+*+A/N+*+
The 14th prompt is Love. I ended up doing Hamilfamily for the prompt.
I miss writing for the Hammy family. I love the Hamilchildren. Except John C Ham. Not gonna lie, I kinda wanna make a oneshot for each of them now...
That's still technically love, right? Familial love?

Oops. I made this a little sadder than I intended to
Trigger: anxiety, mention of death
It's not really anxiety to be honest but still triggered me a little and that's the word closest I could do.
Guess who got 3 attacks 2 days straight(gay)?

Not that historically accurate, but I tried. I really regretted not being able to add the slaves in for this oneshot...
+*+

+*+ Alexander Hamilton Junior +*+

    The duel was done.

That was all Alex knew. The duel was done. He did not know about anything else, either that or he was trying to hide himself from the truth. He knew he was trying to hide himself from the truth. Philip had not come rushing back home. It could only mean one thing.

   Or maybe not, he kept telling himself as he buried his head in his arms. He was stuck in his room. He trapped himself in his room. He did not want to go out. He did not want to go out and confirm his worst fear. He felt really tense. His shoulders were hunched. He felt so small sitting in the corner of his room.

Alex felt his heart and breath racing. He could not breath properly, and he felt really tense. His face was scrunched up. He was trying not to cry, and it wasn't really that hard. He was too busy worrying. Worrying about whatever could happen. He could still hear and see things, but he barely paid any attention to it.

All he knew was that he wanted to stay where he was. Stay there until the end of time. Never having to face the inevitable goddamn truth. But he could not. He could not stay there. There seems to be a force pressing against him the longer he stayed there. It was squeezing him.

Alex wanted it to end. He wanted the whole thing to end. If he were to get rid of this weird worried feeling, he would have to face the truth. He did not know which one would be easier. He did not even want to choose any of the options. He wished he would just pass out, sleep, die or something.

He was sitting at the corner of his room so stiffly, staring at a fixed spot on the floor. His hands were trembling slightly and he grabbed a nearby book that was lying on the floor, wrapping his hands around it. He was not going to read it. He could not bring himself to do it. Philip had given him that book.

   Alex felt like crying, but could not bring himself to do it. He felt empty inside. He could feel something gnawing inside of him and about to get him whole. He curled up into an even tighter ball and fell on his side, letting the book fall from his hands. He wanted this weird feeling to stop. To just sleep, pass out, die, or whatever.

He heard a knock on the door and tensed up some more, looking at the ground, hoping that no one would notice, hoping that whoever was knocking would go away. He did not want to talk to anyone. More importantly, he did not want anyone to tell him the truth.

"Alex..." He could tell it was James' voice, which was breaking and cracking. He was probably crying. Alex scrunched his face up even more. That would mean that Philip had definitely... No. He could not finish that thought. "Alex... Please... Come out... We're all out here... Philip isn't... He... died..."

Alex didn't mean to but he tensed up some more and scrunched his face further. The endless tapping on his door wouldn't cease, but they were weak. He just wished the tapping would stop. He did not have time for this. He did not want to come out. He wished everything would just stop.

   "Alex!" His eyes widened. It was John's voice. He was still a child. He was still fresh and innocent and pure. So hearing that voice racked with sobs and voice cracks was absolutely dreadful. John hadn't even known his brother for that long. Alex didn't want to know how James or Angie was doing. He didn't even want to know what he would do.

"Alex! Is it true? Angie says Philip's hiding in your room. Where is he? Is he really gone?" John's voice was so insistent and curious, but still had a lot of sadness laced with it. If only he would know what had actually happened. Alex's eyes widened, wondering what made Angie say that.

   Alex decided he couldn't take it any longer. He slowly uncurled and sat against the wall, staring at the floor. He was not ready. He knew that, but now William had also started crying. He could hear the small child's wails, not even fully aware of what was happening.

    He glanced at the book which fell on the floor, a heavy pang in his chest, and an aching to be able to read it with Philip again. It was so weird. One day, they were all hanging out, knowing there was a duel in a month, confident that his brother would make it out alive, and now here he was. He would never be able to talk to Philip again.

