Chapter 40 ~ Hannah

Despite my initial reluctance, I’m having a great time. Mostly, it’s because everyone is making me laugh and telling me embarrassing things about Harry. He gave up already, he knows he can’t stop his friends from making him look bad but even if I won’t accept this out loud, I like knowing embarrassing things about Harry. Those things make him more real and that helps me forget he is an international popstar that travels the world and is always busy.

I love when Alex and Moni tell me about that time they watched The Woman in Black and Harry decided to climb on Zayn as if he were a mountain. I laughed so hard I had to sit down picturing that moment, but then I looked at Harry and his cheeks were burning bright. And at that sight, my heart melted.

All Harry’s friends are nice, and the lads are amazing people. Even Louis, though he avoids me all the time and looks at me as if he were waiting for me to take my sword and start beheading people. I’m sorry for him, for the way he looks at everyone. Not only the girls in the house, but also his friends. I see longing and I would like to know what is in his head. And that makes me wonder how Harry feels about it. If I can see this in his best friend, he surely can as well. He must be really worried.

Mila is great and she even gave me a copy of her book, which looks amazing and which I’ll start reading tonight. She has a very special relationship with Harry as well, they are very close and she looks at him as if he were her little brother, the same way Moni looks at him but both girls treat him very differently. While Mila treats him as an equal, a best friend, Moni is the mean older sister that likes to use him as a punching bag, but I’m pretty sure she would kill someone if that person hurts her little brother.

They have been so nice to me, trying to make me feel comfortable, and when I still feel awkward for seeing so many people around me, Harry takes my hand and I can relax again. Sometimes I watch Kay, so outgoing and carefree, making easy chat with everyone, getting along with all the girls immediately. She fits in the group so well and she has this shining thing around her, the kind of shine that makes you want to get closer to her like a moth to a light bulb.

“Are you having fun?” Someone asks me when Harry is called by Grimmy who’s the one in charge of playing music that night.

I turn around and I see the blonde girl who opened the door, Phoebe. She is smiling sweetly at me as she holds her mug with steamy tea. Almost everyone is drinking, but not her. “I am,” I reply. “Everyone is so nice.”

“And energetic, don’t forget that. I understand if it gets a bit overwhelming, they are all so outgoing and loud,” she tells me and I look at all of them. Yes, they are loud, but it’s fun to watch them. “I adore them. We used to be only Alex, Belle and me but since we met the lads, loads of new people have come into our lives as well and it’s great. You know, it almost feels like a big family.”

I look at her and the way she is watching all the people in the house. There’s this special look in her eyes, like pride and gratitude swirling in her green irises.

“I hope you don’t mind me telling you this, but Hannah.” She looks at me seriously. “We’ve all lost someone in a way. But as you may lose someone, you can win another person. The important thing is not to shut the door to those people that want to be with you now. They can’t replace someone that left, but they make the pain easier to bear.”

I can’t say anything, I’m utterly speechless and she must know because she smiles wider and without previous notice, she hugs me. For a second I don’t really respond, but then her words sink and I hug her back. I have to let other people in as well, as I did with Harry. Some of them may leave, but Phebs is right, others will come and will help me heal like Harry has done. I just have to keep working.

“Thank you,” I tell Phebs when we pull back and she smiles at me again.

“If you need to talk to someone, you can approach any of us. Alex” –she points at the black-haired girl– “lost her parents a few years ago in a car accident.”

I look at Alex in a new light, thinking that she must know… she must really know the pain that has been eating me all this time.

“All the lads have their families away, they barely see them.” Phebs carries on and I’m not sure if her words are hurting me more, or not. “Moni and Mila don’t have the best relationship with their families, they choose to be away.” I keep watching them all, trying to understand all the different situations. “What I want you to understand, is that even if we look so different, we can really understand you. And so can many other people, if you let them.”

Her voice is so soft, like a whisper in your ear, like a tender caress and I don’t even look at her. It feels like the wind is talking to me, like a voice only meant for me that makes me see things differently.

“Thank you,” I whisper, still with my eyes locked on everyone in the house.

“I’m glad you joined us today. Now go and have fun, Hannah.”

I look at her and give her a smile, an honest one. I’m thankful for her soft words, words by almost a stranger, someone who could see what was going on inside of me; because yes, I was thinking how all these people looked so full of life, so happy, like everything was perfect while I still felt broken sometimes. I was ignoring the fact that we’re not all what we look like at the moment. We may look happy now, but that doesn’t mean we have had it easy all the time. They may have felt broken as well and they may help me, if I let them.

