Chapter 39 ~ Harry

When I break the kiss, my breathing is heavy and my heart is hammering in my ribcage, but I don’t care, I don’t mind the reaction of my body, I still hold Hannah tightly in my arms, looking her in the eyes as a smile plays across her face. It’s not only what the lyrics of the song said, it’s not only that she sang that for me, it’s what all that means. She pushed me away for so long, but she doesn’t do it anymore. On the contrary, she holds on to me for dear life, she wants me there with her and that is all I’ve ever wanted from her. From Hannah, to want me with her.

“And I just gave you flowers. Now I feel bad,” I comment with a smile on my lips and my words make her giggle. “But honestly, that was incredible. Thank you so much, Hannah. This means so much to me.”

“I won’t push you away anymore. I’m sorry for what I made you go through but that’s over now,” she says and the way she is looking at me, with so much honesty, along with that sweet smile… all that makes me feel lighter and warmer inside.

“Perfect,” I say softly, my hands rubbing her back as I put our foreheads together. “By the way, I love this new you. I really liked you since the beginning, but now… I’m totally lost. You really got me, Hannah,” I confess because since that day when she kissed me first, when she let her walls down, it’s like a new Hannah was born. She is sweeter with me, she doesn’t avoid my contact, she looks for me, she calls me, she takes my hand, steals some kisses. She really shows me how much she wants to be with me and she looks so happy; happier than I’ve ever seen her before. Her smile always reaches her eyes and it’s like she’s become a hundred times more beautiful.

“If I changed, it’s because of you. You helped me to go back to my old self,” she answers pecking my lips shortly. “I just wish Mum could see me now. I wish I could tell her I’m doing a lot better now.” She rests her head on my chest, her arms hugging me tightly. “You know, I miss her every day. We always talked at the end of the day, I always told her all the things I did… and since she died, that part in my life is missing. I can’t tell her how things are going with you. I can’t tell her about you, and I’m sure she would’ve loved you. I’m better, I’m moving on, but I still miss her.”

I hold her tighter, my hands rubbing her back up and down as I bury my nose in her hair, trying to figure out how to reply to that. “But you still can tell her. Maybe she can’t answer, but I’m sure she can hear you. You can go to her grave and talk to her. Many people do that,” I offer as an alternative, though she surely does that already.

“I can’t,” she says and I pull back just an inch to look her in the eyes, but she avoids my glance. “I– I haven’t gone to her grave since the funeral. I just– I just don’t think I can do it. I’ll break there and… I can’t.”

I look at her, surprised by her confession, trying to understand her. It must be hard going to the place you know the body of that beloved person lies. It’s a constant reminder that they are not with you anymore and I guess that’s why it’s so hard for Hannah, but I honestly believe it would be good for her, to face that. Even if she breaks. She needs to do that.

“I can go with you if you want to. When you’re ready, of course. If you break, I’ll be there for you.”

She doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, but I feel her arms tensing around me and I know she is holding her breath. It seems like forever has passed when she speaks again, and she does it in a whisper. “Thank you, Harry,” is all she says, but I have a clear understanding of what she means by that and I can’t help but smile. This only proves how much she is working to move on with her life.

“I’m here for you,” I remind her and she nods against my chest, still holding me close as I keep my arms around her. And we stay like that for a long while.

* * *

“Don’t be nervous,” I tell Hannah as I park my Range Rover in front of Alex’s house. Hannah can’t stay still, she is always fidgeting and moving her legs nervously.

The party for Mila’s book has finally come, and that means Hannah meeting all my closest friends. I know she is nervous, I know this is hard for her and I’m sure that she is fighting that desire to run away. She is really open to me now, she is not afraid to show me how she feels anymore, and she doesn’t hide her true colours with me, but I know she still has a hard time with people she doesn’t know. Old habits are hard to break, and being wary of people is her old habit.

I take her hand and squeeze it gently, trying to transmit to her a bit of confidence and peace. I’m sure the guys will love her, even Louis will be nice to her. He is still in his I-hate-all-women-because-they-are-all-the-fucking-same mood. I’m still worried and with the lads we’ve tried to cheer him up, to get him over that; but nothing works. Still, he promised to be nice. As nice as someone can be with a poisonous woman.

Seriously, we need to do something. He doesn’t even want to talk to Alex, his wife. He avoids all women and he can’t go on like this for too long. I asked him to be nice to Hannah, because this really means a lot to me and I think only because of that he will behave.

“I’m fine… I’m fine,” she repeats and she has said that many times already. I smile as I lean closer and kiss her lips softly.

“You’ll be fine,” I assure her and she smiles at me. “Shall we?” I ask and she takes a deep breath before nodding.

As she opens her door, I hurry to meet her at her side and I immediately take her hand. It’s really cold but it’s not snowing, though there’s still some snow from the days before. I know she is really nervous from the way she is holding my hand and I can’t help finding that cute, but I’m sure everything will be all right. Moni and Ed already love her, so do the rest even though they don’t know Hannah yet.