He would never be able eat with him again. He would never be able to hug him again. He would never be able to hear him again. He would never even be able to see him again. It was scary, and it plagued him, and he knew that if he would step out the door, everything would be finalised.

But James was on the other side of the door, begging for company. John was on the other side, wanting reassurance. William was there, crying, without knowing what really happened. His little sister Eliza was there, not knowing the chaos surounding her. Angie was there, thinking that Philip was in his room for some reason. His father Alexander was there, probably writing again. His mother Elizabeth was there, the one who suffered the most.

He knew he could not stay in his room forever. He knew that he would have to leave eventually. He knew he had a family looking for him.

Alex didn't want to. He felt rooted on the spot, even if he was sitting up, but the knowledge of the rest of his family on the other side of the door was crashing at him like a wave, over and over again, trying to wake him up. Philip was not the family he should be worried for at the moment.

With a long sigh he had not known he had been holding, he stood up. It was hard. His knees felt weak. He felt like he needed to go somewhere, but also wanted to stay there. He slowly turned to face the door, nothing but dread on his mind. He knew the truth would immediately crash into his face. He opened the door.

   It turned out that James was leaning against the door because the moment it opened, his little brother came crashing into his room, falling down and bumping his side on the floor. Alex's eyes widened as he immediately knelt down beside his brother, hoping that he was not responsible for another Hamilton death.

"I'm fine, Alex. It's fine," James said, wincing in pain as he tried to stand back up. His eyes were wide and puffy. He had definitely been crying. Silently crying, though, like how he usually did. He was the most like their father when it came to their mannerisms, and he did not know if it was a blessing or a curse.

Alex took a while to look at James, eyes wide. His little brother was still steadily crying, the tears silently flowing down his face. Before any of them could speak, John entered his room and grabbed the eldest living brother's coat. He was taken by surprise and his eyes widened as he looked at the younger boy.

   "Where's Philip? Angie said he was in your room..." John said in such a small voice. A child's voice. Tears were glistening in the young boy's eyes, threatening to fall. Alex's eyes widened, not knowing what to do. James had just moved to face the window, probably crying.

   "Is it true?" Alex asked. He did not expect his voice to sound that cold, but he could not help it. He needed to know now that he had opened the door. He was grasping at a very faint hope that Philip was not dead, despite everything in the world telling him otherwise.

"Yes..." James said, his voice cracking, then he broke into sobs. Sobs that could be heard. He was sobbing into his shirt now. Alex could not do anything but stand there helplessly. It was so hard seeing his brother so fragile, and he knew he could not do much to help him.

"Alex... What's happening?" Alex had only barely made out the words because now John was crying, his whole body racking with sobs. He shook his head, not knowing what to do. He just kneeled and hugged his younger brother, holding him close as he watched James continue crying.

   "Is he..." Alex started, but trailed off, not being able to finish the thought as he looked at James, hoping his younger brother would be okay enough to answer the question. His brother was still sobbing as he turned around. He heard John whimper beside him and held him closer.

   "Yes... He is..." James said, his voice cracking. He was also sobbing so much that he was barely able to finish the thought. He stood still on the spot as he continued sobbing into his shirt. Alex knew there was nothing to stop the waterworks that followed. He wished he had stayed in his room. He wished he did not need to face it.

"We gotta go... Mum sent me to get you—You gotta eat breakfast..." James said as he walked back out the door. Only a few sobs escaped from him now. Alex felt like this would be their lives in the next few days. He tried to stop himself from crying. Everything was going wrong, was going haywire, and he hoped he wasn't one of the things going wrong.

   "Come on, John..." Alex said as he grabbed his younger brother by the hand and dragged him to the dining room. He tried not to look at him. He hated seeing children cry. They looked so helpless, and he knew there was nothing he could do about it. James was walking beside him, silently crying with a few sobs.

   "How about you? Have you eaten yet?" Alex said. His voice was very weak now. Fragile. As if it could break with the slightest touch. He hated it. He wanted — no, he needed it to be strong. He needed himself to be strong. He still had James, John, William, Eliza to take care of... But Angie was there.