Without losing my smile, I approach where Harry is with Grimmy, Kay and Louis having a heated conversation.

“I mean, you’re not bad, your music is catchy and everything but seriously, do you have to be everywhere?” Kay is saying when I get next to Harry. He notices my presence and smiles brightly at me. I see his amused expression and I wonder what they are talking about.

“It’s not our fault!” Louis protests rather loudly and Kay rolls her eyes. He looks mad.

“I know, but it just gets annoying, you know. Grimmy plays you, at least, twice during his show! That can’t be healthy, and no matter where you are, One Direction has to appear.”

“Again, it’s not our fault!” Kay smiles, amused by Louis’ reaction and I feel Harry containing the chuckles.

“Still, you’re annoying,” I know by the look in Kay’s eyes, she is just messing with Louis now. Yes, she probably still thinks it is annoying that One Direction is everywhere, but now that’s not the point of this conversation.

“You are annoying!” Louis cries out, very maturely, if I may say so myself.

“And you clearly have a lack of creativity. I said that first, sweetie, you should come up with something different, you know. Repeating what I say won’t take you anywhere.” At her words and expression, plus Louis’ reaction, Grimmy, Harry and I can’t contain our laughter and we burst out, which only makes Louis look even more pissed and Kay triumphant.

“You’re a bitch,” he says through gritted teeth and my eyes widen in surprise.

Shit got serious.

“Again, babe, you need originality if you want to insult me. We all know I’m a bitch, you seriously need something new if you want to impress me,” I chuckle again, she looks so nonchalant about it, like Louis’ insult doesn’t mean a single thing.

“I don’t want to impress you, I don’t care about you or anyone else. All women are a pain in my arse, so you can go and fuck yourself,” Louis spits and his eyes burn with hatred in that moment, but again, Kay doesn’t look affected.

“Will do, baby,” she answers with a wink and I’m sure Louis is about to explode. But instead of that, he turns around and leaves.

Grimmy bursts out laughing in that moment and Kay looks at him with a what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you face, but he can’t stop laughing. “Tomlinson just got sassed. Well done, Kay!” He finally says between fits of laughter.

“He has issues, you know,” Kay says motioning with her head to the place where Louis was standing minutes ago. “I like him.”

“What?!” Not only I ask, but Harry and Grimmy.

Kay laughs, amused by our reaction. “Yeah, it is fun to mess with him. Did you see how he reacted? I can’t wait to have my next encounter with him.”

“You have issues, my friend,” Grimmy tells her and she laughs.

“And that’s why you love me,” she answers, pecking his lips briefly. Grimmy doesn’t seem affected, for which I assume this is normal. Maybe they are a couple.

“So you’re together, right?” I ask, but then I remember he introduced her only as a friend, so I get more confused.

Both laugh like I just said the most hilarious joke ever. “Us? Together?” And they laugh again. “That would never ever happen,” Kay explains hugging Grimmy. “He is just one of my best friends, I could never look at him with other eyes.”

“Neither could I,” Grimmy supports. I look at them for a couple of seconds, still trying to understand. I’ve never been like that with a friend, but I guess you learn something new every day.

“Now, Harry, why is he like that?” Kay asks the boy next to me, really interested and I wonder if she could see Louis the way she can’t even imagine looking at Grimmy.

“Bad breakup. He is in the all-women-are-the-same stage right now,” Harry explains and though he wants to make it sound like it’s not a big deal, I can sense in his voice how worried he is.

“How mature of him,” she mutters which makes Grimmy chuckle. “And you say he is the oldest?” She tsks but then looks at where Louis is with Liam, the only other one single in the band. She folds her arms over her chest and the look in her eyes shows even more interest. “Definitely interesting. So tell me, dear Harold, what else does he hate?”

Harry looks confused at her for a second, but then he laughs and starts telling her things that annoy Louis. I find some of the stuff amusing and a bit confusing, like carrots. Why does he hate carrots? There are so many things I don’t know about his friends, but by the end of that party I find myself wanting to know more about them all, even if it’s slowly. I like them already, they are so different and interesting and I can’t wait to introduce Savannah to them. I bet she’s going to love them all immediately.

-:-:-:-

You see now? Kay is interested in Louis, not Harry. The following chapters (like the 3 following chapters) are the connection to my two next stories, Bitter & Sassy and Masquerade, so I advice you to pay attention to the changes that are coming. 

Shout out for the birthday girls! @MaddyJoPayne, @LexiLovesVolleyball, @mona_loves_1D, @StopItStyles, @adeets24, @allieohlove and @iiaala_x! Have lovely days!

Bel, xx