And we officially start with a new story. Hope you all like it. I'm very nervous about it, Misconceptions was such a success and I'm afraid you won't like this story as much. I'll try my best, I promise that. For this chapter, you might (probably not) need a box of tissues. I don't think you'll cry but you never know. Better safe than sorry, right?

At the sidebar, a picture of how I imagine Hannah (yes, as Karen Gillan).

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Prologue ~ Hannah

I stumble into the house trying to keep quiet but, apparently, I’m not succeeding. My hand-eye coordination is worse than usual and I’m sure it’s because of those few drinks I had at the gig. I’m not a heavy drinker, but some very special occasions demand exceptions, and Ed Sheeran’s gig is one of those. It was bloody epic and I can still feel my heart beating so fast that I should be dead, maybe I’m dead already. For sure, that gig was the best thing that has happened to me this whole summer.

Best summer ever!

I giggle as quiet as possible whilst I try to put the keys on the hanger on the wall but it’s a bit blurry and my aim literally sucks. If I’m in this state, I don’t wanna know how Savannah’s doing. She has had more beers than I have and she was driving. Maybe I shouldn’t have let her drive home. We are lucky we didn’t crash and die. Or worse, get arrested as we are minors.

I’m about to go upstairs to my room; Mum and Dad must be sleeping already. I’m not supposed to get home this late, but after Ed’s gig, Savannah and I decided we needed to celebrate some more.

Time just flew by.

Nevertheless, something catches my attention before I can get to my room and it’s that the lights are on. I’m sure I didn’t leave them like that when I went out today. With a frown, I walk towards the door and open it to see my dad on my bed, his head in his hands, his shoulder are down and there’s this black aura surrounding him. Suddenly, I feel a lot more sober and I’m scared. I have a bad feeling and my heart is hammering in my chest for a very different reason this time.

“Dad,” I call out to him as I walk slowly towards my bed. He looks up and his eyes meet mine. His are bloodshot and there’s pure pain there.

I can see clearly now, I don’t feel drunk anymore. I’m frozen; every single cell in my body is frozen because I know something bad has happened to have my dad like that. He’s the strongest man I’ve ever known, he’s always fine even when everything seems to crumble around him.

“Hannah,” he says and his voice is trembling. Something is terribly wrong, I know that and I’m bloody scared. “I– I tried to call you.” He adds trying to put himself together. I’m still standing there, three feet away from him, my heart pushing cold blood into my veins.

“My battery died,” I explain though I don’t know how I’m able to utter a word, my throat is dry and my tongue feels heavier than ever. “Wh–what’s wrong?” I ask because it would be impossible if something was not wrong. Something is horridly wrong.

“Hannah,” he whispers and there’s so much pain in his voice that my sight is blurry again, this time because of the tears that are streaming down my face. “Your mum… She…” He tries to say but his voice brakes and I start to grow frantic.

“What happened to Mum?” I demand to know, my voice an octave higher yet it sounds all shattered.

“When… When she was driving home…” Dad can’t speak; he has to take a deep breath to resume what he’s trying to tell me. “It was an accident. The brakes of a truck failed and he couldn’t stop at the red light. Your mum was caught in an accident. The ambulance…” His voice breaks again and more tears are going down my face. “The ambulance couldn’t get there in time. When they got there, your mum… she was gone.”

And he starts crying in that moment again as I fall to my knees crying, sobbing and hiccupping. This is a bad dream, this cannot be happening to me. Not my mum. Not her. Never her. No.

I’m shaking, I can’t control it as I start crying my eyes out, I’m fully bawling like a baby but that’s not what really matters. My mum. All I have in my mind is the image of my mum this morning when I kissed her forehead before going out, when she wished me a good day and so did I.

That can’t be my last memory of her.

This is not happening.

My dad creeps towards me, his arms surround me and he pulls me against his chest where I cry even harder.

No, no, no, no… not my mum

Not my mum!

I can’t control it, I’m desperately crying because even when I don’t wanna believe what my dad has told me, I know its truth. I know it in my heart as it breaks into millions of pieces. Not my mum… Why? She’s the best woman on Earth, why?

“Why?!” I cried out into my dad’s chest and he’s rocking me, but it’s not helping. “Why Mum? It’s not fair! Why?!” I’m crying so loud and I feel my dad shaking next to me, as broken as I am.

I’ve lost my mum but my dad has lost his wife, the love of her life. I’ve never seen a couple more in love than my parents and now that is lost too. My mum is gone and with her so many other things.

“I don’t know… I don’t know,” is all my dad can say as he keeps rocking me and we both cry until we run out of tears, until our bodies are numb, until I can’t feel myself anymore.

