Something almost uncomfortable, but not. It's like an ache that won't go away, an ache meant to feel good, but at the same time an ache that can cause incredible pain if shoved just the wrong way. Not pain in the conventional sense, something different and more powerful.

When I feel that you might be disappointed in me, for whatever reason, that warm feeling in my chest goes cold- changes to that pain. I can't begin to describe it, but I'm sure you know of it.

I love you to pieces, I always will. I love you a little more every day. I love the way you smile, and they way you make me feel happy inside and out. I love that you make an effort at every moment, and that you say that somehow I motivate you to do better. In the same ways you motivate me. I want you to be happy every day of your life, I want to take that journey with you. You're right, I don't care how long it takes for that journey to start, or for that journey to reach its' end. As long as I take that journey with you I'll be happy. I want your life to be my grand adventure, and mine to be yours.

"You are my quest," and I always want you to be. You say that you don't want anyone else, and neither do I. I want us, not anything or anyone else. And you know why? Three small, simple words. Just three syllables, three sounds- but somehow with infinite depth and power.

I love you.

... I love you.

I love you.

...

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you!

I LOVE YOU!

Those words, they echo through my head.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Over and over and over again. It's like the sound of a church bell ringing, except it never goes away, never falters

IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou.

I'm not sure exactly when it all started. With her, with someone else, maybe some long forgotten curse- but I do know that I first noticed it a few months ago.

I'd met this girl online about a year earlier, she seemed sweet- quirky. We hit it off quick. Of course, the news got out. Family's always asking about my love life. Being the only LGBT person in the family garners just a bit of attention.

(I love you.)

It's just something everyone's interested in. it's strange to them, a girl who likes girls. It doesn't make any sense. I don't mind so much.

After a while I couldn't help but show her off, she was a cute girl- I dunno who wouldn't.

She actually lived fairly close, about a six hour drive in good traffic.

(I love you)

Just not close enough for visits very often. After a few months, however, she wanted to try and move in with me. I was ecstatic. On my own for a few years already, and now that beautiful girl I loved wanted to come live with me? This must have been a dream. And it was.

(I love you)

I got a week off work to drive down, help her pack, drag her back up here, and help her get settled.

...

She was even more beautiful in person. Bright pink hair- half shaved, pale skin. She was short and a little chubby, with the biggest pair of round rimmed glasses. She looked like Harry Potter with a punk rock hair style as a girl, and she was beautiful. In person I noticed things I hadn't noticed before. The way freckles dotted her cheeks. Just a light dusting that crossed her nose, as if someone had sprinkled them on the way one might decorate a cake. Without rhyme or reason, but beautiful all the same.

(I love you)

Her eyes were large, made larger by her glasses, and sparkled with an icy blue-grey color. By all accounts, she was gorgeous.

Bringing her home was.. more than the best day of my life. The whole ride back we were singing, and when she hopped out of the car she was just bouncing around everywhere- looking. She was a city girl, I came from the woods.

I'd shown her pictures before, but she was endlessly fascinated- enamored by the surplus of trees. She seemed to stare for hours. We'd sit together and watch them. After a while you could have sworn to actually see them grow. She never got bored or tired of looking. By the end, I'd kiss her cheek to snap her out of it- and she'd giggle and blush like a child, just smiling.

The first week was just like that. Innocent, adorable. The works, but after that week... it all went sour.

(I love you)

She started to grow distant. I didn't notice at first, but.. hindsight is twenty-twenty.

She didn't smile as often, she didn't laugh. She barely ate, she almost seemed to avoid me as time went on. I could never figure out why, it wasn't like I was an abusive girlfriend. Maybe I was clingy? I don't know. I'll never know now.

All I can say for sure is something was wrong. She just.. flew away. It was like she was the one I'd lost, but she was right there. Just within reach. It drove me mad.

When it turned around I'm pretty sure I went insane.

In less than a day her entire demeanor changed from avoiding me to being all over me. Maybe even in an hour, the change was so gradually drastic that I couldn't even explain how exactly it happened.

(I love you)

I think it started when she was crying. Alone in the bathroom, huddled in that space between the toilet and the tub. I found her curled up there half a sleep, crocodile tears still pouring down her face. I brushed my hand against her shoulder and she slowly came to. As she awoke her shoulders started to shake. Next thing I knew she'd lunged into my chest, pushing me to the ground. I was shocked for a moment, but I squeezed her gently- shushed her, told her it would be okay. I had no idea what was going on, there was no way I could have known.

She fell asleep again, this time without the tears. I didn't move her, she'd told me before that she was a light sleeper and the past week and proven at least that. She was mumbling, as if she were talking to someone.