    "Angie!" Alex shouted with a raw voice suddenly. James turned towards him, raising his eyebrows. He almost looked normal. He wished his younger brother would look normal. John looked at him as well, with a little bit of fear in his eyes as he stopped crying for a while.

"Angelica! Where is she? Where's Angie?" Alex asked. He could not help but feel anger running through his veins. He was trying to be strong for them all, when Angie should have been doing that. It was not his responsibility to be strong, and he was angry at his sister for making him do that.

   "Angie lied! Angie said Philip was in your room but she lied to me!" John shouted as he cling onto his brother's arm, sounding very much hurt. Alex's eyes widened, then his eyebrows furrowed in anger. His sister would know that Philip was dead. She did not have any reason to lie to John, other than to stall the pain. Usually, stalling the pain would make reality hurt much more.

"Where the fuck is Angelica?" Alex shouted even louder now as he quickly walked passed the halls of their house, letting out a few more curses at how many rooms they had. He had actually known exactly where her room is, but the emotions were all swirling around his head, forming one huge headache, making it very much hard to think.

"Alex, drink some water and eat first, please..." James pleaded as he followed him through the house. Perhaps Alex was holding John a little too tightly and dragging him a little too roughly, or maybe he was letting out too many curse words, or maybe he was just too angry to function.

   "ALEX, NO!" James had shouted the moment they had arrived at Angie's door. Alex's eyebrows furrowed. He did not want any of this shit. He would open the door and he will. But James' shout was truly begging, and it seemed to have been filled with terror. He dropped his hand, let go of John, and turned around.

    "Angie... Well... Angelica's not the same anymore... Just... Please... Don't go in there. Just eat breakfast," James said, who started to sob again. Alex's face fell as guilt started to set inside of him. He should not have been so brash, he realised. Everyone else were experiencing the same suffering he was.

"Alright." Alex took a full minute as he stopped in his tracks, in front of Angie's door. Then he realised he was crying. It was a satisfying enough realisation, knowing that he was just as fragile as the rest of them. He sunk down and began ugly crying, snot and all.

He stayed there crying for who knew how long. James brought John with him and they left, probably to the dining room or the kitchen. And Alex cried. That was all he did. Cried. Cried for so long. All he could hear past his sobs was a gentle playing of the piano in Angie's room.

   Alex cried until he noticed how hungry he was, the beast in his stomach chewing the inside of him. He wiped his tears on his sleeve as much as he could as he stood up, but his sleeve was not all that absorbant and most of the tears and snot were still on his face. Angelica was still playing piano in her room.

   He began walking towards the living room, the sound of crying getting louder and louder. He was not ready for the sight. John was sitting on James' lap, retching for everything to get back to normal. James himself was silently crying, not bothering to even console his little brother.

   Little Eliza was probably left in her room, but they could still hear the babies' cries all the way from here. William was in his mother's arms, probably knowing that he had lost something, but not knowing what he had lost, and he was also crying. Alexander looked terrible.

    All the pain and exhaustion he had been keeping to himself for all the years seemed to have finally been catching up to him. He was lying on the floor, seeming to be unable to stand. Alex was scared. He had never seen his father like this before. He hoped it was not too bad.

    If Alexander was already bad enough, Elizabeth was way worse. Her face that was once beautiful and handsome with her black eyes was now tear-stained, and her eyes looked so empty and hollow now as she continued to cry and scream, her once gentle voice now was very raw.

   She was a woman who had gotten cheated on ten years ago, then the incident being leaked six years later. She thought she was recovering, that everything was safe, but after Philip had gone to the duel and gotten himself killed, nothing felt so secure anymore.

    "Alex, you're here." Elizabeth said once she had noticed her now-eldest son had arrived. She gently set William down with James and she walked over to Alex, holding her arms out wide and embracing him. She was trembling. She started to cry. It seemed that she was relying purely on him for support.

"Go to the dining room. Go eat your breakfast. You need it." Elizabeth said, slowly standing back up as sturdy as she could and began to walk back to the couch where she picked William back up and continued crying. Alex felt a pang in his heart. His brother had looked exceptionally like his mother, inheriting her handsome face. It was making him sick.