We knock at the door and soon a blonde girl appears there with a big smile when she sees us there, her green eyes sparkle with excitement. “Phebs, this is Hannah. Hannah, Phebs,” I introduce and Hannah smiles politely whilst Phebs can’t stop grinning.

“Harry has told us a lot about you, it’s really nice to meet you. But come in before you freeze to death out there!” The blonde girl exclaims, chuckling as we come inside.

There’s music already, not too loud so everyone can talk. Almost everyone is there already, I can see/hear them. In the living room I see Louis and Liam talking excitedly about something. Away from them there’s Alex and Niall with Belle and Dan, discussing something, I guess. Dan is motioning a lot as he speaks. To our encounter come Moni and Ed, the brunette with a big smile on her face. She looks like she is about to fangirl and Ed knows it, and he is amused about that.

“Hannah! I’m glad you could make it. You need to meet the rest,” Moni says taking Hannah’s other hand. “Mila and Zayn hadn’t arrived yet, he kidnapped her, but they’ll get here soon or I’ll shave his head.” I chuckle as I hear her and even Hannah laughs at her random speech. “Come, come, meet the gang!” she exclaims cheerfully and Hannah looks at me, probably confused by the way Moni refers to us.

Moni literally drags Hannah away from me, leaving Ed and I there with Phebs, who can’t stop smiling. “She is really cute and you two look adorable,” the blonde says and Ed nods approvingly. “I hope she feels comfortable.”

“I hope so, too,” I reply taking a deep breath. Ed eyes me and pats my back in a comforting way.

“It’s gonna be fine, mate. Don’t worry.”

I really hope he is right, I don’t want Hannah to feel so uncomfortable that she will never want to spend time with my friends again. We’re a close group, we like to spend time together every time we get a chance and if she doesn’t fit in this group… well, that will make things harder for me.

I walk over to where Moni took Hannah, with Niall, Alex, Dan and Belle. I arrive in the weirdest moment and for a second I regret approaching them. “So tell me, Hannah. Did he use the same technique with you? You know, that one about drinking before eighteen?” Alex asks and I choke in surprise.

Hannah laughs immediately, looking at me for a second before focusing again on Alex. “No he didn’t,” my girlfriend replies still giggling. “But he used the cupcake face.”

“Well, with me he tried. He was just showing off how tough he is,” Alex carries on and Hannah laughs again.

“Yeah, but it didn’t work. You still picked Niall,” I interrupt and that still seems to amuse Hannah.

“What can I say? You’ve always been too tough for me, Harry. I can’t handle that,” the black-haired girl jokes along and Hannah keeps giggling. “I need cuteness in my life, that’s why I picked Niall.”

Then I know what my friend is doing, the same thing that Moni did the first time she met Hannah. She is making the ginger girl laugh, knowing that that’s the way to get to her. I smile at Alex and from the way she looks at me, I know she realises I’m grateful for what she is doing.

Like that, Alex keeps making Hannah laugh and Niall joins her. Even Dan and Belle get to make my girlfriend laugh and I know that now she feels a lot better, even though she hasn’t met everyone yet. But little by little, we’re making this work. I pass my arm around her shoulders, happy that she is, so far, having a good time.

The bell rings again and I guess we all expect Mila and Zayn, but I’m gladly surprised to see my friend Grimmy coming in. “Sorry, I got lost!” He exclaims as he makes his way towards us, his eyes finding me.

Then I notice he has brought company, someone I don’t know. New girlfriend? She is blonde and with short shoulder-length hair, falling messily around her face with pixie features. Her eyes are brown but they sparkle with amusement and a bit of mischief, I think. Her smile is big and she has this cheerful aura around her. She is dressed in a green dress, black tights and rider boots, a leather jacket with a hoodie and a stripped scarf hanging from her neck.

“Harry! How’re you, mate?” He asks shaking my hand. “And is this the lovely Hannah you’ve talked about non-stop?”

I steal a glimpse of Hannah and I see her blushing.

“Yes. Hannah, this is my friend Grimmy. Grimmy, Hannah, my girlfriend,” I introduce, taking pride in the way that word sounds in my lips.

I never officially asked her to be my girlfriend, it just happened. We both know we’re in a relationship, the label is just a formality.

“Nice to meet you, Hannah. You had my friend over here head over heels. I’ve never seen him like this before. Well done,” he compliments winking at her and she giggles and blushes even more. “And this one,” he adds taking the blonde’s arm, who has been smiling the whole time, “is my friend Kay. She just arrived here from Paris yesterday.”

“Nice to meet you,” Hannah and I say in unison.

“The pleasure is all mine,” Kay answers, her straight and white teeth showing off in a very gleeful and contagious smile that makes her look even more mischievous. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I already like Kay.

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Shout out for @goofyrockstar16, @swagger983, @karinalill, @JoelleShafer, @Only1Dfanfics,  @AlexandraSwiftRasmus, @xxKatAprilxx and @allieohlove for their birthdays! I hope you all have/had lovely days!

Bel, xx