* * *

My ginger hair falls around my face as a curtain that keeps me isolated from the rest of the word. It is still hard to breathe, to hold my head high and to face all those people telling me that they’re sorry, that they feel my pain. But they don’t. They haven’t lost their mums; they haven’t lost her. She wasn’t any woman, she was the most amazing woman that ever existed and she’s gone. And using the past tense hurts so much that I still don’t know how I’m breathing.

I feel a feminine hand on my shoulder squeezing softly and I know it’s my best friend. I fight the tears back again for what seems like the millionth time during the last couple of days. She’s the only one I allow to touch me and comfort me. Her and my dad. They are the only ones who I know can understand my pain.

“Hannah, it’s time to leave,” she whispers and her voice is raspy. She’s been crying as much as me because she loved my mum like she was hers. “Carl is waiting,” she adds and I know I have to move, but I can’t. My body doesn’t answer my mental orders.

“Five more minutes. I need to say goodbye,” I tell her and I don’t need to see her to know that she has nodded. She loosens up her grip on my shoulder and finally let’s go. I hear her footsteps fading away and I know I’m alone with my mum.

I walk slowly to the cold stone. It reads: Sandra Morgan, 1972-2011, Beloved Wife and Mother. That’s the place where my mum’s body rests, under the ground, far away from me.

I have so many memories of her. Those sweet memories that bring a smile on my face, those more bittersweet ones where we fought over silly things, or sometimes over really important matters such as my future. She was worried I wasn’t serious enough about what I wanted. She always told me I had to focus more on my future and less on having fun with Savannah. She wanted the best for me; she wanted me to be happy. She wanted me to fulfil my dreams.

“I’m gonna miss you forever, Mum,” I tell her because I know whenever she is now, she can hear me. “Nothing is gonna be the same without you around. But I promise-” my voice breaks in that moment, but I brush the tears away and take a deep breath. “I promise you I will chase my dreams, I’m gonna be all that you dreamt of. I’m gonna be the best student, I’m gonna get the scholarship and I’m gonna be the best music teacher, I’m gonna share my talent as you taught me. I’ll make you proud. No more silly games, no more fooling around. I’ll do it for me, as you wanted, and I’ll do it for you. This is my promise, Mum.”

Even though I tried to keep the tears at bay, I’m crying again. I don’t know how it is even possible for me to keep crying, but there are tears streaming down my cheeks like two little rivers.

“You are gone, but I’ll keep your memory with me. I’ll keep you forever in my heart,” I whisper one more time before touching my lips with my fingers and then touching the ground. “I love you, Mum. I always will.”

I stand up cleaning my cheeks with my hands and taking another deep breath. I look up at the sky closing my eyes letting the sunlight caress my wet skin on that day in summer. Maybe it’s my mum stroking my cheeks and letting me know that I’m going to be fine, maybe not. But I like to think it’s her and even though she’s gone, she’s still with me somehow. I can find her in those little things in life.

It hurts. It hurts so much not having her with me and I know I’ll never be the same girl, but I’ll keep going with my life because I’ve promised her I will. Because that’s what she would like me to do.

I walk down the path, out of the cemetery and my heart aches even more with every step I take farther from her, but at the same time I grow stronger in determination. I am going to do this. I’ll do it for her.

“Hannah,” Savannah whispers when she sees me and I try to smile. I know my smile is broken, that it’s not the same it used to be and probably it will never be the same, but I’m trying and that gets my best friend to smile as well. “Let’s go. Your dad is in the car already waiting for us.

I nod as I take her hand tangling our fingers and we walk together towards the Jeep Wrangler of my dad. He’s inside, as Savannah mentioned before, and next to him is Clare, Savannah’s aunt. My friend and I get into the back seat of the car, our hands still together.

My dad looks at me through the rear view mirror and his eyes only show sorrow and despair, but he’s with me. We are together in this, we’re gonna get through this if we stay together. We’ve lost her, but we’re still here and we have each other. We have to be strong for her.

I smile at him as I mouth, “We’ll be fine. You have me.”

I see his eyes filling with tears before he smiles back at me, a broken smile, too, but one that tells me he knows he have each other.

He starts the engine and soon we are driving away from the cemetery where my mum’s body is left behind, yet I’m carrying with me her memory, her smile, her humour, her wisdom, her love. I still have the best part of her. 

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Dedication goes to @ButterfliesLoveTacos because her theory made me laugh. Now, you'll really know how they meet in the next update, hopefully this Wednesday. 

Bel, xx