Is there ever anything as hurtful?

As that moment

When you realise you care more about someone

Than they do about you?

*

I am trying. I am trying.

I am trying to break the ice

When I see you coming towards me

From across the hall

Each and every breath of mine

Is trying to break the ice

Trying to battle my way free

Free from the cold clutches

Of the hell born ice

When I look at your face

I just somehow know

That you are trying too

Writhing free from the numbing touch

Struggling

Struggling towards the warm dream we saw

Play out in front of our eyes

That summer

Under the tangerine sky

It has been a long time

Us

Trying to break the ice

It has frozen our smiles in place

The smiles that don't quite reach our eyes

And when we pretend that we didn't see

When we pass each other in the hall

I know it is the ice

Which forbids our gaze

To fall upon

The face we once adored

The face...

We are afraid we don't anymore

All I want

Is to reach out for you

And hold your hand in mine

Because believe me

I miss those times

When you used to slide into the seat to me

As if it was a part of every merry school day

And the sun would suddenly start to shine

I would feel warm to my very core

And know for sure

That there was no frost

But I haven't felt that way in a while

Not since the glaze froze us in place

Reduced to nothing but Statues

The shadows of our former selves

Not since...

Is this ice for evermore?

Does it never, not melt?

Because when my strength wouldn't break it

I tried to melt it by giving warmth

But the cruel frozen water took that from me too

The only thing I had left to give you

Break the ice. Break the ice.

But you couldn't do it either

For of course

When did you ever have more strength than mine?

No.

We mustn't fight

We must have courage enough

To accept the past we can't forget.

Not yet.

We must try

And try

And try

And try to break the haze

So you push

And I push from the other side

We feel each other trying

But still our real selves sit in different rooms

Far away from the seat that we once proudly called our own

Wondering

Wondering

How strong actually is the ice?

We sit on back most bench

And are trying to stifle our giggles

After you point to something funny on the whiteboard

Too strong, the ice

I try to make your sketch

In my little orange pocket book

But fail miserably at the eyes

Too strong, the ice

But you only laugh

And say you'll hang it up in your locker anyways

Too strong

We eat our way through the candies you brought

Just because we are both alone

On the fourteenth of the second month

Too ...

But later that day

During English class

You gently brush your fingers against mine

I feel my breathe hitch and lips smile

At your warm touch

Below the desk

Away from the world's eager eyes

Too strong...

Stronger

Than us

The ice

The lamp of memories

-This used to keep me going, all this while

Is slowly burning out

And suddenly

When I see tomorrow

I can't see what we used to have

I look down at my fingers

Once so alive, so thick with love and life

But now...

They haven't been able to survive

So far away from your kind warm eyes

It's time to give up

I hear my mind whisper

Time to leave the past smiling and dancing behind

And surprisingly,

For once my heart obliged

My hands drop down to my side

And I can't help but wonder

When was the last time?

That I pressed my palms against my own chest

To feel my heart beat

When you weren't aching to feel his against yours

I sigh

It was over

But hey...

Can you imagine my surprise?

When I finally give up that one day

Only to realise

That you had already given up, for a very long time