(I love you)

"Shh.. it's okay", I'd mumble back and gently rock her like a baby, trying not to wake her. It could have been minutes, or hours, or even days- I wasn't paying attention to the time- but she started to stir. I looked down, watched her blink. Her eyes were still a little swollen from crying, she looked at me for a moment. Her eyes were blank, it was like there was nothing there. Then she was up. I wasn't sure what was happening for a moment, it all came to fruition so quickly. She was kissing me.

I wasn't sure what to think. By this point we hadn't actually kissed. Maybe just a peck on the cheek or forehead. Once or twice just a quickie, but never... never an actual kiss. And this was most certainly an actual kiss. She kept pressing her face into mine, tilting her head slightly. I honestly didn't know how to react. It was so sudden, so unexpected. When she licked my lips I pulled away, still shocked. Still confused. For a moment, she was still there- kissing the air, as if she didn't notice that I'd left.

(I love you)

Then she stopped, and sat back. It was a robotic motion, but then she smiled and hugged me. It wasn't her. The words that followed chilled me to the bone.

"I love you."

She spoke in a sickly sweet voice, like poisoned honey dripping off a lead spoon. I never thought the sound of those words coming from her mouth would make me feel that way. My only comfort now is knowing that it wasn't her.

The days following trudged on slowly. At least once an hour she'd tell me that she loved me. It was never her. Her eyes remained blank. There was nothing there, or at least if there was it was hidden behind whatever had taken her over.

(I love you)

The days turned to weeks, the weeks to month. With each passing moment she became "sweeter." It was like watching some sick romcom unfold in my own life.

The "I love you's" started to come more often. That sickening voice.. it never stopped. I started to distance myself from her, and could you blame me? It wasn't her anymore. It was someone.. no, something else. Then... then it happened.

I came home one day, just a little bit late. I'd gotten stuck in traffic on the way home from work. It's a two hour commute there and back. I walked in the door, and it was quiet. Too quiet. The lights were off, the sun down. I could barely see. I dropped my keys on the table as I passed it on the way to the kitchen. When I flicked on the lights there wasn't anything there. It was like she was gone. I sighed and turned to get a cup. I was tired, dehydrated.. I really just needed a nap, but when I turned around... god...

(I love you)

She was staring up at me. Those round glasses, those eyes, that.. that smile. There still wasn't anything behind those gray-blue orbs. I thought I might've seen something, but I was wrong. There was nothing.

"Where've you been?" She beamed up at me, just smiling.

(I love you)

"I.. uh.. got caught up in traffic."

(I love you)

"Oh? What kind of traffic?"

(I love you)
"The.. uh.. the n-normal kind?"

(I love you)

I stuttered out. I don't stutter, I'd fixed that years ago. She'd scared me. A lot.

"Mm.. I dunno if I believe you."

(I love you)
"E-excuse me?"

(I love you)

"I think you were trying to avoid me."

(I love you)
"W-what? No! I was just caught in traffic, that's all-"

(I love you)

"You don't love me, do you? Why don't you love me?"

(I love you)

"W-what..? I.. I mean.. I do love you.."

(I love you)

"Why don't you love me? Is it really so hard? To love me? Why can't you love me? I just want you to love me! I love you, damn it, I love you!! Why can't you love me to?! WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME! I LOVE YOU, WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME TOO?!"

(I love you)

She was in hysterics. I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. The next thing I knew she'd grabbed the cheese knife off the counter top.

(I love you)

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LOVE ME!? I JUST WANT YOU TO LOVE ME!!! PLEASE JUST LOVE ME!"

(I love you)

I expected her to lunge at me, to stab me, but she didn't. Instead, she thrust that blade deep into her chest a total of three times before I realized what was happening. I tried to stop her, I really did. I didn't know what was going on. I grabbed at her arms, but she managed to wriggle away from me despite the wounds. She ripped the knife from her chest and plunged it into her throat from the side, ripping it across. It was only now that she collapsed, dropping the knife to the floor.

(I love you)

There was blood everywhere. It was like a murder scene, and.. I think that's what it was. The last thing she said to me was a gurgle. Blood bubbled through her mouth and throat. I honestly don't know how I understood what she was saying.

(I love you)
"I just wanted to you love me...."

(I love you)

I stared for a moment, still, frozen. I knew what'd happened, but.. I didn't.

(I love you)

I hobbled to my room and collapsed into bed. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. It was ringing through my head, banging on my skull like a sledgehammer to concrete.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou.

Over and over and over again. It wouldn't stop. The voices.. It echoes now. I don't know how to stop it, god I don't know how to stop it, it's stuck in my head. They won't stop. I feel like whatever was in her.. it's coming for me.. What can I do? I don't know what to do! It won't stop.

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.....

I love you.