   "Hey, Alex!" James called out, following after Alex as he walked into the dining room and sat down at the chair with his plate of mac and cheese. It tasted disgusting, but he had to eat it. Everyone else in this household was weak, but he had to stay strong.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked as he spied James eying his bowl of mac and cheese queasily. He had probably vomitted all his breakfast. He was starting to look thinner, now that he thought about it. And he was still crying. There was always crying. He frowned.

"Here... Eat. And drink water." Alex said, sliding the bowl over to his younger brother. He stood up and got a glass of water then handed it to James who looked at it hesistantly. He ended up having to help his little brother drink water like a toddler, which was annoying, but it was for the better.

  "What's Angelica doing anyway?" Alex said. He was the one feeding James since his parents were both incapable of being parents at the moment, and he could understand that considering all they've been through, but Angie? She did not have to suffer as much as they did. She should have been the one taking charge at the moment. She should claim the role of the oldest sibling now.

   "Like I said... Angelica's not the same anymore... Don't ask too much about it... Just... Wait for permission... Something happened to her... I don't know what it is... But it's something..." James said, shaking his head and his voice cracking. He stopped eating again but Alex grabbed his spoon and continued to help his little brother eat.

"So... Angelica's not okay?" Alex asked, staring down at the table as his eyes widened in realisation. Dread hit him in the chest like a wave. He was going to have to play the oldest sibling in this. He was scared. He had always been the third oldest. When he knew Philip was not going home from the duel, he thought he would just be second oldest. He never thought that they would skip two siblings and rush towards him this fast already. He was scared.

But he was still a little bit excited. He found a small bit of andrenaline rushing through him as he opened his mouth slightly, the corners of it turned upwards. He was dreadful and excited at the same time. He was never one of the more important members of the family, so this was something exciting, but also one big responsibility. One small mistake could mess up the whole balance of their family. Philip wouldn't have wanted that to happen...

   "Philip... Fucking hell, Philip... He can't be dead..." Alex's eyes started pouring water at twice the speed now. This used to be Philip's responsibility. He didn't like the feeling of filling in his dead's brother's shoes. His older brother was irreplacable. There was no way their family would be the same.

Alex broke down again. He didn't even care anymore. He collapsed onto the floor and continued sobbing. But he had to care. He wished he could just stay there and take his time mourning, but there were things to do, he reminded himself. He slowly picked himself back up and faced James again.

   "Come on, James. Eat. Please." Alex said, sounding quite desperate, but he tried his best not to break down into sobs again. His little brother slowly began eating again with tears falling down his face and almost chokong ever so often. He frowned sadly a little bit.

     "No. I want to stay here." It had taken a while, but James had finally finished his breakfast and seemed to be very reluctant to return to the living room where most of the mourning was happening. Alex frowned, hoping his brother would come with him. Who knew what he could have done left in the dining hall alone.

"James, please," Alex pleaded some more. They were both crying. It was quite a pathetic sight. He wished that he would stop, at least get his own mind and emotions clear so that instead of this pain from Philip's death, he could just be filled with stress over taking care of his family.

   "Alright..." James' voice cracked so much that it was almost impossible to discern what he had just said if it weren't for the fact that he was standing up and quickly made his way towards the living room and sat down next to a crying John again, but facing the window.

    Alex frowned as he watched his family, tears rolling down his face as well. He knew he should give them time to mourn. Heck, he himself would like to join them so badly in mourning right now. There was an empty hole in his heart contuing to consume him from the inside.

Love is a strange yet powerful force of the universe. The first thing that may pop to mind when one hears the word is romantic love. Familial love is a strong type of love, one that is often overlooked. This love can build palaces and wreck them as quickly as they were made.

Love is something we all experience and take for granted, and we never realise how much we love a person until they're gone.

Alexander Hamilton had finally stopped lying on the floor and crying. Well, he was still crying, but he was standing now, albeit very weak and his knees seemed to shake so bad, like he could collapse any moment. Alex looked at his father, a broken man, a shell of what he once was.

"Alex. We're leaving."